Terror Train, page 1
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Contents
Cover
Dedication
1 I think they lock people away in there.
2 Can you let me through?
3 I’ll get him, don’t you worry. Heh! Heh! Heh!
4 It’s better you get hurt than me.
5 I mean no normal people don’t know.
6 Why am I saying sorry to a rat?
7 I’ve only got one seat on me bike.
8 Are you daft or deaf?
9 Have you ANY idea how much fluff there is in your pocket?
10 You have to get off some time.
11 Visited the Waxworld and were never seen again.
12 What’s in the barrow?
13 Would your mother miss you?
14 We’re not bodysnatchers, are we?
15 You can’t do that. It’s our body!
16 He says it wasn’t his fault. What a laugh.
17 I have to find that door.
18 You want me to sleep in a dead man’s bed?
19 Why would you get caught?
20 How could you be so stupid?
21 Chimpanzees don’t have tails.
22 Are you trying to put us out of a job?
23 Ooooh, you’d better come in then.
24 Heart of gold, that man.
25 Now do you believe me?
26 So you’ll only need three chops for dinner
27 It’s like you say, I have to save myself.
28 Come here, you evil little thieving beggar!
29 First rule of thieving: don’t get caught.
30 I think it’s time you went to sleep, laddie.
31 I collect nightsticks, you know.
32 You should be showing me thief-filled handcuffs.
33 Hornswaggle the hempen halter.
34 You can use me as a human shield.
35 A policeman’s gotta do what a policeman’s gotta do.
36 How very dare he?
37 They’ll pay for that.
38 Ugly mug … a bit like yours.
39 Show him how ruthless you are.
40 Where would he keep his treasure?
41 I should charge you with lying to a policeman.
42 I’m very attached to me head.
43 I said he’s up to no good.
44 Taking risks is my job.
45 What would Captain Blood do?
46 Me best blue buttoned bloomers.
47 Only you can rescue me.
48 Look who we have here, my comrades.
49 At least I have porridge to eat three times a day.
50 It’s a joke.
51 What makes you think I’m the God of Wisdom?
52 Let’s hope I never get to meet them.
53 Make them see we mean business.
54 Tell us how many stars there are in the sky
55 Get out of here as quickly as you can.
56 Do you want to be hanged, Captain Teach?
57 Have you found that girl yet?
58 I need to find out where I really am.
59 That’s not a happy end.
60 I can see inside your heads.
61 No one escapes from the Tower.
62 We can’t change history.
63 You can swim, can’t you?
64 We know he’s a terrible torturer.
65 That’s cheating, that is!
66 You’re talking to yourself again, lass.
67 That’s what they did to thieves like you.
68 I never done nothing, not nothing at all.
69 I have some really good news for you.
70 I have a terrible job.
71 How do we stop the cart?
72 You’re a mumblecrust raggabrash.
73 I saw what you did.
74 Maybe I can pray for a miracle.
75 A far, far better thing I do now.
76 Is the tripe terrible?
77 I’m thrilled to fluffy mint balls.
78 I thought I’d find you here.
79 They’ll make you chief constable by next week.
80 It’s not what I expected.
81 What is that talking thing?
82 He’s too daft to see the dangers ahead.
83 She’s playing with paper planes now.
84 It’s a task for someone with brains.
85 I’m afraid of heights.
86 Waiting for a frog to kiss her.
87 Please, sir, it’s urgent, sir.
88 I’m a bit alarmed myself.
89 Have you got a spade?
90 Lift to the lift?
91 You may as well give up.
92 Throw her out of the basket?
93 It was all a nightmare.
94 Coo-ee!
95 I would have to arrest myself.
96 We haven’t time.
97 Sadly, the cannon doesn’t have wings.
98 We, the hunted, will now hunt.
99 What’s in a name?
100 He was worth a thousand times more.
Back Ads
Copyright
I think they lock people away in there
In the dark and seedy streets of the town there were twisted towers of flats and factories. They were the colour of smoke-brown and concrete. They were greasy, grey and dismal as a wet Sunday. But one building stood tall and shining, glittering glass. It was the sort of glass that you could see your face in1 … but you couldn’t see inside. You couldn’t see through the special glass.
The glittering, pointy tower had been built in a matter of weeks. The people of Wildpool waited to see what would happen. And the answer was … very little. Very little to see.
Workers in white rode their bikes into the underground car park at nine o’clock every morning. They rode out again at five o’clock each evening. But they never said what they did inside each day.
‘What do you DO in there?’ the good folk of Wildpool cried.
‘It’s a secret,’ the white-coated, blank-faced workers mumbled and pedalled off into the sunset. A sunset that turned the glass tower a glowing red … like blood.
There was a café opposite Loaf Tower. Edna Crudge and her two ancient friends had breakfast with her every morning at eight. They called themselves ‘The Ladies Who Crunch’. They nodded as they chewed their scones with clattering teeth.
‘So what’s in there, Edna?’ little Minnie Cooper asked.
‘It’s a factory full of secrets,’ Mrs Crudge said. ‘Secret gadgets. I know. Mr Crudge works in the world of gadgets. His friends tell him when someone is making an incredible new invention.’
‘And what is Arfur Loaf making?’ her best friend Marjorie Doors asked as her knitting needles clacked louder and faster than her teeth.
‘I will say you when you need to know,’ Edna Crudge told her. Edna had a face that said, ‘Don’t argue.’ Marjorie had a face that said, ‘You’re a bossy fuss-pot, Edna.’ (But she didn’t say it out loud.)
Little Minnie Cooper twittered, ‘Well I think it’s a prison. I think they lock people away in there.’ Whenever Minnie spoke she seemed to shiver.
Edna Crudge snorted. ‘Prisons have bars.’
‘Is that so the prisoners can get beer?’ Marjorie Doors asked.
Edna looked down her thin nose and sneered. ‘Not beer bars. Iron bars. Prisons have iron bars to keep the villains in. There’s no bars in that there glass tower, so there’s no prisoners. Humph!’
Edna Crudge was right about the inventions. But Edna Crudge was as wrong as wrong can be about the prisoners. And Minnie Copper was as right as right … in a way.
The glass tower was the place a boy had arrived at eight o’clock that very morning to make the steal of the century…
* * *
1 If you ever forget what your face looks like.
Can you let me through?
‘Aprison?’ you cry. ‘The boy who is planning the steal-of-the-century is walking into a prison? Why?’ you cry2.
The boy took one last look at the crumpled paper in his hand. It read…
BOY.
GO TO THE LOAF COMPANY TOWER.
THE CHAIRMAN, ARFUR LOAF, IS GOING TO SHOW AN IMPORTANT VISITOR, LADY GREYSTONE, A NEW MOBILE PHONE KNOWN AS THE INFINIT-G.
STEAL THAT PHONE.
DELIVER THE PHONE TO DR WIGGOTT AT HIS WAXWORLD MUSEUM – USE THE BACK DOOR IN DANK ALLEY.
DR WIGGOTT WILL PAY YOU A THOUSAND POUNDS WHEN YOU HAND IT OVER.
HOW YOU DO THE THEFT IS UP TO YOU. YOU ARE THE BEST THIEF IN THE CRIME COLLEGE.
BUT DON’T GET CAUGHT. THE CHAIRMAN, ARFUR LOAF, IS A CRUEL MAN.
SIGNED: THE MASTER-THIEF
The thief, known only as ‘Boy’, tugged at the collar of his shirt and loosened his navy tie. He wasn’t used to wearing a tie, but it was all part of the plan. Not just any old plan, but The Plan.
He looked at the small brass sign by the great glass doors. The sign read The Loaf Company – Visitors report to security.
Now you and I would sneak into the factory to steal a new phone, wouldn’t we? We’d creep under barriers and pick locks and stun the guards with stun guns. We’d wear black clothes and masks over our faces.
Boy did none of these. He walked down the ramp into the underground bicycle park. He walked alongside the workers on their cycles. He w
When he reached the underground entrance he joined the queue of white-coated workers. One by one they rubbed a plastic card against a panel and the gate clicked open.
Boy smiled at the guard. ‘Morning,’ he grinned. ‘Can you let me through with the new tea trolley?’
‘Where’s your pass?’
‘In my pocket. But I can’t get it out while I’m pushing this trolley, can I? Let me in and I’ll show you my pass later.’
The rock-faced guard sighed. He opened the gate. Boy walked in. Easy as pie. Just what you’d expect from the best thief in the crime college.
* * *
2 You seem to do a lot of crying, don’t you? I hope you have a lot of tissues handy.
I’ll get him, don’t you worry. Heh! Heh! Heh!
When Arfur Loaf grew angry, his voice was not as big as his bear-like body. His hair was thick and black as a bear’s too … a black bear, obviously, not a polar, grizzly or koala bear. But his voice squeaked. He had just started a speech with the grand words, ‘Lady Greystoke, let me show you the world’s most amazing phone … the infinit-G.’ A jiggling-chinned woman in a scarlet dress stared with a look as hard as her red fingernails. When she moved, her jewellery crackled. When she frowned, her face crackled.
‘It looks like any other mobile phone to me, Mr Loaf.’
‘Wait and see, Lady Greystoke, wait and see,’ the large man said.
At that moment, the tea-boy stepped between him and the phone. ‘What are you doing, boy?’ he squeak-squawked.
Loaf was standing next to a glass case. Inside the case lay a girl – as asleep as Sleeping Beauty. Boy saw a glimpse of reddish hair tied in pigtails. Wires sprouted from her head like quills from a porcupine. Arfur Loaf moved his large body to block the boy’s view.
The boy-thief placed the teacup next to a phone that sat on a satin cushion on a table. He smiled brightly and said, ‘Topper’s Tea Trays at your service. Topper’s top teas for top people and … may I say, sir … they don’t come any more tip-top than you and your rich guest.’ He nodded towards the lady in the scarlet dress who wore diamonds on her fingers and rubies round her wide neck.
Arfur Loaf puffed out his chest like a Baja California tree frog puffs out its throat.
‘If I can just move this phone out of the way,’ Boy said.
The phone felt itself being swept up in the boy’s bone-thin, bone-hard, bone-white hand and thrust into a fluff-filled pocket. Loaf squeaked, ‘Careful with that precious phone.’
Boy placed his teacups on the table next to the cushion. ‘There you are, sir, safe as the crown jewels.’
But the phone knew it wasn’t where it was supposed to be. Whatever was sitting on Loaf’s cushion, it wasn’t the infinit-G phone. The boy had done a switch. The phone knew he was a thief and she was being stolen3. Something in the phone’s brain said, ‘I’ve been stolen.’ And something else in her micro-brain said, ‘I’m not an it, I’m a she.’
The phone heard tea being poured. It heard lips sucking at the rims of cups. Heard spluttering and voices muttering, ‘This tea’s cold,’ and ‘This tea is just plain water.’ Finally, the phone heard Arfur Loaf cry, ‘Get out of here, tea-boy, we have important work.’
‘Yes, sir,’ the boy replied.
The phone felt itself jogged as Boy ran from the room and down the stairs, so she could tell she was moving. She heard the soft fluffle of another coat being thrown over the blue servant suit and guessed the thief was at the door when he shouted, ‘Guard?’
‘What you want, boy?’
‘In a minute you’ll get a call from Mr Loaf. He will say a boy has stolen a phone. He’s a boy in a smart blue suit … not an old hooded top like me.’
‘A theft? A theft?’ the guard growled. ‘He’ll never get past me.’
‘He will,’ Boy said, ‘If you stay here. The lad will head for the front door.’
‘I’ll get him, don’t you worry. Heh! Heh! Heh!’ the guard laughed madly.
‘Wait!’ Boy cried. ‘Let me out at this underground door first.’
‘Go on, Sonny Jim, hurry up. I’ve got a thief to catch.’ The door clicked open. Then the guard’s feet beat a path away to the front door. The boy … who was named in the note as ‘Boy’ … whistled softly.
The phone in the guard’s room jangled loud. ‘Too late,’ Boy chuckled. ‘The clever bird has flown … flown to Wiggott’s Wonderful Waxworld.’
* * *
3 A top tip if you want to become a thief and steal the famous Mona Lisa painting: swap it for a fake. By the time the owners spot the difference, you’re long gone. See? You’ll learn more from this book than you would in ten years of school.
It’s better you get hurt than me
Arfur Loaf took three minutes to discover the switch. He raged till his face was as red as his guest’s dress. ‘Sorry, Lady Greystoke, there’s a little problem.’
‘Then solve it, Mr Loaf. Problems are there to be solved.’ She had a chin under her chin and it jiggled when she was angry. It was jiggling now.
Loaf picked up a phone – not the stolen one … which had been stolen. It took another five minutes to explain the problem to the police. It seemed that most of the Wildpool police force was out on a tricky task that morning.
‘My beautiful phone, Igon,’ Loaf hissed at his evil assistant.
The small man with a black eyepatch said, ‘It was MY phone, Mr Loaf … I invented it … and my name is I-gor.’
‘Your eye is gone … so you will always be I-gon to me,’ the cruel man sneered. ‘You may have had the idea for the phone, but it was my money that let you make it. Whose money was it, Igon?’
‘Yours, Mr Loaf, sir.’
‘And what are the police and my security guards doing? How long will it be before I get my phone back?’
‘Our guards have looked at the security cameras,’ Igon explained, ‘and it looks as if a boy stole it.’ Mr Loaf’s phone rang. Igon picked it up and listened. ‘A message from the Wildpool police says they have a Constable Elloe on the thief’s trail, sir. They think it’s a boy from a local crime college. Elloe has tracked him down already.’
Arfur Loaf screamed till the desk shook. ‘A constable? I want our top detectives, not a mere constable. I want the boy caught and hanged.’
‘Erm … I don’t think they do hanging any more, Mr Loaf,’ the little eyepatched man muttered. ‘And the police don’t know what they are looking for,’ he reminded the large man.
‘Looking for? Looking for? The thief.’ He lowered his voice. ‘If they won’t hang him, then I will find a very good use for him. A use for him in our lab. A place for him alongside the girl. Know what I mean?’
‘Yes, sir. But the police don’t know it’s a phone he’s stolen. You refused to tell them what is missing, remember?’ Igon reminded his boss.
‘Of course, of course I do … it’s a secret. No one must know. We don’t want the police snooping around here, DO we? You know what they’ll find, DON’T you?’
‘Yes, sir.’
‘So where is this Constable Elloe?’ Arfur Loaf spat.
‘He’s tracked the thief to a place called Wiggott’s Wonderful Waxworld,’ Igon said.
Arfur loaf turned pale, he turned red, he turned purple, he turned pale again4. ‘Wiggott? Not Wiggott. Dr Wiggott is the cleverest inventor in Wildpool. If Wiggott ever lays a hand on my infinit-G, we are finished, Igon, finished. It all makes sense. Wiggott ordered the robbery. Wiggott is a dangerous person,’ Loaf breathed. ‘Get down to the Waxworld at once and get my phone.’
‘Why me?’ Igon trembled.
‘Because it’s dangerous. Someone could get hurt. It’s better you get hurt than me. It’s on the High Street. Go now.’
‘Yes, sir.’ Igon dragged his feet towards the door. He went snail-slow, but he went. ‘I’ll call in the police station first,’ he decided. ‘No point in risking my life with this wild and wicked Wiggott.’
Arfur Loaf turned his large head with the hair of a bear towards Lady Greystone. ‘A little glitch, a gremlin, a bug, a hiccup, a blip. I’ll have it sorted in no time. Cup of tea?’
‘It’s cold water.’
