The One, page 21
There must’ve been something in my voice, some lingering feeling of hurt, because he reached over and held my hand on the table, which caused both of us to end up eating the seafood linguini with one hand. “Baby, can you cook like this for me? You don’t have to do it all the time, but at least twice a week.”
I’ll do it every day if you look at me like that. I didn’t say it out loud but instead gave him a smile that gained me a kiss. I was on a stupid high all weekend after that and didn’t come down until Monday evening when it became glaringly obvious that I needed to go home because I was out of things to wear to work.
“Mace!”
“What is it, baby?” We were sitting on his couch watching some movie that I swore I wanted to see but couldn’t concentrate on because I knew our idyllic time was coming to an end soon.
“I have to go back to my place; I need something to wear to work tomorrow.” He didn’t say anything, just switched off the TV and got up.
“Are you mad?”
“Of course not; what’s there to be mad about? I knew you had to go back sometime. I just wish it wasn’t so soon. I was enjoying our little vacation.” He wasn’t lying. Being here with him felt like we were in our own little world, away from everything and everyone we knew. Even when I went to work, and he went to his office or the club, the time spent at his place was like our own little cocoon haven.
I wanted to suggest that he come with me but was still a bit too unsure of myself to say it. “Tell you what, why don’t we spend this next week at your place? I’ll grab some stuff.” Just like that, he left the room and headed for the bedroom to pack, and I followed behind, trying my best to hide the childish grin that tickled my throat.
MACE
I knew this day would come at some point, her being a female and all, but I was having too much fun to dwell on it. I never imagined that having her in my home, invading my space, would be like this, that she’d fit right in as though she belonged there, but that’s just what happened.
Now the thought of spending even one night away from her left me cold. We’re gonna have to come up with something soon since we can’t keep going back and forth between our places, but the question is, who’s going to make the move?
I have no issue giving up my place, but she likes the location as much as I do. On the other hand, I know that her home gives her a sense of security, so there’s no way I would ask her to give it up, not now anyway. If I was the type to leave shit up to chance, I’d leave things as they are and let time sort it out, but I can’t be that guy. At least I know that we can live together without issue.
I’d brought her to my place to get her away from her ex and the old lady, but by day two, I’d forgotten all about them, and by day three, it was as if we’d always lived together. The way we just slipped into a routine like an old married couple made the time go by way too fast for my liking, and now we were here.
I’m not sure if she’d noticed, but she’d come out of her shell even more in the last few days. There was an ease about her that made my heart proud. She no longer seemed hesitant to touch me or to make the first move which she can have no idea makes me want her even more, that confidence I saw peeping through, but she was still not there yet. I knew that one slip-up, one bad experience, would send her back into hiding.
So I’d spent the week trying to show her, to build her up as much as I could because I knew the ugliness wasn’t all over. There was still my sister, who was still trying to find her according to my staff at the club and her ex. He, I’m sure, was dying to get to her because of the heat I had on his ass, but I’m not about to let that happen.
Both his dealerships were closed down, and he was being audited. Last I heard, the new wife had gone back to her mother, and he was looking at losing his home. Yes, I work fast, and I’m dirty. He should’ve kept his fucking mother on a leash if he didn’t want me to destroy his shit.
Steph had no idea that any of this was going on since I’d kept her pretty much insulated. She didn’t even know that the old woman had tried coming to her office, but my guys had turned her away. I doubt she even noticed that their numbers had been blocked on her phone.
As much as the two of them tried to keep everything hushed, I made it a point to broadcast their shit every chance I got. Now the ones being whispered about by her neighbors were those two. I made sure the one living right next door to her knew what was going on by having the word spread at her local grocery store, where she seemed to spend a lot of time.
All the lies that had been told about Stephanie, were now being corrected. I’m still trying to find the perfect gift for Nat for filling me in on all of it behind Steph’s back and for always being there for my girl. She and her brother were of great help this past week, and from the way the two of them acted, it was obvious they’d been waiting for the day someone did something about the old woman and the asshole. I’m pretty sure my peacekeeper had tied their hands there. That’s one of the reasons I kept her in the dark about my doings. Nothing was going to stop me from stomping those two into dust.
The people who’d once believed that she was in the wrong about the divorce now knew the truth about what went on there and were singing a different tune. It was infantile as hell, but I’d turned the tables on the old woman and her son, and now they were the ones being ostracized and whispered about.
The fact that they were about to lose their business and their home added credence to the rumors I’d started, and I imagine they were reaping the same hell they’d unleashed on her after the divorce. Now might not be the best time for her to go back to her place because cornered rats can be vicious, but if the asshole ex has any sense, he’d stay away from her and warn his mama to do the same, since I’d already warned them both what would happen if either of them got in her face again.
I threw some clothes in an overnight bag, already missing her presence here in my home, in my bed, and scheming on how to keep her with me always. Now don’t ask me where the thought came from or how the idea was formed, but if I breed her, wouldn’t that for sure guarantee that she’d be with me forever?
That would answer the question as to who would live where since I’d be damned if I’m going to live away from my kid. Yeah, that just might work. If I was in my right mind, I’d have seen how fucked up that was, but I haven’t been sane since seeing her ass in that first pair of jeans, so she only has herself to blame.
“Mace, why are you looking at me like that?”
“How am I looking at you?” She didn’t answer right away, but the way she rubbed her thighs together told me all I needed to know.
“Like you’re imagining eating me up.” Her face blushed with her answer, and she drew in a harsh breath at the salacious smile I gave her. If she only knew. Having a kid at this point in my life doesn’t seem like such a bad idea after all.
STEPH
I’m not gonna lie; it felt great to be back home. As much as I loved being at Mace’s penthouse apartment with its great views and no interference, this place was home. Not only that, it was one of the first things I did for myself after the hell of my divorce, the one thing that gave me any sense of stability at a time when my life was anything but.
I realized, though, as we lugged our things up the stairs, that it would never feel the same again without him there. I guess I’m at the point where as long as he’s with me, no matter where we are, I’ll be happy. That thought sent my mind on a whole new track, and I felt panicky inside about where my thoughts were heading.
As much talking as we’ve done over the last week, we still haven’t said much about the future. It may seem odd since we’d only known each other for a few short months, but something inside of me knew that this was it. Just the thought of being without him made me feel sick to my stomach, enough to bring tears to my eyes.
I was once again feeling like that lost little girl who was left out of everything fun, and some of the joy that lingered from the last week started to dwindle at the thought of this one day coming to an end. I almost put myself out there and shared some of what I was thinking with him but found myself being afraid to even broach the subject with him.
I guess I’m always going to be this way, always holding back from certain things for fear of being rejected. I hate that about myself, but in reality, there isn’t a whole lot I can do about it. I’d been conditioned this way for too long, I guess, for things to change on a dime.
“What’s the matter? You don’t look happy to be here. Say the word, and we can head back over to my place if you’d like.” He looked and sounded worried, but even when he took my hand in his and turned me to face him, I still wasn’t brave enough to tell him what was on my mind.
“Oh no, I’m fine.” I tried fobbing him off with a smile, but I’d forgotten how well this man had come to know me. He pulled me over to the bed to sit, and the look of concern on his face brought me to tears, which I fought valiantly to hold back.
“Tell me, what’s bothering you? Are you worried that the old lady would show up again?”
I shook my head before he was through talking. I hadn’t thought about her at all and was pleasantly pleased to realize that I no longer felt hunted at the thought of her showing up at my door. That’s only one of the things that had happened, thanks to Mace and his handling of her the last time she showed up here.
He'd shown me that I didn’t have to fight that particular war alone, and after the way he’d sent her packing with her tail between her legs, not to mention the trouble he’d caused my ex, I no longer saw those two in the same light. It’s kind of like seeing your bully get taken down by someone stronger and bigger and having that someone in your corner. If nothing else, Mace had given me that.
“If not that, what’s putting that look on your face?”
“It’s nothing, really; I just realized I’m going to miss being at your place, is all.” That seemed to please him immensely because he lost the worried look on his face and instead smiled wide. I’m not sure what was going on with me, but for some reason, my mind was suddenly filled with thoughts of what if.
This past week had been so perfect that I had a growing fear of things going downhill from here on out. I’ve always been one of those people who was afraid to laugh too much or have too much fun because something always invariably happened to dull the moment, almost as if it was a crime or something to be happy for too long.
“Stephanie, what the hell?” I hadn’t realized that my eyes had betrayed me, and one of those tears had escaped until he reached over with his fingers to wipe my cheeks. “Why are you crying?” If I wasn’t feeling so bereft, I’d have laughed at his tone and that mean look on his face. He looked ready to slay dragons. Is it any wonder I’d fallen so hard for him?
That chance meeting is something I’ll always be thankful for, even though I could’ve done without him overhearing my drunken drivel that night. “I’m happy and sad.” He studied my eyes as if to read the truth there, and I felt my heart seize up. The fact that he knows me so well already when the man I’d been married to for years never took the time to notice anything about me was another one of those things that made the thought of him ever being out of my life heartbreaking.
I laid my head on his shoulder more to escape his piercing gaze than anything else, but even that small gesture brought me peace. I’m in so much trouble here. I’d gone and done something I never intended to do ever again in this lifetime. But the truth is, my falling in love with Mace was not a conscious act on my part. It’s as if I had no real say in the matter, and it was something that just happened without my say-so.
I’d been a broken shell after my ex did a number on me, and the truth is, I never felt half of what I feel for Mace for him. Of course, at the time, I thought he was the love of my life, but it didn’t take long to figure out that I wasn’t the same for him. But now I know that I was only playing at being in love before because this, what I felt for Mace, far outweighed anything I’d ever felt with the jerk.
The issue now is, if I barely survived the breakup of my marriage and my heart wasn’t as invested as I once believed, how would I survive the same thing happening again, this time with Mace? I instinctively knew that if we broke up, I’d be more than devastated and may never bounce back from the pain.
He was sitting right beside me, and yet I was mourning his loss because there was no way he’d be with me forever. I started bawling out of nowhere, my thoughts leaving me no choice. What the hell happened between his place and mine? How had I gone from sublime happiness to a blubbering mess in the space of a few minutes?
“Mace, can I say something?”
“Of course; what do you want to say?”
“I think we should break up.” Until I felt him stiffen up next to me, I didn’t even know that those words were going to come out of my mouth. It was sheer self-preservation that made me say it, though, and once it was out, I felt a sense of relief.
There was no way to take the words back as I waited for his response, but my gut was in knots even as I told myself that it was best to get it over with now instead of letting things go on any further. I knew that the longer we stayed together going nowhere, the harder it would be for me when he called it quits. So, I held my breath and waited.
MACE
I kept my arm around her even though I wanted to get up and pace in frustration. I’d come to know her a whole lot better in the last week, not only because of the time we’d spent together but because of the things I’d learned about her from her friends. As much as Nat shared with me, she had a very strong allegiance to my girl, so I know there were some things that she, as a woman, held back. Not so with Xavier.
X is a man’s man, and he held nothing back when telling me about the shit she’s been through since a young age, things I’m sure she herself wouldn’t have told me because she’d have seen herself as the one at fault, even though it was the idiots around her who were responsible. I’m not sure I ever realized until now just how ignorant the society I lived in was.
From what I can tell, this amazing, beautiful woman had spent a lifetime being pushed to the side because of her weight. Now I’ve known of assholes who were into shaming people for that shit; who hasn’t? But for some reason, I thought most sensible people left that shit on the schoolyard grounds.
Even with my own sister acting the fool, somehow, it never quite registered in my head that this was a real thing, that there were actually people out there above the age of ten who still thought that shit made sense. I didn’t know that the ex had used her weight as an excuse to be an ass to her or that her weight had been such a sticking point in her life and was something she still struggled with.
Her confidence, given the way we met, had pretty much concealed that truth from me. But learning that it was more than just a surface thing, more than just people staring at us when we were out together, and the scars that such treatment had left on her still leaves me stymied. I guess I’m at fault as well for not realizing how serious it was for her.
I had no doubt that her last asinine statement stemmed from something to do with that nonsense, and that was the only reason I was not going upside her damn head for being stupid. “You mind telling me why?” There, I sounded sane and rational even though I felt anything but. She tried sitting up and pulling away from me, but I kept her there, attached to my side.
“Tell me!”
“We both know this isn’t going anywhere, that you’ll soon grow tired of me and move on.”
“Uh-huh, what else?” She fidgeted and clasped and unclasped her hands before letting them fall limply in her lap. “What else do you need?”
“We just spent an amazing week together, getting to know each other well. Did I do something to displease you?” She was successful in pulling away this time to look at me.
“Oh no, why would you say that? You were perfect; you’re always perfect. It’s just…. it’s me; I don’t….” She seemed to run out of idiot shit to say, for which I was grateful because I was barely holding onto my patience.
“I must’ve done something that you want to break up with me.” She shook her head, and her eyes grew wet again. I’m not sure how to get through to her since nothing I’ve done so far seems to have worked. I thought showing her how I felt was enough, but apparently, I was wrong.
“No, you didn’t do anything; in fact, I had the best time of my life this past week with you. And that’s the problem.” I didn’t answer with my mouth, but my eyes told her to go on, that I was listening. I didn’t bother to convey the fact that I thought whatever she was about to say was going to be chock full of bullshit or that I was this close to turning her over my knee for the stupid shit she was thinking.
I didn’t even let on that I was pissed because she’d only think it was her fault again when in reality, I was pissed at everyone who had ever made her feel like she couldn’t be happy or didn’t deserve to be.
“Since you had such a good time, why do you want to break up?”
“Because it’ll only get harder if we let this go on any longer.” I nodded my head as the words left her lips because they were pretty much what I expected. Her words reminded me of what X had said the first day we met, that she wouldn’t bounce back from us the way she had with her ex.
“What will get harder?” If she thinks I’m letting her off that easy, she’s got another thing coming. I want her to spell shit out so we can both hear how nonsensical this shit is. I’ve got to tell you; I’m pretty sick and tired of people questioning my taste and judgment, her included.
“It’ll get harder to say goodbye, I guess, for me anyway. I’m having so much fun with you, more fun than I’ve ever had before, and I’m happy, and it scares me because I know that when you leave, I’ll be a broken shell, and I don’t want to go through that again because this time would be even worse than my divorce.”
