Heat Wave, page 25
Nick looked down at Seth’s hands on his legs. “I want…” What did he want? He didn’t know what tomorrow would bring, but he was here, now, in this moment, and he was alive, Seth was alive, and he was tired of waiting. He wanted to feel safe, loved, even if just for a moment. Which was why he whispered, “I want you.”
Seth tensed, but only for a split second. He studied Nick thoughtfully, and he thought he saw a flash of something like fire in Seth’s eyes. It chased away the cold. “Are you asking what I think you’re asking?”
Instant flop sweat. “Ye-es?”
“You need to be sure, Nick.”
“I don’t have dental dams,” Nick blurted, starting to panic. “And I didn’t use the enema. What if you get fecal penis?”
Seth grimaced. “Your seduction technique needs work.”
“I have seduction technique? Cosmo said I wasn’t ready for that yet! What else have they lied to me about?”
“Oh boy,” Seth said, lips quirking. “I’m not even going to touch that.”
“You can touch me,” Nick said quickly. “If … if you want. But only if you want. Just because I’m ready doesn’t mean you have to be. Consent is important, but just because you give it at first doesn’t mean you can’t take it back. You know what? Why don’t we just—”
“Nick.”
He sagged in relief. “Oh my god, what is wrong with me? I’m trying to get laid while also trying to talk you out of it? No wonder I’m a virgin.”
“Hey, Nicky? What do queer men call hemorrhoids?”
Nick gaped at him.
“Speed bumps.”
Nick burst out laughing, the sound tearing from his throat, half-hysterical, almost like he was screaming. But it worked, knocking him out of his head, cementing him firmly in the present. He laughed and laughed, Seth joining in. They were laughing, and then they were kissing, still smiling, somehow. It was chaotic, messy, and then Seth bit his bottom lip, stretching it, letting it fall back.
He shook when Seth kissed him again, humor gone, replaced by something heavier, something that felt like fire burning him up from the inside out. He gasped when Seth broke the kiss, tilting his head to the side and sucking on his neck, teeth scraping against sensitive skin, the negligible pain chased away by the swipe of his tongue. His hands were in Seth’s curls, tugging, tugging his face upward, and Nick kissed him for all he was worth. Sloppy and artless, but real.
Hands under his shirt, those same hands that Nick had dreamed about, trailing along his chest, tweaking his nipple, causing him to gasp and arch his back. Struggling against his shirt, he lifted it over his head and got stuck, arms above his head, the top half of his face covered in cotton, and Seth kissed him again, slow, sure hands rising up Nick’s side to help him escape from his shirt, letting it fall to the floor.
It was the first time they’d been shirtless like this, when it wasn’t changing clothes or going swimming. He sucked in his stomach a little but Seth kissed his mouth, his chin, the sharp bones of his clavicle, his hair tickling the underside of Nick’s jaw. Seth’s hands went to the zipper of his shorts, and Nick’s eyes bulged. This was happening. This was definitely happening.
Seth paused, bent slightly at the knees, looking up at Nick with hooded eyes. “Are you good?”
“So good,” Nick breathed. “What are you going to do?”
Seth grinned at him, all teeth. “I was thinking about trying out a blow job. See what all the fuss is about. That all right with you?”
Nick’s brain shorted out as he squeaked, “Yes. That. Do that. You have consent. All the consent. There has never been anything more consensual than right at this moment.”
Seth nodded, and with shaky hands, unbuttoned Nick’s shorts, pulling the zipper down, the sound so loud Nick thought it could probably be heard in space. Seth motioned for him to raise up a little and he did.
Nick had often lamented that he was … well. Average was probably the best way to put it. His dick wasn’t big. It wasn’t thick. He’d never look at it and think Holy shit, that’s a goddamn monster right there. And if he was being honest with himself, having someone else come to the same realization wasn’t exactly the sexiest thing he could think of.
But Seth didn’t seem to mind, pulling Nick out of his underwear, the metal of the dryer cold against his butt. Nick shivered, but then Seth’s hand wrapped around him, and all rational thought left his head, leaving nothing but static in its wake. He didn’t know it could feel like this, having someone else touch him in such a way. The callouses on Seth’s palm. The way his fingers trembled as if he were as nervous as Nick was. Seth seemed unsure of himself, and Nick couldn’t have that. He choked out, “That’s good” as Seth squeezed him, moving his hand up and down.
“It is?” Seth asked quietly.
“Yeah. Little tighter. Oh my god, that’s awesome.”
Seth chuckled. “Good to know. I…” He swallowed thickly. “Could I…?”
“What?”
“Try something.”
“Uh, sure? What did you have in—and now you’re bending over. Why are you—oh. Oh. Holy crap, dude. Are you going to…?”
“I think so,” Seth said, looking up at him. “That all right?”
“Yes,” Nick said quickly. “That sure sounds swell.” He cringed inwardly. Swell? His boyfriend was literally asking to fellate him and he said it sounded swell? He did not deserve oral sex.
But Seth didn’t seem to think the same (quite the opposite, apparently) because he tried to take too much at once, gagging, eyes watering as he pulled off, lips shiny with spit. “Crap,” he muttered, cheeks darkening. “Sorry.”
“Nope,” Nick said. “No apologies. We’re figuring it out, yeah? You can do it again, if you want. Maybe just go a little slower?”
Seth did, and when it came down to it, it probably wouldn’t be considered the best blow job in history. Too much spit, too many teeth (Nick hissing, Seth apologizing), Seth’s gag reflex kicking in. But it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter if it wasn’t the best because it was Seth. It was Seth Gray, and Nick loved him.
They were in love and Seth was actually blowing him. Nick’s imagination—a wondrous, terrifying thing—had done nothing to prepare him for how real this felt. It was in the way Seth looked up at him. It was in the way he licked. It was in the way he held Nick as if he were something precious, something important, Nick’s hand in his hair, not pushing, but encouraging him on.
To a point, at least, because even if Seth hadn’t done this before, Nick was on a hair trigger, and he didn’t want it to be over just yet. He pulled Seth off him, hands under his arms, lifting him up. He kissed Seth, tongues brushing together. Against Seth’s mouth, he said, “I want to try. Is that okay?”
Seth froze. Then, “Yeah. That’s okay. I want that, too.”
“I’m not going to be good at it,” Nick warned, embarrassed, but knowing it needed to be said. “Just so you know.”
Seth chuckled, shaking his head. “I wasn’t either. But that’s where practice comes in. We’ll do it again and again until we get it right.”
“You have the best ideas.”
Never looking away from Nick, Seth stepped back from the dryer, stopping a few feet away. His hands went to the top of his shorts, and he pushed them down slowly. The skin of his hips and groin was paler than the rest of him, the patch of wiry dark hair almost shocking. And then lower and lower. Nick had felt Seth before. Grinding against him when they were making out. But nothing prepared him for the sight of his boyfriend stepping out of his shorts, letting them fall to the floor, standing nude in the basement. Seth was strong; Nick knew this. But having incontrovertible evidence in front of him was something else entirely.
It wasn’t Seth’s dick. Okay, wait: it wasn’t just Seth’s dick, though Nick could barely look away from it.
It was more than that.
It was the scar on his hip, the one he’d gotten when they were eleven years old, trying to climb a fence at the park, Seth cutting his side as he climbed over the top.
It was the small freckle just above his groin, like a misshapen heart.
It was the look on Seth’s face, nervous, but sure, filled with so much trust it threatened to send Nick reeling.
And, of course, Seth’s dick. Obviously. It wasn’t a monster. It wasn’t like porn. It was longer than Nick’s, but a little thinner, the flared head reddened. As if moving in a dream, Nick practically floated off the dryer, kicking off his shoes, his socks, and Seth was waiting for him, hand outstretched. Nick took what was offered, and for the first time in his life, touched a dick that wasn’t his. Seth’s eyes fluttered shut as he panted against Nick’s throat, and the power he felt then was enormous, life-altering. It had nothing to do with being Extraordinary.
It had to do with Seth. With his bow ties. With his loafers. With his ridiculous idea that Nick was someone important, someone worthy.
“I’m going to suck your penis now,” Nick said, nipping at Seth’s ear. “Is that okay?”
“All the consent,” he ground out as Nick flicked his wrist, the heat of Seth like a brand against Nick’s palm.
He was not great at it, far from it. He tried, he did, but he kept forgetting to cover his teeth with his lips, tried to take in more than he was able to. His own gag reflex kicked in, the taste of clean sweat on his tongue, the scent of SethSethSeth filling his nose. He tried again, relaxing his throat, crowing inwardly when Seth said, “Like that, just like that,” and yes, he felt powerful. Yes, he felt strong. Yes, he felt loved when Seth touched the top of his head, tugging gently on his hair, urging him on, telling him it was good, You’re doing so good, Nicky, his words whispered in reverence. Maybe he wasn’t great at it, but his enthusiasm more than made up for it. He wanted more, wanted to go as far as they could. He was practically vibrating out of his skin, but they hadn’t prepared for this. Later. It would have to come later.
Eventually, Seth pulled him off, panting, face flushed, lifting him up and kissing his swollen lips. They took each other in hand, and Seth leaned his forehead against Nick’s, exhaling as Nick inhaled, and then Seth groaned, a low, deep sound that Nick had never heard him make before, at least outside of his dreams. He spilled first, hips stuttering. Nick wasn’t long to follow, feeling a heated coil unfurling in his stomach as his toes flexed, his back ramrod straight. He grunted and then cried out when Seth continued stroking him through it, his skin too sensitive.
Knees weak, they leaned together, holding each other up. Neither spoke. They breathed through it, knowing everything had irrevocably changed, but happy about it, if the way they grinned at each other was any indication.
And Nick—always and forever Nick—said, “Why the hell haven’t we done that before? And when are we going to do it again?”
Seth rolled his eyes fondly, curls damp with sweat hanging down on his forehead. “I take it you enjoyed yourself?”
“That might be an understatement,” Nick said, grimacing down at the evidence splashed on the cement floor. He laughed as he looked back up at Seth. “We just did sex stuff. I’m only half a virgin now.”
“I don’t think that’s how it works.”
“It does,” Nick assured him. And because he could, he kissed Seth all over his face, loud, obnoxious smacks that echoed flatly through the basement. Seth, for his part, gave as good as he got, holding Nick close.
He closed his eyes, laying his head on Seth’s shoulders. He knew everything was still waiting for them outside of the basement, but for a moment—perhaps a little longer—he ignored it. All that mattered was Seth’s hand rubbing his lower back, his other hand on the back of Nick’s head.
“Thank you,” he whispered. “That was frickin’ rad.”
Seth snorted before kissing the side of his head. “I think so, too.”
He was about to suggest another round—short recovery time, hell yes—but before he could, the basement door opened and an amused voice called down, “Are you guys done? Yay for you and congrats on the sex, but Gibby says she could have gone the rest of her life without knowing Seth was a screamer.”
“Oh my god,” Nick blurted, starting to panic all over again. “Jazz? Don’t come down here! Our penises are out!”
Seth sighed deeply.
“Ew,” Jazz said. “But also, aw. And don’t worry. I wouldn’t dream of coming down there. I bet it smells weird, like SeaWorld in August.”
“Why is she so descriptive?” Nick lamented. Then, louder, “Stop ruining our special moment!”
“Our special moment,” Seth repeated. “Really. That’s what you’re going with.”
“Sorry about this,” Nick said, and picked up the towel that had fallen to the ground, dropping it on top of the evidence splattered on the floor. He shuffled his feet back and forth and looked up when he felt Seth watching him with a half smile. “What?”
Seth shrugged. “I love you.”
When faced with an admission of love after coupling, there was only one appropriate response. Nick flung himself at Seth, tackling him to the floor and kissing him within an inch of his life. “I know,” he whispered against Seth’s mouth. “I love you, too.”
14
They dressed and walked up the stairs, hands joined between them, Nick giddy but trying to tamp it down as best he could. Everything seemed different, funnier. Lighter, somehow. He marveled at Seth’s fingers between his own, the way Seth kept glancing at him out of the corner of his eye, blushing but doing nothing to hide it. He had to stop himself from rushing up the stairs and going outside, shouting to the world that he’d gotten laid.
He wasn’t stupid. He knew what still lay ahead, but he allowed himself this brief moment in time where he felt happy. Whole. Powerful. And Seth seemed to feel the same, holding the basement door open for Nick, bowing low to let him walk through first. “After you.”
“My hero,” Nick said, batting his eyes.
Seth swatted his ass, a quick slap before squeezing. Later, Nick reminded himself. There was so much more that they could do, and he was going to make sure they did all of it.
Thankfully, he managed to keep this to himself, especially when he saw Gibby and Jazz in the kitchen, seated at the table, both of them with shit-eating grins on their faces.
He waited until Seth had sat down on an empty chair, pulling Nick down onto his lap. It was a little awkward, but Nick didn’t want to be anywhere else. Once settled, he set his backpack on the table as he glared at Gibby and Jazz. “Not a word,” he warned them. “What just happened was a beautiful thing, and I won’t have you ruining it by asking for details.”
“We won’t,” Gibby assured him. “There nothing I want to know less than what you—”
“I can do blow jobs!” Nick said, pumping his fists in the air.
Seth groaned, burying his face in Nick’s side.
Nick blanched. “Oh, my bad. Don’t want to hog all the credit. Seth can do blow jobs, too. But! There’s no need to be jealous. I know you don’t like penises, so I don’t want you to think you’re missing out on anything.”
Gibby got that look on her face, the evil one where Nick knew she was going to say something that would devastate him physically and emotionally. “Go down on a girl, and then get back to me. We’ll see who’s really missing out.” She high-fived Jazz without looking at her.
“Oh no,” Nick whispered fervently. “My good feelings.”
“You earned that,” Seth said, hooking his chin over Nick’s shoulder and looking at their girls. “Ignore him. You know how he gets.”
Nick scoffed. “What? It’s true.” Then, because he wasn’t a complete asshole, he added, “I’m sure going down on a girl is … not for me, but you do you.”
“Gee, thanks,” Jazz said. “It’s good to have your support, especially since Gibby is a pro with her mouth and fingers. Can’t let talent like that go to waste.”
Yeah, he was going to leave that one alone. “What are you guys doing here?” Nick looked around, nerves prickling. “Are Martha and Bob gone? Oh shit. Please tell me they left before…”
Seth choked and started coughing.
“They did,” Gibby said. “They let us in through the back before they left. Told us you two were talking and that you’d be up when you were done.”
“Talking,” Nick said. “With our penises. Okay. I’ve gotten it all out of my system now.”
“Finally,” Gibby muttered. “Jazz said you were coming over here. We texted but didn’t hear back, so we wanted to make sure you guys were good.” She made a face. “If I’d known what you were doing, I’d have stayed far, far away.”
“Sorry,” Seth said. “Phone’s upstairs. Didn’t think to bring it down to the basement with me.”
Nick glanced at his backpack, feeling a little guilty. “We didn’t mean to worry you.”
Gibby nodded. “It’s all right. With everything that’s happened, it scared me a little when we didn’t hear back.” She eyed Nick up and down. “You okay? And I’m not asking about anything you just did with Seth, so get that out of your head right now, Nick. We haven’t had a chance to really talk in the last couple of days.”
“I don’t know,” Nick admitted. “I talked with Dad. He’s … dealing with it as best he can.”
Jazz reached over and patted his shin. “And what about you?”
He leaned against Seth, grateful when he wrapped his arms around Nick’s stomach, grounding him. “I’m pissed off. And sad. And a bunch of other things all at once. I don’t know that I’ve processed any of it yet.” He looked down at Seth’s hands. “I don’t even know how to start.”
Gibby and Jazz exchanged a glance before looking at him again. “We can’t imagine what that’s like,” Gibby said quietly. “Mom and Dad are furious. I am, too, but that doesn’t compare to what you and your dad must be feeling right now.”
“Same with mine,” Jazz said. “Mom had to stop Dad from marching down to Burke Tower and confronting him head-on.”
“You saw the interview they did?” Nick asked bitterly. They nodded. “Always spinning things in their favor, and everyone falls for it again and again. How the hell are we supposed to stop them if no one will believe us?”
