How Good It Was, page 13
Willow looked up at him. “Well, technically you did,” she whispered.
“Jesus Christ,” he said quietly, leaning close to her. “Not you as well.”
She ran her tongue along her lower lip. A lip that was inches away from his own. “You did dine and dash. I had to hunt you down.”
“If I’d known, I wouldn’t have.” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.
“Really?” The wonder and uncertainty in that one word squeezed his chest.
“Yes, flower.” He brushed his lips over hers. Softly, because he was in company. But with feeling, because fuck the contract. “I promise you I won’t do it again.”
“Did you mean that?” Her voice was so quiet he barely heard it.
“I did.” He kissed her chastely again for good measure, relieved when she didn’t stop him.
“Can you stop kissing Willow for a sec to discuss why you all found me fucking a melon so funny? I can guarantee I’ve never fucked anything edible,” Alex asked grumpily, and the whole table burst into laughter all over again.
“I don’t know,” Ben said. “There are some body parts that are quite edible.”
Chaya playfully slapped his arm with the back of her hand.
“And there are some places it feels good to be eaten,” Nan said.
“Oh, God, Nan,” Alex said covering his ears. “You’re going to scar me for life.”
“Perhaps you’ll remember that next time you think about bringing the horizontal tango to my dinner table. Now, eat your chicken.”
Luke noticed Willow’s shoulders shudder in laughter. “You okay, flower?”
“I’m great. Absolutely perfect. I love your family.”
As he looked around the table at everyone sitting there, he realised he did too.
“What did I miss?” Chaya said a week later, dropping down onto the end of the long table they’d nabbed for early evening drinks at The Refuge, a beautiful building nearly a hundred and thirty years old. Despite the scrubs and hospital pass she still wore, Chaya was still breathtakingly beautiful.
“Nothing yet. Willow was giving Cerys tips on how she should think about using Shamaze to promote the studio.” Izabel waved the server over. “What do you want to drink?”
Chaya scanned the table. “I’ll have that fruity-looking thing Willow’s drinking.”
Willow laughed. “It’s a virgin cocktail. Join the others in their prosecco. I don’t mind being the only non-drinker.”
“Nah. It’s cool. I’ve had a long day and I’m driving today.”
With drinks ordered and delivered, Cerys leaned in. “Enough about studio videos. Now Chaya is here, I want to hear the good stuff. What is going on with you and Luke? Because I heard you were making out at Nan’s last weekend.” When she’d finished, she signed what Willow assumed was the same thing to Zoe.
“They were.” Chaya took the slice of orange out of her drink. “And Luke watched you all dinner. Are you doing okay?”
“First, he kissed me twice, if you’re being generous about the second.” Willow looked around the table as four pairs of eyes watched her expectantly. She wasn’t used to this. Women friends who cared enough to ask about her. “And, honestly, I don’t know.”
“You like him?” Zoe asked.
“That’s not part of the plan.”
Izabel laughed. “Falling for my brother’s best friend wasn’t in my plans, either. But you know what they say about plans.”
“What do they say about plans, Iz?” Cerys asked.
Izabel waved her hand as if brushing the question away. “I don’t know. Something about the best laid plans always going to shit when a good-looking guy with ink and broad shoulders appears.”
Cerys signed, and Zoe groaned. “Girls. We are better than that.”
“I’m pretty certain I just proved that I am not,” Cerys laughed. “Jase had me at moon boots.”
“Moon boots?” Willow asked.
“Oh, I had these super practical boots for the snow in Detroit. I thought they were kinda cute, but Jase kept telling me they were made for the Apollo moon landing.”
Willow took a sip of her drink. It was fruity. Too sweet. “He doesn’t tell you what you should wear, does he?”
Zoe laughed. “No. But she should tell you he had this little cartoon pair of her boots tattooed on his ribs.”
“Okay. So, that’s cute.” Willow wondered if Luke would ever add something about their baby to his own tattoos. Something meaningful, something important. Ink was permanent. Even when he and their baby were apart, he’d carry a piece of the baby with him. Melancholy teased the edges of the good mood she’d been in when she’d arrived.
“Anyway, we’re not talking about Jase. We were talking about Willow and Luke.” Iz tipped her prosecco glass in Willow’s direction. “And you need to ’fess up.”
“Are you always so direct?” Willow asked.
“Funnily enough, no. If you’d met me last year, I would have avoided anything that even remotely felt like confrontation.”
“What changed?”
“A set of those broad shoulders and an inked body who encouraged me to take up my own space. I’m a work in progress. But again, you’re stalling. Luke. You. Tell us all the things. Well, not all the things because seriously, I don’t want to know the freaky things my brother gets up to.”
Willow sighed and looked down at the table for a moment, organising her thoughts. “It’s complicated. I think we both know that if I hadn’t got pregnant, a one-night stand would have been all we ever added up to.”
Zoe sighed. “I bet it was a really good one-night stand, though. Not that I’m interested in Luke. But he just gives off those really capable vibes.”
“He totally does,” Chaya said.
“I don’t want to think about my brother’s vibes,” Iz said, pretending to stick her fingers down her throat and gag.
Willow grinned. This must be what it felt like, to have a close group of girlfriends, who overshared details of their life but had each other’s backs. She’d only ever had Riley as a real friend, but even Riley was letting her down lately. Never available to do more than message each other. “Yeah. I’ll admit he’s very capable.”
Capable didn’t even begin to describe the way she’d felt when he’d run his hands all over her body. Even now, when she caught sight of him without his shirt, she felt stirrings in places that had no reason to stir. But he’d not done anything beyond the kiss he’d given her a week earlier. He’d climbed into bed at night and been gone in the morning. They were back to one step forward, two steps back.
Zoe laughed. “I bet Alex is the same.”
Izabel choked on her drink. “Oh my God, I feel the need to defend Matt if we are starting some rating of whether they are good in bed or not.”
“I mean, if we’re comparing, you’d be well placed to decide between Matt and Jase, right?” Chaya said with a grin.
As Izabel’s jaw dropped, Cerys joined in with the rest of the table’s shocked laughter. “You did not just go there.”
“Sorry. Couldn’t help it. Iz just opened the door, I had no choice but to walk through it. Sorry, Iz, Cerys.”
“Forgiven.” Izabel looked over at Cerys and mouthed the word sorry.
“Wait,” Willow asked. “You and Jase? And Matt?”
“One was a mistake, and the other was forever. Two years apart. And you live and learn. But back to my brother, Warner, before this lot distracts us again. I think he likes you. And you like him. And it’s obvious we all like you. Why aren’t the two of you doing more than just making it work?”
“It’s complicated. We don’t want the same things out of life at all. I mean, there are the logistics. I live in Malibu, and he lives here. He doesn’t want to be tied down. I understand things were tough for you both growing up.”
Izabel sobered. “It was. I mean. It wasn’t. We had a great life until we didn’t. Dad worshipped Mum and was the glue that held our family together. Luke was going to be an airline pilot. Did you know that? That’s what he wanted to do. Had plans to finish his A-levels and apply. He always wanted to see the world. We just never really had the funds to do anything beyond the family trip to Benidorm or Corfu or somewhere like that every year. Then, Dad died and it all went pear-shaped. Mum was bereft. Dad had taken care of everything. Did all the banking. Fixed everything in the house. Mum worked part-time at Primark, but she wasn’t the most independent. And while I was mad at her leaving for a long time, I think she was lost in her own grief. So that meant Luke had to step up and do everything for us. And she thanked him by leaving us. I don’t even know if she really loved Kevin, Dad’s best friend. I think she just wanted to be taken care of again.”
Willow digested Izabel’s words. “Is that why he hasn’t told her about the baby yet?”
“I would guess so. He just told me to keep it to myself and not tell her. I don’t think he’s ready to deal with that anger of feeling abandoned by her.”
Willow considered the dichotomy. Why couldn’t he see that those very feelings of being abandoned as a child were going to be passed down to his own child if Luke didn’t figure his emotional baggage out?
Cerys leaned forward. “I’ve never asked, because it always seemed rude, but why didn’t it affect you in the same way?”
Izabel shrugged. “I don’t know, but my best guess is that I was the one being looked after. I didn’t have responsibilities that should never have been mine dumped on me like he did at nineteen. He made sure I never had to worry about anything. And I know he didn’t love doing it because occasionally he’d get pissed off . . . not at me, just about the situation. Like there was a school trip to a museum, and we all had to pay a fiver to go on the bus, and it was a few days before payday and his van had no petrol. He walked to work for three days so I could go on the trip. And every morning he grumbled about having to walk two miles before he even started work.”
Willow could understand that feeling of doing things you didn’t want to do. It chafed the edges of your soul. They said feeling tired at the end of the day was not because you’d done too much, but because you’d done too little of what sparked joy in your life and soul. And she could see it. Luke had always done the right thing, like he was now. But at the end of the day, he went to bed with that cloud of feeling that his life wasn’t his own.
But he’d never let Iz down.
Despite it all.
And she placed her hand on her stomach. Hopefully he wouldn’t let her and Cletus down, either.
“I think that’s why he’s been so angry,” Izabel said, looking to Chaya. “You remember the number of fights he’s gotten into, the number of times the lads have had to step in to stop him. I don’t think he’s even stopped to process everything that’s happened.”
Chaya nodded in agreement. “Ben says the same thing. Feeling trapped . . . in a job, in a relationship . . . in a family situation . . . is never easy.”
“Alright, I get it,” Willow snapped. “You think I’m the asshole for trapping him again. How it must feel like Groundhog Day for him with another responsibility he doesn’t want.”
“That’s not what I meant, and I’m sorry I was so careless with my word choices there. What the two of you agree to is nothing to do with me.” Chaya slid her arm over Willow’s shoulder. “He’ll come around on this one. I’m sure.”
“He will,” Iz said, reaching for her hand. “He’s a good man, and I’ve really put him through the ringer this year. Was he mad? Yes. Did he say some shit at the time? Yes. But did he come around? Yes. Don’t let him give you any shit. Realise when he’s just scared and feeling like he’s backed into a corner with no options but to do the right thing, versus when he’s just being a dick.”
“When does all that become making excuses for him?” Willow asked.
“Oh, I’m not saying make excuses. When he’s a dick, you just need to call him out. But he likes you. A lot. Everyone sees it. I’d say he’s as scared about being in a long-term relationship as he is about the baby. Because my brother, for all his faults, will make a loyal husband and doting father if he’ll just allow himself to fall in love.”
“Love might be a stretch,” Willow said.
“Can you see yourself in love with Luke?” Zoe asked.
Yes.
The answer formed in her head in an instant. A from-the-gut response. She could. Hell, there was a piece of her that had already begun the slow and steady tumble. They were a perfect fit sexually. Just being around him, she felt a low-grade hum of sexual attraction. But there was something more. His resistance was a battle of wills between his desire and the need to do the right thing. And doing the right thing always won out. It said something about his character that he was willing to put others’ needs first.
And she knew something about feeling trapped. Her father’s contract. Being tied down to his company and needing to fight to escape.
But that made it impossible to fall in love with him. “I could,” she answered honestly. “But I’ll never know if it’s real, or just a function of Luke’s willingness to do the right thing. I can’t fall in love with a guy who thinks a relationship with his baby momma is the right thing for everyone but himself. That would just be foolish. I’m better off not thinking about him that way at all. The right thing isn’t enough. I want the romance.”
But as she stepped out of Chaya’s car and hurried up the stairs to the apartment an hour later, she couldn’t stop thinking about it. And it was driving her mad. Muddled thoughts filled her brain.
Her phone rang and she pulled it out of her pocket. “Hey, Sasha. How are you?”
“I’m good, Willow. Look. Sorry to bother you on a Saturday, but I sent the documents to your father’s lawyers as instructed, laying out what you believe the losses are and what you want compensation for. Today they responded. I think they are going to try and put you under conservatorship.”
“They’re what?” She pushed the door open and stepped inside. Luke stood in the living room. He stuffed his wallet into his back pocket and slipped his arms into a jacket. His eyebrows raised as he saw her. The very word conservator caused her stomach to flip. There had been a famous case, a teen pop star whose father had all but buried her for nearly two decades.
“To paraphrase, he thinks you’re out of your goddamn mind. They are saying you are having a breakdown of some sort. That you flew around the world to escape. That things have gotten too much for you, and you aren’t capable of making good decisions for yourself. That you are blowing off work, which is very unlike you. That they are worried you might harm yourself. They say the alternate to forcing a conservatorship is that you drop what they believe is a claim without merit, come home, and check yourself into a wellness rehab.”
“Isn’t that what they did to that singer? She lost control of everything.”
“I know who you’re referring to, and we would make sure that doesn’t happen to you.”
“There’s nothing wrong with me. You know that.” She dropped onto the chair and placed her head in her hand. Luke placed his hand on her shoulder and squeezed. Who could she call for witnesses if they did? Riley. John and Kelly for sure. Luke? “Where does my mom stand in all this?”
“Your dad wouldn’t need your mom’s permission to file. But you tell me, would your mom go along with something like this?”
“I want to say no, but honestly, I think she might.”
“You okay, flower?” he mouthed.
She shook her head. “What happens next?”
He pulled out the chair next to hers and rubbed his hand on her back. It was reassuring. Kind. But memories of drinks with the girls came to mind. He’d always do the right thing.
Sasha sighed. “For now, I suggest you stay where you are. I think you should inform them of the pregnancy and that you and Luke are making plans to stay together. It would remove part of their reasoning, that you flew off on a whim because you are unstable. Instead, you flew to discuss your pregnancy with the father which is way more logical. They don’t need to know about the contract, in fact, it’s better if they don’t. Although at some point, it could actually prove shrewd thinking and definitive action to save your career rather than trash it.”
“I don’t want him to know about the baby unless it is imperative.”
Luke’s eyes were wide with concern. When he leaned closer to her phone, she switched it to speaker so he could hear.
“What do I do now, legally?” she asked.
“When someone files a conservatorship, you are meant to have a period of time to respond to it. I’ll send a response vigorously rejecting the need. I’ll make sure it’s well documented that we expect and will take legal measures to ensure that we get that period of notice. The best way to stave off conservatorship is to get ahead of it. Thankfully, your dad’s ego has got ahead of him, and he’s shown his hand.”
“I knew he wasn’t going to like this. But I thought the worst that would happen was that he would be pissed. I’ll be honest, I’d reconciled in my own head that he might never speak to me again. But this? I never imagined this.”
A documentary had been made about the female pop star. About how steps were skipped and doctors fudged assessments. She could only hope her father wasn’t dumb enough to suggest it, that his lawyers’ moral compass was strong enough to refuse any hair-brained schemes, and Sasha was smart enough to stay one step ahead of him.
“Meanwhile, you should fire your dad officially as your manager, and when you do, I’ll take action to freeze the assets of the business before he starts the conservator process. This is going to get messy quickly. Are you sure you want to do this now, Willow?”
Fury reached her throat, choking the words. “If he is willing to try to challenge my mental capacity to make sure he gets to keep all the money, then there is no way forward beyond protecting what’s mine from him.”
“What a dick,” Luke muttered.
“Okay. So, we are on the attack. Let me get on with what I need to do. I’ll keep you updated.”
