By My Side, page 8
At first, the kiss was low, not very deep, but when our tongues touched everything shift. He was on top of me, both arms next to my head to support him. Feeling his weight on me made me want more. My foot brushed his leg up and down. My hands were in his hair and on his chest under his T-shirt. His muscles were so hard. I couldn’t even think straight. I just got feelings. I felt his hand on my bare thigh—very high—and the other one under my neck to deepen the kiss. He’s so sure of what to do that he gave me confidence. His lips traveled from my mouth to my neck. His tongue tasted my skin. I moaned loudly, forcing our hips to join, feeling his desire for me as we deepened the kiss. He groaned in my mouth, his right hand going up just to the beginning of my underwear.
He stopped dead. Even his lips were paralyzed against mine. What? Did I do something wrong? I thought he liked it when I bit his lower lip. He sat up against the bed’s head. I could still see his desire in his pants. Maybe it’s time for me to sit, too. My dress was up over my thighs. Why didn’t I have sexy underwear on instead of plain, cotton ones? It’s childish and so boring. It’s not like I didn’t have sexy underwear because I liked feeling sexy under my clothes. Just for me, and my ego. I know, I’m a strange girl.
I pulled down my dress and brushed my hair with my fingers. I was blushing now that I realized the sounds I made under the touch of Gabe’s hands. It’s one thing in action, but after—when the adrenaline was leaving my system—the embarrassment appeared. I wasn’t a slut, was I?
“I pushed too far,” Gabe said in a croaked voice, still not looking at me. He’s blushing too, and his eyes were very dark. I loved how his lips were red and swollen from the intensity of our kisses. It was so good.
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Gabe. I would have stopped you if that was the case,” I said in a murmur, not knowing what to do with myself. I was the one pushing things further. I was just in the moment.
“I’m the older one, Lily.” I put a hand on his knee, feeling the raw fabric of the jeans. He looked at me. Finally!
“So, in your mind you’re the responsible one? Let me laugh.” It’s ridiculous. In a relationship, there is not only one responsible person. We’re two and age didn’t count.
“Stop it. It’s hard enough to stop touching and kissing you,” he said, pushing my hand away and breathing deep to win back some control. Did he know that I wanted him even more? It’s crazy because I didn’t feel quite ready to go all the way. However, in his arms, I forgot everything from my name to my own messed up life.
“I didn’t want you to stop, Gabe.”
“Oh God, Lily! I needed to. I was losing control, and you didn’t realize it,” he said in a low voice, deeper than usual. His eyes were sending a different message. He wasn’t as calm as he wanted me to think he was.
“Did I do something wrong?”
Okay, facing the facts I knew I did something right, but I felt so out of my league. Gabe had many girls in high school. I don’t think he had sex with all of them, but I knew he lost his virginity when he was sixteen. He’d gotten so much more experience that it’s really intimidating.
“Oh no!” he answered in a laugh, which made me laugh, too. “Listen, I think I’d better go.” The laugh died in my throat. If it was so good for him too, why did he want to leave so soon?
“Why?” His look travelled to my lips and back up to my eyes.
“You know why. It was …” he began, his blush more intense, “hot. Like very, very hot. And you’re not helping me to not lose control.” I bit my lower lip, remembering how it felt to taste him.
“You too, you know,” I said with a grin that made him laugh proudly. Guys! “But maybe I wanted more.” Now the talk was more serious. He’s frowning and fidgeting with his silver ring.
“You said you’re … Hm …”
“A virgin?”
“Yes!” he replied, relieved I said it for him. It’s just a word for God’s sake! “So I assumed you didn’t want to go too fast with me.”
He’s right and it’s the right thing to do, but I was amazed he didn’t wait for me to stop him. I thought guys were always pushing for more. He’s definitely not that kind of guy. Lucky me! No sarcasm here.
“Is it bothering you?” I asked him, staring at his face for a clue as to what he was thinking. He put his arm around my shoulders and brought me against his chest. He seemed to be more relaxed now next to me. Me too, but a cold shower would still be good. I’ll end up thinking I’m the guy here. It’s a disturbing picture after our exchange.
“Absolutely not. I’ve got time.”
“Not really.” His body tensed against me.
“What do you mean?”
“New York. You’re returning to New York at the end of the summer,” I pointed out, pretending to not be bothered about it. Like he didn’t see through me.
“I don’t want to think about it, and I don’t want you to want to make love just because I am going back.”
“Yeah, Mr. Maturity, you’re right. I’m just … It’s just different with you.”
“Because I’m more patient?”
“That, and also because everything feels so good when I’m with you,” I said, not looking up at his face.
“Cheesy,” he teased me, a smile on his face. His arms were tighter on me. We’re not perfect, but we understood each other. We’re not lovey-dovey, but between the lines the result was the same. I heard his heartbeat increased. It’s incredible to witness what I did to him.
“I think you’re right. You better go now or I’ll kiss you again.”
“Okay,” he said, standing up and stretching his tall, toned body. “Do you want me to come for breakfast?”
“If you’re not afraid to see my mom up and ready to continue her liquid diet.”
“I’ll bring doughnuts,” he replied with a soft smile. “Don’t get up or I’ll never leave. Good night, Lily.”
I was too surprised to see him leave so quickly that I said nothing. I knew why he was in such a hurry; because he saw desire in my eyes, and it began to mirror in his. It will be difficult to keep our hands in our pockets. Sex was something that would happen in my life. I had to think about it and not just in theory.
I was on the pill since my sixteenth birthday, and my mom gave me condoms with it. Great gifts, I must say. Technically, I was ready, but the fear wasn’t leaving me. Well, not exactly because when I was with Gabe the fear wasn’t there anymore. Damn it! If he hadn’t stopped us, I probably wouldn’t be a virgin anymore.
Was it a sign that I was in love? I mean, I always think about him. I always want to see him, and everything in me was on fire with just one kiss. He’s my world, even when everything was collapsing under my feet. He’s all I wanted and it’s frightening. If only he could be free from his pain. If only I was the cure.
I woke up a little late, but I felt like I hadn’t slept at all. I hated it. Only the idea of coffee helped me to stand up and walk to the kitchen in my huge T-shirt of New York. She’s already in the kitchen, but of course, she didn’t make coffee. She’s too busy with her precious alcohol. I preferred she drink in her bedroom because witnessing it at breakfast wasn’t the best way to begin the day. I needed a coffee pot in my room.
“Already wasted?” I asked coldly to my mother, who was drinking her glass like water. If only it was just water.
“Oh give me a break!” she said. Her eyes weren’t focusing on me or anything. I didn’t even understand how she managed to still be up.
“Yeah, right.”
I wasn’t going to fight before my cup of coffee. After is another story. I was lost in the smell of the coffee and the sounds of the glass clinking when there was a knock at the door. It was Gabe, and I was in pajamas.
“Are you too busy drinking your coffee that you can’t answer the door?” my mother said mockingly.
“And you with your alcohol?” I retorted coldly, leaving the kitchen with my mug in hand. I even forgot how minimalist my clothes were. Well, until Gabe’s gray eyes were travelling up and down my bare legs. He flushed. Why did he have to be so sexy when he blushes? It’s unfair for the rest of us.
“Hmm … I wasn’t expecting such a welcome,” he said, his voice husky, and looking outside to see if there’s a witness.
“Yeah, I overslept. Ten minutes earlier and you would have been welcomed by my mom. Not exactly the same, eh?”
He laughed and gave me a bag with doughnuts. Sweet! We went into the kitchen to find my mom opening a new bottle. Not water obviously. This moment needed to be immortalized for the next time she said she’s not an alcoholic. I couldn’t believe I was letting Gabe see this.
“Good morning, Mrs. Saunders,” he said politely, but I saw anger in in his eyes. It was bringing back bad memories.
“Ms. Adamson now,” she answered somberly, leaving the kitchen for her bedroom. Adamson? She’s taking back her maiden name. Okay, I didn’t even know.
“You’re a little pale, Lily.” His deep voice brought me back to the present. I drank the last gulp of my cup of coffee and tried to smile, which wasn’t a real success.
“I’m fine. It’s just a little disturbing to not have the same name than her anymore. Actually, not to have anything in common with her anymore.” I poured a cup of coffee for Gabe and me. We are both coffee freaks.
“She’ll realize she needs help.”
He pressed me against him softly. My legs felt the rough surface of the black jeans he wore. For once, his T-shirt was simple gray with nothing special on it, but it made his eyes seem even more gray. It’s difficult to look in his eyes without losing myself in them.
“Maybe, but I’m not an optimistic person. She has to go to work in a week.” He stayed quiet. We both knew she won’t be able to work without alcohol in her blood, but being intoxicated at work won’t go unnoticed.
“You need a break,” he finally said after he finished his mug. “What about we go and see a movie this afternoon.”
I took a look outside and saw it was beginning to rain, not the perfect summer day. I loved to go to the movie theatre, but I knew everybody would be there. Gabe’s old friends, Andy’s, and few of mine. I was not embarrassed about what’s happening between Gabe and me, but when I took a look at Gabe’s swollen cheek, I felt bad. Even more, I couldn’t kiss him like every couple did at the movies. Well, we could, but it would be kind of strange with everybody witnessing it and waiting for our usual outburst.
My worries must have been visible on my face because Gabe put down both our mugs and was now cupping my face in his huge hands.
”We can do whatever we want. It’s just us, so to Hell with everybody.”
I laughed at his words. It would be something I would say. He’s right, and in any other circumstance I wouldn’t give a crap about what people would say or do, but with my mother, I wanted to be invisible. Andy knew something’s wrong, so what if he wanted to take revenge? It’s not like him, but I didn’t know him anymore.
“I don’t know, Gabe. I’m exhausted from all the fights,” I said, and put my head against his chest.
“We will not stay here all summer. Come please,” he pleaded, his voice resonating in his chest.
“Okay, but if I hit someone it’ll be your fault.” I was unable to resist him.
He hugged me tightly and kissed my forehead, but it wasn’t enough. I was a needy person. I looked at his lips and on my tiptoes, I motioned him to come closer. With a hot grin and a dimple on his cheek, he leaned down to my mouth. I loved it when he bit my lower lip before deepening the kiss. This time, I was the one stepping back. It’s easier in a kitchen and in daylight. However, seeing the look on his face was pure temptation. He’s evil.
“Okay. Now, I really need to go and take a shower,” I said, still a little out of breath.
“Thanks for the picture. You’re torturing me.” Oh, why did his voice send chills through my body? It’s unnerving. His phone rang, stopping this nonsense talk. He looked at the caller ID and cursed under his breath.
“Is there a problem?” He didn’t answer the call. Instead, he put the phone in his jean’s pocket and smoothed a hand in his already messy hair.
“No, it’s just my mom. My grandmother must already be at home.”
His grandmother was an old lady, but acts younger. She still wears jeans and T-shirts, and she’s really smart. She’s always intrigued by me and my sarcasm. I really liked this independent woman.
“I didn’t know she was coming,” I said, frowning at the thought of Andy holding out this information.
“It’s a last minute thing. You know Granny.”
“Yeah, but you don’t seem really glad,” I said, surprised because the boys were crazy about her. Eve more since their grandfather died eight years ago from breast cancer.
“She’s here because my father told her I didn’t want to speak about Connor.” It’s not a good idea to force someone to speak about a traumatic episode, like I knew anything about it!
“So tell them you’re speaking about it to someone.”
“Yeah …” he said, looking at the clock above the fridge. “I’ve got a better idea. Go take a shower and we’ll both go to see Granny. We’ll eat lunch with them, and after we’ll go see a movie. What do you think?”
“I was beginning to think I hadn’t a word to say,” I said playfully. “But I’m anxious to get out of here.” I didn’t want to re-live the hospital episode again.
“You said that with Connor, I had my own life, and I couldn’t anticipate what would happen to him. It’s the same with your mom,” he threw back at me. He’s good. Now, if I didn’t follow, my words would mean nothing at all. He could be a wonderful lawyer, the ass.
“Give me ten minutes,” I said after I sighed to show my defeat.
On Gabe’s heels, I came in the kitchen where the rest of the Green family was chatting and making lunch. Andy’s smile disappeared immediately when he saw us. What was I doing here?
“Is it okay if Lily stays for lunch?” Gabe asked after he hugged Granny tightly, making her laugh.
“Of course!” Mr. and Mrs. Green and Granny said in union.
“Oh honey, I’m so glad to see you!” Granny said as she hugged me with force, still towering over me even two years later. They’re all tall in this family. “You really are a lovely young woman now.”
Not quite one, but my blush wasn’t helping my cause. Gabe laughed beside me. I punched his arm, but I didn’t think it was very painful. Andy left the kitchen, giving me a push as he past. Gabe was ready to go after him, but I stopped him with my hand.
“There’s tension here,” Granny pointed out with an easy smile like everything was okay.
“The boys had a fight yesterday,” Mrs. Green, who was checking the meal in the oven, said darkly.
“It explains the cheek,” Granny replied, looking at Gabe’s face. “But not Lily and why she’s with Gabe. The last time I visited, you two were always fighting and criticizing each other.” She knew because she’s smiling, but she wanted to hear it aloud. I was not sure it’s a good idea with Gabe’s parents here who were also intrigued. Why couldn’t I disappear?
“Lily and I are … um … together,” Gabe stuttered as he searched my eyes to see if it was okay to announce it.
I smiled and let him take my hand in his. Granny was smiling with all teeth visible while Mr. and Mrs. Green were stunned. They looked at us both and saw the happy smile on Gabe’s face. I was seeing it often, but I was not so sure about them.
“Together? But when?” Mrs. Green asked at a loss of words.
“Only recently, Mrs. Green.”
“Lily and I talked after I returned. Since then, we have hung out together like friends, until yesterday.” Now the fight between the Green brothers has an explanation.
“Well, Lily, two boys fighting for you is really fascinating. Like one of those movies,” Granny said in a laugh.
“I’m not into that kind of movie.” I was blushing like crazy, and wanted to hide in Gabe’s chest.
“I knew you would both open up your eyes and see you’re perfect for each other. I was always telling it to your parents, Gabe.”
“It’s true,” Mr. Green acknowledged, happy to see his son not as depressed as he thought he was. “But we couldn’t believe it when we heard both of you yelling at each other for years.” Gabe was as flushed as was I. His grip on my hand was very tight. If he wanted to break it, it was a good start.
“Wait a minute,” Mrs. Green began, a hand on her forehead. “When you said you talked, you meant about Connor?”
Gabe tensed at the mention of his best friend’s name. With my free hand, I lightly caressed his hard stomach. I was there, and he knew it. Everyone saw my gesture and the effect it had on Gabe, who took two deep breaths.
“Yeah, I told her about Connor, and we spoke about him,” he said with an edge in his voice.
“What are you talking about?” Andy—who was, I supposed, hiding behind the wall next to the kitchen doorway—asked angrily. Everybody was startled. Gabe placed an arm around my shoulders, protectively and possessively. Now Gabe had to tell everything to Andy, or we’d never leave this kitchen. Andy’s eyes were burning holes in both of us, but I stayed in Gabe’s arms.
“Nothing,” Mrs. Green replied in a desperate voice to help her older son.
“I’m serious. What were you talking about?” Andy asked with a hard voice that mirrored Gabe’s when we were fighting.
“Tell him, Lily. I can’t,” Gabe said in a murmur that everybody heard. His eyes were shining with tears he wouldn’t spill until he wasn’t in the presence of witnesses. He would cry in front of me, but with Andy here, who was openly hostile, it would never happen. Gabe removed his arm from my shoulders and forced me to do the same. He left the kitchen with a last look at Andy, who was suddenly uncertain. I could see it. He didn’t think it was so bad. Maybe he’ll be more mature, but I wasn’t so sure. Why did Gabe want me to tell the story?
“Before I’ll tell you anything, I want you to promise me to never talk about it to him, unless he’s the one bringing it up,” I said with an authority I didn’t know I had. The three adults weren’t moving or speaking. I would have appreciated it if they took charge of this, but they didn’t. Thanks Gabe. I was harsh because it’s proof of confidence in me.
