Noah swallowed. “I’ll just go and unpack.”

  Charlie sat up. “Nothing has changed, Noah.”

  “What?”

  “That…was great. It was. But, I still think it didn’t solve anything.”

  Swallowing, Noah got up and grabbed for his clothes. He didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know what he could say. He could beg, but…well, he pretty much figured he was already too pathetic.

  After pulling on his clothes, he walked out of the bedroom without another word. By the time he reached the door where he’d left his suitcase, he knew Charlie had followed him.

  “I love you,” he said simply.

  “I know. I love you, too, Noah.”

  He nodded and walked out the door.

  Chapter 3

  “This guest room is bigger than my master bedroom,” Noah said, as he set his suitcase down on the queen-sized bed.

  Kevin shrugged. “All those celebrity divorces pay off,” his friend said, referring to his husband Michael’s job as a high paid lawyer. “I put fresh towels in your bathroom and fresh sheets on the bed, too.”

  “Thanks, I owe you big time.” He glanced around the enormous room and shook his head. Great house, but he just wanted to be home. Only he guessed, maybe, it wasn’t his home anymore.

  He glanced at his friend. It appeared Kevin had recently had his dark hair dyed as the cherry red highlights in his spiky dark hair looked freshly done. His lip gloss matched the red in his hair, of course.

  Kevin grabbed his hand and drew him to sit on the edge of the bed. “I hate him right now.”

  “He’s not exactly my favorite person right now either.” He leaned against his friend. “I don’t know, Kev. Did I push him into this relationship? Did he never really love me?”

  “Is that what you think?”

  “I didn’t, before. Now, I don’t know. Maybe after losing his family and friends he just didn’t want to be alone. I was someone convenient to use until he got his life back.” Noah could barely breathe. That was it, wasn’t it?

  He’s a bit much for me.

  Those words had destroyed him when Charlie had typed them to Sly Cat. They haunted him now.

  Kevin shook his head. “I don’t believe that. I want to bash his face in right now, hon, I really do, but…those looks he gave you sometimes.” His arm came around Noah’s shoulders. “Those looks were real.”

  He clenched his eyes shut, nodded.

  Kevin hugged him tight. “Did he give you any clue what’s going on in his head?”

  “No. He’s suffered from depression before. For a while after we got together he was seeing a therapist, but he declared himself cured and not needing to see anyone. I tried to get him to go see someone again and he’s being quite stubborn that he doesn’t need help from anyone.”

  “I don’t know what to say. I just hope that you two can work things out, Noah. I know that’s what you want and so that’s what I want.”

  “It is.”

  “I don’t know what I would do if Michael ever did that to me.”

  Noah smiled. “Like he would. He’s crazy in love with you. You have nothing to worry about.”

  “You’re probably right.” Kevin sighed dramatically. “And I’m making this about me, aren’t I?”

  “Yeah.” Noah laughed, a small laugh but one just the same.

  “Sorry, it’s hard to refrain sometimes.” His friend grinned impishly.

  Noah nodded. “I hope Michael doesn’t mind me staying here. I know it’s a huge imposition.”

  “Not at all,” Michael said from the doorway. His friend’s husband stood tall in the doorway, still dressed in a navy blue suit. He directed a very affectionate smile at Kevin, before offering a warm one to Noah. “As I told Kevin, you’re welcome to stay here as long as you need to.”

  “Thank you, Michael.”

  “You’re welcome. Now, how about I take my two favorite guys out for dinner?”

  * * * *

  “How about lunch?”

  Noah glanced away from the computer at his co-worker, Carl. The younger man’s sable hair was loose today, resting on his shoulders. His expression was eager and hopeful.

  It was on the tip of his tongue to say no. But he didn’t feel like hurting Carl’s feelings. Besides after two weeks apart from Charlie he figured he could stand some company other than the lovebirds Kevin and Michael. He loved them, but, lord, they were tedious when he had no one.

  “Sure, why not?”

  “Really? Sweet.”

  Noah laughed and pushed away from his desk. “Lead the way, Carl.”

  “Now that you’ve agreed, I’m not sure where to go,” Carl admitted with a sheepish grin. “Any suggestions?”

  “Yeah, how about that pizza and salad place just a couple blocks up the street?”

  “Sweet.”

  He heard himself laugh again.

  * * * *

  “So, you’ve been quiet lately. Everything all right?” Carl asked as he dug into an enormous chopped salad.

  “Work’s going fine.”

  Carl blushed. “I…uh…meant outside of work.”

  “Been better,” Noah said. “How about with you? You got a boyfriend?”

  The younger man bit his lip. “No. Not since high school, really. I’ve had, you know, hooks up. Nothing serious though.”

  “You’re still young, there’s plenty of time.”

  Carl laughed. “You make it sound like you’re ancient or something.”

  “Not ancient, but definitely old enough,” Noah said, choosing a slice of the cheese pizza they’d ordered. He sighed. “I’m separated from my boyfriend.”

  “Wow, I’m really sorry, Noah. I don’t want to be nosey, but if you ever feel like talking about it, I’ll listen.”

  “Thanks, Carl. That’s sweet.”

  Carl smiled. “Hey, want to go to a movie later this week? Probably take your mind off things.”

  “Okay, why not?”

  * * * *

  Later, when he got back to work, Noah decided to give Charlie a call. He hadn’t heard from him in the two weeks since he’d gone to stay with Kevin and Michael. He had hoped Charlie would call him. It had been torture not to call his lover himself. He couldn’t hold out any longer.

  His heart beat loudly in his own ears as he held his breath through the rings. What if Charlie didn’t answer?

  “Hello?” A strange male voice answered.

  His heart froze, turned to ice. Words stuck in his throat.

  “Hello?”

  “Is…Charlie?” He hoped the guy would say he had the wrong number. He prayed really hard.

  “He’s not here right now. Can I tell him who called?”

  And he’d thought his heart couldn’t break further. “Tell him—”

  “Yes?” the guy asked impatiently.

  “Just an old friend. I’ll try back later.” He slammed down the receiver. He rested his head in his hands and tried not to give into the despair. This could not be happening to him.

  “Noah? You okay?” Carl asked, again stopping by his desk.

  “Sure. Fine.” He stared at Carl. “Hey, what do you say you and I go out tonight?”

  “Go out?” Carl asked doubtfully.

  “Yeah. There’s a club in West Hollywood. I used to go there with my friend Kevin. It’s called Buddy’s. You want to go?”

  Carl’s eyes lit up. “I’d love to.”

  Chapter 4

  Charlie Banks paused in front of Noah’s old house. He’d been walking for a while, hours probably, and now, as he made his way back to his house, he found himself staring at the house Noah once lived in.

  Of course, Noah had rented it out when he moved in with Charlie. He’d wanted Noah to sell it. There’d be no reason to ever go back there after all. But Noah had fought that. Said it did no harm to keep it and make money off renting it.

  At the time Charlie had hidden his hurt. But really he hadn’t been able to stop thinking that Noah kept it in case they didn’t work out. Now, he wished Noah was there right now so Charlie could see him.

  There was no one to blame for the rift between him and his lover but himself. As usual, he’d screwed up. He was such an idiot sometimes.

  Staring at Noah’s house all day wouldn’t make the man appear, and might make the occupants call the police to report a weirdo outside their house. So he kept walking to his own house. He wished it was empty, actually.

  An eighteen-year-old cousin he barely remembered and hadn’t heard from in years had shown up a week or so ago. Drake. His mother’s sister’s kid. Drake’s mother was dead like Charlie’s was. Though he hadn’t yet broached the subject, Charlie suspected Drake wanted money. Why else would he look up Charlie after so many years?

  He opened the door to his house and immediately heard the sound of a video game. Some sort of action game judging by the blast noises he heard.

  “Oh hey, Charlie,” Drake said, barely sparing him a glance as he frantically pushed the controllers of the game system.

  His younger cousin sort of resembled him. He had the same unruly, dark curly hair Charlie had, but while Charlie’s eyes were dark, Drake’s were hazel. He was taller and bulkier than Charlie, too.

  He sank down onto the sofa and stared at the empty beer cans next to Drake. “You been drinking all afternoon?”

  “Just had one or two.”

  More like three or four.

  “Where have you been?” Drake asked.

  “Walking.”

  His cousin snorted. “You’re always walking. Geez. Some dude called for you.”

  “A…who? Was it Noah?”

  Drake shrugged. “I dunno. Didn’t say he was. Didn’t say he was anyone actually. Just an old friend. Kind of an odd dude.”

  Charlie frowned. “Odd how?”

  “He didn’t talk much and sounded sort of surprised when I answered.”

  His stomach twisting in knots, Charlie wondered if it had been Noah. He didn’t want to give his lover the wrong impression. He should have called Noah before now. He just wasn’t sure what to say.

  “Want to play the other player?” Drake asked.

  “No. Listen, Drake, how long are you planning on staying?”

  “What?”

  “You know, it’s been nice getting a visit from you, being that you’re basically the only family I have left. But Noah will probably be home soon.” Charlie hoped.

  Drake tossed down the controller. “I thought you broke up with that guy.”

  “I did not break up with him.” He regretted now telling Drake about his separation with Noah. But, well he couldn’t avoid the subject of Noah. He was part of Charlie’s life. “I just…it’s not your business. The point is, Noah and I are still together. And I’m going to talk to him about moving back in.”

  “I thought I could stay indefinitely.”

  Charlie blinked. “What? I never said that.”

  His cousin leaned back and scowled. “I have nowhere else to go, Charlie. My stepdad kicked me out. I have no money. What am I supposed to do?”

  “Well, this is the first I’ve heard all this. You told me you were just passing through and thought you’d look me up.”

  Drake nodded, but looked down at his feet.

  He sighed. “Look, for now you can stay. But I’ll have to discuss it with Noah. And if you stay, you’re going to have to go to school or work or something. You can’t just stay here playing games all day.”

  Drake’s pout was mutinous. “You just hang around here all day doing nothing. Sometimes you don’t even come out of your room.”

  He nodded. “Yeah. But things are going to change for all of us. Clean up those cans and no more beer. You’re underage. I’m going to go make a call.”

  Charlie rose and made his way down to the bedroom he shared with Noah. The last two weeks had been hell. He missed Noah so much it was like being a zombie. He’d been an idiot. Yes, he was pretty screwed up and he still didn’t know if he wanted to go back to seeing a shrink, but…well, he’d be willing to talk about it with Noah.

  He punched in Noah’s number and waited, holding his breath. It seemed like an eternity since he’d heard his lover’s voice.

  “Hi, this is Noah’s phone. Leave a message.”

  Swallowing back his disappointment, Charlie said, “Hi, handsome. It’s me. I…can we talk? Tomorrow’s Saturday, isn’t it? Maybe we can meet at the park not far from the house. Say…two? Let me know if that’s not good. I love you, Noah.”

  Charlie was tempted to just give into the despair and lay on the bed for the rest of the day. Like he’d been doing all too often lately.

  He rose and went to the dresser and opened the top drawer on the left. The top drawer on the right belonged to Noah. He took out a business card and stared at the name.

  The embossed card read Dr. George Palmer, M.D., Board Certified Psychiatrist. He’d bring it with him when he talked to Noah.

  * * * *

  “This place is so cool,” Carl shouted over the pounding dance music at Buddy’s in West Hollywood. He was enthusiastically gyrating across from Noah on the dance floor. Noah’s movements were somewhat less enthusiastic.

  “Yeah, it’s been here for years. Very popular.”

  He’d actually called Kevin and asked him if he wanted to go to Buddy’s with him and Carl.

  “Oh, of course I want to go,” Kevin had said and then laughed. “However, Michael wants me not to go. So, go ahead and have fun without me.”

  And so here he was. Feeling a little funny that he was here with Carl. The kid was attractive—sexy as hell actually—and every time his ass bumped into Noah’s hip his cock got a little harder.

  Evil Noah, the little red devil sitting on his left shoulder metaphorically speaking, said so what? Why shouldn’t he get hard for Carl? The younger man looked hot in his tight jeans and tight black T-shirt. His ass was perfectly rounded and fuckable. Why shouldn’t he take what Carl was most certainly offering? Charlie had basically thrown him out.

  But Good Noah, firmly dressed in wings on his right shoulder, argued that it wasn’t necessarily over with Charlie. It was far too soon to give up and screw the first young thing that came along.

  The song ended and a breathless Carl grabbed his hand and dragged him to the bar. His sable hair was drenched in sweat and he grinned from ear to ear.

  “God, I’m thirsty.” Carl gestured to the bartender. “Two more beers.”

  Noah laughed. “You going to drink both of those?”

  Carl blinked. “What? I thought you would drink one.”

  “Somebody has to drive us home, Carl. I’ve already had three.”

  “Uh, okay.” He giggled. “I guess I will drink both then.”

  Noah smiled at the bartender. “Can I get a coffee?”

  “Coming right up.”

  The younger man sat on the edge of the stool drinking his beer from the long-necked bottle. “Thanks for the great night, Noah.”

  “You’re welcome. It’s good to get my mind off things.”

  “Do you maybe want to have your coffee at my place?” Carl asked, looking at him from under long lashes.

  “You ready to leave then?”

  “I am if you’ll come to my place.” Carl’s smile widened.

  Evil Noah urged a positive answer. “Why not?”

  * * * *

  “This is a nice little condo you have here,” Noah said, leaning against the counter in the pristine white kitchen.

  Carl spooned coffee into a large coffeemaker. “I’m actually only renting it, but it’s my aunt’s. She owns several as an investment.”

  “Well, it’s really nice.”

  The younger man went to a nearby cabinet and took out two plain white mugs. “Thanks and thanks for going out with me. Buddy’s was a lot of fun. I definitely want to go back there.”

  Noah smiled. It was the perfect place for a young gay man. Yeah, he and Kevin weren’t ancient or anything. Hell, they were both under thirty still, but their days of random pickups and hot sweaty bodies on the dance floor seemed to be over. Hell, he wasn’t really sure he had ever enjoyed it that much. Not like Kevin had.

  “It’ll take a few minutes for the coffee to brew,” Carl said. He came to stand very close to Noah. Close enough to touch…to kiss. “Noah?”

  “Hmm?”

  Carl’s eyes turned dreamy and he leaned in to Noah to cover his lips with his own. Carl’s lips were soft, sweet, and still tasted of beer. It would have been easy, was even tempting, to kiss the man back. For a moment, his lips softened under the other man’s and when Carl’s tongue probed at the opening of his lips, Noah let him in. Their tongues touched, swirled around. His cock jumped to attention. Carl pressed into him, the hard ridge of his erection hitting Noah’s thigh.

  His hands grasped Carl’s arms when they moved to encircle his waist and he gently but firmly broke the kiss and pushed Carl away.

  “I’m sorry, Carl. You’re very sweet and sexy, but I can’t.”

  Carl’s teeth tugged at his bottom look. “Oh.”

  Noah sighed. “Listen, you’re…well, let’s say I’ve fought with the idea of you and me all night.”

  Carl’s eyes big eyes got bigger still. “You did?”

  “Yes. But, the truth is I’m hopelessly in love with Charlie.” Never mind he couldn’t quite get the idea that Charlie had someone over when he’d called home earlier out of his head. His stomach had been upset, his throat raw all night.

  “But you broke up.”

  He shook his head. “I’m not giving up that easy. Charlie’s it for me. Maybe he doesn’t feel the same, I don’t know. Whether he does or not, it doesn’t change how I feel. And if I did anything with you, there’d never be a chance to makes things right with him.”

  Carl nodded. “Okay. I understand. I’m disappointed and think Charlie doesn’t know how lucky he is, but I get it.” He smiled and tilted his head toward the coffeemaker. “Still want that coffee?”

  “Sure. And I’d better check my voice mail. I turned off my phone at Buddy’s.” He fished the cell phone out of his front pocket as Carl poured them both coffee.

  He only had one message, but it was an important one.

  Charlie.

 

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