Blades Falling Softly, page 6
part #1 of The Brightest Shadow Series
"I've seen how adolescent humans go through an uncomfortable period of time in which they mature," Canumon said carefully. "For us, that period is faster but much more uncomfortable. In the distant past, it was different, but today the process can be hastened, and so it is called a rebirth. As that technology has improved, we've gained the ability to create warriors far larger than other mansthein."
"You give adolescents that much power?" Anyinn's eyes drifted toward the mansthein position and he could see her thoughts darting in different directions, like fish in a pool. Hopefully he could catch them in time.
"That would be a terrible idea. No, most of them became Catai on their second rebirth, or even third. One rebirth is necessary for maturity and is considered a birthright, though of course some are better than others. Beyond that, rebirths are earned. Only warriors who have proved themselves competent and suited to the process can become Catai."
"I cannot say that the idea of going through adolescence repeatedly appeals to me." The human woman took a sip and in that short time seemed to reconsider. "Though I suppose I did change again, when I passed beyond my ability to bear children. Perhaps it's not so different."
Though Canumon could have said a great deal on that subject, he hesitated. In some way, it felt like the subject was not his to share, though he questioned that judgment. In Laenan culture, it would be no concern at all for men and women to discuss such things, but it was anathema to Feinan mansthein. Despite having lived in Nol for so long, he wasn't completely certain how humans approached such questions.
After giving him some time to answer, Anyinn shrugged and continued. "You implied that it happens repeatedly, or at least it can. That seems... wasteful, in a sense. Are you not adults after your first rebirth?"
"We become adults after one," Canumon agreed, "but further maturation is necessary in some cases. You may not have seen them, but some mansthein have natural armor that needs to be regrown as they age. Others lose teeth or claws throughout their lives, and only rebirth can restore them."
"That isn't so different. But there really are many types of you, aren't there? I've traveled far and met many different sorts of humans, but in comparison..."
Canumon considered his response cautiously, wondering whether it was treason. Speaking of divisions within the mansthein empire was unpatriotic at best and potentially revealing weaknesses to their enemies. But Anyinn, seated across from him and calmly drinking his neth, was no enemy. So Canumon took a deep breath and decided to explain further.
"To tell you of all the mansthein would be a long lecture, and I think you might be tired of lectures after so many years." He raised an eyebrow at her and got a slight smile in response. "But there are several groups you can tell apart at a glance, though even those have different peoples and cultures. I'm Laenan mansthein, and you can usually tell us by our hair, horns, and almost human-like ears. My wife is Feinan, of the type you've seen elsewhere: no hair on the head and bone ridges to defend the ears."
"You're married?"
"With one child. And you?"
"Married with three." She seemed about to speak again, then suddenly paused and instead took a thoughtful sip from her cup, the last drops rasping.
In the silence, Canumon rose to refill her cup and his own as well. As comfortable as the conversation had been, it all abruptly felt too personal and direct. He did want to know her better, but they met between war camps and faced a potential duel to the death.
To know one another might feel warm and personal, but it wasn't enough. Like single rocks thrown over a chasm instead of a bridge.
"It isn't fair of you to answer so many questions," Anyinn said abruptly. "I think you already know us well, but do you have any questions? Not regarding military matters, of course."
"Of course." He considered for a moment, only to realize that he had few questions appropriate for the moment. "When humans talk about myths and legends, sometimes they speak about a singular legend. That is where the name 'Deathspawn' comes from, I think. Can you tell it to me?"
She blinked and bought time with another sip, then slowly shook her head. "That is... just a tale. A popular one, told all over Nol and even beyond, but just a story. The whole recitation takes some time, but in essence... the world is threatened by inhuman monsters who wish to consume everything. A hero, the greatest of all heroes, steps forward and goes on an adventure like any wandering warrior. He defeats the Deathspawn champions and the Dark Lord who commands them, eradicates them all, then peace is restored."
Panic stabbed deep into Canumon's heart like a lance. He didn't know how he managed to suppress the worst of it, suddenly reeling. To have it all laid out so clearly was bad enough, and to refer to a Dark Lord.. "That is... a terrible story."
"I was never fond of it." Anyinn must have seen some flicker of his reaction, because she sat back somberly. "But that type of story needs enemies to triumph over. Are you telling me that the mansthein have no such stories?"
"None in which peace is restored by committing genocide against an entire people! We've gone to war amongst ourselves many times, but the goal was always to draw in the defeated people and strengthen one another. I... do not recommend that you tell that story to any other mansthein."
"Is a story of empire any better? Our story suggests that there will be a terrible threat that requires violence, then that time will pass and there can be peace. But an empire only offers peace at the end of a sword. It cannot end until it has dominated everyone, and perhaps not even then."
"I'm not part of the empire. Not any longer." Canumon set his cup down sharply and fixed his eyes on hers, not flinching from the human darkness. "But you can't mistake the Feinan vision of empire for the mansthein vision. Some merely want allies and trading partners. The Laenan vision of expansion has never been conquering, but proving that our ways are better, that they have something to offer everyone."
"I mistrust that confidence more than a simple expanding empire. A warrior who believes he is stronger can be proven wrong, but a warrior who believes she is righteous will fight until the bitter end. I have seen too many clans believe their martial arts or their culture are so superior that they need to be spread to everyone else. A cruel oppressor might relent, but a righteous oppressor will continue doing what they believe is right no matter the consequences."
"That may be so, but I would take misguided ideals over tales of victory through the complete extermination of the enemy." True thought it was, he couldn't help but think how quickly those lofty ideals had turned on him when he married Gowanisa.
Throughout the entire conversation, their voices had rarely risen, yet the tension boiled underneath like the neth in the kettle. Canumon realized that this was exactly what he should have expected. The two of them were not cocky young warriors, to squabble and start impetuous fights. But such fights were soon broken, whereas when two veterans soberly decided to go to battle...
"You know, it's funny." Canumon leaned back against the railing behind him and gazed out over the valley, the sunlight beginning to burn away the morning mists. "You can offer someone a gift you believe is the most beautiful thing in the world, only to find them repulsed by it. I think Laenan ideals have something to offer, but you're right, not everyone agrees. Including many mansthein."
"I may... also have spoken too quickly." Anyinn gave him a human smile that was difficult to read. "Empire and dominance are common to all people. Yours may have sharper teeth, but it's the same technique by a different name. You shouldn't be mistaken for inhuman monsters."
"There's that word again." She had been offering peace, and he didn't want to squabble, but Canumon couldn't bring himself to stand down. "The way you say 'inhuman' has always troubled me."
Anyinn blinked and then shook her head. "Consider it a trick of language. I wouldn't be offended if you had such a word as 'inmansthein'. In fact, I would consider it an honor if your people come to see the 'manstheinity' of humans."
"It isn't the same. I've heard this in several languages and I don't think humans understand how arrogant it sounds. You believe that the greatest compliment that can be paid is to be like you. Naming your own ideals after yourself is... astonishingly self-absorbed."
"The word might seem arrogant applied to your people, but what can we be except ourselves? I stand by the word: it might not always represent our actions, but it represents our ideals. When we speak of humanity, we speak of kindness, depth of emotion, everything that we aspire to."
"And you name that concept after yourself." Canumon sat forward, caution forgotten as he raised a claw in her direction. "No mansthein would ever say that. Our words are different, and I can't even translate the concept into Nolese."
"Try."
"In Futhik we do have a word like 'manstheinity' but the meaning is different. It refers to mundane facts like our physical natures, or the essence we all have in common. But we have a completely different word that represents our ideals. This is no trivial point: humans seem to believe that their ideals dwell inside them, that to be truly human is to be laudable. Even the most grandiose of mansthein poets would never glorify our fundamental natures like that."
Suddenly he realized how passionately he had been speaking, and how recklessly. In the beginning, he had planned this meeting to allow the two of them to know one another outside combat, to form a bridge between them. He had expected argument, yet now he found himself condemning her entire species.
Anyinn let out a low laugh. "Perhaps it would be easier for us to just fight, no?"
"Maybe so." Canumon realized he was grinning and pulled back. He might have failed, but in this he wasn't fighting alone. The human woman drank the rest of her cup in a single swallow and approached him to pick up the kettle.
"You brew neth well, but let me show you how it's done."
Anyinn
They claimed that it was a test of strength, but the truth was that Anyinn was simply restless. All around the Straedi lodge, armed warriors grimly watched the other side or jostled for superior position. She and Canumon were forced to be the linchpins of it all, representing far more than themselves and yet forced to wait as their superiors attempted to prepare.
In contrast to that omnipresent pressure, dueling was deeply relaxing.
Without any intent to harm one another or need to win, they were free to exhibit everything they could do. She found Canumon to be a polished and creative warrior, sending her mind wandering into new considerations. With more at stake she would have forced herself to remain focused, but instead she could enjoy their fight as a work of art created between them. Especially the beautiful moment when he imitated her Tranquil Blade, which send her back to contemplate her own technique.
For the first time in days, she wrote more in her manuscript and actually felt it carried some meaning. Her sein arts might not revolutionize the world, but they did have something to offer. Yet before she could gain insight into any combat skills, she found herself writing about everything that had taken place between them, the sein of her techniques still entangled with the events that had produced them.
There was little else to do, given the restrictions placed on both of them. She could leave to visit her family on occasion, but her presence was generally required to continue the fiction of the upcoming rite. Each chance to spar with Canumon was relished, as they could only justify so many meetings in the name of preparing for the duel. Repeatedly facing him hand to hand put her in the mind of a friendly contest within the clan, though no one else seemed to share her interpretation.
It ended with a nearly ritualized finish. He advanced with his foot technique, which she'd begun to think of as Surging Leviathan. She countered with Waterfall Cascading Upward, evaded his variation on Punishing Willow, and then pierced him with the Tranquil Blade.
This time, she found herself flooded with memories of Canumon and his wife training together, both past and present. The simple affection in his sein was strangely touching, though she still wondered if it wasn't calculated. She wished that she could show him moments of her own, but her memory of that day by the lake was effective because it was pristine and unchanging. Instead she simply tried to impart all of herself into her blows as they fought.
Her sword was no longer disabling, Canumon merely sighing in satisfaction and rolling his shoulders. "The peacefulness you can press into one moment is truly remarkable. It makes for a very relaxing end to the spar."
"I don't mind the glimpses into your life either," Anyinn said. They no longer bothered to bow to one another, simply went to sit on the bench beside the training ground. That day, Canumon sat back and stared skyward.
"Some mansthein philosophers have suggested that using memories in sein directly is a mistake. I imagine that this idea isn't unfamiliar to humans, but what do you think?"
"You say 'some philosophers'... are you putting your voice in their mouths?"
"I'm taking their words for my thoughts. I think, after all of this, that I've come to know you, at least a little. Based on what I know, I wondered if you were uncomfortable with forging your memories into weapons."
"No, not truly." Anyinn hesitated, knowing that he deserved a better answer than she had ready at a moment's notice. There were indeed human philosophers and warriors with similar opinions on sein, but it was impossible to distill her experiences with them, much less all their words, into a simple answer. "Sein is our selves, and it has never struck me as right to separate our souls from our actions."
"Does anyone?" Canumon stretched his back and eased deeper into the seat. "Most people draw off an abstraction of their total experiences, not specific memories - even you. I haven't heard of anyone trying to use sein wiped of everything they are."
"Certain Coran groups do, and it doesn't seem to be as ineffective as you might think. You'll certainly never find their warriors accidentally losing control due to the emotions they're handling, or injuring themselves with improper sein flow."
"Huh. I've never been that far north."
"But as for me..." Anyinn knew what she wanted to say by that point, it was just a question of reconsidering her words and deciding if they were worth speaking. "I fight with everything that I am, including my memories. Separating myself, as if mother and warrior are two different people... that has always struck me as an... abdication of responsibility. Those I've raised, I raised as a warrior. Those I've killed, I killed as a mother. Violence and peace contain one another."
Canumon shifted back and actually considered her words. Most warriors in Nol preferred their clearly defined roles, and from what she'd come to know of the mansthein, she didn't think they were any more receptive to the idea. But even if he didn't agree, Canumon would always listen.
They said nothing for a time, subconsciously recovering their sein flow after the battle. At a distance, she could see a few lesser members of the Tayn clan in the windows, trying to peer at them without being seen to do so. Entirely ineffective, against a fully trained warrior, but she simply ignored them. Judging from the movement of Canumon's eyes, he noticed as well and didn't dismiss them so quickly. No doubt being surrounded by staring humans was less comfortable for him.
"We might be able to find a more private location," Anyinn said, "if it bothers you."
"Let them look. I'm less intimidating than the Catai, so it might help them get used to us."
"Very understanding of you. But, you see, humans don't only tell stories of heroic genocide. Romances are always a popular subject on the stage, and the more unlikely the romance..." She let the words trail off as soon as she saw the understanding in his eyes: she was telling him nothing that he didn't already know.
"The mansthein soldiers here have made similar comments. They're young men, mostly far from women during their service. By which I mean that they are not particularly creative when it comes to personal interactions."
"No one has ever said such a thing of human men."
Canumon cracked an abrupt smile that showed just a glint of teeth before his lips closed again. Despite her uncertainty about his smile, Anyinn thought that it was authentic. They had gradually mapped out a shared sense of humor, which was remarkable in itself: in Anyinn's travels she had seen a truly baffling number of things considered funny, yet she could jest with a man from another species.
"So long as the rumors don't undermine the legitimacy of our duel," Canumon said eventually, "then I'm not bothered by it. A more private location might not help the gossip, but would you prefer that? We can fight however is easiest for you."
"It's no concern at all. No one who knows me could possibly think such a ridiculous thing."
"You're the very model of a perfect Nolese wife, except you fight with a sword instead of your hands. Highly scandalous."
Though she smiled, Anyinn felt a sudden impulse to say more. She wasn't certain if it was the residual sein reflecting memories of his family or simply the opportunity to relax, but the space between them yawned free and open. When she began to speak, Canumon heard the shift in tone and listened carefully.
"I do try to appear a model Tayn warrior, because it benefits me, but I'm only a woman, not the faithful wife from some tale. To be honest, I did come close, once..." She sat back and thought to that summer so many years ago. "I was assigned to train a man several years younger than me from an allied clan. He was desperately in love with me, and the attention was flattering. I never truly considered it, but I was just starting to grow old and his adoration was so warm... but it couldn't be. You may not teach students, but I think you understand."
"A responsibility not to be violated. What happened?"
"I realized that I had gone too far, even if only emotionally. I sent him to another instructor with my commendation and apologized to my husband." That part of the memory lurked starkly free of any nostalgia. "Noreinu had noticed and even wondered. When I saw what that small uncertainty did to our relationship, I vowed to guard myself more closely in the future."
