It Was Always You, page 1
Contents
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Epilogue
Afterword
About the Author
It Was Always You
Copyright © 2017 by S.L. Sterling.
All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in, or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means (mechanical, electronic, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of the book. This is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, character, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. DISCLAIMER: This book contains mature content not suitable for those under the age of 18. It involves strong language and sexual situations. All parties portrayed in sexual situations are consenting adults over the age of 18.
ISBN: 978-1-7751087-1-9 (Epub)
ISBN: 978-1-7751087-2-6 (Mobi)
Editor: Brandi Salazar Editorial Service
Interior Formatting: Tiffany Black of T.E. Black Designs; www.teblackdesigns.com
Cover Design: Tiffany Black of T.E. Black Designs; www.teblackdesigns.com
Cover Image: www.depositphotos.com
Dedicated to my husband.
Thank you for always believing in me.
I sat on the couch looking out the front window at the dark clouds rolling in. I heard thunder in the distance, and rain pounded on the glass.
"You need to decide, Tatum. I need to let them know in two days, or else this opportunity will be gone. I want you to move with me." Parker placed his hand under my chin, lifting my head so he could look into my eyes. "Please don't let this be the end of us. We are great together."
I swallowed hard. He had received an offer from the Emerald Bay Police Department. It was only a short eight-hour drive away, and he had to decide in forty-eight hours. I looked away from his crystal-blue eyes—eyes that would make any woman weak in the knees. "I'm not sure I can, Parker. I just got the job at that magazine. It won’t look good if I change my mind and tell them I’m leaving. I'd also have a hard time leaving Elliott so soon after us losing Mom and Dad. I'm all he has now."
Stroking my hand as he held it in his, he placed his arm around me and pulled me into his muscular chest. I tried hard to hide the tears, but they escaped anyway.
"I know everything in your life has changed, and quick at that. I don't want you to feel as if I'm leaving you as well because that's not what I'm doing. If you're unsure about moving right away, how about we try a long-distance relationship? I'll go find us a place, get through the training and get on my feet, and then you can move down with me? It will give you time to put out resumes in the area. In the meantime, you can get experience working here, possibly get a referral." He wiped the tears from my face. I had always loved the feel of his warm, strong hand on my cheek. "Please, love, don't cry."
I thought about what he had suggested. The option sounded good, but something in my gut told me it wouldn’t work. I wasn't sure if it was the fear of another major change in my life that was causing me to feel sick, or the fear of losing him. I was also afraid that in the time we would be apart that he would meet someone else. We would be looking at six months at least before we would be together, and a lot could happen in six months. "I know you have been through a lot of shit in the past year, and a lot of adjustments. Please don't shut me out. Talk to me, tell me what you're thinking." I could see his hopes disintegrating the longer I remained silent.
"What if it doesn't work out? I mean, it is long distance. It's not like we can be with one another every weekend. We’d be lucky to see one another once or twice out of the six months. Neither one of us can afford to fly or drive back and forth."
"No, you're right. But once my training is over in six weeks, I'll have blocks of time off and will be able to drive back here and stay with you."
"But I can't guarantee I'll have those days off and won't have work in the evening to do, so you'll be sitting here watching me."
Parker leaned forward and placed his head in his hands. "I would rather sit here watching you than not have you in my life."
"Parker, I am serious."
"So am I. It’s only six months."
"I don't know, Parker." I looked up into his eyes and couldn't stop more tears from falling from my own.
"So then, what you're saying is this may be it for us?" I could hardly hear the words he muttered as he stood up.
"No, Parker, that's not what I am saying. I'm trying to be realistic."
I watched Parker walk toward the door. I didn't know what I was saying. A big part of me didn't want to be without him, even for a short period of time. I knew we could work through pretty much anything. The other part of me knew letting him go to concentrate on his new career was the right thing to do. The last thing he needed was to be worrying about me. I tried to take a deep breath, but felt choked.
"Doesn't sound like it. I've worked too hard to give up on this opportunity, Tatum. You seem to be making excuses. Elliott will be applying to the same force I am, and once he gets his call, he’ll move away too. You’re using work as a crutch to fight what you want because you're afraid."
Everything he was saying was true. I was afraid of another change, and it was killing me inside.
“I'm sorry, Tatum, but I have to go, and I'm sorry if you are not okay with it. I guess if this is it for us, then so be it."
Parker stopped and turned before he walked out the door and gave me a look I wished I could wash from my memory forever. "This"—he waved his finger between us—"is breaking my heart."
I stood to go to him. I wanted him to wrap me in his strong arms. And feel that embrace that, over the last couple years had healed the worst pain.
"I've got to go."
Tears poured down my cheeks, and my body shook. I went to the window and watched him walk down the front walkway, his head held low, and like that, he walked out of my life. I had never thought I would feel the pain of losing someone again so soon after Mom and Dad died. I especially never thought it would be Parker.
That night, Parker asked Elliott to drive him to the airport. Elliott told me that they were going to remain friends, even though we had broken up. I hoped they always would. After all, they had been friends before we started dating, and he was a good influence for my brother.
I was lying in bed when my phone rang. Parker’s picture populated my screen. I knew I had made a huge mistake by not going with him or at least trying to make it work. I was too overwhelmed to deal with it right then, so I let the call go to voice mail. I curled up into the fetal position on my bed and cried. The last time I had laid this way, Parker had held me while I cried, not once letting me go throughout the night. How I longed to feel him behind me.
After an hour of tears, I played the message he had left. "I'm sorry that we ended things the way we did and without a true good-bye. I know in my heart that one day, we will find our way back to one another. I hope it doesn’t take too long, but it will be what it will be. If you need me for anything, anything at all, please call or text me. I wish you luck with everything and want you to know that I love you."
My vision grew cloudy with tears, and my chest hurt. I couldn't help myself. Without hesitation, I dialed his number. I wanted to tell him I had made a mistake and would be on the next flight out, but it went straight to voice mail.
I wiped the tears from my cheeks and hung up my phone in time for the front door to open and Elliott to walk in. He gave my shoulders a squeeze as he walked by the couch. "How about we watch a movie?"
8 Years Later
I threw my purse on the couch and hung my jacket on the back of the chair. Removing my shoes, I let my feet sink into the plush carpet. It had been a long week, and I was glad the day had come to an end. I had left work early tonight. It was our one-year anniversary, and Dean was taking me to a steak house for dinner, and then to a hotel for the night. Wanting to be ready when he picked me up, I turned the radio to the hits station and headed to the bathroom.
I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around me then towel dried my hair and wiped the fog off the mirror. Looking at my reflection, my stomach did a little flip as soon as the thought of Dean entered my mind.
"I need to cancel our date again. I am sorry, but they need me to work late tonight on the case."
Being a partner in the law firm was important to Dean, but I had a sinking feeling that the last few times he had canceled on me wasn't because of work. Our relationship hadn't been the greatest lately. He seemed withdrawn, short-tempered, and demanding. He was always on his phone messaging people.
I went to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of wine. I took a sip, letting the cool liquid slide down my throat while checking for messages on my phone. Swiping at the screen, I saw a message from Dean.
DEAN: WILL BE ABOUT AN HOUR LATE, COURT WENT OVERTIME, AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.
“Of course it did,” I mumbled. Throwing my phone down on the counter, I headed back to my bedroom with my wine.
Going to my closet, I started sorting through my dresses, finally deciding on my favorite little black cocktail dress. It fit me in all the right places, and I wanted to look good for Dean. He was always complaining that I never looked good enough. I had finished my makeup when my phone rang, my stomach doing another flip as I answered.
"Did that douche cancel on you yet?" Elliott's voice poured over the phone. He had a major dislike for Dean and didn't have any problem showing it.
I smiled into the phone. I missed him something terrible. Three years ago, he moved to pursue his dreams of becoming a cop. He had been sent to the undercover unit six months ago and was just about to complete his training. "Hey, Elliott. No, he hasn't canceled, but he will be late. I appreciate you checking in on me with such high hopes," I giggled.
"Well, text me if he does, and the next time I'm in town, I'll come and kick his ass. I can't have someone treat my little sister that way." He laughed into the phone.
All joking aside, I knew he was serious.
I gave a small smile. Elliott had always looked after me. "How are things, Elliott? How is work going?"
"Going great! I'm loving it. It has been challenging, that’s for sure. Hey, I got something for you. I bet you'll never guess who my training officer is for this new department."
"How would I even begin to guess who your trainer is, Elliott?" I took another sip of my wine.
"It’s Parker." In an instant, it was as if all the air had been sucked out of the room. "Tatum, did you hear me?"
I swallowed hard; thanking God Elliott couldn’t see my reaction. I downed the rest of my wine. My mind was running in all different directions. I wondered what he looked like now. Was he married with kids? Why had I never bothered to get in touch with him? I took a deep breath, trying to silence my mind. "Well, at least I know you're in good hands. How is he?"
"He's doing well. I stayed with him after I got hired on the unit, my apartment was under renovation. It's been easier having someone here that I know, which reminds me, when are you coming down to visit me?"
"I have time off at the end of the month. I should be able to come down then. Dean will be away." I added more wine to my glass, having a hard time believing I had let that slip out.
"Dean will be away? I don't understand why that would matter. You’re coming to visit your brother."
Taking notice of the time on the clock, I needed to get going and finish getting ready. "Elliott, I have to go. Dean should be here shortly."
"Tatum, I'd like an answer before we get off the phone."
"I mean, I won't have other engagements on my week off is all." Truth was, Dean didn't like Elliott either, and he didn't want me to see him anymore. We had had some major arguments the last few times Elliott had come back home. The last argument ended with me being forbidden to see my brother.
"Okay…” He was hesitant. "Remember, I'm always here if you need me to come up and kick him around. Just say the word."
After we said our good-byes, I started working on my hair, but my mind kept wandering to Parker. I hadn't thought of him since I met Dean. I always wondered what would have happened if I had moved with him.
Picking up my cell phone, I swiped to the contacts screen and pulled Parker’s information up.
His contact picture opened, and I stared into that face, those eyes that still made my panties damp. If I thought hard enough, I could still feel his arms around me. My body pressed into his hard, well-defined chest. I could imagine those sexy, full lips kissing my lips and my neck, and his strong hands touching my body. Hands I still wished had explored every part of my body.
I clicked the text icon next to his name and typed hello then stared at the blinking cursor, trying to get up the courage to hit send, but hit delete instead. Who was I kidding? He wouldn't want to hear from me.
I wondered what his wife looked like, how cute his kids would be. "She is lucky to have you," I whispered to his photo.
I shut the phone off and concentrated on fixing my hair. Without warning, a feeling of pure regret poured over me. I would regret that breakup for the rest of my life.
"Did you enjoy dinner?" Dean questioned as he pulled up to the hotel’s valet parking and put the car in park.
"Yes, it was amazing. I would have enjoyed it more had you put your phone on silent and paid attention to us. It kept going off. What could be that important at eight o’clock on a Friday night?" The valet opened the door for me, and I climbed out of the car then grabbed my small bag from the back seat.
"What I was needed for doesn't concern you, now does it? I will make sure everything is wrapped up once we are in the room. It should only take me about forty-five minutes, and then you will have my undivided attention. I hope that meets your approval." Glaring at me, Dean ripped the bag from my hand, and without waiting for me, walked into the hotel.
"I'm sorry. I guess I've missed you these past few weeks. I wanted to have you all to myself tonight. You are leaving Sunday for a week," I whispered while standing in line waiting to check in.
Dean gave out a huff and stood with his body turned away from me, his face in his phone. He was responding to one email or text after another. Once again, I felt ignored as I had for the past few months.
"Give me some time when we get upstairs to take care of what I need to get finished, and then you'll have me all to yourself."
"I'll be over there." I moved to the nearest lounge, sat down and checked my phone. It was as if he didn't even hear me. I could feel tears threatening to fall. His short temper was making me feel as if he didn’t want to be with me. Was there something so wrong with wanting to spend time with the person you love? I checked my email. When I unlocked my phone, the picture of Parker greeted me.
"What are you looking at?" I heard a rough voice demand, and I saw a hand reach out for my phone.
I shoved the phone into my jacket pocket before he could grab it from me. "Nothing, reading an email from work," I lied.
"Let’s go," he demanded.
As soon as we arrived at our suite, Dean shut himself in the bedroom. I sent Elliott a quick message to let him know all was okay and that I would call him tomorrow. Not knowing how long Dean would be, I took my phone and headed into the bathroom. I turned the water on and filled up the Jacuzzi, disrobed, and climbed in. Lying back, I let the water cover my body and the heat soak on in, easing the stress and tension I was feeling.
Dean knocked on the door before opening it and brought in a glass of white wine. "I had room service bring up a bottle." He handed me the glass and sat on the edge of the tub. "Listen, one of the guys from the office is bringing over a couple documents I have to get signed tonight, so I am going to head down and meet him in the lobby. I shouldn't be too long."
Sighing, I took a sip and relaxed back in the water. "Whatever. Close the door please." I had nothing more to say. I could see that work would always come first, and I would always, no matter what, be on the back burner.
Dean glared into my eyes but said nothing. With the attitude I had been giving him, I knew I was pushing my luck. He stood and walked to the door, pulling it shut behind him. When the main door slammed shut, I started to cry. This was not how I pictured the evening going, never mind this relationship.
