Sophia's Struggle, page 1
For my nephews Alexander and Maxwell
© 2023 by Tina Wells
Illustrations by Mike Segawa
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission of the publisher.
ISBN: 9781513135076
Printed in China
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Published by West Margin Press®
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Proudly distributed by Ingram Publisher Services
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one
Sophia Ito looks around her room once more, triple-checking to make sure she didn’t miss anything. Retainer? Check. Toothbrush? Check. Toiletries? Check. Undies? Check. Amazing outfits that will trick everyone into thinking I’m a born and bred New Yorker? Check… Well, almost.
Sophia looks down at the shiny silver duffle bag she sewed with her grandmother, who she calls Baba, over the summer. She can’t wait to show Baba she’s still using it.
Before she finalizes her New York City outfit selection, Sophia decides to send a quick text to her friends.
Sophia smiles at her friends’ responses. She wishes she could take them with her. She first met everyone earlier this summer when they all signed up for the Passion for Fashion sewing class at Gracie Alexander-Cline’s mom’s store, Zoey’s Closet. Well, Sophia already knew Ava Morris from school, but they didn’t really become friends until they both signed up for P4F. And if it wasn’t for P4F, Sophia would probably have never met Gracie, Lily Smith, or Maya Alvarez at all.
But it really feels like Sophia’s known them all forever. Now that school is about to be back in session, P4F class will probably have to move to a weekday, since weekends will be packed with other classes.
Sophia takes a long look at her closet. What else says Cool City Girl without trying too hard? she thinks, her eyes glancing over the dozens of boxy button-downs and cropped rugby tops. Forget it, this is too hard to do solo. I’ll FaceTime Ava.
“You called at the perfect time,” Ava says when she appears on screen. She plops onto the plush white bed at her family’s Martha’s Vineyard home as Sophia sits down on the bed in her own bedroom. “I have ten minutes of downtime before my mom drives me to sailing lessons.”
“You’re at Martha’s Vineyard and you still have lessons? You are officially the busiest human being I know,” Sophia says. “Even your vacations are more packed than my regular life.”
“Our trips here used to be somewhat relaxing,” Ava wistfully remembers. “But not anymore. My parents decided we were wasting too much time just lounging by the pool and grabbing doughnuts in town, so now they have my brothers and me signed up for every activity this island has to offer.”
“That sounds brutal,” Sophia says with a shudder. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not that bad,” Ava replies with a smile. “Anyway, tell me about you. Are you ready for New York?”
“Mostly,” Sophia says. “I just need your help picking some outfits for while I’m there.”
“What about the one you made for the P4F show? You got so many compliments on it when you wore it to lunch at Duryea’s when we were in the Hamptons. Plus, you only have a few more weeks of nice weather left to wear it!”
“I didn’t even think of that,” Sophia says, pulling the matching crop top and shorts out of her closet. “Great idea. Then maybe I’ll wear this black pin strap dress with a beige turtleneck underneath if we go out to dinner? I already packed my favorite cardigan, the one Baba knitted for me last year, but this feels like another good option for keeping warm when the AC is blasting indoors.”
“Smart thinking,” Ava says with a nod. “That will look so cool, especially if you pair it with boots.”
As Sophia pulls the black combat boots out of her closet, her eyes catch a glimpse of the new sleeveless argyle sweater she got with her mom last weekend. “Wait, I have another idea. What if I wear a simple white tee with a pair of ripped black jeans? Then throw this sweater over the tee when we go inside? For shoes, I’ll just go with a pair of chunky white sneaks.”
“I think I literally saw that exact outfit in one of the NYC street-style accounts on Insta,” Ava says. “You’re going to look so chic.”
“You’re sure I won’t look like I’m trying too hard?” Sophia asks, fidgeting with the soft cashmere of the sweater. “The last thing I want is to look like the suburban girl trying and failing to fit in with the city kids.”
“Trust me,” Ava says. “With these outfits, the city kids are going to be trying to fit in with you. What’s your plan while you’re there anyway?”
“First, my mom’s going to take us straight to my dad’s new place,” Sophia says. “It’s in Tribeca and my dad promises I’m going to love it. We tend to have the same taste, so I’m sure I will. Then he promised we’re going to go shopping at some point. And I’ll get to see Baba! And my old bestie, Lyla.”
“Sounds incredible,” Ava says. “I wish I could come!”
“I wish you could too,” Sophia says. “Maybe when my dad’s place is ready, we could do a P4F weekend there?”
“That would be amazing. I’m sure all the girls would be so in. I can’t believe we’re both missing the last Saturday class.”
“I know,” Sophia sighs. “I’ve gotten used to spending every single weekend with everyone. But I’m so excited to see my dad. I mean, I love my mom. Duh. But my dad and I just have a… different connection.”
“I get that,” Ava says with a nod. “Sometimes you just vibe with one parent more than the other. It doesn’t mean you love either one more.”
“Yeah, exactly,” Sophia says in relief. Ava just gets it. “My dad and I are just into the same things, you know? He likes art and doing things outside the box. My mom likes horseback riding and being inside the box.”
“You just have more in common with him,” Ava says. “It’s nothing to feel bad about.”
“It’s not just him either,” Sophia continues. “I just feel more comfortable with his side of the family. I love hanging out with them and learning about their Japanese traditions.”
“Where’s your mom’s family from again?” Ava asks. “Somewhere around here in Pennsylvania, right?”
“Yeah, my mom’s mom—I call her Gigi—is from the Main Line,” Sophia says. “She’s just so different from Baba. Baba’s all warm and cuddly and down to watch Project Runway with me. Gigi is kind of… set in her ways. She’s always making little comments about how I dress and trying to get me to ditch fashion for a more ‘appropriate’ activity, like horseback riding. Sorry, I know you love horseback riding. No offense. But it’s just not my thing, you know?”
“None taken,” Ava says. “I love riding, but I know for a fact you would hate it. All it took was that one trip to Adventureland to prove that.”
Sophia laughs, remembering the time she and the P4F girls decided to go to the amusement park’s merry-go-round while they were visiting Lily’s grandma in the Hamptons. Sophia could not stop complaining about how uncomfortable she was sitting atop the metal horse.
“And that was just a fake horse!” Sophia exclaims. “Imagine how I would do on a big horse that’s actually real.”
“You’re not even factoring in the manure,” Ava says. “I love my horse, Abe, but his poop stinks.”
“Ew!” Sophia shakes her head. “Yeah, I think it’s safe to say horseback riding is not for me.”
“Nope. And that’s fine by me. Hey, I have to go change into my sailing clothes if I’m going to make it to class on time,” Ava says, fidgeting with one of the pearly white buttons on the two-tone tan and cream dress she sewed for herself a few weeks ago. “But have fun and send me pics, okay?”
“Will do,” Sophia promises. “Have fun doing… I guess everything Martha’s Vineyard has to offer?”
“Thanks,” Ava says with a laugh. “Can’t wait to swap stories when we’re both back at school on Monday!”
“Same,” Sophia agrees. “See ya!”
Sophia looks around her room to see if there’s anything else she might want to bring before zipping her duffle up. Maybe her phone charger? She grabs the plug out of the wall and throws it into her bag, though she’s pretty sure her dad probably has one waiting in New York for her.
“Soph?” Sophia can hear her mom’s voice on the other side of the door. “Mind if I come in for a second?”
Sophia opens the door for her. “What’s up?”
“How’s the packing coming along?” her mom asks.
“It’s coming. I’ll be happy when Dad’s finally settled and I can just keep a bunch of stuff there. I can’t imagine doing this back and forth all the time.”
“Understandable,” her mom says. “Sorry you’re missing P4F this weekend.”
“Yeah, not ideal,” Sophia says with a shrug. “But the girls understand. I really miss Dad, so I’m glad we’re getting to see him. And Baba will be there, and we’re going to go shopping and maybe get some beauty products!”
Sophia notices the look on her mom’s face and instantly feels a pang of guilt. After the P4F fashion show a few weeks ago, her parents promised that they woul d stop fighting as much as they used to. To their credit, Sophia has been spending fewer nights falling asleep to the sound of them screaming at each other on the phone.
But having her dad living in another state doesn’t feel much better. Especially when missing him automatically feels like dissing her mom. Sophia hates this. She makes one parent happy and the other a bit sad. It’s like she can’t win.
“Okay, I’m going to finish packing and be down in a bit!” Sophia says, trying to perk up.
“Great, babe,” her mom says as she walks out. “I’ll see you downstairs. Let me know if you need any help carrying everything down.”
“Mom, I’m going for a weekend,” Sophia says, trying not to roll her eyes. “It’s one tiny duffle bag. I don’t need your help.”
“Tell that to your brother,” her mom jokes. “I just had to convince him not to pack every single one of his Star Wars action figures and his chess set.”
Sophia chuckles to herself as her mom shuts the door. Classic Alan. One time their family took a trip to Nantucket for Labor Day and Alan insisted on packing his own bedding and every single one of his toys. It’s become a running joke between the four of them any time they travel anywhere. Alan treats every weekend trip like a cross-country move.
Recalling the memory is strange for Sophia. It feels like a lifetime ago that her family was a real, single unit. The divorce just happened recently, but even before that there were years of her parents fighting. Thinking of a time when they were all a happy family with inside jokes feels almost like a dream. Sophia wonders if her mom remembers the Nantucket trip and the inside joke. Does thinking about that make her feel weird too?
Sophia lets out a deep breath. Her first school year without her dad around is going to be tough. When she first heard that he was moving back to New York, Sophia saw it as the best of both worlds. She could have her life here with all her friends in Lower Merion, plus a bonus life with her dad in the fashion capital of America. But now that it’s all becoming real, Sophia feels less optimistic about the whole thing. Without her dad around during the school week, who’s going to help her with her science homework? Who’s going to cheer her up when she’s stressed about an exam? Who’s going to make her favorite ramen soup when she has a stomachache?
“Sophia,” her mom shouts from downstairs. “You ready?”
“Yes!” Sophia grabs her duffle. “Coming now!”
Slinging the bag over her shoulder, Sophia feels a buzz of excitement shoot up her spine. The time for feeling sad can come later. For now, she cannot wait to see her dad.
two
“Here we are,” Sophia’s mom announces from the driver’s seat of her Mercedes G Wagon. “New York City.”
“Wahoo!” Alan shouts. “How much longer until we get to Dad’s? We’ve been in this car forever.”
“It’s barely been two hours, Alan,” Sophia says. “Relax.” Alan does this whenever they have a car ride of any sort. Whether they’re doing a trip to the grocery store or a trip across the country, Sophia’s little brother wants to be at his destination as soon as he enters the vehicle.
Sophia looks out the window as their car sits in traffic on Canal Street. I forgot how messy things are allowed to be here, she thinks to herself, her eyes taking in all the vendors competing to sell their knockoff designer goods. Everything is so clean and perfect where she and Alan live with their mom in Lower Merion. In their neighborhood, the streets are lined with multimillion-dollar colonial homes that sit behind picket fences carefully painted the perfect shade of white. Inside those homes live hundreds of different versions of the same sort of family who sends the same sort of perfect-looking Christmas cards every year.
When they’re in Lower Merion, it’s like all Sophia’s mom cares about is fitting in with the other families in their neighborhood. That means attending the right events, serving on the right boards, and befriending the right people. Everything is carefully curated, from the way their front lawn is landscaped to the outfits she wears for brunch at the country club. The whole thing makes Sophia’s mom sort of… stiff.
But when they lived in New York, Sophia’s mom could not have cared less about any of that stuff. Her parents had an eclectic group of friends in the city, and Sophia had plenty of friends whose families looked a lot like Gracie’s, who has two moms. Yet on the Main Line, Gracie told Sophia that she felt like people would look at her differently when she was out with her family. Sophia herself even noticed she was getting less invites to birthday parties from “friends” in her neighborhood since her parents split up. Maybe Mom feels judged for the divorce too, Sophia thinks to herself. Maybe that’s why she’s been so stiff.
But her mom is different in New York. Sophia can just tell by the smile that breaks across her mom’s face the minute they make it out of Holland Tunnel. Her shoulders are totally relaxed, even though they’re sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic. New York has this effect on her mom. Something about the city reverts her back to her college days, stripping her of all the pressure feels to fit in back home on the Main Line.
Of course, there is no world in which her strict mom would ever let Sophia and Alan take the train to New York by themselves. But Sophia thinks the other reason her mom is so insistent on driving them to the city today is because she misses it herself.
“Are you happy to be back, Mom?” Sophia asks, taking in the obvious shift in her mom’s energy. “I feel like you love being here.”
“I really do, Soph,” her mom says, rolling her window down and deeply inhaling the slightly fishy smell in the New York City air. “You know, I technically grew up in Bryn Mawr, but so much of my real growing up happened here when I was at NYU. It changed my life.”
“But you still wound up back near where you grew up,” Alan reminds her from the backseat. “Did it really change your life that much?”
“Sure it did,” their mom says. “It’s where I met your dad, for starters. And that man really changed my life.”
“…Like, in a good way?” Sophia asks, her voice barely audible.
“Of course,” her mom replies, taking one hand off the steering wheel to give Sophia’s hand a squeeze. “You see that Dunkin’ Donuts on the corner there?”
Sophia and Alan both turn to look at the chain doughnut shop to their right.
“Well,” their mom continues, “back in college, that was the gallery of an up-and-coming pop artist who went by the name of Spelunk. Your dad took me to see his exhibit for our second date. It took a full week for your dad to convince me to venture into this part of the city—outside of school, I spent most of my time uptown. But he finally got me to come down here and the exhibition blew my mind. I had never seen art like that before, so uninhibited and free.”
Sophia was surprised that she had never heard the story before. Back when they were together, her parents were always telling her and Alan stories of their college days back in New York, from their first date at Caffe Reggio to the time their mom dragged their dad to the annual white party at the New York Athletic Club. But once their dad moved out, those stories came to a screeching halt. Sometimes Sophia wondered if her parents even remembered any of the happy times with each other. It felt good to know the city was able to conjure up this nostalgia in her mom.
“Wow,” Sophia says, Googling Spelunk on her phone. “Their stuff looks amazing. I wish I could have seen it.”
“You would have loved it,” her mom says, pausing for a second before adding, “And I hope you both know, even though we have our differences, which I know we have not done the best job at shielding you kids from, your father still gave me the two best things in my life. I will always be grateful to him for that.”
Alan raises one eyebrow. “You mean us, right?”
“Yes, silly,” their mom replies with a chuckle. “I mean you two.”
Sophia didn’t realize how badly she needed to hear her mom say those words. It’s not like she thinks they’re going to get back together or anything like that—Sophia made peace with that fact after she and Adam made a disastrous attempt to Parent Trap them last year. At this point, just knowing the two most important adults in her life maybe don’t totally hate each other feels like a win.
