The Other Book, page 8
part #1 of Those Other Books Series
“I need you to fuck me,” he whispered brokenly.
“Joel, there’s nothing I love more than being inside you,” I admitted.
“Then do it!” he shouted and pushed his ass out, rubbing against my painfully hard dick. I held him tighter.
“Not like this. Please, Joel. Talk to me.”
I started when his fist landed on the desk with an echoing bang.
“Fuck this shit,” he forced out before his shoulders began shaking and he lost the ability to speak.
“Joel, baby, I am so sorry.” The pain overwhelmed me. Joel sobbing in my arms was equal to having my own heart carved out with a spoon.
That’s how I knew for sure I loved him.
I turned him in my arms and he sagged, half sitting on the edge of his desk, half leaning on me. His face tucked under my chin, I held him until his sobs subsided, and he wiped at his tear-stained face.
I stroked his back, slow and soothing, and I watched the seagulls in the parking lot, fighting over what looked like a piece of baguette. The sun was setting fast, painting the low clouds orange.
“Fuck,” Joel repeated. “Sorry.” Sheepishly, he fastened his pants again.
“Nothing to apologize for.”
“I thought…I could avoid the breakdown if we…” he trailed off. “But you were right.”
“A rare occurrence,” I joked. It worked. Joel looked up, and his reddened eyes met mine. He smirked tiredly.
“You being right, or me admitting it?”
I chuckled. “Both. I think it might even be a first.”
His fingers traced my jaw, his nails catching in my short scruff, so I leaned in and kissed him. The kiss was slow, soothing. He tasted of salt. I sank into the guest chair in front of his desk, and Joel, instead of sitting in my lap, just sat sideways on the floor between my knees, laying his head on my thigh. My hand went to his hair. I didn’t care about the product in it. I massaged his nape and felt him relax against my legs.
“I want to tell him.” He spoke carefully as if saying it loud would shift the fabric of reality too much.
“You don’t have to do it for my sake,” I pointed out.
Joel shook his head. It lolled on my leg. I used both hands to trace circles on his scalp, and his swollen eyes drifted shut.
“I know. But I’ll regret it for the rest of my life if I don’t.”
“Are you sure you know how he’ll react?”
“Yes.” His answer was immediate.
“Why do you want to tell him?”
Joel sat up straighter and his arms slid around my hips.
“Because he shouldn’t be able to get away with not knowing. Not having to face the truth.” His voice grew stronger as he spoke. With every word, he held my heart safer in his hands. “I have been pretending to be the perfect son for most of my life. He doesn’t deserve it. He doesn’t deserve my silence. Not telling him—it’s not respect. It’s not consideration for a dying man. It’s him getting away with being a lousy parent and a lousy human being. I don’t want to spare his feelings anymore. I want to rub his face in his own prejudice until he chokes on it. Because he is dying, I am now obliged to forgive and love him no matter what? Where was his love when I needed him? He made me into an emotional cripple! He doesn’t get to just die thinking it was the right thing to do.”
I pushed off the chair and sank to the floor next to him. I embraced him, and he let his head weigh on my shoulder with a sigh. Did it really matter if Joel’s father died being a homophobic ass? Probably not. I didn’t believe in the afterlife. But Joel deserved a sense of self-worth; he deserved justice and a clear conscience. He deserved love, too.
Sitting with Joel on the floor of his swanky office, my T-shirt wet from his tears, I gave up the last of my independence. And while some might claim I was losing my freedom, I’d never felt freer.
“Come home with me today, please,” he whispered into the quiet office.
“Yes. You just have to lend me a toothbrush and clean underwear for tomorrow.”
He smiled an exhausted smile, his eyes drooping. “I think you’ll have to drive, though.”
“Hell, yes,” I said. Joel had a swanky BMW. I’d love to drive that car any time. He grinned wider.
We stood, stumbling a little. I held his jacket for him, taking pleasure in straightening his collar and smoothing his shoulders. Even after everything he’d been through that day, Joel was breathtaking. He turned his head and placed a swift kiss on my lips. Then he bent to pack his laptop into a case. He waited in the hallway for me as I collected my hoodie, phone and keys from the booth.
“Ready?” he asked. God, he looked so tired.
I caught his face in my palms and rested my forehead against his.
“You still think we can make it?” he asked, his breath fanning my face.
“Yes,” I insisted and kissed his cheek and temple.
He lifted his face, and his lips met mine. There was no urgency in our kisses. Just comfort. And love. I loved Joel. I let the knowledge spread through my mind and body, expecting something to be in the way—some apprehension, some reluctance—but there was just peace.
When the kiss ended, I let him see it. He gazed back with wonder, and I briefly thought of the hazy future we had. I had never felt better about anything in my life.
“Let’s go,” I told him, caressing his lips with my thumb.
Joel needed to wind down and attempt to get some sleep. Me too, for that matter. The drive back would be a challenge in our state. I needed stop by a gas station and buy an energy drink or something. I really didn’t want to crash Joel’s fancy ride.
My gaze flicked over to the entryway and the glass door separating us from the parking lot, and I froze.
From behind the glass, standing under the small roof above the entrance, Tina stared at us, eyes wide, mouth open in shock.
Oh.
Okay.
I could do this. Joel needed me.
I did the first best thing I could think of. Holding Tina’s gaze, I kept my arm around Joel and led him outside. He paused, his entire body going rigid, when he looked up and stood face-to-face with our only female producer.
I didn’t let either of them speak.
“Tina, this is important,” I said loudly. Her bewildered gaze flickered between Joel and me. I felt Joel leaning away from me, but I tightened my hold, and he stopped.
“We need you to be discreet,” I told her. “I know you understand.”
Her mouth opened and closed a few times while Joel basically vibrated next to me. Shit.
C’mon, Tina. I know you can do this. Help me out here!
“Of course,” she finally said.
I let go of Joel.
“Please, don’t tell anyone, yet,” Joel said in a strained voice. I noticed the small word at the end of his sentence—yet. He didn’t want people to know about us yet. It made all the difference.
She took a breath and then smiled softly. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m only here to pick up my charger.”
“Thank you,” I told her.
“No problem,” she replied, walked around us in a fast stride and disappeared inside the office.
Joel’s body sagged with a deep exhale.
“She won’t tell,” I said.
“I know.”
***
Joel was mentally drained. We picked up Indian food on the way and ate quietly in his kitchen, drinking pale ale. He ate only a little, and then he just sat there, picking at his sleeve, his plate half-full.
“Joel.”
“Huh?” He looked up, startled.
I reached for his hand on the table and squeezed.
“Shower? Sleep?”
“God, yes. I’m not hungry.”
“Go. I’ll put this in the fridge.”
He squeezed my hand back, stood and left the kitchen. I sat there a little longer staring at the empty doorway. How did I get to this place? In love with my closeted bastard of a boss. Who wasn’t a bastard at all.
I wiped the table, filled two glasses with water and left them on the nightstands in Joel’s bedroom for later. Then I joined him in the bathroom. He was naked from the waist up, brushing his teeth. Wordlessly, he took another toothbrush from the small cupboard above the sink and handed it to me.
“Thank you,” I said quietly and stood next to him as he rinsed his mouth and spit.
It felt so domestic. We showered together, but I ignored my perpetual hard-on. Joel’s mind was far away.
When we lay in bed later, his bare chest warming my side, his arm around my torso, and his head on my shoulder, he kissed my skin lightly, and I just…I couldn’t help feeling grateful.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“What for?” I asked, confused.
“I…dragged you here, and now I’m…”
“It’s slightly uncharted territory, I guess,” I told him. “But I always imagined this is what relationships look like.”
He lay still, just breathing. The dampness of his breath warmed and cooled the skin around my nipple.
“I didn’t expect this,” he said after a while. “Tyler…”
“Mmm?”
“Thank you.”
I tightened my arm around his shoulder.
“You’re exhausted. Sleep.”
***
I was pretty sure I was dreaming because Joel lay on his back in the middle of my bed, hands tied above his head with a rope leading to the headboard, legs spread. He’d never been in my home, and I didn’t have a headboard. So yeah, just a dream. But hell, I was going to enjoy it. His chest was heaving, his cock was ridiculously hard, a small pool of pre-come on his lower belly, and he gyrated his hips helplessly, begging for me to touch him.
I crawled over his body and lay on top of him. I licked his throat and jawline, and he kept whimpering. The warmth of his naked body felt too real.
Joel lifted his legs, wrapped them around my back, and I was suddenly inside him, and both our hands were tied to the same spot on the headboard, and I just had to move. We kissed and licked at each other’s faces, and I bucked and pushed, deeper, faster. He was chanting words, but I didn’t understand them because in my ears there was a storm raging. The storm was everywhere. We were outside, and it was raining, but it was incredibly hot, the humidity stifling. Our hands were tied together above Joel’s head, and he kept begging me not to stop, not ever to stop. I felt I could come any second, but I couldn’t.
The storm grew in strength, and I didn’t really feel any rain or wind, just heard all the sounds, and the ground shook. I couldn’t move properly. Joel’s legs tightened around my torso, and I bucked my hips to sink as deep as I could, his ass molded around my length, and Joel begged me not to go anywhere, to stay…please stay. I wanted to tell him I was staying. I was never going anywhere—we were tied together now. I was inside him, and he was inside me, and I couldn’t leave if I wanted to. Storms would come and go. I didn’t ever want to leave.
***
I woke up spooning him. It must have been ridiculously early because the room was dark, but I felt wide awake. I wanted to stretch and turn. My back and arm were sore and awkward, and my cock was so hard it hurt, but I didn’t want to disturb Joel. Then I realized his thumb was softly stroking my wrist back and forth. I pressed my lips to his nape and my hips against his ass to let him know he made me ache. He sighed into the dark, the sound loud in the stillness.
“Ty. You moaned in your sleep…”
I rocked against him. “That’s because I dreamt of you.”
The warmth of his body in my arms and the curve of his ass in my lap, my cock rubbing against his crease… I tugged on his shoulder, inched backward and turned him on his back. Without thinking, I kissed along his collarbone, down his sternum and his stomach, dragging the covers away as I went. With my fingers clutching the waistband of his pajama bottoms, I paused.
“Please,” he whispered.
I stripped him swiftly and took him in my mouth just like that. His fingers went into my hair, tangling, and tugging, and I closed my eyes, just feeling.
“Ty. Ty, turn around. Want to suck you, too.”
Oh, hell yes!
I kicked off my boxers and flipped around so fast I made Joel chuckle. And then his mouth was on me, his tongue circling the head of my hard cock, and his hand squeezing the base. I might have sobbed with relief. It felt like I’d been hard all night and finally, oh finally, Joel’s throat tightened around my cock, and I wanted to worship him for it.
Lying on my side, I lapped at his cock and sucked it with force, circling his hole with my index finger. Joel’s hands dug into my ass cheeks as he deep-throated me effortlessly. He was absolutely perfect.
I pushed one finger into his ass, sucking hard on his rigid cock, and suddenly he was coming, barely a few minutes after we started. Jesus, we were horny. I licked him and then just lay with my face over his groin, feeling the heat of his cock across my cheek. I closed my eyes, riding out the bliss of his lips and tongue sliding up and down my erection. It didn’t take long for me either.
When I started to soften, Joel crawled around lazily and settled on his side facing me. I took his hands and kissed his fingers, one by one, lingering.
“We’re upside down,” I said against his palm. I nuzzled it, and Joel just stared.
“I love you,” he said.
I smiled. I knew. And he knew I loved him, but I understood why he wanted to hear it.
“I love you, Joel.”
His eyes drifted shut, and I held his hand against my face. He threw one leg over mine, shuffling a little closer. After a short while, he fell asleep again.
I didn’t. In less than an hour, the alarm would shriek.
7
My life was different. I spent every possible moment with Joel. We stayed at his place often, but we also ventured to a pub around the corner from my apartment. I guessed nobody we knew would be there. Joel didn’t seem to care at all. I wondered if he worried about secrecy as much as I did.
Two weeks after Joel and I admitted we loved each other, Joel’s father was taken to hospital again.
Joel visited him three or four times a week, and even if he wouldn’t tell me, I could see it in his eyes the morning after he went there. Time dragged slower than ever—maybe just for me because I hated, hated to see Joel in so much pain. In one of my many attempts to distract and relax him if only for a few hours, I dragged him with me to meet Christoffer and Adam.
We had dinner at a restaurant in the suburbs. The place was busy, pub-like, with delicious food but a laid-back atmosphere. The patrons were the perfect mix of couples, friends and the after-work crowd, which made me feel safe about Joel being in public with us. We looked like a group of coworkers having a drink. Except when Christoffer and Adam touched on occasion. They behaved—mostly.
Joel didn’t say much at first. But Adam and Christoffer’s easy chatter soon made him relax. His leg pressed against mine under the table, and I was content to see him laugh with my friends.
Adam kept looking at Joel, though, in a way that made me nervous. It was a sort of speculative stare, as if he was figuring something out. When he realized I’d caught him staring, he just waggled his eyebrows, grinning. Either he was trying to ascertain how likely it was Joel would do something asshole-y to me, or he was wondering how to get Joel into bed with them. Knowing Adam, it was both.
“I read Ty won you a Golden Egg last year,” Christoffer said, making me frown.
“You read it?” Joel lifted his eyebrows.
“Tyler didn’t tell me, of course.”
“Of course,” Joel confirmed, shaking his head at me. “It was for the Breast Cancer Fund campaign. The missing letters? Well, you saw the ad on TV for sure.”
“I remember,” Adam chimed in.
Joel jabbed a finger my way. “His idea from scratch. He drove the whole production forward. I didn’t believe he could make it work. He proved me wrong.”
“Guys,” I grumbled. I didn’t want them all to focus on me.
“Oh, shut up,” Christoffer said. “Let me be proud of my friend, okay?”
Time to escape. “Well, I’m going to remind them we want more drinks. Joel, IPA for you. C, you want Pilsner, right? Adam?”
“Chardonnay, thanks.” Adam smiled, putting his empty glass on the table.
“Got you.”
When I got back, the topic had shifted, thank fuck.
“Three years,” Adam was saying as I sat down, handing Joel his bottle of IPA. The server would come with the rest of our order.
Christoffer looked at Adam in the particular way that made it instantly obvious what they were talking about.
“Three years of domestic bliss,” he told Joel.
Adam laughed, blushing a little. “Because I kinda never left after the second weekend.”
“I wouldn’t let you,” Christoffer murmured.
Adam leaned on his shoulder, grinning. I checked Joel’s face, finding nothing but wonder. Maybe a little envy? I understood.
“And you two?” Adam asked innocently, as if he didn’t know exactly when Joel and I met and what happened later. I was pretty sure Joel knew I told them most things about my private life. He seemed fine with it, playing along.
“We met over a year ago, when Tyler worked for me for the first time. I was attracted to him, but too chickenshit to do anything about it. When he started working for me again this spring, I couldn’t…hide it anymore.”
I put my hand on his thigh under the table.
“We’ve been together for a month now,” Joel said.
“But you’re not out?” Adam asked, unconcerned. I wanted to kick him under the table.
“Adam,” Christoffer warned.
“Not really, no,” Joel said loudly, making it clear he wanted to answer. “Only one coworker knows because she caught us kissing in the office one evening. I haven’t ever told anyone I’m gay. Well, the few people I slept with over the years—I guess they know. I used to believe it would endanger my career and ruin my relationship with my father.”
