Cold as Ice, page 22
“I know I sound pathetic but for so long after Mom died it was like Dad was dead inside too. My kidnapping gave him a jolt. Made him realize he could lose me too, and that he might care if that happened.” Her throat grew thick with emotion. “It’s another good thing to come out of last summer.”
He nodded like he understood. She doubted anything surprised him anymore.
She forced the emotion away and asked something she’d been dying to know to since she’d met him. “What about your family? Where did you grow up?”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Darby watched one side of Eban’s gorgeous mouth twitch into a humorless smile. “Stone Creek, Montana. It’s also a hard place to survive, especially for outsiders.”
“You weren’t from there originally?”
He shook his head and took a drink of beer. Steam clung to his hair, making the black shine like onyx. It was at this point that he usually changed the subject and started asking questions about her background instead of talking about himself.
“My mom followed some guy there when I was eight. I don’t even remember where we were before that. Ohio maybe? Michigan? Anyway, she was always uprooting me to trail after some guy she’d hooked up with and Stone Creek was no different. We were there a little over a year when she found some other loser to attach herself to, but this time when she wanted to leave, I refused to go with her.”
“What happened?” Darby asked.
“I ran away. Hid in some guy’s stable.” Eban laughed and drank another sip of beer. “Looking back, I’m lucky he didn’t shoot me.” He looked up, a vulnerable light in the inky depths of his eyes. “I hid for about ten days. I’d taken a sleeping bag and some food with me. Stole some apples from a nearby orchard and collected water from a stream. Then school started, and I figured it would be safe to show my face again. When I turned up to class, I caused quite the ruckus and not only because I hadn’t washed in more than a week. Apparently, my mother had reported me missing and the local sheriff had arrested her on suspicion of having done something nasty to me.”
Darby’s eyes widened. “They thought she’d hurt you?”
He nodded, clearly amused by the memory. “The cops were constantly at our door. She was either too loud or too drunk or too high to care most of the time. I knew to disappear when the cops came around as there was no way I was going into Child Protective Services. Even my mom was better than that.”
Her mouth went dry at the casual way he spoke. She knew how rough it was to have a parent who didn’t provide the things you needed. Not only the material things. But the emotional support a child needed to thrive.
She inched closer. Stopped when their knees brushed. She ached to comfort him.
“After I disappeared, they locked her up and she spent a week in jail. Cops didn’t know whether to be glad or pissed when I showed up alive. I thought the sheriff was going to whip my ass.”
“Do you mind if I have the tiniest smidgen of sympathy for your mom for being arrested for a crime she didn’t commit?”
He grinned. Trying to keep the atmosphere light despite the mutual reveal of childhood misfortunes.
“You can feel sorry for her if you want. She was an addict and even though I didn’t have much sympathy at the time, looking back she needed help she never received. Jail was good for her. By the time she got out she was clean and sober and shaken enough to stay that way for a while. The guy she was hot for had already left town so win-win for me.” He shrugged. “While she was sober, she met another guy, Larry, who lived in the town, an insurance salesman. They were married within a month—my mom was a real looker and knew how to turn on the charm when she wanted something.”
From his expression that charm had worn thin over time.
“Larry wasn’t a bad guy and he was on the road forty weeks of the year. Mom knew a good thing when she found it. She milked the guy for everything she could get and lived the high life when he wasn’t around. She managed to kick drugs except for weed, but she could never quite quit the booze.”
He eyed his own bottle with a quizzical expression. “I know it’s genetic, but I’ve never had a problem with abusing alcohol. Probably because I saw what it did to her, or maybe I got lucky.”
Darby moved close enough she could lean her head on his shoulder. He’d never spoken about his mother before. She couldn’t believe he was opening up to her now.
“Larry wised up pretty fast, but he put up with her anyway, although I think he controlled the purse-strings a little more diligently once he realized not everything that came out of my mother’s mouth was gospel. He tried to be a father to me, but I was a real brat back then. No way was I letting another guy, the latest in a long list, order me around and tell me what to do.”
Darby’s heart ached for the boy he’d been.
“Luckily, I had some great teachers at school, and Larry gave up trying to be my parent and settled for being a friend and we got along fine after that. He was a good man.” His voice softened. “He died when I was sixteen. Heart attack. I miss him more than I miss her and, despite everything, I loved her so damn much.” He looked away, probably thinking his love for his mother was a weakness. “Anyway, predictably, Mom spiraled out of control after Larry died. Went through the money and was drunk much of the time.”
“That must have been awful,” she murmured softly.
His damp skin felt divine against hers.
“It wasn’t great, but I practically disowned her in public. I mean I lived with her, but I was barely ever home. Larry had started a college fund for me that she couldn’t touch. I was working my ass off at school and in the local hardware store, scraping every penny together so I could escape when I was eighteen.”
His muscles rippled as he shifted. “I planned to be an engineer or maybe a conservation biologist, saving the world.” He snorted.
“Instead, you save people.” People like his mother perhaps? Or like the small boy he’d been? She took a sip of her beer and snuggled closer. His arm slipped around her waist and pulled her against him. It was like their bodies needed that connection.
It was getting hot in here now, but she didn’t want to break the spell. She felt boneless even as her exposed skin felt the bite of winter. “How did you get into law enforcement?”
“Local sheriff was a complete dick.”
“Sounds like a great start,” she snickered. Ice was forming in her hair, but she didn’t want to get out yet.
“He was so bad I knew I couldn’t be any worse and the general public deserved better, so I applied to be a State Trooper out of college.” His fingers curled into her waist. Gently but firmly pressing her against him, sending a delicious shiver through her body.
“I did that for a few years and then one of my best friends from high school upped and applied to the FBI. And I figured why the hell not? If Ryan can do it. I can do it. He’s on the Hostage Rescue Team now. We actually get to hang out sometimes.”
“What happened to your mom?”
“I wish I could tell you she got her happy ending.” He ran his other hand over the surface of the water. “She died when I was in college. No one knows exactly what happened. Like I said, sheriff was a dick who couldn’t solve a crime if the bad guy signed the confession in his own blood and put it on his desk. Sheriff called it accidental, and it probably was. She basically drank herself to death, but someone had started supplying her with pills again. I guess whatever cocktail eventually killed her doesn’t matter. Sheriff Talbot locked up a few local dealers so that was something.”
“I’m sorry. That’s so hard.” Darby wanted to hug him close.
“Don’t waste your sympathy on me. I was a terrible son. She was a terrible mother. The best that could be said of the two of us is that we didn’t kill each other.”
He looked down at her then. Held her gaze. “I never want to inflict that kind of unstable environment on my kids.”
“You want kids?” He’d never opened up to her about the sort of life he wanted before.
“Yeah. A couple so they don’t get too lonely.” He swallowed and she watched the ripple of muscles in his throat. “I’ve always had this dream of being part of a normal family.”
Her heart ached for him and she totally understood his desire. She huffed out a laugh. “What does normal even look like?”
His mouth pinched and she would love nothing more than to be the sort of confident woman who’d kiss him and make things better, for a moment anyway.
“Stable. Loving. Both parents being there for their children.”
It sounded perfect, but you didn’t always get to choose stability. People left whether you wanted them to or not. People died. “You never heard from your dad?”
He shook his head. “Have no idea who he was. My mom didn’t name anyone on my birth certificate and claimed she couldn’t remember the guy’s name. I don’t know if she was telling the truth or not. Probably. If she’d known how to find him, she’d have hit him up for child support.”
Darby twisted slightly so she was facing him. Lifted her hand to brush some droplets of water off his hair, which was soft to touch.
He caught her hand. Suddenly, the air went taut between them. Darby felt trapped in the absolute darkness of his eyes. His gaze dropped to her lips and her heart gave a flutter of excitement. They were wet, almost naked, and only inches apart. Surely, she couldn’t be misreading this situation?
She leaned forward a fraction of an inch, he held perfectly still, watching her carefully, and she took a chance and closed the distance and pressed her lips to his.
He groaned and opened his mouth. He tasted of beer and chlorine and him. She kissed him softly, playing with his lips. She twisted more in the seat and he slowly and carefully picked her up and brought her in front of him, so she was straddling his thighs.
She blinked in surprise as she found her balance and, as always, he made sure she was all right.
“You okay?”
She nodded quickly.
“Because it is okay if you are not okay.” A dimple cut into his cheek.
“In which case it must also be okay to be okay?”
He grinned. “As long as you aren’t ‘fine’ because then we are all in trouble.”
She laughed then bit her lower lip, thrilled when his eyes followed the movement. “I am fantastic and I don’t want you to stop.”
“Stop what?” he teased. “Kissing you?”
She gripped his shoulders. “Not just kissing. All of it. Everything.”
His left brow rose. “We don’t have to rush anything. In fact, I think it might be better for both of us to take this extremely slowly.”
She leaned back, a little delighted and a little confused by his words. “Both of us?”
He took her hands in his. “We both have a lot to lose if this doesn’t work out the way we want it to.”
The thought of it not working out between them was almost unbearable and she could see the same truth reflected in his suddenly serious features. Their relationship was balanced on a tipping point and the last thing she wanted was to bring it crashing to the ground.
He ran his hands up the sides of her body. A delicious shiver danced in its wake.
“One thing I do know is I have spent the last god knows how many months regretting turning you down last summer even though it was the right thing to do.”
Her eyes widened. “You never said you regretted it…”
His mouth twitched. “There are so many reasons we shouldn’t get involved, all of them valid.” He reached up and cupped her jaw. “When I got that phone call yesterday, I thought I’d lost you forever.”
Her pulse beat noisily in her ears. He was saying all the things she’d dreamed he’d say.
“I felt as if I’d wasted not just an opportunity, but the opportunity of my lifetime. And I knew I had to give us a chance, if you are still interested.”
Still interested? Didn’t he know? Couldn’t he read the truth in her eyes?
He tilted her chin and then pulled her closer so he could place a soft kiss on her mouth. His tongue ran along the seam of her lips and her toes curled.
“But the idea of screwing up our friendship…” He rested his forehead against hers and they stared into one another’s eyes.
“We won’t,” she said softly.
He closed his eyes, clearly unconvinced. “We might. Are you willing to risk it?”
“Are you?”
In answer, he pulled her even closer and sealed his lips to hers. He kissed her deeply, sweeping his tongue into her mouth, his fingers tightening on her waist.
Her heart thudded in her chest, especially when she pressed against him and felt his arousal trapped between them.
He pulled back, watching her as if she was a live grenade with the pin pulled. She touched his cheek and kissed him again, slowly, lowering herself against his hardness and sliding over him, gasping at how the delicious friction felt between her legs.
She took her time, moving cautiously, not knowing what she was doing but chasing the good sensations. She ran her hands over his chest, following the line of dark hair.
She didn’t release his mouth and felt his gasp against her lips when she reached into his shorts and felt the fullness of him against her palm. This was all new territory for her. This wanting to explore, allowing herself to explore.
She squeezed him and felt his entire body tense beneath her, his fingers tightening on her slick skin.
She kissed him again and pulled back. She touched his chest, stroked the dark nipples below the surface of the water.
“You’re going to destroy me.” He smiled as he said it. Then he drew her closer to kiss her again and she wrapped her arms around his neck savoring the feel of his mouth on hers, wanting to hoard the taste of him that she’d been craving all these months.
Despite his obvious arousal he didn’t attempt to take things any further. In fact, with the exception of his mouth and hands gripping her waist, he hadn’t moved at all.
He was waiting for her permission, she realized. He was trying not to scare her.
She leaned back and met his dark stare. “Touch me. Please?”
* * *
“I thought you’d never ask.” Eban was burning up on the inside. Shaking with desire. He ran his free hand from the side of her neck down the center of her body. Repeating the move slowly until she relaxed even more.
He leaned forward to kiss her neck, moving the strap of her bathing suit to one side so he could run his tongue along the line of her shoulder. Water clung to the hollow of her collarbone. He nuzzled her soft skin, grateful for the steam coming off the tub that kept them both warm despite the frigid air temps. The strap dropped down her arm and he caught his breath as the upper swell of her breast was revealed.
She caught him staring and rather than blush or try to cover herself, she slipped the strap off the other shoulder and pulled the suit down to reveal her breasts.
He stared at her like a teenager who’d never seen a naked woman before…but this was Darby and after everything she’d gone through, he hadn’t expected this level of trust. It humbled him almost as much as it turned him on.
He decided to not overthink things. Instead, he reached out and put his hand around her breast, dragging his thumb up and over her nipple, feeling her whole body clench in reaction. He moved his thumb back again, watching the pink flesh tighten and bead. He leaned forward and took a gentle bite.
His blood was pounding through his veins, and he was so hard he was straining against the material of his shorts.
He sucked on her nipple and her head fell back. She was so beautiful. Maybe not in the traditional sense, but with her fiery hair and her pale skin she was like some woodland creature come to seduce him, body and soul.
Was there such a thing as fate? He was starting to think there might be. He’d always had a thing for redheads but now he wondered if he hadn’t subconsciously been looking for Darby all this time. He hadn’t been interested in anyone else since he’d met her on that damn island. And it was what happened before they met that was exactly why he had to take it slow, let her lead.
She groaned as she rubbed against his cock and he knew he needed to stop this before it went any further.
“How do you feel about sex in front of the fireplace?” she whispered.
“Enthusiastic as hell, but I think we are going too fast.”
Her disappointed expression made him smile but he couldn’t screw this up. She needed him to not be a bozo.
He took her other nipple in his mouth and sucked a little bit harder this time. Her back arched like a bow. He ran his hand over her skin and slid his palm against her mound. Her fingers gripped his shoulders a little more firmly, but she inched her thighs wider, giving him access and permission. He stroked his middle finger against the fabric of her suit, backwards and forwards, small movements that pressed shallowly against her opening but kept a firm and steady pressure against her clit.
She groaned and found her own rhythm. He followed her lead, letting her seek out the pressure she needed, knowing she wanted more from the frustrated little movements she made against him. But he didn’t give her what she was silently begging for. He needed to know he could control himself when all he really craved was to ignore the sensible reasoning of his brain and push deep inside.
Because maybe she was ready but maybe she wasn’t, and he’d rather go too slow than too fast and trigger a negative reaction.
He watched her face as her arousal built. Her eyelids closed, head tilted back. Her mouth opened a little as if in wonder, chest heaving like she was running.
Had she ever had an orgasm before? He faltered for a moment, losing the cadence before doubling down on his concentration and increasing the pressure of his touch.
He pinched her nipple gently between his thumb and forefinger. Her mouth opened, the tendons in her neck strained as her whole body went taut. She didn’t make a single sound, but Eban didn’t need her to in order to know she was flying over that edge.
She landed in a boneless rush and slumped against his chest. He wrapped her in his arms and kissed the top of her head.
