Big Ideas for Curious Minds, page 3
job in your life.
De Beauvoir loved to shop, but she wasn’t interested in things just because
they were expensive or fancy. In fact, she was especially keen on cheap
shops. When she was in New York to give talks she loved going to ‘dime’
shops where everything cost just ten cents. De Beauvoir thought that what
we really want is to enjoy our lives, but we make the mistake of thinking
that the objects we buy are key to our enjoyment. However, most of the
time what matters much more is whether we feel like we have enough
time and the freedom to do things we like.
Remember this when you’re thinking about what you want. Ask yourself
if you really want it, or whether you just think you do. Keep in mind that
even if you don’t get exactly what you want, it might not have been the
thing that would make you happy after all.
BIG IDEA #4
It is horrible when people (especially parents) get grumpy or annoyed.
Sometimes they slam doors or shout, or growl when someone speaks to
them. When people act this way, it can feel like it’s you they’re cross with,
and that makes you feel bad—and it can seem unfair as well. But, even
though it seems like it, maybe it’s not really you they are upset with.
There’s an old story called Androcles and the Lion, which is set in Ancient
Egypt. In the story, a lion comes prowling round a village at night, roaring
terribly so that everyone is very frightened. They think the lion is angry
with them. Then one day, a man called Androcles is walking out in the
countryside and it starts to rain. He takes shelter in a cave—where the lion
lives. Androcles thinks the lion is going to eat him, but then he sees that it
has a thorn in its paw. The lion didn’t really hate the people in the village.
It was roaring so much because the thorn hurt, but they didn’t realise.
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The story is saying something interesting. Angry people (like the angry
lion) are usually bothered about something that you can’t see. There is
often a thorn in there somewhere.
It’s a very strange and interesting thought: we feel like we know people
very well, but actually we only know a little bit about each other’s lives.
There’s a lot we don’t see. Your parents don’t really know what it’s been
like for you all day at school—there are probably lots of things that you
never get around to telling them. It’s the same for them. They seem big
and strong at home and you know them so well in some ways, but it is
possible that difficult things happen to them during the day when you
are not there.
Androcles, in the story, was unusual: he actually got to see the thorn in
the lion’s paw, so he realised why the lion was so bad tempered. But most
of the time you have to imagine the things that might be hurting other
people—the things you can’t see or know. Maybe your mum or dad had
a difficult meeting at work, or they were very busy all day and are really
tired. They’re grumpy because of that, not because of you. The meeting
or the busy day is like the thorn in the lion’s paw. Because you weren’t
with them at work or at home during the day, you might not know about
the reason why they’re feeling cross, so you feel it’s you they are annoyed
with. But probably it has nothing to do with you at all.
It’s important for all of us to keep thinking about the thorns we can’t see.
Don’t get upset because someone is in a bad mood or snapped at you—
instead, try to imagine what might be the problem, and find a way to help.
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Plenty of philosophers have been interested in how easy it is for us to
misunderstand other people—including thinking they’re angry with us
when it is really something else that is bothering them. One of the most
important was a man called Ibn Sina, who is sometimes called Avicenna.
Ibn Sina was born about a thousand years ago and lived most of his life
in Iran (which was called Persia at that time). He was a scientist and a
very successful doctor, and a lot of princes and rulers wanted him to be
their adviser. Sina was a devout Muslim, but he was very curious about all
different kinds of ideas and religions, and spent a lot of time studying two
Greek philosophers in this book, Socrates and Aristotle. Ibn Sina worked
extremely hard. He often stayed up late to read and write and study.
Ibn Sina thought that everyone has two parts to them: an outside part,
which everyone can see, and an inside part (he called it the ‘soul’), which
only they know. We learn about other people from what they do and say,
but often we don’t see enough of them to get a true picture of what they
are really like. It is amazing that someone who lived so long ago had such
good and useful ideas about why you might not properly understand
people—and why you might think they are annoyed with you, when really
they are upset about something completely different. That thing might be
something that you can’t see, but it’s something you can learn to imagine.
BIG IDEA #5
Some children aren’t very nice to their brothers and sisters, or to their
classmates at school. They call them names, pick on them or try to spoil
their fun. They might pretend to be your friend and then say very unkind
things behind your back. It seems like all they want is for other people to
feel small and stupid. It can be really upsetting and frightening to be on
the receiving end of this kind of bullying. But why are people mean? Why
does one person want to make another person feel miserable?
The answer is very surprising: it is because they feel small and miserable
inside of themselves. You wouldn’t know by looking at them—they might
look strong and confident and very pleased with themselves. They might
seem to laugh a lot—maybe at you.
But if you think about it, no one who was really happy would want to make
another person unhappy. People who are actually strong and confident
are almost always gentle and kind to others. If someone is mean and a
bully it is because at home, or in the past, something or someone has
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frightened them a lot. Probably you’ll never know the details, but you can
imagine. Maybe they have an older brother who picks on them. Maybe
their mum is always bossing them about. Maybe their parents shout at
each other. Inside their head, this person who seems so brave and fearless,
actually feels sad and worried. They’re too frightened to let anyone see
how weak they really feel, so they try to make themselves feel better by
making another person suffer.
Those who have been hurt, hurt others. Understanding this does not
immediately solve the problem if someone is being nasty to you, but it
can still help a little. It can help you to remember that you don’t deserve
to be treated badly, that it’s not something you’ve done and that there
isn’t anything wrong with you. The best way to understand a bully or a
mean person is to put yourself in their position. Think about a time when
you haven’t been very nice to someone. Most people are a bit mean to
someone at some point, or have at least wanted to be horrible, even if
they don’t actually do or say anything. It’s not bad or wrong, it’s just life.
Now think about why you were mean to that person—it’s pretty much
always because something else was bothering you that you didn’t know
how to put right.
For instance, it is quite common for older children to get a bit nasty if
there is a new baby in the family. Grown-ups think babies are very sweet.
Everyone pays them attention and says how lovely they
are, and parents spend all their time looking after
them. If you are a bit older and your parents have
a new baby, it is not surprising if you get cross.
You might feel like people should be paying more
attention to you. Maybe you want to show other
people that you’re also important—that in fact you
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are much better than this boring baby who everyone loves so much. So
you find someone who is weaker than you, and a bit babyish, and you start
being mean to them. It makes you feel powerful, and it makes you feel
better to know that someone else is feeling bad like you do. Of course,
doing this isn’t very nice at all, but it is understandable. Sometimes when
we are so sad and angry, there doesn’t feel like anything else we can do.
Realising why you might not be very nice to other people sometimes will
help you to see how someone else could be not very nice to you.
Understanding doesn’t make everything suddenly perfect. If someone is
bullying you or hurting you, the problem will not go away just because you
are able to understand that they must be very unhappy inside. Philosophy
does not solve all your problems in one go. But when you understand
things they stop being so frightening. And that’s a good start.
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Write down a list of the people who are mean to you. Then write why you think
they might be unhappy. How might their meanness and unhappiness be related?
One philosopher who thought a lot about why people are mean to each
other was Zera Yacob. He was born in Ethiopia in Africa, around four
hundred years ago, in 1599. His parents were poor and he was brought
up on a small farm, but when he grew up he became a teacher.
At that time Ethiopia was split into different religious groups who were
bitterly opposed to each other, but Zera Yacob didn’t want to take sides.
Some people told lies about him to the king and he had to go into hiding.
For two years he lived on his own in a cave. That might sound pretty awful,
but he rather liked spending time alone and he said he learned more by
thinking in his cave than he had when he was at school. Eventually a new
king came to power and Zera Yacob could leave his cave and go to live in
a town. He found work teaching the children of a rich businessman—he
was a very good teacher and the family were kind to him. Later he got
married and had a family.
Zera Yacob thought that life is always quite difficult for everyone. Everyone
suffers. That’s a sad thought, and it should make us kind and sympathetic
to each other. But some people become mean and cruel by mistake. They
think that if they hurt others it will take away their own pain. Zera Yacob
believed that if we can admit our own sadness it will make us less angry
with other people—and the amount of pain in the world will decrease.
BIG IDEA #6
Imagine that you are really looking forward to something. Maybe it’s your
birthday soon, or you’re going on holiday. You start to imagine how nice
it will be. Everything will be wonderful. You will get all the presents you
want, or you’ll be able to swim at the beach every day. Everyone will be
happy, and nothing will go wrong. But, when it really is your birthday or
you really do go on holiday, something is not right. You get some nice
presents, but some boring ones you didn’t want, too. On holiday you do
get to swim, but not every day: one day you have to go to an art gallery
with your mum, and on another day it rains non-stop. Your parents get
annoyed when you keep asking, ‘Can we go to the beach now?’ You feel
grumpy and irritated. You are disappointed. You thought it was all going
to be so great—and now it isn’t. But the funny thing is, your birthday and
the holiday were not really terrible at all. They were pretty good. It’s just
that they weren’t as good as you’d imagined.
Sometimes it also works the other way round. You might imagine that
something is going to be horrible. Maybe you’re getting a new teacher
and you’ve heard that they’re really nasty. Apparently they shout a lot and
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never let you do anything interesting or fun. But when the new teacher
arrives, they turn out to be quite a lot nicer than you had been expecting.
They do shout a little, but they are kind of funny as well. They are quite
strict, but they also teach you how to be better at art and let you do some
fun science experiments. You’d been expecting them to be horrible, so
it’s a nice surprise when they’re not that bad after all. Either way, whether
you get grumpy or feel pleased about something depends a lot on your
expectations. If you expect things to be perfect, it’s no surprise that you
might be disappointed. If you expect things to be bad, you quite often get
a nice surprise.
There is a good trick you can play to make sure you are nicely surprised
more often than you are disappointed. If you try not to get your hopes
up too much, then usually things will turn out better than you expected.
You’ll be especially pleased, without really having to do anything at all.
And even if it is a little disappointing, remember: it could always be a bit
worse. Don’t worry though—imagining things going badly doesn’t make
anything bad happen. If you imagine getting a lump of coal for a birthday
present it doesn’t mean anyone will actually give you one. If you imagine
missing the bus in the morning it does not mean you will miss it. How
you imagine things in the future doesn’t make them happen. But it does
something else: it protects and prepares you against sadness when things
do (sometimes) go wrong.
The way you imagine the future can make the difference between getting
furious whenever something goes worse than you thought it would, and
getting a nice surprise whenever something is a bit nicer than you had
expected. Expecting less is a big part of what it means to be a philosopher.
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There once was a philosopher who lived a long time ago in Ancient Rome
who spent a lot of time thinking about why people get angry. His name
was Seneca. Seneca was a businessman and a politician; however he was
also an important philosopher (sometimes we forget that you can be a
