Jugador: The Mendoza Family, page 19
But he didn’t. “So, does that mean you’ll stay around? Because it’s going to take several more therapy sessions with you to get my mindset right.” He peered up at me with uncertainty in his eyes, negating the lighthearted tone in his statement.
“I don’t know if it’s a good idea.” I don’t know if I can be around charming Marco without losing my heart and mind.
“Please. Stay.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m asking as someone who needs help. I need you here. I won’t pressure you or make you uncomfortable. I just ask for your support. You’ll have access to whatever you want. Anything you need, I’ll take care of it.”
I knew I’d made my decision before the words came out. “I don’t know.”
“Just say yes.”
I raised my eyes in surprise while Marco smirked. “Stay. I’ll get us breakfast. Do you drink coffee?”
Still stunned, all I did was nod. He stood up and cupped my cheek. “Thanks for the real talk, Tiger Lily.” The sun streamed through the window on Marco like he was some ethereal being. He truly commanded everyone’s attention when he stepped into a room. And his smile outshone a thousand suns.
Marco
“Twenty more reps,” Doug, my trainer urged. Fuck. It’d been a hot minute since I’d done tricep dips. Not to mention all of the other upper body lifting I’d neglected in the past weeks. I had a home gym, and Doug had been my trainer for the past several years. I nutted up and clenched the bar as I dipped low feeling the intense burn in my triceps. My arms felt like rubber after this strenuous workout I’d put off several weeks too long. Okay months. Now my body wanted to drop kick my ass.
Prove the negative voice in your head wrong. Lily’s words permeated my brain. Whenever I worked out, I always tried to keep motivational words in my head to keep me inspired. As I dipped low and my fucking arms shook with weakness, I played her words on repeat. It powered me through, and when I hit twenty, I growled like a trapped animal who’d finally found his freedom. “Fuck. That was hard.”
“You’re out of shape,” Doug said casually with his trainer’s judgmental eyes on me.
If my upper body wasn’t hating me, I might make a snide comment. Instead, I nodded my head in agreement because I had a whole bag of nothing to argue about. He was right. “Same time tomorrow?”
Doug smiled like he knew I was back in the game. “Yeah. Lower body tomorrow.”
I slapped his hand and leaned in, hugging him. It’d been a while since I felt motivated to excel. My spirits rose as I climbed up the stairs to the living room. The afternoon sun was shining through the windows, and I waved at Doug who passed through the front door. Day one of living with my head out of my ass in a long time felt better than I thought.
I passed through the kitchen searching for Lily. No sign. It seemed lately like I was always searching for her. I went to the fridge to grab another bottle of water. I needed a shower. I needed sleep, too. I’d stayed up all night thinking about her, my career, and how I’d been public idiot royale numero uno to her last night. She didn’t deserve to deal with my bullshit, but here she was. I’d been so lost in my world and been an asshole. I wasn’t the easiest person to deal with. I did push people away. But Lily was different. You need her. My voice vibrated in my head.
The topic on my mind was outside lounging cross-legged next to the pool staring down at the water. I’d give a million pennies—or half my salary, actually, maybe more—to know what she was thinking. I uncapped the water, kicked the fridge door closed behind me, and strode through the open patio doors.
She was so deep in thought and didn’t notice me approach. “I think you really need that swim.”
Her head shot up. “You’re done with your training.”
I nodded. “I survived.”
She held a hand over her forehead, shielding the sun as she slowly eyed me up and down. Her stare lingered on my pecs, and she pursed her lips. “What’s scripted across your chest?”
“Non desistas, non exieris. It’s Latin. Never give up, never surrender.”
“When did you get that?”
“In college.” I studied her. She had on denim shorts and a shirt that exposed her shoulders. She looked like a summertime girl who’d been consecrated by the sun. It took me way back to goodtime-days years ago.
She bit her lip and peered out on the horizon. “Fitting motto. How was your workout?”
“Kicked my ass. I need to build up my strength.”
“You don’t look out of shape.”
“Thanks for building up my fragile ego,” I teased and dropped down beside her.
She smiled and dipped her finger in the water, trailing it around. “It’s beautiful. This place. I assumed you lived in New York.”
“I do during the season, but in the off-season, I live here.”
“You made it. You really set the world on fire. I always knew you would.” She kept her face trained on the water rippling in figure-eight shapes she traced. “You followed your dreams.”
“Hey. Look at you. You did too.”
“Yeah. Who would’ve thought?”
“I never doubted you, Lily. You always had your own style. A fashionista even then.”
“Thanks. I never thought I would actually own a store.”
“Two stores,” I clarified.
She raised her eyes. “How did you know?”
“I asked around. That’s a big accomplishment.”
“I’m hoping to open a new one mid-December.”
“Damn, girl. Soon, you’ll have stores everywhere.”
She withdrew her hand out of the water and shook it off. “No. I never wanted to expand like that. I only ever aspired to make a decent living doing something I love. I wasn’t meant to take over the world like you, Milagro.”
Miracle. I chuckled at her reference from high school. “Haven’t heard that name in a while, and don’t downplay your accomplishments.”
“I was lucky to get my own store. Vince, Emilio, and my cousin Adrian own a commercial real estate company and helped me broker a deal and loaned me money.”
“Wow. Good for them. I always wondered how your brothers would turn out.”
She scrunched her forehead together. “How do you mean?”
“Well, it wasn’t a secret that Emilio struggled in school. I mean, I remember how Coach had to stay on his ass as well as his teachers to make sure he remained eligible for our games. And Vince…” I thought back to that night when I knew he was conducting a deal.
“Emilio graduated, and what are you saying about Vince?” Lily pressed. I could tell by her voice she was getting defensive. Did she know?
I shook my head, not wanting to start another argument. I’d already acted the fool with her last night and didn’t want to revisit stupid. “Nothing. I’m glad he’s doing well.”
I stared down at her bare shoulder as her floral scent wafted in the air. Her inky strands fell over her silky skin. I wanted to dig my fingers through her hair like I did last night and close my mouth over hers again. Claim her. Make her mine. But she wasn’t mine. Yet.
“Vicente was like a father figure in my household.”
I sat silent.
“We never had a father.” She breathed out. “Never knew who he was. Our mother took care of us the best she could, and Vicente thought he was the caretaker.”
I thought about how Vince back then was so protective of Lily. Borderline-over-the-top protective of her. “I know. You have a close-knit family.”
“We do.”
“Ah, this looks like a cozy scene,” Brian’s chipper voice startled us both as I realized I was leaning in close to Lily. I reluctantly put some space between us as Brian added, “I see this is working out perfectly.”
On Monday morning, I had a doctor’s appointment to check out my ankle. I asked Lily to go with me. We walked inside the high-rise office building across the lobby until we reached the elevators.
“Where are we going?” Lily rushed out and seemed somewhat nervous.
“To see my doctor. Remember? What did you think we were doing?” I teased, finding her question odd.
“I know, but where is the office?”
“On the thirty-second floor.” I pushed the button on the elevator panel.
“Oh,” she said in a small voice, and the elevator pinged while doors slid open. I waited until a couple filed out and stepped in. Lily was wringing her hands together as she moved cautiously inside too. As the doors closed, she shut her eyes and startled as the elevator jerked into movement. She was scared. I remembered when she said she was claustrophobic and seeing how she stood stiffly with eyes squeezed tightly closed only confirmed it. Suddenly, the elevator jolted to a stop.
Her eyes flew open. “What’s happening?”
I stated calmly, “I don’t know, but it should start moving again.”
“No. I have to get out of here.” She reached out and started frantically pushing the buttons. “I have to get out of here!” she repeated, and her voice rose each time.
I didn’t know what the hell was happening with the elevator, but I was concerned about Lily having a full-blown panic attack. I leaned over her, gently taking her hands before she destroyed the elevator panel she furiously speared with her index finger. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not okay!” She wrenched her wrists away. She was so petite compared to me, but this growing fear inside her gave her the strength of Goliath.
I pulled her to me, wrapping my arms tightly around her, confining her. I gripped the back of her head, pressing her to my chest. “It’s gonna be fine, Lily, but you have to calm down.”
“I can’t.” She trembled violently in my arms.
“Yes. You can. Just breathe.” I caressed her hair as she shook. “Just breathe,” I repeated. I slid my other hand down her spine, soothing her. I could feel the rise and fall of her chest against me. The tremors rolling under my fingers. After a few moments, I lifted her chin and brought her eyes to mine. “You’re strong, baby, and I’ve got you. Just trust me. We’ll start moving soon.”
A tear slipped from the corner of her eye and trailed down her cheek, which I caught with my thumb. “I’m trying, Marco,” she admitted as her lips quivered. “I’m trying to be brave.”
“I know.” I gazed down at her worried face, wanting to demolish her fears. I hated seeing her suffer like this and was curious to know why. “I know you are.”
She wrapped her arms around my back and dug her face into my chest. “Just hold me.”
“Always.” Having her in my arms felt so right, and I leaned over and kissed the top of her head as though it were natural.
The elevator jolted as we began ascending again. I whispered in her ear, “See, we’re moving again.”
She exhaled, nuzzling my cheek. “Thank God.” I could feel her body relax against mine. I could’ve released her as she seemed calmer, but all I wanted to do was hold her tighter. Just a little longer…
Lily
Marco’s doctor gave him the all-clear to start full-on training. I was relieved since he suffered doubts about playing again. To say I was somewhat embarrassed about my freak-out incident on the elevator was an understatement, but Marco didn’t press the issue and acted as if it didn’t happen. I felt like an idiot losing my control in front of him and knew it made me look weak.
“The game’s on.” Marco and I were sitting on the couch at his place as the announcers for the Monday night game discussed the matchup between the Wildcats and Eagles. Soon, the camera cut to Cal Walker on the sideline as one of the sports analysts went on and on about how he was having an outstanding season and how the team would have a tough decision deciding who the future quarterback would be next year.
I chanced a glance at Marco as he sat stone still on the couch while his jaw ticked from clenching his teeth. I know this is killing you.
We watched the game in silence while he remained as tense as ever. His team was up by three touchdowns, but not a cheer nor encouraging word came out of his mouth. To make matters worse, more praise from the commentators was laid on Cal and one statement from an announcer was the straw that broke the camel’s back. “You could make a strong argument that this is Cal’s team now.”
Suddenly, I heard a grumbled curse, and Marco rose and strode outside. If the game continued this way, his team would be undefeated halfway through the season. I stared at the TV, but wasn’t really paying attention, and continually glanced outside. After what seemed like forever, I unfolded myself from the couch and cautiously made my way to the patio. He was standing over by the edge of the property staring down at the lights and city below. Not saying anything, I stepped quietly out into the night until I stood beside him. I fought the urge to wrap my arm around him like he did to me earlier. Marco wouldn’t want my sympathy.
Instead, I decided to be vulnerable and talk about the cause of my own fears. I cleared my throat before I spoke. “I was eight when my mother decided we were going to move to Texas. She was fearful for our safety in El Salvador since the threat of violence was growing worse on a daily basis. We took a bus and traveled north through Central America. When we reached Mexico, our vehicle was taken over by soldiers who ordered us to keep quiet and made us don burlap sacks over our heads until we reached our destination. They threatened to kill us if we took them off or defied their orders.”
Marco turned and studied me. His brows furrowed.
“We traveled for hours with our faces covered. I was frightened out of my mind, not knowing if I would live or die. All I could think about was the memory of seeing men holding semi-automatic weapons against their chest with a finger near the trigger. Would someone speak? Make a noise? Lose their life?” I rubbed my palms against my thighs, remembering that day like it was yesterday, and how Emilio quietly reassured me he’d protect me. Even as a kid, my twin never showed fear, nor did Vicente for that matter. “Finally, we made it to some remote area with endless fields of red flowers and farmers picking them as more soldiers watched and patrolled the area with rifles. I didn’t understand why crops needed protection.”
Marco’s eyes raised in a mixture of surprise and disbelief before he said, “Drugs, Lily, poppy fields. They were guarding the crops, and they covered your faces so you wouldn’t know where the location was and give it away.”
I flashed my eyes in confusion. “Poppy?”
“Yes. To make heroin,” he answered gravely.
My eyes narrowed in thought as every detail of that day flashed through my brain like a slide show. “I didn’t know. They picked some random people from the crowd, my mother included, to go into a warehouse. When she came back out, she was visibly distraught, although she tried to keep us calm. Within minutes, we were loaded into the back of a semitruck and crammed in as close as possible with other families as boxes of canned goods were stacked in front of us. It was dark and suffocating. I truly thought we were going to die on this journey.”
“Christ. No wonder.” He rubbed his eyes with regret. “I feel like an asshole. Your claustrophobia.”
How could he have known? “Why? You helped me get through it today, and you didn’t know.” I laid my hand on his shoulder. “In a way, you helped me confront my fears. I don’t like to show my weaknesses.”
“You’re not weak, Tiger Lily. Never have been.”
His words made me feel like I was strong. If it wasn’t dark out, I’m sure he could see the flush on my cheeks because blushing seemed to be what I did around Marco. I could still light up like a giddy schoolgirl when he threw out a compliment. I cleared my throat. “About the game, don’t listen to what people are saying. It’s just talk.”
“It’s not just talk. It’s very real. I’m losing the team the longer I sit out. Ownership is probably patting themselves on the back for selecting Cal. Nothing else matters but winning, and he’s delivering the goods. That’s the bottom line in this industry.”
“If you were healthy and playing, you would be winning too, Marco, you know it.”
He sighed. “Yeah, probably true. However, Cal is under a modest contract for the next three years, while I am a liability and some might say not worth the risk or salary I am putting on the table, thanks to this injury. The team would be saving a lot of money going with him and letting me go to test the free agency market.”
Everything he said made sense, and yet… “What about team loyalty? You’ve delivered two super bowls. That has to account for something.”
“Not in this league. At the end of the day, it’s a business. That’s all. If there was loyalty, they would have reached out to me instead of putting off negotiating talks.” He bent over and picked up a stone off the ground and chucked it through the air. “I sound like a downer, you survived a traumatic experience with drug traffickers, and I’m bitching about my career.”
I gawked at him with my mouth open. “Drug trafficking?”
“Yes. Lily. What did you think they were transferring? Canned goods out of the goodness of their heart, along with families looking for a better life?”
“I truly didn’t know.” Did my mother know? My brothers? “I knew my mother was involved with a wealthy man and promised to help us make it to the United States.”
“Your brothers did anything to keep you sheltered from life’s realities,” he said softly, making me feel both warm and confused. I was still thinking about what my family knew and how they were involved. Marco reached out and fingered a lock of my hair and added, “I don’t blame them. If you were mine, I’d protect you from everything, too.” And my questions about what happened were put on the back burner as I was again warmed to my soul with his words.
I’ve always been yours. On my end, anyway. But Marco Cruz was someone who everyone wanted a slice of but was never one to give any pieces of himself away. I turned my head to the side, hiding how I was truly affected. He leaned in and kissed me on my forehead. “Get some sleep. You need it.”
