The Singles Table, page 24
“This Sunday is beginning with an H.” Jay put her unused hiking boots on the floor beside the bed. “H for hike. I saw these in your closet last night, and I realized I couldn’t even remember the last time I went for a hike. It’s a beautiful day and I want to share one of my favorite things with you.”
“What about your other favorite things?” Zara groaned. “Do any of them involve being horizontal? Or food? Or both at the same time?” She still hadn’t had time to process his admission that she’d stolen his heart. What was she supposed to do with that? Did he think it would change things between them? Did he think it would change her?
“I’ll make it worth your while.” He used her own words back at her.
She rolled over and blinked, her eyes adjusting to the bright light. He was already dressed, his eyes sparkling, a grin spread across his face. Did he remember the nightmares he’d had last night? The moaning and thrashing? Shouts so loud Parvati had knocked on the wall. She’d shaken him gently, wrapped her arms around him, and spooned him from behind. After a few minutes, his tension had eased, and he’d fallen into a peaceful sleep.
“I’m going home to shower and change and get my gear,” Jay said. “I’ll be back in an hour. Be ready to rumble.”
She had never seen him this happy, so she pushed her concerns to the side. “I’m not a hiker, Jay. You may have noticed those boots are barely used.”
“Now they can be more used.” He bent down beside the bed and gave her a soft kiss. “I want to show you the world from the top of a mountain. It’s one of my favorite places.”
Zara groaned and flopped onto her back. There was no resisting Jay when he looked at her like that with his puppy-dog eyes and his wide smile. And how could she say no when a man who usually spent Sunday in his office wanted to blow off the day to show her something he loved?
“Fine.” She heaved a sigh. “I’ll come. But you’d better make it up to me when we get back. I’ll need pizza, ice cream, and lots of massages.” She frowned when she caught the naughty gleam in his eyes. “Not that kind of massage. The kind where you rub my back for at least an hour and feed me chocolate and alcoholic beverages.”
“I am a master of massage.” He tipped his neck from side to side, making it crack. “Prepare to be amazed.”
One hour later, Jay returned, wearing a pair of army fatigues and a khaki T-shirt that looked like it had been poured on his muscular body. Parvati’s mystery date had turned out to be Faroz. They’d taken over the couch to watch Spy Kids. Zara still couldn’t get her head around the pairing.
“All ready to go?” Instead of closing the door, Jay grabbed the top of the doorframe and did five easy pull-ups that made his biceps pop. “I’ve picked an easy seven-point-one-mile loop in Mount Tamalpais State Park. Anyone want to join us? The more the merrier.”
Faroz got up and sauntered over to Parvati’s bedroom door. “Nice day for a hike.” He grabbed Parvati’s doorframe and did ten pull-ups in quick succession then did a spin-turn jump to face Jay. “What do you say, Parv?”
With a sideways glance at Faroz, Jay grabbed the doorframe and repeated his set of five, this time with one arm. He dropped down with a grunt of satisfaction and the gleam of challenge in his eyes.
Parvati turned off the television and pushed to stand. “I say we’d better get out of here before all the testosterone in the air makes Zara and me want to do pull-ups on the kitchen cupboards and then we’ll have nowhere to store our treats.”
“Thank God,” Zara whispered as she followed Parvati to her room. “I was worried I was going to slow him down. He’d be wondering why he brought me, and I’d be wishing I were home in a nice warm bath or lying in a park somewhere catching some sun. We would have a terrible time and he’d never invite me on a hike again, which wouldn’t really be that bad, but also not good because he’s kind of growing on me and—”
“Take a breath.” Parvati pushed open her door. “It’ll be fine. He said it’s rated easy. How hard can it be?”
* * *
• • •
“Keep your eyes on the road.” Zara gave Jay’s leg a gentle slap when she caught him glaring at Parvati and Faroz, who had been making out in the back seat since the start of the trip. “Honestly, you’re worse than Parvati. Do you know how many accidents are caused by distracted driving?”
“We should be talking strategy, studying the flora and fauna and visualizing the trail,” he grumbled. “You don’t just walk into a hike blind. I don’t understand why no one wants to look at the topographical map or download the bird-identification app.”
“I looked at the map.” Zara patted the knee she’d just tapped. “And I downloaded the app. I didn’t know you were interested in birds.”
“When I was young, my mom used to take me to the park and we’d try to identify the birds. I took it up again to pass the time when I was deployed. Some days we were just sitting around waiting for orders.”
“I had pigeon pie when I was undercover in Morocco,” Faroz said from the back seat. “It was like chicken potpie but with more flavor. If we see some pigeons, I can catch them with a snare and cook ’em up for dinner.”
“He wants to identify them, not eat them,” Zara snapped.
“Is there a difference?”
Jay turned into the parking area on Panoramic Highway and they piled out of the vehicle. He’d brought along a massive pack that he slipped over his broad shoulders. “I’ve got everything we need right here,” he said proudly. “Tent, binoculars, grappling hooks, multi-tool, first-aid kit, altimeter watch, locator beacon, gaiters, flashlight, shovel, flint, ropes, solar blanket, flares, knife, SPF-rated lip balm, sunscreen, hand sanitizer . . . Pretty much everything you can think of. We’ll be safe from blizzards, storms, avalanches, wild-animal attacks . . .”
“What if we’re attacked by a murder of crows?” Parvati asked. “Like in that movie The Birds.”
“I’m carrying.” Faroz opened his jacket to reveal a weapon holstered across his chest. “We’ll have a lot of pies.”
Zara stared at him aghast. “Who brings a gun on a hike?”
“Someone hungry.”
For the first part of the hike Zara half ran, half jogged beside Jay as he pointed out verdant canyons and shrubby meadows with sweeping views of the ocean. His enthusiasm was infectious, and she was able to ignore the wheeze in her lungs and the burn in her legs to share in his delight. Their adventure took a downturn when they hit Steep Ravine Trail and the walk turned into a climb.
“What is this?” Zara panted. “You said it was easy. I came for waterfalls, babbling brooks, fields of flowers, and selfies of my glowing face as I pose on flat forest paths.”
“It was all right there on the topographical map.” Jay frowned. “I thought you looked at it.”
“I didn’t understand it. Geography was my worst mark in high school.” Her legs shook with each step. Unlike the stair climber at the gym, there was no off switch, no TV to distract her, no juice bar to replenish her energy, and no shower to cool her down.
“Do you need a rest?”
“Maybe just a breather.” Shirt soaked with sweat, she bent over and heaved in a breath while Jay ran up the trail to see what was ahead. Faroz followed after him, their hike turning into a testosterone-laced sprint as they raced for the top. Parvati sat on a log beside Zara and offered her some water.
“Did you mention to Jay that your workouts usually consist of watching reruns of Castle while you pedal the stationary bike on level one? Or running from the couch to the fridge and back before the end of a commercial?”
“I walk,” Zara said indignantly. “I’m not out of shape. Look how far I’ve come and I’m still standing.”
“We are half an hour into a four-hour hike and your shirt is so wet you’ll need to wring it out the next time we stop.”
“But he’s so happy,” she said. “I’ve never seen him so happy. He’s like a kid. Look at him bouncing around, running up and down the hill, doing pull-ups on the branches. I wouldn’t be surprised if he starts climbing trees.”
“Just watch your energy,” Parvati warned. “He won’t be so excited if you crash and he has to carry you down the mountain.”
“He made me eat an energy bar and fill my bottle with Gatorade. I’ve also stuffed my pockets with gummy bears and trail mix. I’m good to go.”
After Faroz and Jay returned, they followed Webb Creek and stopped to check out waterfalls and cascades before ascending a canyon nestled in a flourishing redwood forest. When Jay finally called a break, Zara collapsed in a soft bed of pine needles and tried not to sob.
“You’re doing good.” Jay bit into an energy bar. “We’re almost halfway. There’s a fixed ladder to help on a particularly steep section.”
“It’s so steep we need a ladder?” Her voice rose in pitch. “I can’t believe I agreed to this.”
“I can.” Jay stretched out beside her. “You’re doing it because you are a kind and generous person and because you like me.”
Zara’s gaze slid over to him, noting the smug expression. “You’re okay.”
“I’m more than okay or you wouldn’t be here.” He rolled to one side, propping up his head on his hand. “People with barely used hiking boots don’t go on hikes with people they just think are ‘okay.’ ”
“Fine.” She heaved a sigh. “I like you.”
“You more than like me.” He scooted over until he was only inches away, his voice darkly teasing.
“Are you attempting to cross-examine something out of me?” She pushed herself up on her elbows. “Because I am a cross-examination master and I can see through your tricks.”
“Is it a trick to admit a truth?” he asked softly. “I more than like you.”
Zara’s pulse kicked up a notch and she jumped to her feet. “Break time is over. Let’s get some more miles under our boots. The peak is waiting!”
“That’s what Sven Helfenstein said when we were climbing Everest.” Faroz caught up to them, his arm around a suspiciously disheveled Parvati. “Poor bastard didn’t make it to the top. I don’t use that phrase anymore because it’s a bad omen.”
“I don’t believe half the things you say,” Zara snapped, irritated that Jay had to make an already-challenging day worse by saying nice things and sharing his feelings.
“That hurts,” Faroz said. “Just because you choose not to see what’s in front of you doesn’t mean it isn’t real.”
“I liked you better when you were sleeping on my couch in the office.” She stomped away. “You didn’t talk as much.”
An hour later they reached the peak. Zara stood in the open grass, taking in the stunning view of the ocean and surrounding hillside. With the sun warm on her shoulders, a gentle ocean breeze cooling her sweat-soaked skin, and the subtle spicy-and-earthy scent of redwood in the air, she felt her pain and anger fade away.
“This is beautiful.” She turned a full circle, taking it all in. “You do feel like you’re at the top of the world. I take back all the mean things I said, as well as the swear words, curses, grumbles, moans, and a few unkind thoughts.”
“I finally have service.” Parvati held up her phone. “Good thing I wasn’t on call today.”
Jay put his arms around Zara, hugging her from behind. “The climb isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it in the end.”
Zara leaned against him. So solid. So strong. So safe. She couldn’t imagine not having him in her life. Maybe she did more than like him. What would happen if she said the words out loud?
“Jay?”
“Just a second.” He released her and pulled out his phone. “I’m getting a lot of messages. It must be an emergency.”
His face paled when he looked at the screen. He stalked over to the edge of the cliff to make a call and was back a few minutes later. “There was a motor-vehicle accident. Mom and Rick are in the hospital. They’ve been badly hurt.”
* * *
• • •
Jay was barely aware of the hike down the mountain or the trip out of the park in his SUV. With Faroz at the wheel—Zara had refused to let Jay drive—and Parvati on the phone with her contacts trying to get more information about the accident, there was little he could do but worry. The accident hadn’t happened on Rick’s bike, as he’d initially feared, but in his mother’s car at an intersection that she passed through every day. A pickup truck had blown through a red light, T-boning her car and sending it into a spin. Both she and Rick were in surgery, but their status was unknown.
Zara sat beside him and held his hand. He was grateful for her comfort, grateful for her friends who were there to support him, grateful that she had taken charge of the situation so he could focus on getting a handle on his emotions. He couldn’t lose his mother. She was all the family he had.
Forty-five minutes later, Faroz dropped them off outside the ER. Jay had everything under control until he reached the hospital door. A cold chill swept through his body. Fear froze him in place.
“Jay?” Zara tugged his hand. “Come on. Let’s get inside.”
His heart pounded so hard he thought it would break a rib. Flashes of noises and images burst into his mind, stealing his breath away. A deafening crack. Flames. Twisted metal. Blood and falling bodies. Nausea gripped his belly and the world shifted beneath his feet.
“Jay!” Zara’s voice was further away but sharp with concern.
Sweat beaded on his forehead and his stomach clenched with a violent pain that took his breath away. He braced himself with a shaking hand on the brick wall and tried not to give in to the black haze creeping in the sides of his vision. Terror. Panic. Screaming— God, the screaming.
“Jay? Talk to me. What’s wrong?” Gentle hands cupped his face, cool and soothing, but she couldn’t take his pain away.
He felt like he was choking, had to force out the words. “Just. Need. A. Minute.”
“Parvati!” Zara’s shout echoed around them, bouncing off the wall, the awning, the pavement under his feet. “Something’s wrong with Jay.”
Hands on his arms. Fingers on the pulse of his neck, his wrist. Dark eyes blinking up at him. A hazy face.
“Looks like a panic attack.” Calm voice. Cool tone. Confident. “You said he was in the air force. It might be PTSD. Help him to the bench.”
Panic? He didn’t panic. He had been trained not to panic. He had banished the panic along with the memories of the helicopter going down.
Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to stand tall, pushed the fear back inside, back to the land of nightmares. His mother was in there and she needed him. He was no use to her standing outside. “I’m good.” He shrugged off the hands, resisted the pull of the bench and the oblivion that waited if he didn’t get a handle on this right now. Closing his eyes, he locked it down using the sheer power of his will.
“I think you should sit down.” Zara tugged his hand.
“I said I’m fine,” he barked. “You don’t need to be here. Just go.” Civility was a luxury he couldn’t afford when it was taking all his effort to stay in control, to fight the horror of the past and the fear of losing his mom, of being finally and utterly alone. Body and mind on the edge, he couldn’t handle emotion right now, especially not the complicated emotional tangle that was Zara Patel.
“I want to be with you,” she said. “I want to be here for you.”
“I can’t.” He ripped his hand out of her grasp. “I can’t handle this right now. Zara, please just go.”
* * *
• • •
The nightmare woke him. It was always the same. One moment he was trading jokes with JD. The next moment JD was gone, and the world was smoke and fire and twisted metal and a hole where the controls were supposed to be. And then he was falling, spinning, the wind whistling through the shattered window, men screaming . . . Storm. Where was Storm? So much loss. So many souls. His heart breaking. The ground rushed up to greet him and he braced for the impact. This time he would do it right. This time he would go with them. This time he would be free.
“Jay. Wake up.”
Heart racing, Jay jerked awake, his body drenched in sweat, his stomach roiling. Half in and half out of the nightmare, he shook his head, tried to clear the cobwebs from his brain. It had been worse this time, so much worse. So real. He could still smell the fuel, still feel the ache in his chest from the harness, the burn on his hand when he’d reached for a yoke and found flames instead.
“Jay.”
A woman’s voice. Low. Urgent. A waver of fear. Still, he didn’t understand. Still, he heard the screams, felt terror wrap icy fingers around his heart.
“It’s me. Zara.”
He blinked, vision clearing as he pulled himself out of the nightmare. Zara stood at the foot of his bed, one hand over her eye. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to check on you. When you didn’t answer the door, I asked your super to let me in. He knew me from the last time I was here. He was picking crab apples, and I gave him my aunt’s recipe for crab apple jelly . . .” She trailed off, shaking her head. “It doesn’t matter. You were having another nightmare. Worse than the other ones. I shook you and . . .” She dropped her hand. “I shouldn’t have touched you.”
He stared at her in horror. “I hurt you.”
“I’m okay,” she said lightly. “No damage. I just need some ice.”
He pushed himself up, jaw clenched at the raw sting of being so brutally exposed. “You shouldn’t be here.”
“I was worried about you. When I found out your mom was out of surgery, I called but you didn’t answer. A nurse at the hospital said a doctor had checked you out and insisted you go home. Did he give you something to help you sleep? I can ask Parvati . . .”
