Return to Sender, page 3
“I would never.” I shivered at the conviction in his voice. “I’m serious, Drew. You’re all I think about and I’m going to prove it to you.”
He released me from his hold and pulled a green marker from his front pocket. He scrawled something on a brick behind a gutter, his brow furrowed in concentration. “Here, look.”
Drew + Wes 4-ever
“That’ll be there forever, just like we’ll be together forever.”
Chapter 6
Wes, September 1987
Drew’s fingers were in my hair, massaging my scalp. I was on the verge of falling asleep from the soothing, repetitive motion. We were sprawled out on my bed after a disappointing first week of high school. After a whole year of being in all the same classes, ninth grade meant being separated from Drew.
He was registered for all the advanced college prep classes, while I was stuck in mostly remedials. No longer would I be able to rely on him as a partner for any class assignments to get a good grade. If I’d ask, no doubt Drew would tutor me and help me with my homework, but he would probably get bored with all the easy (at least for him) assignments given in my classes.
“I have to work late tonight,” I yawned and leaned into his hand. He was sitting with his back to the wall, legs stretched out with my head resting in his lap.
“Are you going to make it?” he teased. “Sounds like you’re going to fall asleep right now.”
“You keep petting me like a cat and I most surely will fall asleep,” I retorted.
“Speaking of cats, have you ever had a pet?” He was now combing his fingers through my hair and I almost purred like a cat.
“Naw, never have. We move around too much and most places won’t let you have any animals. But I think having a dog would be pretty gnarly.”
“I never had one either. When we graduate and move off to college, we should find a place that allows pets and we could get a dog. Even a small one would be cool.”
Drew had high hopes for us. I encouraged his dreams because I knew he had the smarts to make it to college. As for me, well…I would follow him anywhere he wanted to go, but I was never going to be smart enough to get accepted to any college. And that was okay. There were lots of other things I could do. One of my classes was shop, and maybe I would discover something I was good at there and could get a job doing after high school.
I could picture it perfectly: Coming home from a long day at work, Drew at the table doing his college stuff. I’d greet him with a kiss and we’d cook dinner together. At night, we’d cuddle in our bed and not have to worry about my mom or his mom walking in on us. We’d probably have to get a house with two bedrooms so no one would suspect the true nature of our relationship, but it wouldn’t matter because we’d be together. For now, we had to survive high school, and then it would be smooth sailing.
I wondered how much the world would change in four years. Would we be able to go out in public as a couple, or would we still need to be careful and pretend to be only friends? I assumed we would have to hide, but that was fine with me, as long as I could get my fill of his kisses and touches behind closed doors. I envied the guy/girl couples at school that could openly hold hands in the hallways and dance at school dances without being the focus of ridicule or hate. Thankfully, no one cared about me and Drew not having dates or going to dances and other school functions because we didn’t live in the right part of town.
I stretched lazily and nuzzled Drew’s stomach. A deep hum emanated from his chest, and he repositioned so he was lying flat on the bed, my body partially on top of his. He slid his hands down my back and found the strip of skin exposed from my shirt riding up.
“Just a few more minutes,” he husked into my ear.
“Two minutes,” I agreed.
* * * *
Working at the diner was pretty cool. All the waitresses mothered me, which was awesome because my own mother lacked mothering skills. They always asked how school was going and, when they found out I desperately needed new shoes, they all chipped in and bought me two pairs. Two pairs of shoes! I never had more than one pair in my whole life. When I tried to pay them back, I was told Marcie’s husband worked in the shoe department at Sears in the mall downtown, and they got them for cheap with his discount.
Drew’s mom mothered me the most. She made sure I took my breaks and had something to eat. We walked to and from the diner when our shifts matched up. This mostly happened during the summer when I could work any day and time. But now that school started back up, she usually clocked out when I clocked in.
I rarely saw my mother anymore. I guess she still worked the overnight shift. She was gone whenever I was home, so maybe she switched shifts or got a second job. All I know is that I was pretty much left to fend for myself.
My send-off to work from Drew had me energized. I scrubbed dishes and glasses and silverware with gusto, singing a Michael Jackson song softly to myself. I was glad for the usual Friday evening influx of diners to keep me busy and make my night pass quickly. Drew would mostly likely be asleep when I got home. Still, I was anxious to get back to my bed, sheets messy and his scent lingering from our adventures earlier.
“What’s got you in such a chipper mood?” Frank, one of the busboys, set a bin of dirty dishes next to the sink. “Never seen anyone enjoy washing other people’s dirty dishes that much.”
I flicked a handful of soap bubbles playfully at him. “Do I have to have a reason for being in a good mood? No use in being crabby.”
“Mmhmm. Could your mood have anything to do with that hickey on your neck? She must be a firecracker.” He raised an eyebrow and pointed a finger at the offending spot.
“Oh shit. I told h—” I cut myself off right before revealing the she was actually a he. I slapped my hand over the spot, feeling my face burn from embarrassment.
Frank’s laughter followed him out of the kitchen. I would have to have a talk with Drew about being more careful with the love bites. We got carried away this afternoon. The effortless way we became absorbed in each other was going to trip us up one day.
Chapter 7
Drew, October 1988
Sophomore year was off to a great start for me. I found my place with the art kids and the art teacher had taken a shining to me. I actually made some new friends, which was good considering Wes worked practically every free moment when not in school. I’d usually meet him in the alley after his shifts and we’d walk home together after a brief make out session.
While we did get to spend time with each other on the bus, we couldn’t touch like we wanted to. I usually helped him with his homework to tamp down the desire to snuggle into his side. Many of his assignments were things we’d learned in eighth grade, but that he still hadn’t caught on to.
He was working late tonight, and I was absorbed in writing a paper for my English class on The Scarlet Letter. The assignment was to relate the marking to something in modern day life. My mind morbidly took me to comparing Hester’s brand to AIDS in the gay community. The disease was a massive fear of mine and the few bits of information I had been able to discreetly gather without drawing attention, did little to assuage my fears.
Deep in thought, I almost didn’t hear the muffled shouts coming from outside. The shouts were punctuated by sharp snicks of what sounded like rocks being thrown at the living room window that faced the backyard of the apartment building. I jumped off the barstool and hurried over to the window to investigate.
There was an angry-looking woman with wild, frizzy hair in a pink house dress scowling right up at me. I opened the window to yell down to her. “What are you doing?”
The cool, crisp fall evening sent goosebumps down my bare arms. The temperature was getting colder as Halloween approached. Wes and I planned to check out Goodwill over the weekend for costume ideas. We wanted to choose something that matched without being too couple-like.
“Where’s your whore of a mother?” The lady below shook me from my thoughts. I shivered, but not from the temperature. My mother, a whore? What the hell was this crazy lady talking about? “My mom is at work. Who are you?”
“Liar!” She hurled another rock at the window, and I ducked just in time. The rock landed with a thump on the rug in front of the television. “Slut! Homewrecker!”
The rage in her voice and the vulgarity of her words were freaking me out. She had to have the wrong place. “Lady, you better get out of here or I’m gonna call the police!” I started sweating despite the chilly air. Something about this woman and the whole situation had me on edge.
She pointed a finger at me. “I’ll be back. Your mother will not get away with this! And she better not show her face at the factory after today!” She turned on her heel and stormed out of the yard with that final outburst.
Crazy lady mentioned the factory. She must have been looking for Wes’ mom. Oh boy. I wondered what the hell was going on. I was pretty shaken up after the confrontation, and my attempts to concentrate on figuring out a topic for my essay were a miserable failure.
Not much longer after the lady left, I headed out to meet Wes in the alley. He greeted me with a soft, lingering kiss, but not before scoping out the alley and surrounding area for anyone who might get a glimpse.
“I’ve missed you!” He squeezed my shoulders and gave me a lopsided smile.
My heart swelled with joy at his declaration and I let out a laugh. “We saw each other earlier on the bus. You can’t possibly miss me that much!”
“Oh, but I do!” His amused expression turned serious. “I want you to know that I love you.” His hands on my shoulders tightened as he spoke with fervor.
My knees buckled at this declaration. I would have fallen to the ground had Wes not had a hold on me. I melted into his arms, my lips pressed against his neck. “You’re my everything, Wes,” I mumbled against his warm skin.
Side by side and shoulder to shoulder, we headed home, blissfully happy after our confessions to each other. I wanted to holler into the night sky how much I loved Wes and how perfect everything was going to be now that there was no question of our commitment to each other.
Our giddy bubble popped as we approached the apartment building to find Wes’ mom tossing garbage bags into the trunk of an unfamiliar car. There was a strange tension in the air, urging me to turn around and return to the relative safety of the alley with Wes.
Wes’ mom jerked in our direction as we got close. “Wes, there you are! I was looking all over for you.” She swiveled her head around frantically, searching for some unseen thing. “Go grab your stuff upstairs and let’s go.”
“I was at work. Where are we going?” He looked puzzled as he watched her slam the trunk shut. In the dark, I could see a figure behind the wheel of the car, but couldn’t tell who the person might be. This was all wrong. I thought back to the strange lady screaming at me.
Wes’ mom glared at me as if I was the one hampering her progress. “We gotta get out of here. Tonight. Get your stuff or we go without it. I ain’t got time to wait no longer.”
If she said anything else, I couldn’t hear over the buzzing in my head. I understood what she said, but my brain refused to comprehend full sentences.
More words were exchanged that I couldn’t understand, and then Wes was pulling me up the stairs by my arm.
The door to his apartment was open, couch cushions strewn on the floor, kitchen cabinets hanging open. We both stood in shocked silence at the scene before us.
A car horn startled Wes out of his trance and he tightened his grip on my arm. “It’s happening again.”
I gaped at his face, white from all the blood drained out of it. “What’s happening again?” I was terrified of the answer, but my curiosity overruled my fear.
Two bright red spots appeared on his cheeks. “She’s making us leave.”
“Leave?!” My voice cracked, and the buzzing that had begun to quiet down roared in my ears.
“Fuck!” He punctuated his outburst with a hard kick to the wall, leaving a hole in the flimsy sheetrock. I flinched, having never seen such fury in him. What happened to my gentle, loving Wes?
The driver of the car downstairs leaned on the horn for several seconds. Wes grabbed me and kissed me fiercely. Looking deep into my eyes, he croaked, “As soon as we get to where we’re going, I’m gonna let you know where I’m at. This changes nothing between you and me, you hear me?”
A choked sound escaped my lips. “I don’t understand.” There was a prickling behind my eyes and a churning of acid in my stomach.
“It’ll be fine, I promise. You can hold me to it.” He kissed me once again and headed back down the stairs, leaving me in the middle of his abandoned apartment, struggling to breathe.
Chapter 8
October 23, 1988
Dear Drew,
We made it to Allentown and to my Aunt Barbara’s house. I never knew I had an Aunt Barbara until now. I asked my mom how we’re related but she never told me. Could be we aren’t related at all because there aren’t any family photos of my mom around. I guess it doesn’t matter because Aunt Barbara is happy to have us. I think she was lonely living by herself.
Anyway, Aunt Barbara is really old, like probably eighty or something. She’s got a big house with enough bedrooms, so I have my own. I wish you could come visit. I think you would like Aunt Barbara. She carries these butterscotch candies in her apron pocket and gives me one every time she sees me. It’s kinda funny, because she’ll give me one at breakfast and another a few hours later when we pass each other in the hall. It’s almost like she forgot she already gave me one.
I miss you so much and wish I could have had more time to give you a proper goodbye. You know exactly what I mean by proper.
You have my new address now. Write to me anytime! I’m going to see about finding a job here. Then I’m going to save up all my money for a bus ticket to see you. If my mom hadn’t needed the money I saved from the diner to get us here, I could see you for Christmas, but it was important to get us out of that bad situation with her manager at the bottle factory.
Anyway, I can’t wait for you to get this letter. I will write you a letter every day if I can.
Love you always,
Wes
* * * *
November 6, 1988
Dear Drew,
I couldn’t wait to get your response, and to write to you again. I have BIG news! I’m going to be a big brother! How cool is that?
I’m really excited, but I think Aunt Barbara isn’t too happy. Not about having a baby living in her house, but because my mom won’t say who the daddy is. It has to be someone back in your neck of the woods, because the doctor told her she’s three months along.
I’m going to make sure my little brother or sister knows he or she doesn’t need a daddy to be a cool person. I never had a daddy and you think I’m cool. Right? You don’t have a daddy and I think you’re amazing.
I’m trying to get mom to stop smoking. There were all these pamphlets at the doctor’s rooms about how smoking is bad during pregnancy. I read a bunch of scary stuff about how the baby could get very sick. I plan on being the best big brother ever, and I can start by making sure Mom does what’s right. Aunt Barbara won’t let her smoke in the house. I’m super stoked about that. Sometimes it was difficult for me to breathe when she smoked in the apartment.
Yesterday, I hid the pack of cigarettes from her purse. Don’t be mad at me, but I lit one to see what my mom likes so much about them. I took one puff and threw up. Yuck! Remind me to never try cigarettes again. Anyway, taking that pack did no good, because I saw her with a new pack today.
Write to me as soon as you get both my letters!
Love you always,
Wes
* * * *
January 15, 1989
Dear Drew,
I don’t understand why my letters were returned. I triple checked the address before mailing. Your apartment was next door to mine, and mine was 311, so yours should be 309. But even if I got the number wrong, one of the neighbors could have easily put it in your box. The envelope clearly has your name on it. I wish I had memorized your phone number, because then I could call you to figure out what’s going on.
I prefer to believe my returned letters is some sort of weird mix up, and that you will definitely get this one.
I’m lost here without you, Drew. This school is really hard, and I’m failing more tests than passing. You know how to explain things to me so they make sense. I don’t know what to do without you.
I did get a job at a mechanic shop. Russell, the owner and head mechanic, is showing me all kinds of nifty tools and things to fix cars. He lets me top off gas tanks and windshield wiper fluid reservoirs for now, until he’ll teach me how to change oil filters and timing chains and belts. Unfortunately, the money I’ve been making at Russell’s has been going toward baby things, like clothes and bottles and a bassinet. Do you know what a bassinet is? I didn’t until my mom said the new baby would need one. It’s this small bed-like thing that the baby sleeps in and can be moved around to whatever room you’re in.
You wouldn’t believe all the things a baby needs! My mom is having a hard time finding a job, being pregnant and all, so I’m taking the responsibility of being the breadwinner. I think I might have to drop out of school so I can work more hours. The baby is going to need lots of diapers and formula.
I still want to come visit you, but that may not be for a long time. Please don’t forget about me. I think about you every day and night. I’ve told Aunt Barbara all about you. And about us. But don’t worry, she won’t share our secret with anyone.
Love you always and forever,
Wes
Chapter 9
Drew, 1990
I threw myself into my schoolwork and my art after Wes left, and my focus was paying off. My art teacher, Ms. Santos, was helping me submit scholarship applications to art schools across the country. With her encouragement, I carefully curated a portfolio of my artwork to accompany my college essays. Once she convinced me to stop drawing and painting Wes’ face on everything, and branch out to different subjects, I had a wide range of pieces to choose from.
