Blood and Bone (Blood and Bone Series Book 1), page 7
I shake my head. “I rode the bus for a long time. Then I got a ride back with the cops. They were at a house on the outskirts of the city. So they drove me back, thinking I was a crackhead. I had to clear on the system before they would let me come home.”
He kisses my neck. “Did you clear?”
“Yup. No Jane Spears in the system.”
He pauses, mimicking the stiffened feel of my back. We are both aware of something suddenly, I just don’t know what I’m aware of. I’m still lost, regardless of how my body reacts. “So, you never confessed to being Samantha Barnes?”
I turn to face him, looking up into his beautiful face. “I didn’t. I don’t think I am Samantha Barnes. I think she died a long time ago. I like being Jane. What good is going to come of being Samantha? She clearly has issues.”
He drags his hand down my face, brushing his thumb against my lips. “I was so worried you hated me for lying to you.”
I shake my head slowly. “I just needed to get some air and some distance. I needed to swallow the truth whole so I could digest the fact I’ve killed things in my sleep. That’s haunting me. It makes me sick. I just think about the people looking for their animals that I’ve killed. It makes me ill.”
His brow knits, and I see the hurt in his eyes. “It’s not your fault. I swear, you are asleep. You don’t know.”
“We have to do something to make it stop.”
He nods. “I will start sedating you again.” He winces. “It’s just—that’s how you got into the accident last time. I sedated you and left the house. You got up, drove the car, and crashed it.”
My wicked brain wonders if it’s true. My eyes are mesmerized by his. They believe everything he says. But my brain whispers that there is no way a small, sedated woman got up and drove a car. If my scars are old, Derek is lying about it. But I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. I just don’t know how far to follow him down this path, nodding my head like a smitten schoolgirl.
There is one thing I want to do, on the off chance everything Rory has said is true and my life is a complete lie. I lift my hands to his cheeks, cupping his face. I say the one thing I haven’t ever said to him, not aloud. I have written it and texted it and whispered it when I thought he was sleeping. But I haven’t ever said it. “I love you.”
He winces. “Why did you say that?”
“Because you are everything I ever wanted in the world. I don’t know how I know this. I don’t remember ever wishing for you, but I know I did. In my soul and my being, I know I did.”
He looks lost. “I love you, Jane. I always have.”
I nod, believing it completely. “I know you have.” And that’s the truth of the matter. I know he has loved me since the dawn of our time.
I just don’t know what to do with it.
7. GOING ROGUE
When we make love, I relax completely. I savor the feel of his body inside and on top of mine. The feel of him pressing me into the bed is magical.
The pill I pretend to swallow isn’t.
He kisses me good night. I slip the pill into my pillowcase and close my eyes when he turns the light off.
I pretend to fall asleep, feigning the deep breathing and then the slack face. In the light of the alarm clock I can see him staring at me when I glance under my lashes. The look on his face is frightening. It’s the first time I have ever seen anything like it. He looks detached from me completely.
After a while, I don’t know how long, he climbs from the bed and dresses silently. Somewhere in the dark, my heart breaks with fear that he’s actually the monster they say he is.
When he slips from the room I wait for the sound of the door closing to the outside before I sit up. Something immediately tells me to lie back down, so I do. I breathe deeply, suddenly afraid of every choice I have made. I lie there still and terrified, only to have it all confirmed by his sudden appearance as a silhouette in the doorway.
I don’t hold my breath or inhale sharply, both movements I want to make. Instead, I continue to breathe as softly as I can. He stands there for a moment, a shadow in the doorway, before he turns and leaves the house for real.
I am near tears when I hear the car out front.
He either knew I was faking my sleep or suspected it. There’s a real possibility he’s a killer. Even in the warmth of our bed, I have to admit it.
I grab the pill and take it to the toilet, walking slowly through the dark room. I flush the pill, take a pee, and flush again. When I turn on the light it’s gone, but I don’t know how to continue with the plan I have formed in my feeble brain.
I get dressed quickly, pressing 911 on my phone as I walk out the front door in my all-black clothing. I feel like an idiot, but my body moves with stealth and my instincts are sharp.
“Tell me he’s gone to work and ya need someone to keep that bed warm with ya!” Rory answers cheekily.
Ignoring his bravado I mutter, “He’s left in the car.”
“I know. I see the beacon moving on my screen. Come climb in.” A black van down the road flashes me with its light as a door slides open. My insides twist and churn, but I walk to the van and climb in. Rory nods at me from behind a small laptop in the front passenger seat. “He’s headed for Bellevue.” A young man in the driver’s seat starts the van and drives, jerking me back into a seat.
Rory nods at the young man, the only other occupant of the vehicle. “This is Antoine.”
The young man waves back at me, glancing with dark eyes in the rearview. “Hi, Sam. We actually met eight years ago, but I know you don’t remember me.”
Rory hands me a black handgun. “You remember how to use this?”
I am about to say no when my hand reaches for it. The weight is more than familiar. I pull the clip, glance at it, and hammer it back in, in one smooth movement. Rory nods. “I’ll go with yes.”
Holding the gun is so foreign to me, and yet completely natural to my body. But my brain wins, and I start to hand it back to him. “I’d rather not have it, if it’s all the same to you.”
He shrugs. “It’s not. I want you to have my back.”
I turn, still holding the gun but pointing it at the floor. It trembles against my leg, weighing more and more by the second. I hold it by the handle, not going anywhere near the trigger.
“He’s stopping. Chism Beach Park, it looks like.” Rory turns, offering me a sympathetic look. “Ya know he’s bad, right? Ya do understand that?”
I shake my head. “I know you think he’s bad, but I’ve been with him for years. He hasn’t ever been anything but perfect.”
The sympathy leaves his face, replaced by disgust. “Ya don’t really believe that, do ya? He’s an evil man. He’s conned ya.”
Tension starts to build inside me. “You can’t pretend to be amazing for years. He would have slipped up. I would have seen it.”
“Love is blind, Sam. You see what you want.”
There is no point in arguing. We’re here for two different reasons. He wants Derek taken in on charges of murder. I just want Derek cleared so I can go back to my regular life. Whatever that is. When we cross the bridge my body starts to hum, vibrating with anxious energy and the bumpy ride of the van. There is a small part of me that’s terrified of what we’ll find. The other part of me assumes it’ll be nothing.
But who leaves in the middle of the night after sedating his loved one? Who double-checks that his girlfriend is sleeping?
I know the answer to the question, but I refuse to believe in his guilt.
Antoine parks a mile from the beach and hops out. Rory jumps out with him, and they both give me a look. Rory is dressed in dark jeans and a black skintight jacket. It looks like Lululemon. His dark hair is styled perfectly, coiffed as if he were going on a date instead of a mission.
Antoine is the same. He looks about thirty and completely adorable. He’s clearly Italian and I would imagine smooth in a dangerous way. The sort of guy who would be looking for love in all the wrong places.
Seeing them both reminds me of what Rory said to Angie. I scowl. “Why did you tell my friend you were looking for love in all the wrong places?”
“That was our code.” He says it with a dirty smirk.
I cock an eyebrow, disgusted, as I step from the van, placing the gun on the seat when they’re not looking, and close the door quickly.
They break into a run along the beach, making me wrinkle my nose and start after them with a slow jog. Rory glances back, shaking his head under a streetlight. “Haul some ass, Barnes.”
I try to pick up the pace but get a cramp instantly and end up walking. Antoine turns back, jogging up to me. “Samantha Barnes walking? Damn, you are different.” I’m gripping my side and wincing at the stitch when Antoine lifts my hands in the air, touching me like we know each other well. “Arms in the air, Barnes. A side stitch needs arms in the air.” He walks next to me in the dark, nudging me a little. “You and Dash are fully together?”
“Derek, not Dash.” I nod, feeling like a moron with my arms in the air but noticing the difference it’s making.
“That’s so nasty. He’s insane.”
“You don’t know him.”
Antoine gives me a skeptical stare with his dark eyes. “Trust me, if either of us is in the dark, it’s not me.” He grabs my hand and drags me into a run, much faster than my comfort level is set. When we get to the parking lot for the beach I’m winded and nauseated.
Rory glares at me from behind a tree. “Ya need to get in shape.”
I take a knee, breathing like Ronald when he caught me. “I’m not in bad shape. I walk all the time. I just hate running.”
Rory scoffs. “Since when? You were a track star in high school and college. You still hold the record for running the Cooper at basic.”
I wipe my face, fighting the urge to wheeze and pass out. I’m exhausted and stressed. The whole superspy thing is too much work. I want to go back to bed and forget the whole thing.
Rory creeps ahead, constantly looking back to check on us. I follow Antoine, not being stealthy any longer. I’m ready to curl up under a tree.
“You okay?”
I nod. “I just feel like shit. Who runs at two in the morning? This is nuts.”
He snorts. “It’s like meeting your sweet yet lazy twin, I swear it. You were such a ball-busting bitch. This is almost refreshing.”
I lift my middle finger in the air, something I’m not sure I’ve ever done. He rolls his eyes. “Never mind, looks like the old you is making a comeback.”
“Whatever.”
He points. “See, classic Sam.” He grabs my hand and makes me run again. I want to whine and snivel and complain, but the reality of the situation is too dire.
“What are you, a cyborg?” I ask after we stop running and stand in a shadow.
Antoine grins, flashing his white teeth at me. “I was a marine for a year, then I got scouted by Randall. He came and asked if I’d be interested in something covert and top-secret security clearance—so top secret he couldn’t tell me until I signed off on it. Of course I said yes.”
“CIA?”
He nods. “Sometimes. Sometimes it’s FBI, like now. This particular job is a joint task force between some of the local authority and the FBI. Secret Service is aware of it as well, since Dash killed three senators last year and we have to assume his target will be political.”
“No, he didn’t.”
He nods. “He did. They were perfect too. One guy got shot with an icicle in the neck when he was away on an ice fishing holiday. It looked like the icicles had fallen from the cabin he was staying at, but the water in the icicles on the roof and the water found inside the wound were different. Just slightly, too, like he wanted us to see it. Then he killed another one in the man’s own bed. Made it look like he’d had an allergic reaction, but there were traces of poison in his system that could be found only if he was tested two weeks after the murder. The poison is some jungle tincture that goes dormant, slowly releasing through the pores of the person over a two-week period. His skin was black—”
I put a hand up. “Okay, I don’t care. I don’t want to know that shit. It’s nasty.” I glance around at the empty lake and the still parking lot with nothing but Derek’s car in it. Rory is using some magical binoculars to scope the scene out. There is nothing moving anywhere under the streetlights in the park or parking lot. I feel like I’m betraying Derek in every way, but if he knew I was here only to clear him, he might not hate me so much when he finds out. There is no if he finds out; I have a terrible feeling he already knows where I am. Losing him is still bigger than anything else, because no matter how I try to figure it all out, I can’t see him being the killer they’re seeking. I can see him being something for the CIA. He’s brilliant and serious and exactly what a government agency would be looking for.
Rory comes back. “He’s not here. No heat registering in this area for a mile.”
Antoine pulls a cell phone out and makes a call, speaking softly. “You certain we have no one in this area who would be of interest to him?” He pauses, obviously listening to the person on the other side. His face twists. “FUCK!” He hangs up, looking fierce instead of smooth and sexy. “There’s an ambassador to Jordan from Qatar in the area. His cousin lives nearby in Hunts Point. He’s staying with him for a weekend before heading off to New York. No one knew he was here. The forms you fill out declaring the addresses you’ll be at, this address was last on the list—he filled it out backward. According to it, he should be in New York this week, but the UN summit meeting is next week.”
Rory turns, sprinting back toward the van. “Stay with her.”
Antoine gives me a look. “You believe now?”
I shake my head.
He nods. “You will. When we get there this guy is gonna be dead in some twisted, sick, accidental-looking way. You wait.” He sounds so smug and bitter. It’s such a change from the funny guy he was ten minutes ago.
When the van comes tearing down the road to us, we hop in, and instantly they go to work—talking on cell phones and looking at screens, typing and texting. It’s bananas to see people working in such a frenzy. Rory is shouting for a team to get in place with Derek’s car and to apprehend him on the spot when he returns, while Antoine is looking up the address on a map. “The house is gated; no one can enter to knock on the door. It’s a bell at the gate. We need a squad car there now—they need to wake the residents. We’ll go in the side yard and sneak in the back door in case he runs.” He hangs up and looks at me with the same severity as moments before. “You’d better be ready to bring it, Barnes, or you can sit in the van and wait.”
“I want to wait.”
Rory shakes his head, looking back at me while still driving. “No. She comes. He’ll know she’s here. She’s at risk now.”
I don’t know the entirety of what that means. I have to assume he thinks I shouldn’t be with Derek anymore. Like this is now me walking away from it all.
But I won’t. I won’t walk away from him. I love him and he loves me, and he isn’t the man they’re looking for. I don’t care what they think. I know him.
The van stops with a jerk, and Rory hauls me out of the backseat, jamming my gun into my hands. “Don’t pull that again. I’ll smack ya around till ya remember who ya are.”
I scowl at him, but he drags me to a large rock wall at least eight feet high, nodding his head toward it. I shake my head, but Antoine runs, leaping and climbing up the wall. I stuff the gun in the back of my pants, totally certain I’m going to shoot myself in the ass. He lowers his hand as Rory lifts me up.
Antoine drags me to the top of the wall, heights promptly becoming another item I realize is outside my comfort level.
Rory jumps up, climbing and dropping to the other side with no issue. Antoine shoves me. “Jump.”
I shove him back. “DON’T!”
He tilts his head to the side. “You jump or I push.”
I growl, feeling something spicy building inside me. I’ve gone along with this nonsense in hopes of showing them how wrong they are, but I’m getting tired of the bullshit. I sit on the wall, turning on my stomach and letting my legs hang over the edge. Slowly I lower myself down the wall, but Rory grabs me from below, dragging me before I’m ready. I drop, holding back my scream as he catches me. We are face to face, staring at each other in the dark. The dim light from the moon and streetlights flickers, making it so I can see he’s looking me in the eye with an expression I’m not comfortable with. Slowly he lowers me down, making me slide down his body until I drop to the ground softly. His arms don’t release me, but there is something I recall about him. I know him. I know this embrace and the smell of his body against mine.
Not that it matters. My heart still belongs to the man who has lovingly cared for me for years.
We creep along the side yard to the mansion. I pause, stunned by the beauty of the house before me. The few lights on inside glow like lanterns, lighting up the massive rooms inside the brick castle. The yard is the size of a city block, with grass all the way to the large dock at the bottom of the yard. Waterfront houses are usually fancy in this area, but I swear I have never seen any like this one.
“Who lives here?”
Antoine puts his finger to his lips. “Some rich guy from either Qatar or some other obscenely rich country.”
“Damn!”
Rory grabs my arm roughly. “We aren’t here for sightseeing, Sam. We need to find Dash before it’s too late.”
I jerk my arm free, annoyed at his constantly touching me. I don’t think I’ve ever been big on touching. I follow them up the yard, staying behind the massive trees and bushes.
My heart should be in my throat. My stomach should be a concrete block, waiting to fall into my bowels and cause the worst diarrhea known to man. My palms should be sweating. My mouth should be cotton.
But none of those things are occurring. My heart hurts, but it’s wholly for the dishonest thing I am doing to Derek. Maybe I’m an idiot, it’s entirely possible, but I love him and he’s never done a single thing to me besides lie because he was worried about me and wanted to protect us.
