Havoc's Fox: The Legacy Series, page 11
“Sure, it is. While I know you love what you do and have a certain passion for it, you intentionally accept assignments that keep you far from home so you can work around the past. Your brain is always focused on anything to stimulate it so that it doesn’t wander back to, or linger on the past.”
Analise scowled. “No. It’s just the nature of the job and where it takes me.”
Tempest nodded slowly, but was clearly not convinced. “I guess the fact that you only choose unavailable males to date has nothing to do with your preoccupation with the past, either. As long as they’re not capable of becoming attached, you won’t either.”
“We just all have other priorities in life, and especially in my field,” Analise huffed.
“Okay.”
“Okay,” Analise repeated.
“I wonder, though, if that’s all it is, why your subconscious seizes every opportunity to remind you of what you’re running from. Why your soul sneaks away any chance it gets to commune with the only other soul it knows that can soothe it, help it heal, give it a sense of being complete.”
“My soul doesn’t…”
“Come on, Analise. Every time you close your eyes, you’re with Havoc,” Tempest said.
“Why are you doing this?” Analise asked, blinking away tears again.
“To help you see.”
“I see you being mean!”
“I’m not trying to be mean. I’m trying to help you realize that whether you want to leave him behind, or take him with you on your adventures, neither can happen until you let yourself leave the past behind. You wrap it around yourself like a cloak to keep not only him, but anyone else from getting too close. You use it to remind yourself not to feel, to remain aloof and above anything that evokes too much emotion. That’s why your soul ventures out to ‘feed’ itself, for lack of a better term.”
“My soul doesn’t go anywhere. It’s right here inside me.”
“You ever heard of astral projection?” Tempest asked.
“Yes, but I don’t know how to do it, or if I even believe in it.”
“It’s nothing new, and nothing too terribly complicated. Some of my family can do it at will.”
“Wow,” Analise said, sitting there with a shocked expression on her face as she stared at nothing, trying to make heads or tails of everything Tempest was saying.
“And it’s also why your dreams feel so real. Why Havoc can’t wait to go to sleep every single night, just in case it’s one of the nights he gets to spend with you.”
Analise grew quiet, watching Tempest cautiously.
Tempest waited her out.
Eventually Analise spoke in almost a whisper. “They’re just dreams.”
Tempest shook her head.
“They’re just dreams, Tempest,” Analise said more confidently.
Tempest shook her head again. “If you don’t give your soul what it needs, it will find a way to get it, or it will slowly wither and die. Luckily for you, it found a way to get what it needs.”
“What does it need?” Analise asked, her voice hushed.
“You know.”
“I don’t want him. I can’t expose myself again. It’s safer to remember that and just keep myself a little bit apart.”
Tempest smiled. “I thought you didn’t live in the past.”
“I don’t, but I don’t forget either.”
“Look, what you do or don’t do, isn’t any of my business. But I can tell you that the unsettled, lost feeling that overwhelms you every time you think you’re finally in control, won’t go away until you finally make a choice and move on. Whatever direction you choose, you have to move on.”
Analise sat thinking about what she’d thought were only dreams. “Sometimes in the dreams I went to him.”
“He’s a part of you, Analise. Going to him is instinctive. But the simple truth is that if you really don’t want him, you can break that bond.”
“I did that years ago.”
“No, you didn’t. You fractured it, but you subconsciously weren’t ready to break it, so you didn’t. When the pain became too great, you stopped just short of completely severing it.”
“We’re still bound?” Analise asked.
“Yeah. I can feel it. It’s tenuous, but it’s there.”
Analise sighed. “I thought it was broken. I’m not sure I can do this.”
“Do what?”
“Any of it. Completely severing the bond. Being with him. Walking away from him. Seeing him every single damn time I want to spend time with my mom and dad. I just can’t. I don’t want any of it! I shouldn’t have to deal with this! I didn’t do anything wrong!”
Tempest extended her hand. “Can I hold your hand for a moment? And you don’t have to say yes just because I’m Brandt’s mate.”
Analise smiled, knowing that Tempest read her thoughts. She had indeed been wondering what Tempest would say if she refused. Analise placed her hand in Tempest’s, slowly, like she thought the contact might burn her or something.
Tempest looked into Analise’s eyes as she held her hand, looking into her soul, her heart. Finally, Tempest canted her head. “You decided a long time ago that you’d never forgive him. Never trust him. Never give him another chance. You’re still punishing him.”
“But I’m not. I no longer care enough to punish him. I’m just protecting me. I mean, I did punish him, and he deserved it, but I don’t anymore. I just want no part of him.”
“Yet you can’t let go either.”
Analise glared at Tempest, pulling her hand back.
“Do you think he’d make the same mistakes?” Tempest asked.
“Do you think he’d make the same mistakes?” Analise countered.
“I don’t know. I don’t know him well. But you do.”
“I don’t know him well. All I know is the boy I used to love. He’s not that boy anymore.”
“No, he’s not. He’s a man with different points of view, different values, a different life and more than a fair dose of life experience behind him.”
“I’ve spent so long working at keeping him separate from me, in all ways, that I’m not sure I can ever see him any other way than that boy.”
“Seems simple enough to me. Forgive the boy or write him off, or both. But maybe take the time to give the man a chance to prove himself. The thing is, the man you’re holding at arms’ length, isn’t the boy who betrayed you all those years ago. Fate really did a number on the two of you.”
“Lucky us, the only two ever to be messed with by fate.”
Tempest laughed boisterously. When she finally got herself under control, she grinned at Analise. “Not even close. Remind me to tell you about my family some day.”
“Really? What happened?”
“Well, the short of it is that my grandfather, not my real one, my spiritual one, messed around with his brother’s human mate. The brother got mad and sentenced her to hell, though she wasn’t actually dead. My great aunt, again, not real but spiritual, put her own soul inside the girl to help her survive until she could find a way to get her out of hell. In the meantime, the brother who was betrayed cursed my spiritual grandfather to lose everything he ever loved. His mate was stolen from him, and my mother — his daughter — was cursed to live over and over again never finding happiness until my great aunt decided enough was enough and stepped in to guide her. And my father, was cursed to stand as a tree in one place for so many years they can’t be counted until my mother who had no idea who she was, much less who he was, finally recognized him after many of her lives of wandering near him and not even realizing and freed him and even then it was accidental. So many lives torn apart because of selfishness and jealously and resentment. Fate orchestrated it all, or at least provided the backdrop to sit back and watch it all play out in. Fate is a cruel bitch; I can tell you that for sure.”
“Oh, my God,” Analise said, horrified that a family could do any of that to one another, for generations no less.
“Look, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. But if you don’t make a choice somewhere along the way, you might end up losing something you don’t even know you want. Be strong enough to step up and change the course of your life as opposed to just waiting to see what plays out and adjusting from there. You started to do it with getting your education and moving to Boston. Take control back. Stop hiding. Establish yourself firmly in the here and now and find peace within yourself instead of keeping everyone at a safe distance. Or not. Just my point of view, for what it’s worth. And I’m here, always, no matter what you need. All you have to do is call for me. I’ll hear you, and I’ll be right there as quickly as you can blink.”
“You can do that?” Analise asked.
Tempest winked at Analise and misted to the other side of the room where the stairs were.
“Oh, crap!” Analise exclaimed.
Tempest laughed. “I mean it. Call me if you need me, even if all you want is to talk.”
Analise nodded. “Thank you for coming to talk to me.”
“I had to. You were screaming in agony.”
“I was?”
“Parts of you were. You’ll be alright. Close your eyes and take the leap — in any direction. At least you’ll be moving forward from the one point in your history that has held you prisoner all these years.”
~~~
After a hearty dinner, several desserts, and seconds of dinner, Kaid finally dragged himself up off Bam’s sofa. “Y’all ready?” he asked, intentionally poking his stomach out more than it would normally protrude and rubbing it as he arched his back.
“For?” Delilah asked.
“That bonfire they been building out there,” Kaid answered.
“Yes, indeed,” Vince said. “Let’s get to it. Daniel, you ready?”
Daniel who’d been finishing off another serving of Avaleigh’s bread pudding turned around mid-chew. “Hmm?”
“We’re going to light the fire,” Vince said.
“Alright. Let’s go,” he said, quickly finishing off his third dessert.
Bane held his hand out to Janie. “You ready?”
“I am. I have a stack of blankets by the front door. I just have to go grab them,” Janie answered.
“I’ll get them, Mama.”
“Would you?” Janie asked.
“Of course. I’ll meet you outside,” Daisy said, hurrying outside to run across to their house and get the blankets her mother had gathered for the fire.
“I’ve got some, too,” Everly said. “I’ll get them out of the hall closet.”
“I’ll help, Ever,” Bam said, getting to the closet ahead of her.
As Kaid’s generation made their way outside, Brandt’s generation was just finishing the final touches on the bonfire.
“Damn, boy, how big you want that damn fire?” Goldy teased.
Brandt turned and grinned at Goldy. “Big enough for Miss Sadie to see it through the windows.”
Goldy smiled, warmed that they wanted to be sure to include Sadie though she didn’t really want to be outside. “I appreciate that, Brandt.”
“She can see that damn thing from town if she looked hard enough,” Maverik snapped.
Kaid laughed. “Hey, when you do something, you do it big or don’t bother, right?” he asked Brandt.
“That’s how I was always taught,” Brandt answered. He raised his voice to make it clear he was speaking to everybody. “We set up chairs and blankets everywhere. Just pick a place and sit.”
“Christian, why don’t you and your friend come sit with us?” Natalie asked.
Christian looked at Addie who’d been keeping in close proximity to him as they helped assemble the bonfire. “You mind sitting with my family?”
“Yeah, come tell us who your new girlfriend is,” Jonah called out.
“Shut up, Jonah,” Raeann snapped, shoving her brother.
“You shut up. I’m teasing and he knows it,” Jonah said. “Just being with a girl don’t mean nothing. Girls are just friends until you decide otherwise.”
Havoc was walking past at that particular point in time. He stopped and looked at Jonah. “What did you say?”
“I said, girls are just friends until you say otherwise.”
Havoc huffed a laugh and stepped closer to Jonah. “You know about me?”
“Kinda.”
“Get somebody to tell you. And change your attitude, or you’ll end up miserable for the rest of your life. A woman means something to you, treat them like they do.”
Havoc’s voice had an undercurrent of snarl as he spoke and Jonah took a step back and he lowered his gaze to the ground instead of directly at Havoc.
“Do you understand what I’m saying to you?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Maybe I’ve saved you some of the hell I’ve lived for the last six years.” Havoc shared a look with Vince who nodded encouragingly to him, glad for the little bit of comeuppance Havoc had stopped to deliver.
“What’s he talking about?” Jonah asked a bit resentfully.
“He cheated on his mate, acted like she had to take it and would forgive him no matter what he did. She won’t have anything to do with him now and she’s all he wants,” Christian said.
Addie’s eyes grew wide and she looked up at Christian. “You mean, that’s why Analise won’t have anything to do with him? He cheated on his mate? She’s his mate?”
Christian nodded.
“He’s lucky he wasn’t my mate. He’d be castrated,” Addie said.
Christian laughed, as did Vince and Natalie. A strong mate is what they hoped for for all their kids.
“Addie, this is my family. My mother, Natalie, my father, Vince, and my brother and sister, Raeann and Jonah.”
Addie realized what she’d said in front of his parents and immediately flushed red in a full body blush.
“It’s okay, honey. I’d have done the same,” Natalie said, holding out a hand for Addie to come to her. “Come tell me about you. Where did Christian meet you?”
A few feet away Kaid leaned over to Delilah, never taking his eyes off Barron on the other side of the wood piled high for the fire. “Why is Emmalyn chasing Barron?”
Delilah who’d been chatting with everyone nearby looked up at Kaid then followed his line of sight to see what he was looking at. Her brows creased as she watched, tuning into her son and Emmalyn.
“Why are you avoiding me?” Emmalyn demanded.
“Emmalyn, this is a family gathering. I’m just trying to visit a little with everybody.”
“Then why do you walk away every time I get close?”
“I’m standing here now. I didn’t walk away.”
“Yeah, because I’m holding onto your arm.”
“Emmalyn, just let it go, alright. This isn’t the time or place to go over all this.”
“You didn’t have any trouble last night going over every single inch between us and then some!”
Barron stood dispassionately, looking at her.
Delilah and Kaid shared a what-the-hell look, before they went back to watching their son and Emmalyn.
“So, it’s okay to spend time with me last night, but in the light of day you avoid me. I thought last night meant something. I might have thought we mated.”
Barron shook his head. “Emmalyn, we had a nice night. That’s it.”
“That’s it? That’s it?! That’s what you have to say about us spending the night together?”
Brandt left Tempest’s side and moved a little closer to the side of the gathering that Emmalyn had Barron cornered on.
Barron saw him move into view. I got it, he sent to Brandt in his head voice.
Brandt took a step or two back, but remained basically where he’d been and on alert.
“You know, after all the years, and all the back and forth, I really thought that once it happened, it would be for good,” Emmalyn said.
“You know what you mean to me,” Barron said.
“I thought I did,” Emmalyn answered.
“You also know that you made it perfectly clear years ago that when you mated it wouldn’t be with me, because as I remember it, I’m just a childhood friend that doesn’t ever want more than our parents had.”
Emmalyn moved a few inches away from Barron like he’d slapped her.
“I didn’t mean it that way. I just meant I wanted to travel and get away from rural Louisiana. I wanted more out of life. I didn’t mean there was anything wrong with this life, I just needed more.”
“And I left you free to find it. Enjoy the bonfire.” Barron turned and walked away, leaving her standing there. He went straight to where his parents and his little sister sat and took a seat on the blanket beside them.
Delilah’s and Kaid’s noses both flared as they scented their son for any trace of a scent change, their gazes locking as they realized at the same time what had happened.
“Leave it,” Barron snapped.
“Are you alright?” Delilah asked.
“I’m fine, Mom.”
“You need anything?” Kaid asked.
“No, I got this.”
Brandt walked over and looked down at him. “Take a walk?”
Barron nodded and jumped to his feet. Though Brandt was his best friend, he was also his Alpha so he wasn’t going to refuse him.
As they walked away from the family groups Brandt and Barron gave the appearance they were just strolling, but it was clear from their posture that they were tense.
“What’s happening?” Brandt asked.
“Nothing,” Barron answered.
Brandt turned to look at his best friend and just stared at him as they continued walking. “Is it official?” he finally asked.
Barron shrugged. “Partially.”
“Partially?”
“Started it. Didn’t finish it.”
“Why?”
“Why did I start it, or why didn’t I finish it?” Barron asked, finally meeting Brandt’s gaze.
“Yeah,” Brandt snapped.
“I want it more than anything I’ve ever wanted in my life. But she made it clear I’m not enough. Stirring up old emotions on a holiday trip home isn’t enough to base forever on, so I stopped.”
“She’s pissed.”
“She’ll get over it,” Barron said.
