Redemption, page 23
He couldn’t help but compare her strength in the face of such a potentially devastating situation to Hannah’s weakness under similar circumstances. A couple of weeks prior to their wedding, Jason had used his gun to stop a violent extortionist from trying to kill Maria. He’d killed the man, something he’d hoped to God he’d never have to do as a law enforcement officer.
Even though the shooting had been justified, even though Jason would do the same thing again if presented with the same circumstances, the weight of taking a life sat heavily on his shoulders. He’d tried desperately hard to keep the darkness of the event from tainting the joy of the wedding and being a newlywed, but he hadn’t been entirely successful.
Then, just when he was starting to think he’d dealt with the guilt and yes, the grief caused by the event, he’d gotten winged during an arrest. The injury wasn’t that dissimilar to what he had now, though it had been on his abdomen instead of his forehead. That it happened nearly on the anniversary of the shooting at Maria’s was a bit too much of a reminder of how dangerous his job was for Hannah.
Before they’d married, she’d been supportive of Jason’s career. She’d found it exciting, and if he was honest, a bit of a turn on. The day-to-day reality of being a cop’s wife, however? Especially one who was battling some demons related to that job so soon after the wedding? That, she hadn’t been so enamored of.
Thinking back, he could pinpoint that one event as being the straw that broke the camel’s back for her. She shut down after that, even going so far as to start getting between him and Paulo, trying to put distance in their relationship, to create friction where there’d been none before.
She’d demanded he quit his job, not just as a deputy but as a law enforcement officer in any capacity. Find something to do that was a nine-to-five position and had nothing to do with carrying a badge or gun or apprehending dangerous criminals.
She might as well have asked him to cut off his arm. All Jason had ever wanted to do, to be when he grew up, was law enforcement. He’d seen the difference his father made as a doctor, his paternal grandfather and uncle as lawyers, and he’d wanted to do something similar. After a couple of positive interactions at school show-and-tell events, he’d set his path. He’d never even considered deviating from that path.
That Hannah didn’t seem to understand that, that she refused to compromise even a little bit, had nearly destroyed him. She was asking him to choose between her and himself in a way that would tear a part of his soul out. To him, law enforcement had never been a job. It was a calling. He wouldn’t know who he was if he wasn’t a cop.
So he’d refused. He’d begged her to reconsider, to go to counseling with him, whatever it took short of him selling part of his soul. Despite his efforts, everything had fallen apart.
Now, as he looked around the room, an epiphany hit him like a ton of bricks and nearly left him breathless. For the first time since the marriage had fallen apart, he realized the truth about Hannah and about their relationship. Looking at the men and women who’d gathered on an instant’s notice to offer support not just to Heston’s family but to the entire department, he saw love and support and camaraderie.
He saw people who outside law enforcement maybe didn’t have all that much in common, especially the spouses and friends. But they also understood the sacrifices LEOs made, and while they might not look forward to those sacrifices, they fully supported the people who made them.
Hannah never had. Not even in the early days. There’d been events and even tragedies like what had happened today, and thinking about it, he couldn’t recall a single time she had tried to interact, to build relationships with his coworkers other than the ones she had with his family members who carried badges. In the end, even those had faltered.
There was no way Jason could look back and regret meeting Hannah, loving her. To do so would to be deny that a part of him existed. And if he denied loving her, he denied loving his son. Jason would never do that. He’d walk through Hell and back for Paulo. He had done so.
But he saw now that he and Hannah never should have married. He’d understood that before tonight, but he’d never been at peace with the idea. He’d always tried to figure out where he went wrong, how he could have fixed things, what could have happened to change the outcome they’d ended up with.
The sad truth he saw now was that they’d only fit superficially. Even if Jason had sold insurance or been a doctor or a construction worker, eventually the marriage would have fallen apart. The only bearing his being a cop had on things was that it had fallen apart sooner than it otherwise might have.
To his surprise, Jason felt a rush of gratitude at the realization. If they’d gone on much longer, they’d have had kids. He wanted babies desperately with Hannah. And that would have been a terrible, awful mistake. Instead of a custody battle over just Paulo, there’d have been other innocents involved.
“What are you thinking about over here?” Ethan asked as he and Beth walked up.
Jason shook his head. “That I’m very blessed, and it’s about time I realized that,” he said as Beth hugged him.
He was still terribly concerned about Heston, and he knew he wasn’t without blame as far as the young deputy’s condition went even though Alyssa had tried to absolve him of such. But he was looking at the world through new eyes, and he couldn’t find it in himself to feel regret for that.
“Mom said she’s sending you over to the office to eat and rest,” Beth said. “Take your time. We’ll come get you if we hear something. Want someone to come with you?”
“Nah, I’d like to have a few minutes to myself,” he said as movement at the door caught his eye. He drew in a breath when Desi stepped into the open doorway, looking around nervously.
“Annie called her,” Beth told him. “I hope it’s okay.”
Jason tightened the arm he had around her shoulders. “It’s more than okay. Excuse me.” He took two steps, then stopped. “Can you guys keep an eye on Paulo for me?”
Ethan nodded. “Go take care of things. He’ll be fine.”
“Thanks.” With a quick smile, he headed toward Desi. He didn’t speak when he reached her, wasn’t able to. If he opened his mouth right that moment, God knew what would come out.
“Annie called. Are you okay?” she asked, her voice husky.
He nodded and held his hand out. When she took it, he led her out the door, still not speaking. Her face was pale, her eyes red, and the idea that she might be upset because of his being injured closed his throat up.
“Where are we going?” she asked as they reached the entrance to the pedway that connected the hospital to the neighboring doctor’s building.
“Dad’s office.” He glanced at her as he opened the door.
She gave him a faint smile. “Okay.”
Feeling her hand in his, their fingers laced together, brought back so many memories… He’d always loved the way they fit together, her soft skin against his calloused and tough hand. Back when he was a teenager, all it took to make a bad day better was that joining of hands. That the effect was similar now humbled him.
“Here we are,” he said a couple of minutes later as they reached a door simply marked three twenty-six on the opposite side of the doctor’s building from the hospital. He used the key his mother had given him to unlock the private entrance to the office, then ushered Desi inside and turned on the lights.
The office was eerily quiet this late at night, but Jason relished the peace. His head was throbbing, and he was more than ready to sit down. Instead, he leaned back against the door and watched Desi, who was looking around, her arms crossed over her chest.
After a few seconds, she turned to him. “Are you okay?” she asked softly. She was no more than a foot away, well within reach, and she lifted a hand to touch his arm.
Jason shook his head slowly as the events of the day finally caught up to him. Tears pricked his eyes, stinging the back of his nose as he sniffed them back and tried desperately to blink the wetness away before they fell.
“Not even close,” he told her hoarsely as he pulled her into his arms, burying his face in her neck. When he felt her arms go around him, returning the embrace, holding on to him as tightly as he was to her, he said a silent prayer of thanks and gave himself permission to do nothing but live in the moment.
Chapter 38
He was alive. Bruised, a bit battered, but alive. Desi kept telling herself that as they held on to each other. In her heart of hearts, she’d feared the worst. She couldn’t help it. That was where her mind had gone. She knew Fate was a cruel bitch at times who liked nothing better than to throw her weight around just to prove that she was in charge.
But he was okay. Warm, solid, breathing. His heart beating so close to her own. Distressed? Absolutely. She’d known that as soon as she’d gotten a good look at his eyes over at the hospital. But he was alive. They could work on everything else.
Long, long minutes passed as he regained his composure. Desi didn’t rush him as she was too busy doing her own emotional reconstruction. When his breathing evened out, no longer the rough hitching it had been, she drew back enough to see him.
“Hey,” she said, wiping away the dampness beneath his eyes with her thumbs. His cheeks were flushed, and he tried to duck away, hide his face.
“Sorry,” he said.
“Don’t you even,” she threatened in a whisper. “Don’t even try to apologize to me.” She traced his cheeks and jaw with her hands, loving the way his late-day bristles felt against her palms. “How can I help?”
“You already have.” He sighed. “What a mess.”
“What happened?”
“One of the guys at the location decided to start shooting. He hit one of our deputies twice. One of those rounds bounced off his vest and hit me, caused this,” he said, gesturing to his forehead, which sported a white bandage just under his hairline.
“How’s the other deputy?” she asked as he led her down the hall, turning more lights on as they went.
“Still in surgery. He got hit in the abdomen.” He went into a small lounge, crossing to a refrigerator marked “Food Only” and stood with his hand on the door. “He’s twenty-seven, Desi. Has a five-month-old baby girl that’s as cute as a button.”
“I’m so sorry,” she said, stepping closer. “Prognosis?”
He shrugged. “The vest slowed the bullet down. That’s a positive. And the doctor who has him is good. But who knows what kind of damage was done?” He slammed the flat of his hand against the fridge’s surface, causing the boxes on top of it to shake. “Goddamn it all.”
Desi moved to him, letting her head rest against his back as she wrapped her arms around his waist and held on. “I’m so sorry.” She didn’t know what else to say.
Jason dropped a hand to cover hers and squeezed. “I know.” When his stomach grumbled, he cursed under his breath. “I don’t want to eat anything, but I guess I’d better. Mom said there was soup. Want some?”
“No. I’ve eaten. Why don’t you sit and let me heat this up?” she asked as he pulled a large plastic bowl from the fridge.
He hesitated a moment, then handed her the bowl. “Thank you.”
“I’m guessing you didn’t get a chance to rest any today, did you?” She opened the cabinet he directed her to and got a ceramic bowl down to heat the soup in, glancing over her shoulder at him. He looked absolutely exhausted, with deep circles under his eyes and more lines on his face than he’d had earlier that day.
“I’ll catch up tonight.”
The weight of his gaze on her was intimate as she moved around the kitchen getting his food ready. Despite the circumstances, it warmed her from the inside out, giving her butterflies. The look wasn’t sexual, but it was like a mental caress.
“There are drinks in the fridge,” he said as she set his bowl on the table.
“What do you want?”
“Calories. Coke’s fine.”
She got two cans out, handing him one as she pulled a chair out and sat. “How’s Paulo handling this?”
Jason moved one shoulder. “Okay. I’ll watch him the next few nights. I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t have some nightmares from this. Hell, I’ll probably have nightmares.” He scooped up a bite of the soup, closing his eyes as he tasted it. “Mom’s best.”
“What happened to the guy doing the shooting?”
“They airlifted him out to Cincinnati. Last I heard, it didn’t look good. He shot himself in the head as a grand finale.”
Needing to touch him, she scooted her chair closer and laid a hand on his knee. “Was this related to the break-ins?”
“Yeah. Aiden came in and spilled the beans about the whole mess. Shit, Aiden. I forgot about him,” he said, pulling his phone from his belt. “Excuse me a second.”
She listened with curiosity as he called Ethan. “Hey, what happened to Aiden and Calista?” He took a bite and nodded as Ethan answered. “Yeah, okay. No, sending them home’s fine. I just wondered. Any word on Heston?”
A tiny smile appeared at Ethan’s response, and he exhaled. “Good. Okay. We’ll head that way in a bit. Thanks.”
“News?” she asked when he ended the call.
“He’s stable and they’re finishing up the surgery right now,” he told her with a widening smile. “He’s not out of the woods but that’s a hell of a lot better than what we started with.”
Desi returned the smile. “I’m so glad. Thank God.”
“Yeah, no joke.” He sat back, closing his eyes briefly. “Now, if he can get through the rest of the surgery and into recovery, he has a good chance.”
She waited for him to take it in. Once he’d started eating again, she asked about Aiden. “Who is he?”
“He is a complication, that’s what.” He glanced at her. “Remember Mom’s brother Joe?”
“The one who was killed in Vietnam?”
“That’s him.” He took a sip of his drink, examining the can as he swallowed. “Apparently, he had a girlfriend here who was pregnant when he was deployed. And she left town and had his daughter. That daughter is Aiden’s mother.”
The implication was shattering. “Oh, dear God. Joe has a child? A grandchild? Does Sampson know? Jackie?”
“Not yet. We were waiting until after today to tell them in case things went badly with the Heltons. Shoot, Beth and I only found out this afternoon. That’s the lead who walked in. He and his twin sister Calista, who has a chip on her shoulder the size of Texas. Beth was there when they came in.”
He explained about Aiden’s resemblance to Chase, about his and Beth’s having run into him on separate occasions. “We knew there was a connection. We never expected it to be what it turned out to be.”
“I’d say not. So is he a criminal?”
Jason snorted. “That’s open to interpretation. He’s an insurance investigator apparently. That’s what he was doing here—looking into the theft of some gemstones from back in the seventies.” He shook his head. “Obviously, Wyatt isn’t pleased he didn’t come straight to us in the beginning. Especially now, with Heston… Well, I won’t even go there.”
He stood and went to the sink to wash the bowl. Desi watched him as intently as he’d watched her earlier.
“What do you think about this guy? Do you think he’s trustworthy?” She knew that whether he turned out to be or not, the news of his existence was going to come as a tremendous shock to a lot of people.
Jason propped a hip against the counter as he dried the bowl and put it back where it went. “That’s just it. I like him. He didn’t one time try to blame someone else for what had happened. He knew he was in for a tough ride but he came in and ‘fessed up. And then there’s Lori Sterling. No way would she trust him if he was dangerous.”
“Lori Sterling?”
“Yeah. I think you might know her—Lori Meachum? She was a year behind me.”
Desi’s eyes widened. “Oh! Yes, I do remember her. So what’s her involvement in this?”
“Apparently, she and Aiden have been seeing each other.” He rubbed at his neck tiredly and told her about Lori’s struggles with her ex. “So she’s very wary about men. It took her a long time to even get to the point that anyone touching her casually didn’t cause her to run away, literally. Maria, Wyatt’s wife who runs the IT department at the office? She’s good friends with her, and the first time Lori hugged her, Maria was in tears the rest of the day. Good tears, but still.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah.” He sighed and straightened away from the counter. “I guess we’d better head back over. You ready?”
She stood and tossed her can into the garbage. “Not quite. Can I get another hug first?”
Jason’s smile was soft and warm. “Yeah, I think I can arrange that.”
As he drew her in, she let out a long breath and closed her eyes. “I’m so glad you’re okay. I didn’t come all this way only to have you get shot, you know.”
He laughed ruefully. “Well, I didn’t plan on getting shot. It’s actually a low risk, statistically speaking. Not to say the job isn’t dangerous but this sort of thing doesn’t happen on a regular basis.”
Desi tightened her arms and pressed her cheek to his chest. “I know. And I know you’re a trained professional and all that jazz. You could sell insurance and be walking along and get hit by a bus or struck by lightning or something equally ridiculous. But when something like today happens, I hereby reserve the right to worry and demand extra hugs.”
When he tensed, she feared that she’d said the wrong thing.
“So you don’t think I should quit and do something safer?” he asked quietly.
