For the First Time, Again, page 23
22. “Girl, You’ll Be a Woman Soon,” Urge Overkill (1994)
23. “Spybreak!,” Propellerheads (1997)
(Author’s cut: replace “Spybreak!” with “Running 2” from the Lola rennt (Run Lola Run) soundtrack if it’s available in your area)
24. “Porcelain,” Moby (1999)
25. “Godless,” The Dandy Warhols (2000)
26. “Flower,” Moby (1999)
27. “Hard to Explain,” The Strokes (2001)
28. “Come On Let’s Go,” Broadcast (2000)
29. “Make It Happen,” Playgroup (2001)
30. “La Valse d’Amélie,” Yann Tiersen (2001)
31. “Blue Monday,” Orgy (1998)
32. “Bang,” Yeah Yeah Yeahs (2001)
33. “High and Dry,” Radiohead (1995)
34. “Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground,” The White Stripes (2001)
35. “Dissolved Girl,” Massive Attack (1998)
36. “Big Time Sensuality,” Björk (1993)
37. “Eighties Fan,” Camera Obscura (2001)
38. “Du Hast,” Rammstein (1997)
(Author’s cut: replace “Du Hast” with “Wish (Komm zu mir)” from the Lola rennt (Run Lola Run) soundtrack if it’s available in your area)
39. “Evil Angel,” Rufus Wainwright (2001)
40. “The Shining,” Badly Drawn Boy (2000)
41. “We’re Going to Be Friends,” The White Stripes (2002)
42. “A Perfect Day Elise,” PJ Harvey (1998)
43. “Let Forever Be,” The Chemical Brothers (1999)
44. “2 Rights Make 1 Wrong,” Mogwai (2001)
45. “There Goes the Fear,” Doves (2002)
46. “Lose Yourself,” Eminem (2002)
47. “Time for Heroes,” The Libertines (2002)
48. “Quelqu’un m’a dit,” Carla Bruni (2002)
49. “Heartbeats,” The Knife (2002)
50. “The Scientist,” Coldplay (2002)
51. “Mr. Brightside,” The Killers (2004)
52. “Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels),” Arcade Fire (2004)
53. “Butterflies and Hurricanes,” Muse (2003)
54. “This Fire,” Franz Ferdinand (2004)
55. “Wake Up,” Arcade Fire (2004)
56. “Rebellion (Lies),” Arcade Fire (2004)
57. “No Heaven,” Champion (2004)
Further Reading.
“Miami,” Ariane Moffatt (2015)
Acknowledgments.
“Midnight Radio,” Stephen Trask (performed by John Cameron Mitchell) (2001)
Epilogue II.
“Good People,” Jack Johnson (2005)
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
(Midnight Radio)
This is my sixth novel. When I sold my debut, I signed for two more books. When that was over, I got a deal for another three books. Three plus three equals six. I shouldn’t be surprised, but I am. It’s hard to explain. Every time I signed a book deal, it felt like I got a job for a few years, but never, not once, did I envision a point in time where I’d have written six novels, and a novella to boot. This still feels just as new, and weird, and exciting, and I still have absolutely no idea what I’m doing. I’m beginning to suspect that will never change. The other thing that will never change is how grateful I am for all of it.
Let me first thank my rock, Barbara, and my son, Theo. You’ve been there through it all and I couldn’t have done any of this without your support. Thanks to my agent, Seth Fishman, and everyone at the Gernert Company. Thanks to my editor, Lee Harris, and the billion people at Tordotcom who make this possible. Thank you, Jillian Taylor and the Michael Joseph crew, for all the hard work on the other side of the pond. While I’m at it, I want to thank all the editors and publicists and copy editors and translators and everyone else who worked on the foreign editions of my books.
Some special thanks for this one in particular. Thank you, Jen Albert and Derek Künsken, for Frankenstein-level help with shrinking Sereh during her voyage here. She blames both of you for the pain. Also to Dave Kaiser, and Sage Bramhal Ouchark for much-needed help with Aster’s southern speech. Y’all were superhelpful.
Most of all, thank you for reading all the weird things that come out of my mind.
EPILOGUE II
Good People
AUGUST 6, 2005
[Hi there! Can I take your order?]
—I’ll have the basil noodles, with an iced tea, please.
—No she won’t. Will you give us a second, ma’am? What did I just say, Aster?
—I ain’t a child, sir. I can order my own food.
—I know! You’re a bright and incredibly resourceful …—How old are you?
—I’m eighteen!
—You’re an incredibly resourceful eighteen-year-old woman. And you have to try the Kung Pao chicken.
—Okay, fine! I’ll have the Kung Pao chicken, with iced tea.
—She means green tea. I’ll have the same.
—No! I want regular iced tea, in a can if you have.
[Two Kung Pao chicken, one iced tea, in a can, one green tea.]
—Thank you.
—Now, are you gonna tell me why I’m here?
—We’re having a nice meal, Aster!
—I don’t mean here here. I mean how did you find me? And why did we have to meet in Washington?
—Because I live here? What’s the matter, you don’t like Washington?
—Not really, no. I been here once, and it didn’t go so well.
—Well, I hope you leave my city with good memories this time around. The chicken will help; I promise.
—Have we met before? I think I’d remember, but—
—No! That’s why I called you!
—Okay, but where’d you get my number? How do you even know I exist?
—Can I tell you a story, Aster? I think you’ll like it.
—Uh. Can’t you just—you know—answer my question instead?
—Once upon a time—
—I guess not.
—Near an isolated, idyllic little pond, a mother duck sat on her nest, keeping six precious eggs warm until they were ready to hatch.
—That’s “The Ugly Duckling,” sir. I know that story.
—No it’s not. On a crisp March morning, Mother Duck felt something moving under her butt. One by one, the eggs began to crack. One yellow duckling broke out of his shell, then another, and another, and another. Mother Duck gasped as the fifth egg broke open. You see, that duckling wasn’t yellow like the others; he was—
—Black, or gray, whatever. And he wasn’t a duck at all. He was a swan.
—Yes! How did you know?
—Because he’s the ugly duckling? He was bigger and the other ducklings called him ugly and—
—They did not! And he wasn’t bigger at all. He was much smaller than other swans, just about duck size for that matter. Mother Duck was kind but strict and the swan’s four yellow siblings never dared make fun of him, not even once.
—Did he grow up, see his reflection in a lake, and figure out he was a swan?
—He did indeed. He even met a few swans who strayed from the flock.
—That’s the ugly duckling, sir! Except for not calling him ugly, but still.
—Would you please stop interrupting? There was one thing this unusually small swan didn’t know but would soon find out after spending some time with his own kind.
—…
—You’re not going to ask what it is?
—You said not to interrupt.
—I did, but you’re supposed to at this particular point in the story.
—You want me to ask what it was?
—…
—What was it?
—Swans are jerks.
—What?
—They are! They’re bullies. They steal food and eat duck eggs, even ducklings! Because they’re so big, there’s really nothing the ducks can do about it. The unusually small swan realized that if the other swans ever learned of the idyllic duck pond, they would kill every duck or push them away and claim it for themselves. So the small swan devised a plan to lure the other swans away and save the duck pond.
—You’re talking about me, aren’t you?
—Why would you say that?
—It ain’t that subtle, sir. How do you know all that?
—It’s just a story. Do you mind if I keep telling it? Thank you. Can you tell me what’s missing from this story so far?
—I don’t understand.
—I want to know if you were paying attention or not.
—I was! I was listening the whole time!
—So what’s missing?
—I …
—An egg, Aster! An egg! Mother Duck sat on six eggs. Four yellow ducklings hatched, then the swan. We’re missing an egg.
—What was in it?
—I’m glad you asked. It was an owl. Well, half owl, but for our purposes, let’s just say it’s an owl. Not just any owl, though, a great horned owl. Sometimes it’s called tiger owl, or hoot owl. You’ll find them pretty much anywhere in America. My point is it’s a very big owl.
—I know what a great horned owl is, sir. I been trying to save some turtle from extinction in the South and those owls eat them sometimes. That ain’t why the turtles are going extinct, though, the owls eating them. It’s just one more thing they have to deal with.
—Fascinating. Did you know swans and owls are mortal enemies?
—They are?
—They are. Owls and swans have been at war for ages. In fact, the owls exiled the swans from their lands. That’s why the swans are a threat to the ducks.
—Is that part of the story, sir? ’Cause I don’t think that’s true.
—Did I say: “the end”?
—No, you didn’t.
—Then of course it’s part of the story.
—Sorry.
—And just like the swan, the owl also worried other owls would come and kill all the ducks.…
—What did he do?
—I don’t know. I haven’t figured that part yet. I guess I should say: “the end.”
—What? That’s not an end, sir.
—Why not?
—I wanna know what happens!
—You do? Does that mean you liked it?
—I— Well, yes, but I feel like there should be a moral to it or something?
—Thank you, Aster. That’s kind of you to say. And I suppose the moral is … that ducks have a lot to worry about.
—I’m confused, now. If I’m a swan … and everyone else is a duck, then— Wait! Are you the owl?
—If I were, what would that make us?
—Hmmm. I don’t know. Two people who worry about ducks?
—Not enemies?
—I never seen you before in my life, sir. But you seem nice, and you said you’re paying for lunch, so … Can I ask a question?
—But of course! Ask away.
—Are there more owls?
—Oh yes. But you can stop with the bird names now.
—This whole time, I thought it was just us, being … different. My whole family did.
—Not your whole family. Our people met once. In fact, I would not be alive today were it not for an encounter between our ancestors.
—For real?
—Yes! For real!
—Wow. You never answered my first question.
—How do we know about you? We—my associates and I—
—You mean owls.
—What did I just say about birds? We make it a point to know these things. We’ve been keeping track of your family for a while now.
—By “a while,” you don’t mean like three months, do you?
—Not exactly.
—Whoa.
—Whoa indeed. I must say, Aster, I was impressed with the probe idea. Sending that … thing to outer space is an ingenious solution.
—Well, we don’t know if it’ll work. The probe ain’t even launched yet.
—It will! Launch, I mean. I don’t know if it’ll work any more than you do, but I think there’s a good chance it will.
—You’re just being nice now.
—Yes, that too. My point is there’s less reason to worry about your people now. Mine, on the other hand—
—What? Are they coming?
—I don’t know that they will, but if they do, I’d rather be prepared. That’s … why I asked you here, because I need your help.
—Oh, sir, I’m sorry. I been through a lot lately, like you wouldn’t believe. I don’t think I’m ready to risk my life again and—
—I want you to go to college.
—What?
—In Chicago. There’s someone there I’d like you to meet. She’s your age and she just left home to go to college.
—Is that a bad thing?
—No, that’s really good. In fact, it’s important that she does. Only she misses home and now her father’s ill, so I’m worried she’ll want to come home.
—What’s that got to do with me?
—I’d like you to help her deal with all this, make sure she sticks with it. I don’t think she has anyone to talk to.
—You want me to be her friend?
—Yes! I think you two would make great friends!
—Is she—you know—like me?
—She’s a nerd like you.
—You know what I mean!
—She’s not. She’s a duck, through and through.
—… I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t.
—Because there’s things you have to do.
—Exactly.
—You want to take people to space.
—How— Yes, I do. That’s … kind of our thing.
—You’ll need a degree for that, won’t you? Chicago’s a good school.
—I’m sure it is, but, like, wouldn’t I need to apply first? School starts in a couple weeks.
—Well …
—You already got me in.
—You’ll probably want to think about it. I understand. It’s a big decision.
—You already know what I’m gonna say, don’t you?
—…
—Crud.
—It’s frustrating, I know. For what it’s worth, it’s still your decision, even if I know you’re going to make it.
—Fine. What’s her name, that girl you want me to meet?
—Rose. Her name is Rose.
ALSO BY SYLVAIN NEUVEL
The Test
TAKE THEM TO THE STARS
A History of What Comes Next
Until the Last of Me
THE THEMIS FILES
Sleeping Giants
Waking Gods
Only Human
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
SYLVAIN NEUVEL has taught linguistics in India and worked as a software engineer in Montreal. He is also a certified translator, though he wishes he were an astronaut. His girlfriend would have him believe that he has too many toys, so he writes about aliens and giant robots as a blatant excuse to build action figures (for his son, of course). His debut, Sleeping Giants, was described by NPR as “one of the most promising series kickoffs in recent memory”. You can sign up for email updates here.
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CONTENTS
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Epigraph
Introduction
Act I
1. Just a Girl
2. Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad?
3. Run
4. Bitter Sweet Symphony
5. Criminal
6. Interstate Love Song
Act II
7. Stupid Girl
8. Common People
9. Karma Police
10. Exactly like Me
11. Army of Me
12. Dry the Rain
13. Into the Void
14. You Learn
15. Down by the Water
16. It Girl
17. Miss Misery
Act III
18. The Facts of Life
19. The Mess We’re In
20. Daughter
21. Trouble
22. Girl, You’ll Be a Woman Soon
23. Spybreak!
24. Porcelain
25. Godless
Act IV
26. Flower
27. Hard to Explain
28. Come on Let’s Go
29. Make It Happen
30. La Valse D’amélie
31. Blue Monday
32. Bang
33. High and Dry
34. Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground
35. Dissolved Girl
36. Big Time Sensuality
37. Eighties Fan
38. Du Hast
Act V
39. Evil Angel
40. The Shining
41. We’re Going to Be Friends
42. A Perfect Day Elise
43. Let Forever Be
44. 2 Rights Make 1 Wrong
45. There Goes the Fear
46. Lose Yourself
47. Time for Heroes
48. Quelqu’un M’a Dit
49. Heartbeats
50. The Scientist
Act VI
51. Mr. Brightside
52. Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)
53. Butterflies and Hurricanes
54. This Fire
55. Wake Up
Conclusion
56. Rebellion (Lies)
57. No Heaven
Epilogue
Further Reading
Kibsu by the Numbers
The Playlist
Acknowledgments
Epilogue II. Good People
Also by Sylvain Neuvel
About the Author
Copyright
