The Touch of Magic Series, page 139
Sometimes, in the evening, they watched TV together when the babies slept, but they rarely said much to each other. They had excursions to the grocery store and the park. While the conversations were easy, they were limited to what kind of cheese to buy and whether or not they were low on milk. He considered getting a puppy, just so he wouldn’t be so terribly lonely the first time she took the kids to her house. He convinced her to stay in his house another few weeks, because clearly he was a masochist.
He convinced her to let him take her sedan to work and that she should drive the minivan while he was out. She didn’t buy the “it’s our car” argument, but he finally won her over with safety statistics. He sewed her into his life as seamlessly as possible.
His life was full.
But he was a hollow shell.
The babies penetrated the cold outer layer of him. Most no one else did, though. He laughed with his colleagues when he was in the office, but he didn’t even have the slightest interest in joining them for drinks tonight. He wanted to hold his children, complement them on keeping their heads up. Watch them take delight in their own hands or his funny faces. Make real eye contact with the only two people in the world he could.
Mechanically, he stopped for each red light, started for each green, and sometime later pulled into the garage, not even realizing how he had gotten there. Pushing the gear into park, he guessed he’d lived here long enough, if this was where he went when he was on autopilot.
He tried to snap out of it as he turned off the car, but automatically he clicked the button to send the garage door down and made his way through the connecting door into the kitchen. But like a thick layer of sleep in a vivid dream, he just couldn’t shake it. His mind registered the quiet house, and he knew the babies must be sound asleep. There was nothing but the sound of dusk falling and the normal creaks and twinges of an old house, as he walked through, just to locate Sloan, he told himself.
As he entered the hall he could make out the dulcet tones of her voice, but not what she was saying. He wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but he couldn’t stop the magnetic pull he felt when he found that she wasn’t in the bedroom, but in the office. His feet quietly followed her voice to just beyond the door. Max stopped there, not admitting to himself that he had tip-toed over and stayed out of sight on purpose.
Her gleeful laugh was vibrant and alive. He hadn’t heard those sounds from her in weeks. Bands that had constricted his breathing loosened. It took just a moment to register that she was on the phone. It wasn’t the words, it was the way she said them that held him there in thrall. She was vital and engaged. He took deep breaths, savoring the happy sounds of Sloan, and realized that she hadn’t been really happy here in a while.
As he relaxed against the wall for the eavesdropping he couldn’t help but do, the meanings of her phrases sank into him. His own body responded with the attraction that had always been there for this woman. The way she was happy made him happy. For the first time in weeks he could feel. Feel his heart beating and his blood pulsing.
Because he didn’t know how to make her share that with him, he stole it from his place beyond the door.
“No Lisette!...” Her soft sigh sank even deeper into him, “I didn’t move out. He talked me into another four weeks....Yes, I took them... Yeah, I can’t believe it’s been six weeks either... Oh, it was the funniest thing, Dr. Lee looked me in the eyes and made sure that I knew that it was okay for me and my husband to have sex. I just wanted to burst into hysterical laughter right there. I don’t know how I kept it together.... No, like, real hysterics, crying and all that. I mean, we hardly even speak. It’s just like being married, right?... well, not you... I’m sure you and Jeremy are all hot and heavy for each other all the time... . Oh yeah, I bet that six weeks after you have a kid is just hell for the both of you!...”
She kept talking, but he didn’t hear it. He hadn’t really taken in the rest of it after the word ‘sex,’ because all he could think about was sex. With her. The girl on the phone. Not the cold, distant one who lived with him. But this creature, the one that had always held chains to him. He ached with wanting her.
But she wouldn’t give that to him. He stood up, breathing deeply, and cautiously removed himself from the doorway. He didn’t want to get caught here and upset her.
Max fixed himself a cold drink, but instead of calming him down it made him notice how he felt the chill slipping down him fully for the first time in weeks. When she finally emerged, she found him standing there, arms braced on the kitchen counter, forcing himself to breath evenly.
“Are you all right?” This wasn’t the bright and vibrant Sloan that he’d heard through the door. This was the same Sloan she had been for weeks. She had the small, tight smile and the same controlled movements that were just a little too efficient.
When she said, “yes,” he forced a nod that he wasn’t certain she would believe, but it didn’t really matter. He thought his blood would cool when this Sloan came back around. But it didn’t.
Just knowing that she still existed in there was enough. Knowing he was headed for what was most likely serious trouble didn’t stop him. That one shining beacon pulled him out across deep waters like a siren song—completely impossible to ignore.
So he waited, biding his time on autopilot. He quietly ate the dinner she made. He complimented her on it. Helped change babies. Fed a bottle to one while she nursed the other. Watched TV and even laughed in the right places. When she said she was going to bed he responded with his usual “I’ll be up later.” And he waited.
Max sat on the couch with the TV continuing to show programs he wasn’t paying the slightest bit of attention to. He didn’t dream or hope. His brain had simply tuned out and turned off while he waited for something he didn’t dare let himself think. It was as though admitting what he wanted would jinx it in some fundamental way. Max wasn’t taking even that chance.
By eleven thirty he couldn’t wait any longer. He had planned to hold out until midnight. Surely, she must be asleep by now. He crept down the hallway of his own home, still not admitting to himself what he so desperately hoped for.
He slowly opened the door, heartbeat by heartbeat. It wouldn’t do to have her wake now. If she roused and asked him what in the hell he was doing he would have to respond with I’m being an idiot, and he didn’t intend to have to admit it.
Max had barely opened the door when he saw her. It made him pause where he was. Something about the way she was lying there with her eyes closed and her mouth just a little open. The covers were pulled halfway up her arms, and the sight made his heart catch in his throat. She was the one thing he had ever truly wanted but couldn’t have. Others had learned about that kind of heartache at a younger age. Max had had to wait until he was thirty-six. It was a tough lesson however you faced it.
He forced himself to move, lest he wake her and have some explaining to do. As he slowly wound his way through the room to the bed, he realized that it was easier to be in love with her when she was asleep. Gone was the tightness of her features and the just shy of noticeable curtness in her voice.
She looked like she might open her eyes and smile. Tell him that she loved him and wanted to stay here forever. That was a pipe dream and he was learning that the hard way. But right now he had another dream and he was going to dream it at least for a little while.
Softly he lifted the edge of the covers and slid under beside her. He didn’t stay still but went about his usual shuffling as he slid in at night. She made a little noise like she always did, and he calmed, waiting.
For twenty minutes, he lay there on the other side of the bed and thought to himself. About her. About the kids growing up and playing baseball in the backyard. Although he figured she had to feel the vibrations coming off him in waves, she didn’t respond. She only settled down and went back into a deep sleep.
No matter how much he thought he might be able to have her while she was asleep, he couldn’t do that. She had to be awake.
At last he rolled over to face her and began his assault. Slowly he gathered her into his arms, just like he did every night. It hadn’t woken her then, and it didn’t now. Instead of tucking her under his chin, he slipped down even with her and kissed her forehead. He softly pressed his lips to her eyes. Then her cheeks. He fluttered little kisses across her jaw and ears. She shuddered in her sleep and curled closer, accelerating his heartbeat and softening the fear that nipped at his heels.
His fingertips traced her long arms and then wound around her, trailing up her spine. With the patience of a saint he slowly traced each rib before sliding one large hand under her breast. Still mostly asleep, a soft moan escaped her. Without really touching her there, he brushed his lips against hers as he spoke in low, heated tones. “Baby. Just let me love you.”
“Max.” She dragged out his name like a woman who need him. “More.”
She arched into his hand, adding to the pressure they both felt, and he heeded her command, finding he needed more, too—more of her, more from her. His fingers sought and finally found buttons he knew closed up the front of her gown. They only went down to her navel, but it was far enough. When he slipped his hand inside both her skin and her response were hot.
Sloan was breathing in tiny gasps and so was he. He wanted to take her now. But he also knew he couldn’t do that. With his fingers walking along the soft skin at the top of her thigh, he gathered the flimsy gown, the one that had tormented him so many nights, up her leg. Max left it bunched there at her hip while he hooked a finger in her underwear and carefully, slowly dragged it down her legs.
Another light moan fought its way past her open lips, and Max had to stall himself and take a few deep breaths just to keep it together. But then he only tormented himself more by gently pushing her until she rolled acquiescingly onto her back. Her legs parted just from his hand touching her inner thigh.
“Ahhh!” Her voice, making that sound, was the beginning of the end.
His heart clenched as he lifted his mouth from where he wanted to devour her. “Sloan.”
Her eyes were open now, although they didn’t look to be seeing anything. So he spoke again. “Look at me.”
Her face turned to his. Fully awake now, but she didn’t speak. He needed her to speak, needed to know this was what she really wanted, too. “Sloan, say yes, you have to say yes.”
“Yes.” The sound dragged out of her, long and low, alert and needy. She pushed herself against his fingers, her eyes bright in the dark. His heart cracked open. Yes.
His fingers functioned of their own accord. There was no way he could stop the climb to where she opened for him and he found her hot and wet and ready for more.
While he stroked her, his mouth found another path, and he trailed wet kisses from her ear down her neck to the peak of one exposed breast. Her gaze came to focus on his face, although her soft lips had never shut and her breath still beat a rapid staccato in and out. She writhed, pressing herself more firmly against his fingers and making the tiny noises that were about to make him explode. He barely managed to hold himself back, and he asked again wanting desperately to hear her say it again. “I want you. Do you want me?”
A few breathy sighs. Her body moved against his. Her legs clasped around his hand, but he held still. Waiting.
And, finally, she spoke, “Yes.”
That was enough for him, but she added in the same breathy voice, “Please.”
The pain of holding his breath was released as he covered her exposed flesh with his body. His mouth found hers and mated with deep, frantic kisses driven equally by her tongue and lips. He removed his fingers and began to push into her.
Slowly he moved. In the sweetest of tortures, she raised her hips to meet him. In and out. Deeper and deeper, until, with a cry from both of them he buried himself all the way. For a few moments they fought, moving against each other as though trying to get further and further inside each other.
When she called his name, he exploded. The last thing he saw was her eyes, looking deep into his soul.
He couldn’t see, couldn’t think, couldn’t remember his own name for a few minutes. God, she could make the world spin. When his arms began to give out, he rolled both of them to the side, tucking her into his arms.
She fit so well. There was nothing in the known universe that compared to having her like this, curling into him, adjusting her head against his shoulder. She didn’t say any of the things he expected. What were you doing? How dare you? She didn’t get up and leave.
That alone provided the most joy to him. He desperately wished for the energy to reach across her to the bedside table where the little blue velvet box rested, untouched. But he didn’t have the energy to risk another rejection, not now when he had most of what he wanted. The rest would have to wait. He would take it one step at a time. The first step had been huge, and it sapped him of the power to try for more. He wasn’t likely going to find it anytime soon.
Happier than he had been in what seemed like eons, he finally slipped off to sleep.
He smelled her and felt her pressed against him. The dream and the reality mixing in his brain becoming harder and harder to distinguish. He spent the night with a smile on his face and Sloan in his arms.
But when he woke up he was alone in the bed.
Alone and cursing himself.
CHAPTER 50
“It’s okay if I stay out until this evening?” Sloan was a bundle of nerves, but Max simply looked at her like she was nuts.
“You asked me that last week, and I said it was fine. I don’t want you driving while you’re all hypnotized or something.” He waved a hand at her, motioning her to get out the door. “Besides, the kids and I will just have fun at the park without you.”
She kissed two tiny heads with little blinking eyes and went out the door. Her lungs were tight. She was early and she was bold-faced lying to him. But hypnosis was about relaxing, so she figured claiming the extra time to unwind would make sense.
She did need the time to relax. She was afraid that if she couldn’t relax it wouldn’t work, and she desperately needed this spell to work. Maybe she should call an acupuncturist or a masseuse just to get her ready for her spellwork. Though she’d cast safeties and more on herself, it wasn’t that often that she had spells cast on her by other people. When it had happened in the past, it hadn’t been important. Megan had given her a taste of Megan’s own psychic ability for a while, once. But had it not worked, Sloan wouldn’t have felt she missed out on much. Today, it mattered. More than anything. Spells worked best with focus and she was more scattered than she’d ever been.
She’d bolted from Max’s arms Tuesday morning, dressed as quietly as possible, and abandoned him with the babies. She was being a bad mother, but she knew they were safe and loved with him, and she’d been in no shape to care for an infant.
Her first order of business, after faking a few ‘hello’s as she entered the building, was to lock her door and close the blinds and call Rae. She had wailed into the phone. I slept with him again! Again! Through tears and sobs she had explained the whole thing.
Then she pushed herself through the worst part—that he must have known he could do it. She’d thought she was being clear—they should stay away from each other. But he had pushed through that ‘I just want you to have this’ scene and handed her the engagement ring to torture herself with. Then he had climbed into bed, easily seducing her in the middle of the night, knowing that she would be willing. And she had been. So willing.
Every time she got mad at him, he would tell her something personal about herself. Some secret she had confessed in Chicago. He said that he had told her things, too, but she had no idea what they might even be. She didn’t remember a damn thing from that night.
Sloan had hung up with Rae, feeling only a little better because Rae set her on a course of action. She had scoured the family Book of Shadows and had finally found something that dealt with repressed memories—or at least memories. When the spell had been written they hadn’t used that term. But what Sloan had stuffed down all week was now boiling to the surface.
She had lied to Max. She’d been truthful about going out, but she’d said that it was about losing the baby weight. Boy, was it not.
Parking in front of her condo, she climbed the steps and let herself inside. The place was as humid as a wet blanket and felt just as linty, probably from being unoccupied for so long. So she cranked the air and pulled a caffeine free Coke from the fridge. It was one of only three food items in here. Glancing around, she wondered if the place looked as empty as it felt.
So she plopped on the sofa and tried to stay still to beat the heat. She tried to focus on makeup tips from the latest issue of Glamour, but decided she was probably better off with Parents Magazine now. Not that it would make a difference. Her brain continued to wander off without her, and she wasn’t certain it would come back. Scenes from Tuesday night reared in her mind. He’d said he wanted her. He’d made her say it, too—made certain that she wasn’t taken advantage of. She hadn’t been, not the way her heart had been pounding, and the way she had writhed in his arms, how he had just touched her and she had woken up wanting him inside her.
Sloan was polishing off a second Coke as the doorbell rang. She jumped, then swore softly under her breath. She had just calmed herself down too. But her nerves switched into overdrive.
When she opened the door she found Yasmin on the front steps. Immediately, she was pulled into a quick hug that did more to calm her nerves than anything else had.
“Did you just spell me?” Sloan asked as she pulled back.
