Tower of the Noobs: Noobtown Book 7 (A LitRPG Adventure), page 1
Tower of the Noobs
Noobtown Book 7 (A LitRPG Adventure)
Ryan Rimmel
Copyright © 2022 Ryan Rimmel
All rights reserved
The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written permission of the publisher.
ISBN-13: 9781234567890
ISBN-10: 1477123456
Cover design by: Alexander Rito
Library of Congress Control Number: 2018675309
Printed in the United States of America
To my wife. It was a rough year but we pulled through.
Thanks to Alexander Rito @ Podium for a great cover.
Thanks to the rest of the Podium crew: Victoria, Emily et al.
Also thanks to all of you who continue to read my badger related insanity.
Thanks to JasonK and BenH for being amazing Alpha Readers.
Thanks to my Paterons, especially: Christian, Isaak, Jason, JB, Karen, Luc, Michael, Mikey, Offndawoods, Rose, SeanM, SeanR, Shaun and Xander.
And to Parry, the contest winner. I'm sorry.
Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Other books by Ryan Rimmel
More Ryan Rimmel
Chapter 1: Puma Check
Chapter 2: Unexpected Class
Chapter 3: The Demon Door Boogaloo
Chapter 4: Mayoring
Chapter 5: The Chamber of Souls
Chapter 6: Fenris’ Working Day
Chapter 7: Remort Reprocessing
Chapter 8: Life at the Wizard’s Academy
Chapter 9: Digging our way to Freedom
Chapter 10: Clouds of Power
Chapter 11: The road to adventure!
Chapter 12: Zentarim, the City.
Chapter 13 Classroom Antics
Chapter 14: The Break In
Chapter 15: That belongs in a Museum
Chapter 16: The Escape
Chapter 17: Attack on the Academy
Chapter 18: The Library
Chapter 19: I’m not staying in this room
Chapter 20: The Fire
Chapter 21: Fragments of Time
Chapter 22: Rooftop Engagement
Chapter 23: Attack of the Clones
Chapter 24: I know what I’m doing!
Chapter 25: The Library of Doom
Chapter 26: To the Tower
Chapter 27: Outskirts of Fillydelphia
Chapter 28: The Power of Stairs
Chapter 29: The Buddy House
Chapter 30: That’s a Big Rune
Chapter 31: Row Row Row my fist, right into your face
Chapter 32: Back in Windfall
Chapter 33: I’m not your buddy, friend.
Chapter 34: Badger Kai
Chapter 35: The Ultimate Disease
Chapter 36: Finding the Lair of the Sphinx
Chapter 37: The Worst Pet
Chapter 38: Feck a Duck
Chapter 39: Sing Off
Chapter 40: Bringing a Bazooka to a Knife Fight
Chapter 41: Hair Today, Hair Tomorrow
Chapter 42: A long awaited meeting
Chapter 43: The Chosen of the Goddess
Chapter 44: Come fly away
Chapter 45: Back in Windfall, Again
Chapter 46: The Castle of Charles
Chapter 47: Penetrating the Dungeon
Chapter 48: Get your Loot on!
Chapter 49: The Season of Sneaking
Chapter 50: The Sphinx’s Lair
Chapter 51: The Light Shines
Chapter 52: Invincible
Chapter 53: Battle of the Disco Ball
Chapter 54: The Sphinx, part Deux
Chapter 55: Updating Syntax
Chapter 56: My Life
Chapter 57 - Absolution
Chapter 58: Plans in Plans
Chapter 59: Killing Charles
Chapter 60: Saving the City
Epilogue
From the Author
Other books by Ryan Rimmel
Noobtown Series:
Mayor of Noobtown (Audio)
Village of Noobtown (Audio)
Castle of the Noobs (Audio)
Dungeons and Noobs (Audio)
Noob Game Plus (Audio)
Nautical Noobs (Audio)
Other Series
The Chronicles of Sir Crabby
Deepwater Dungeon (Audio)
Fifth Era Apocalypse (March 2023)
One Bad Roll (Audio)
More Ryan Rimmel
Get alerted on new releases, promos, and more by following Ryan on Facebook or Patreon. For those audiobook lovers, don’t miss Johnathan McClain’s incredible performance of Tower of Noobs when its released!
Chapter 1: Puma Check
“Puma check,” I bellowed, cleaving a slime monster in half. I continued marching forward. Hansa limped back to cover the rear. She had failed her last puma check and suffered greatly for it.
Badgelor growled. In situations like this, he disliked being a shoulder-mounted turret. However, his laser vision was just too useful for picking off stray monsters. Besides, the girls needed his help.
The dungeon under the castle had led us to this final corridor, toward the dungeon boss. I was less than impressed. The area looked almost swamp-like and smelled fouler than a goblin’s crotch. For the last twenty minutes, we’d been walking every direction but straight. I knew we were still going toward the final boss of the dungeon, though. “Why?” I groaned, as we hit another intersection.
“I don’t know! Charles built it,” grumbled Badgelor.
“Michael always said he was a bit crazy,” stated Shart, my demon.
“Always forward,” yelled Fenris, who was covering the flanks. “You are in the lead! Scan for traps and push forward, no matter what.” Another slime monster broke through the side of the passage, seeping into existence next to the Warden. Cyber Warden, I corrected, as his shield shot out with mechanical precision. The creature splattered into a snot bubble against the wall.
“Trap,” I yelled, causing my three human companions to pause. Ashe spotted it first, gesturing toward a small tile on the ground.
“How were we supposed to see that?” she called back, as her canine guardians danced around the object, striking at more slime monsters.
You weren’t, little one,'' replied GrrDane, as she tore into a slime.
“She says you weren’t,” translated Badgelor, quite unhelpfully. Ashe didn’t speak Warg or Badger.
“She says you weren’t,” I informed Ashe.
Suddenly, Kappa snapped at something. GrrDane yowled, jerking back from a too close splash of acid. Kappa tossed the errant slime to the ground, shredding it.
“Remember, I am to cover your right side,” Kappa reminded Ashe.
“He says he will cover your ass,” Badgelor informed her.
I sighed. This little game of telephone had long since lost any amusement. “He says to remember he is covering your right side.”
Ashe stood back up and continued pressing forward, her daggers at the ready.
Hansa grumbled, as the final adjustments were made to her new hand. She lifted the metal appendage up and snapped the fingers together with a clang. She practiced making a fist several times, grinned, and hugged Beakatrix around the waist. The Progenitor rolled her head from side to side in friendly annoyance.
“No more sticking your hands into the mouths of statues,” stated the Progenitor.
“Because they might bite down,” grumbled Hansa. She had been unlucky with her first trap. Hopefully, she had learned her lesson. I instantly doubted that, though, as she ran straight over to the trap Ashe had marked and began dismantling it.
“Are you sure your plan will work?” asked Fenris, scanning the area again.
“It's a great plan. Zorlando loved it,” I responded.
“Zorlando is almost as big a fanboy of yours as Lorraine,” Fenris replied uncomfortably. He liked it better when I was just Jim, not the Mayor. I supposed it made sense. Hell, I didn’t like it much, either.
“That’s on them,” I said, eager to change the subject. “The book is almost completed for the new Adventurer’s Guild. We just need a Guildmaster.”
“Have you had any luck with Toomen?” asked Fenris.
I sighed. To complete the Adventurer’s Guild, the town had to have a Guildmaster, as well as a few other minor things. We had the license from the castle. It had been generated automatically as soon as work was completed on the stronghold. We also had the log book. Almost. The Enchanter, Hubert, also known as that annoying asshole from the caravan, was just finishing up with the magical document. That meant all I needed was a Guildmaster who wasn’t me. That meant Toomen. He was the only one with any experience in the role, according to Badgelor.
“I believe he is out eating somewhere,” I answered uncomfortably. The legendary hero was utterly uninterested in being the Guildmaster. That made him a challenge that someone had to overcome. I smiled at Fenris. The Cyber Warden groaned in response.
“If Badgelor couldn't convince him to do it, I
“I guess it may have to wait a bit,” I replied. Fenris nodded.
“I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” said Fenris, slapping his fist into his palm. “You just have to ‘Jim it up’, so to speak.”
“Please tell me the boss room is close,” I grumbled. Fenris didn’t have much of a sense of humor. Now that Hansa had gotten distracted, we had taken the rear guard. The girls and the Wargs were trying to get their timing down.
“I had forgotten that you were separated from us the last time we were here. It seemed like you were always with us. I suppose it was just all the times you were mentioned,” stated Fenris uncomfortably. “Yes, we are close.”
He hadn’t said it, but I knew. He was talking about all the times Jarra had mentioned me. She had died very near this spot, and her death was my fault. I tore my eyes forward, watching Ashe and Hansa.
“Jim!” yelled Shart. There was a sudden scream behind me. My demon scowled and popped off my shoulder. My anti-magic field gave him a small area to work in, where the effects of Ordinal’s Mana didn’t bother his very exposed organs. The magic-free zone also prevented him from latching onto my Mana Network. It was a welcomed change from the little zit being magnetically clamped to me. At least I didn’t have to worry about Julia recapturing him. The Walker Orb was full.
Not that I had seen much of the princess. Clearing the town of Walker debris had, apparently, become her full-time job.
Shart used the magic-free space to pull his ear from the body of a bubbling slime.
“You’d figure they would eventually realize you are toxic,’ I said.
“They don’t even have a brain to realize anything with,” replied Shart, clamping back down on me. “You can understand that, right?”
Suddenly, a much larger slime appeared, causing both Wargs to leap away. That left Ashe exposed. The bulbous creature oozed toward her. Suddenly, a small canister landed in the middle of the creature and exploded. The slime was covered in bright blue chemicals that froze whatever they touched.
Hansa threw a second bomb, causing the ice to catch fire, burning and freezing the slime.
“Clear,” yelled Ashe. Finally, we broke through into a small chamber.
“Entrance?” I asked, strolling in last. Fenris was examining Hansa’s new metal hand with an expression that was far too curious for my taste. “Don’t you think a metal spine is enough?”
“I, um, yes,” stated the normally unflappable man.
“It is common for newly made cyborgs to desire more metal parts. Fight that urge,” squawked Beakatrix. “Down it leads the path to madness.” Everything she said was chirps and whistles, but Fenris and I understood her well enough.
Fenris nodded, flexing his back. The metal spine that had been grafted there glowed an ominous blue. The metal attachment had been soldered into the base of his skull and ran all the way down his back, sitting on the remains of his original spine. Several large metal pins had been stapled into his back, holding the whole thing in place.
The fact that it granted him +80 Hit Points, 2 points of Strength, and a point of Stamina were just bonuses, considering he could walk again. I almost wanted one. However, the look of pain that occasionally flowed through Fenris’ body was enough to curtail my urges.
Beakatrix flapped her wings slightly, generating enough of a breeze to cool everyone down. “You will get used to the pain.”
Fenris nodded. He didn’t have a choice. Hansa did. Unlike Fenris’ wound, her hand could be Regenerated in a day or two. Fenris’ injury had been caused by the Dark Overlord and would never truly heal.
As I walked over to the boss door, I cast Regenerate on everyone. This was technically a starter dungeon, though, on Ordinal, you wouldn’t really consider going into a dungeon until you were around level 25. Our motley crew stretched that norm pretty hard. Aside from the three adventurers, which included the Progenitor, no one should even be down there.
But there were reasons.
“For science!” yelled Beakatrix.
I gestured toward the door, and Ashe began to pick the lock. It was a dungeon lock, so it was almost designed to let you pick it. After a few moments, there was a click. Our party pushed forward to see the unholy terror that ruled the dungeon.
“Dragon,” yelled Ashe. My eyes shot open. I’d heard of Ordinal’s mighty dragons, but I had never seen one in the flesh. I was disappointed. The Day-Glo green creature in question was barely larger than a horse.
“You want the first shot?” I asked Badgelor.
“Do you have any idea of the number of times I’ve killed this thing?” stated Badgelor.
Ashe, Kappa, and GrrDane spread out, surrounding the creature. Fenris began yelling battle orders.
“It's not even a real dragon,” stated Shart. When I looked at him, he continued. “In most circumstances, dungeon-born monsters are different from real monsters. Occasionally, you’ll get a powerful, intelligent creature, like a Lich, that can survive outside the dungeon. However, most of the rum dumb stuff down here is simply animated Mana.”
“Interesting,” I thought, focusing my Counterspell skill on the dragon.
“Don’t bother,” said Badgelor. “They are
“It would have been funny,” I thought, but my Counterspell skill had some pretty firm limits that I doubted I could surpass. Then again, I had other options. I considered accessing the console Shart had built in my mind.
“No, you won’t, Dum Dum. Deleting a dungeon boss would be pretty obvious. My companion would definitely notice you,” stated Shart.
“Boring,” I muttered. Ashe dodged the first rending swipe of claws, while Hansa and Beakatrix pelted the creature with ranged attacks. Fenris had figured out the creature's battle pattern the first time he’d fought it. Now, he was issuing instructions on how to take it apart.
Of course, there were complications. Ashe was moving in for a strike, when, quite suddenly, she just keeled over, asleep.
“Watch out for the sleeping breath,” yelled Fenris, rushing forward. The dragon inhaled. Fenris got to Ashe right before the creature breathed fire to encompass her. His Warden perks kicked on, and the flames seemed to be absorbed by his shield. A moment later, the awakened and upset Ashe jumped out from behind Fenris and again slashed at the dragon.
Meanwhile, the Wargs were tearing into the dragon’s flanks. Kappa and GrrDane took turns getting ahold of one of the dragon’s rear legs and pulling the beast down. Each time they did so, the dragon got back up. However, it was getting slower.
GrrDane was trying to leap onto the dragon’s back. The creature glared at her, and the Warg’s skills abruptly stopped working. Skills were deeply tied to how you did things. Without her Balance skill, the huge Warg fell over.
“Technically, StopSkill just prevents you from spending Stamina to power a skill,” stated Shart. “You can still walk and stuff, but you can’t balance on a squirming dragon’s back.”
“Somehow, this looks familiar,” I stated, taking in the cave and the dragon. “Shit, this is Dragon Warrior.”
“Yes, Swamp Cave,” said Badgelor. “Charles said it was the first dungeon he ever fought in. He modeled this one after that.”
“Slimes were a lower-level enemy. There should have been ghosts and magicians,” I grumbled.
Badgelor shook his head. “You want ghosts to protect a dungeon? They don’t even have bodies. You can just walk right through them.”
I shook my head. Ordinal was weird, but I thought I was getting used to it. I watched, as my maid and her kooky sister fought a large, green dragon with the help of two giant wolves. What once was weird was turning pretty normal.
“You got this! I believe in you,” I yelled, as Ashe drove a dagger into the dragon’s eye. The blade skittered off. Meanwhile, Kappa once again yanked on its leg.
“The dragon is very heavily armored,” I commented to Fenris. He nodded.
“Aye, we had a heck of a time piercing that hide. Sir Dalton had to use Felling Strike, but even that didn’t do much. It was actually Jarra who came up with the winning move,” stated Fenris, carefully watching the fight.
