Tresjolie, page 17
She paused, and I felt her straighten. "There. That is everything I have to confess. Please try not to be too frightened."
She was a deceitful bitch, and now she was stupid enough to think I could feel anything aside from rage and deep, deep fear? I suppose I shouldn't ignore the violation, for she had violated me like none ever before.
"I am going to blindfold you," she said. "This will encourage your eyes to remain closed, which will feel better. I do not want you to see whom I am bringing here, and when we go, I do not want you to see where we go. You should know, I would not blindfold you if I were going to hurt you."
I didn't know if I could believe her, but she was working very hard to convince me. I was utterly helpless, and if she intended to hurt me, I couldn't have stopped her.
"I imagine you would be embarrassed to be seen like this." And then I felt the bed shift, and the covers folded over me. She tucked them under my chin. "Perhaps this is still embarrassing, but not so deeply. I must go for a few minutes, but I will not be far. Your breathing is good. Your heart rate is still elevated, but that is from fear and anger, I think. It is not a side effect of the drug." She bent over and kissed my head again, and I wanted to scream at her not to touch me.
Then I heard her leave, the bedroom door closing behind her. Several minutes later, there were two voices, and I recognized Audra speaking in Tresjolian. The door opened, and I heard two people cross the room to me.
They set something on the bed, then they moved away. "Only a few more minutes, Wanda," Audra said in English. I heard them move into my connecting office.
And then I heard a voice, my own voice, speaking English. "Foster, it's Governor Waverly," the voice said calmly. "I have decided to accept the tour the Tresjolians have been offering. I will be gone for some time. Please contact Olivia Pearsons and ask her and all the others to manage the government while I am gone. Suspend the space port expansion, and drop the charges on the prisoners. I'll be in touch when I can, but I expect that to be some time."
Then I heard them leave my office. Audra was gone for a few minutes; it felt like forever. But then I heard her in the hallway. The door opened, and she spoke. "We are alone again, Wanda."
I wanted to know how they had done that.
Audra crossed the room and sat on the bed next to me. She caressed my face. "No one will look for you. You heard the message; I know you did. You were supposed to. The government will be fine. Olivia Pearsons and the rest will take care of things very well while you are gone. You need not worry. And I will make one more promise. There will be people looking for ways to expand your space port, but expand it carefully." She shifted on the bed. "I am going to dress you now. You may appreciate the irony. These are some of my clothes, altered for your size. The fit won't be perfect. But you will be dressed like a Tresjolian."
And then she exposed me again, pulling the covers away from me. I lay there, entirely limp and deeply embarrassed while she dressed me like a limp doll, rolling me this way and that to pull all the clothing into place.
"I am going to bind your ankles and wrists together, Wanda," she said. "This is only so you do not flop around so much. It will be easier to carry you. The drug will keep you paralyzed, and I will give you more until we are so far from Second you could not find your way back without help."
I felt something wrap around my ankles, pulling my legs tightly together, and then she crossed my wrists in front of me and bound them together, tying off a knot.
"All right," she said. "It is time to go. I will carry you. I am sorry, but this may not be comfortable for you, but I am not carrying you far, and then we will ride."
She pulled me to the edge of the bed, then she shifted and I felt myself draped over her shoulder. With a small grunt, she stood up, with me bent over her shoulder, one arm around my legs in front of her, my head hanging down behind her.
"I'm sorry, but I am not strong enough to carry you in another fashion, and I do not want to include anyone else."
And then we were walking, and I could tell she carried me from the bedroom and, with me bouncing off her shoulder with each step, down the stairs. She opened the front door, and then after a moment we stepped outside into the night.
Surely someone would see what she was doing. Surely someone would stop her.
She carried me only a short distance further, then she awkwardly shifted me over the back of an animal of some sort.
"This is a lorga," she whispered. "It serves the same purpose as a horse, but we have no horses. This lorga's name is Jay-jon, and he is exceedingly gentle, with a soft gait." And then she climbed onto the back of the animal, one hand holding me in place. She pulled me into her arms, sitting upright, my body lolling helplessly, but she laid my head against her shoulder and shifted me until it felt like I wasn't going to fall off. She kept an arm around me, then tightened before speaking a word to the lorga.
The world moved, the entire world moved, and I would have screamed if I could.
But then I knew we were walking, a soft, gentle gait.
She had gotten away with it. She had drugged me in my own home and then brazenly carried me out the front door of my house and took me away.
"You may want to sleep," she said several minutes later. "We will travel for some time. The lorga has a great deal of stamina. We will travel for many hours before we will make camp." She paused. "You are safe, Wanda. I am a very, very good guide. All Tresjolians are able to easily live off the land, but I am accustomed to doing so while guiding parties of your people, and I have never had one get hurt worse than a few scratches or a cut from a knife while making dinner."
The lorga's gait was hypnotic, but I was so angry, I didn't think sleep was likely. The clothes felt odd, although deeply comfortable.
Audra's arms felt good, but I thought that was left over from the drugs she used. Surely I hated her.
We traveled quietly for a while, Audra holding me to her.
"I do not know if you sleep, so I will repeat this tomorrow. I will show you my world. And I will teach you my language. Tonight, I think there are no more words in English. My brain is tired. But I will sing to you. I will sing quietly to you. I hope you can find comfort. I hope some day you will forgive me."
And then, very quietly, she began to sing.
I did not know the words, but she had a lovely voice, and the songs she sang were soothing. I wondered if they were lullabyes, chosen to help me sleep. Perhaps, perhaps not.
I dozed. I don't know if I slept, but I dozed.
I woke once, and I could make noise.
The singing stopped, and Audra's hands shifted around.
I tried to scream. I tried to struggle, but none of my limbs moved. But I was making strange keening noises in my throat.
"Shhh, Wanda," she said. "No one can hear you. We are many kilometers from Second. But I dozed, and forgot to give you more of Sylvie's Death." And then her fingers were in my mouth, painting my tongue.
"Noooo," I tried to say. "Nooo..."
Then she stroked my throat, and I swallowed.
I continued to keen.
"Oh Wanda," she said. "Please. I will not hurt you. I promise. Do not be so sad."
She waited a few minutes, but I continued to keen, and then her fingers were in my mouth again, painting my tongue, and soon, the noises stopped as the drug took me more deeply.
Audra rocked me back and forth, again singing softly, and eventually I began to doze again, and perhaps to sleep.
I woke completely when we came to a stop. And the world lurched, Audra holding me tightly. She had stopped singing; I couldn't have told you how long it had been. She twisted me around, bending my stomach over the back of the lorga, and she slipped from the creature's broad back. Then her hands were on me, and I felt myself slide limply down its side, Audra controlling my descent. I flopped in the grass, then her arms were underneath me, and she shifted me a very short distance.
She arranged me carefully.
"It is very late," she said. "The lorga can travel for days, but I cannot. I am going to make a small safe camp for us and tend to your needs, and then we will sleep until I wake."
I heard her moving around me for several minutes, but I couldn't identify any of the noises. Then she was kneeling beside me again. "We have a tent," she said. "It will protect us from biting pests and provide a little protection from the weather. But I will take care of some of your needs here first."
I will not talk about what she meant, but soon she was done, and then she pulled me into the tent. There was a soft bed, and it wasn't uncomfortable.
She removed my blindfold from my eyes, and my eyes opened. She had a light from somewhere near my feet, and I could see her kneeling over me.
"Can you blink?" she asked.
I stared straight ahead, offering no clues. But then, automatically, I blinked. I hated myself.
"You have some fight in you," she said. "I understand. I don't blame you. I am going to keep you drugged for several days. The only way you will have to communicate with me is by blinking. One blink for no, two blinks for yes. You may be too angry to wish to communicate with me, but if you would like, you may blink twice for yes."
I shifted my gaze so I could see her more directly. And I blinked twice.
"I do not know what questions you may have." She paused. "Are you comfortable?"
I blinked twice.
"Are you angry?" she asked.
I blinked and blinked and blinked.
"That was a stupid question," she said. And I blinked twice.
She shifted, finding a more comfortable position for herself, but remaining where I could see her.
"Do you understand what is happening?"
I thought about it and blinked twice.
"Are you still afraid?" One blink.
She caressed my face. She didn't see when I blinked once at her, or if she did, she didn't care.
"Did you like my singing?"
I was tempted to blink once, but I wasn't sure I could stand days of this if she left me alone to my thoughts. I blinked twice.
"I'm glad," she said. "I know you said you are not frightened, but I think you are, at least a little. I will do anything I can to make this easier for you."
I didn't have a response for that.
"Tomorrow I will let you look around before we go, but I must blindfold you. I do not want you to see what direction we travel. From time to time we will stop, and I will show you things and explain them. The rest of the time I will either sing or try to talk to you, but it will be in my language. Is that okay?"
What choice did I have? I blinked twice.
"We are not traveling in a straight line, and you have no idea how fast a lorga walks. You will have no idea how far from Second we are nor what direction it is. And while no one will help me, no one is going to help you, either. In a few days, when I know you are helplessly lost and way too far from Second, I will stop giving you Sylvie's Death, and we will stay in one place while it wears off. After that it will be your choice to travel with me, but you will never find Second without my help. Do you understand?"
I hated what she was doing, but I understood. I blinked twice.
"All right," she said. "Is there anything else you need before we sleep?"
I blinked twice.
"Water?" she asked. One blink. "Food?" One blink. "A different position?" One blink. "More information?" One blink.
And then I felt the tears begin to crawl from my eyes, and she understood.
"Do you want me to hold you?"
Two blinks.
"Oh honey," she said. "Of course I will hold you." And she lay down next to me, pulling me into her arms. I flopped against her, and she arranged me carefully, my face against her shoulder. "There is no more of the flower," she said. "I am safe to breathe in." Then she was petting me and crooning softly to me in Tresjolian.
We lay like that for some time, with her singing several songs. Then she pulled away so she could see my eyes. I had closed them, but I opened when she shifted away.
"I will continue to hold you while we sleep. Will it be okay if I spoon you?"
Two blinks.
"All right. I must give you more Sylvie's Death now, and then we can both sleep. I won't ask if you mind, because I know you do." She arranged me back on the bed, putting both our pillows underneath me so I sat partially upright. I watched as she retrieved a bottle, but where it came from was out of sight. She removed the cap, put two fingers over the mouth, and tipped it over, coating her fingers. Then she knelt over me and slipped her fingers into my mouth.
"I have to watch your eyes to know when I must stop. You can try to fool me, but you must blink eventually. If you blink normally, this part will be over soonest, and then I can hold you."
I watched her and let my eyes blink whenever they wanted. She watched me carefully for a minute, then her damp fingers were in my mouth again, and she helped me swallow.
"I can not pour it into you; that would be far too much. Just a little at a time," she said.
I knew when I stopped blinking. She watched for a while, and I didn't blink. She put the bottle away, watching my eyes the entire time.
"I will close your eyes now, so they do not become dry, and then I replace the blindfold so that your eyes remain closed. Then I will roll you onto your side, and we can sleep."
And that was what she did, pulling covers over both of us and tucking me in carefully before curling up against my back and wrapping her arms around me. She kissed my neck and then sang very quietly to me for a while.
We slept.
I woke, of course, and I wasn't comfortable, but I couldn't move. I tried to make noise, but I couldn't. I lay there for a long time, listening to Audra breathing behind me, her arms still wrapped around me. And then she stirred.
"One position all night is difficult, and a camp bed is not as comfortable as your bed. I will shift us to the other side."
She slipped away from me, pulling the covers from me, and I grew immediately chilled. Then she rolled me onto my back, pulled me even further in her direction, then slipped to my other side. She rolled me onto my side, tucked the covers around us, then slipped her arms around me.
And we slept.
I woke from time to time, lying still for a while and listening to Audra breathe before going back to sleep. But finally I woke for the day. Audra was lying on her back, and she had pulled me to her so my head lay on her shoulder. She was singing quietly.
"You can probably make noise," she said, and then she continued to sing. Every several minutes she told me, "If you are awake, make some noise." Otherwise she sang.
Finally I grew tired of playing dead. I tried to make noise. It came out as a grunt.
"Good morning, Wanda," she said gently. "You may have a small amount of movement, but not much, and both your legs and wrists are still tied."
"Why?" I managed to croak.
"Why did I do this?" she asked.
"Yes," I said.
"It wasn't our first choice. But letting you do what you did in Sasquatch would have been worse."
"Wouldn't," I managed to bleat. "Neg-" I tried to say negotiating. I couldn't get it out. "Talk," I could get out.
"After Julette threatened you, we couldn't be sure. You need this tour. Then at least we will have done our best to teach you. I hope you will try to understand what I show you."
"Home," I said.
"Oh Wanda, you know I can't."
"Please."
And I began to cry.
She held me, asking me not to cry, telling me over and over she wouldn't hurt me. I cried very quietly for a long time.
I hadn't cried in decades.
Eventually I was cried out. Audra continued to hold and stroke me, attempting to comfort me. I didn't ask her to stop.
"Better?" she asked eventually.
"No," I told her. "Wrong."
"I know you believe that," she said. "I understand why. I need to drug you again. If you have anything productive to say, say it now. You won't get another chance until we wake up tomorrow."
"Hate you," I told her.
"I understand," she said.
"Betrayed."
"I know it feels like that."
"All lies," I managed to say.
"I know it feels like that, too. If you have anything to say about how you want me to treat you, tell me now."
"Will hurt?" I managed to ask.
"Will I hurt you? No, Wanda. But you must cooperate when I drug you or I can make mistakes. Anything else?"
"No more."
"I'm sorry," she said.
I had slight movement in the rest of my body, but not enough to resist as she sat us both up. I slumped against her, my squirms to get away entirely ineffective. She held me firmly and didn't even chastise me. And then her damp fingers were before my mouth.
"Please do this the easy way," she said. "Please don't make me do it the hard way. Open your mouth, and do not bite."
I tried to resist, but she used two fingers to open my lips, and then her fingers were in my mouth, rubbing against my tongue.
"Swallow now," she said. She used her free hand to stroke my throat, and I swallowed. Her fingers slipped into my mouth again, and she was giving more of the drug, and slowly I began to loll against her.
I began keening again and Audra rocked me gently, talking softly, reassuring me I would be okay. And then she gave me more of the drug, and I was no longer able to make noise. She laid me back in the bed and watched my eyes, giving me more and more of the drug until I stopped blinking. When she was sure I'd had enough, she closed my eyes and replaced the blindfold.
"Wanda," she said, "This is not betrayal. I know it feels that way. And I did not lie. I care deeply about you. Surely you can tell. If I did not care, I would not be gentle. But I understand how you feel."
And then she pulled me from the tent, arranging me in a seated position slumped awkwardly against at tree. I heard a variety of sounds, and then she was next to me. "I will see to your needs, and then we will have breakfast and be on our way."
Breakfast was soup, which she fed to me carefully, one spoon at a time, watching to make sure I swallowed. It took some time to feed me. She washed my face, gave me some water, kissed my forehead, and then she was lifting me, setting me into position on the lorga. She climbed behind me, pulled me into her arms, and the world shifted. Then we were moving.
