5

  SAYING GOODBYE

  Packing the house was tedious and hard; saying goodbye to Charlie’s parents was quick—but hardest of all. His parents were quite a bit older, but I loved them. They were like an extra set of grandparents, and I saw them all the time—until I didn’t.

  My sisters stayed in the car while Mom and Dad came to the door with me when we got there. Dad had phoned Charlie’s parents to tell them we’d be coming so they were expecting us. This was my first time seeing Mrs. Gabriel since the day of the funeral, and I hadn’t seen Mr. Gabriel since the accident. Mom and Dad had visited and gone to the services, but I skipped everything. I couldn’t see Charlie dead—not again. I just couldn’t. It wasn’t until two weeks after they buried him that I finally had the courage to go see his grave.

  His parents understood. Mrs. Gabriel had come to check on me after laying her son to rest. She walked into my bedroom and sat beside me. She took my hand and held it. “Thea, it’s important you hear me say this,” she said. “We don’t blame you. This was a terrible accident. It makes no sense and I’m not sure it ever will, but it wasn’t your fault.”

  That was nice of her, but she hadn’t been there. Her words didn’t make me feel less guilty.

  By the time I reached the front step, his parents were already teary-eyed. So was I. Dad shook hands with Mr. Gabriel, while Mrs. Gabriel jumped straight to hugging me. Her wiry arms squeezed me tight and I felt every ounce of her love and pain.

  “We’ve missed you,” she said, holding me.

  I was used to her always smelling like flour because she loved baking. She was constantly packing cookies and muffins and bread for Charlie and me to take with us on our excursions. She didn’t smell like that today—and it made me sad.

  “You be good and take care of yourself,” she said, leaning back and looking at me. “Go and live life, Thea, and know you’re always welcome to come back this way. We hope you do one day.”

  My jaw trembled. I nodded, even though I didn’t know if that would ever happen. I handed her the small gift that I’d brought and had been holding the entire time; it was the one thing I hadn’t dumped into the box with the rest of my Charlie things—a framed photo of Charlie and me after we’d returned from a day at Clover Creek, pieces of straw dangling from our mouths.

  Mr. and Mrs. Gabriel both hugged me, and then I turned and hurried back to the van while Mom and Dad finished saying their goodbyes. My little sisters didn’t say a word when I climbed inside. Even they understood how hard that was. Mom and Dad joined us a few minutes later, and off we drove—running away.

  6

  NIGHTMARES

  I’m alone, standing on the side of the road when the blacktop cracks and pulls apart. Charlie climbs out of the ground. He’s dressed in his favorite khaki fishing vest—the same one he wore on our last day together. He’s free of bruises and cuts and scrapes. He stares at me and I can see that he is sad and confused. Not even his lazy eye can hide that.

  “Did you push me?” he asks, and it feels like a knife just plunged into my heart.

  My face contorts. How could he? I open my mouth but no words come out. I’m unable to speak.

  I reach to take his hand, but before I can touch him a fog descends and then a black SUV rounds the bend and is suddenly upon us. Its lights blind me. A cold wind blows across my skin as it races by—and then Charlie is gone.

  * * *

  —

  I woke, shivering inside my new bedroom, real tears wetting my cheeks. I sat up and hugged my pillow tight. Just as I feared, we’d moved clear across the state, but my nightmares followed me. I was unpacked, but I wasn’t settled. I was alone—and missing my best friend.

  7

  DAD LOSES HIS MIND

  Dad was driving Cleopatra, our ancient green minivan. Mom was riding shotgun, my sisters were in the way back, and I sat in one of the middle seats. We were on our way home from the grocery store. When you move into a new house you’ve got a refrigerator and cabinets to restock.

  I was old enough to stay home alone and even watch my sisters, but Know-Nothing Diana had told my parents she didn’t think me being alone was a good idea just yet. Whatever. Mom and Dad agreed that dimwit didn’t know anything, but they still chose to adhere to that piece of her advice. So anyway, thanks to my long-gone wretched grief counselor, I was present when my sisters started fighting.

  “Don’t touch me,” Abby said.

  “Don’t touch me,” Livvy mimicked.

  “Don’t look at me,” Abby said.

  “Don’t look at me,” Livvy repeated.

  “Puke face.”

  “Butt face.”

  “MOM!” they yelled.

  “GIRLS!” Mom roared. “That’s enough! Nobody wants to hear it.”

  Actually, it wasn’t bothering me. Their fighting was one of the few things that hadn’t changed. But I don’t want to mislead you and make you think my sisters were always fighting, because they weren’t—not always. As Dad liked to say, Liv and Abby managed to get along twenty-three out of the twenty-four hours in a day, but during that one hour when they decided to go at it, he wanted to run and hide. Their knock-down-drag-outs always happened during that stretch of time when they ran out of things to do and got bored or tired.

  Well, there certainly wasn’t much for them to do way in the back of Cleopatra and we were all more than a little tired after the big move, so let the fireworks begin. As soon as Mom scolded them their crying commenced—and that was worse than the arguing. Poor Dad had nowhere to run and hide. What happened next changed everything.

  “Let’s get a puppy,” he blurted.

  All fighting and crying stopped immediately.

  “What?” Mom asked.

  “A puppy,” Dad said.

  “Yay!” my sisters screamed.

  “What?!” Mom cried. “Have you lost your mind?”

  We hadn’t had a dog since Sparky, which was almost four years ago, so it was safe to say Dad’s sudden announcement took us by surprise. If it weren’t for Mom’s shock, I would’ve guessed this was another one of Know-Nothing Diana’s brilliant stupid suggestions, but it was actually Dad’s dumb idea all on his own.

  “Do you want to get a puppy?” Dad repeated.

  “Yeah!” Livvy and Abby screamed in return.

  I continued staring out the window. What I wanted was to have my best friend back, but that was impossible. That wasn’t anything a dog could fix, so I didn’t care.

  “Andy, what’re you doing?” Mom said, all sorts of concern in her voice. “You know you can’t mention a puppy and then go back on it. You can’t do that to the girls.”

  “I know,” Dad said.

  Livvy and Abby were wild with excitement. Their celebration reached new heights. They broke into a crazy cheer, singing loudly.

  “We’re getting a puu-py! We’re getting a puu-py! We’re getting a puu-py!”

  “Not if you don’t stop the fighting,” Mom threatened.

  “Yeah,” Dad agreed. “And by the way, everybody says the two of you look like me so I don’t appreciate those Puke-face and Butt-face comments.”

  I cracked a rare smile. Dad was on a roll. But his dog idea was still a stupid one.

  8

  RESEARCH

  Dad claimed it was the perfect time for us to get a dog, but I didn’t know who he thought he was fooling. It would’ve been much smarter to get one before moving. Then the puppy could’ve had all of its potty accidents in our old house rather than our new one. Not to mention that would’ve given my sisters the summer to devote to training their puppy—not mine!—but there was no turning back now.

  Mom got her computer out as soon as we got home. She huddled with my sisters on the couch and began surfing the web in hopes of finding our future dog. I helped Dad with the groceries and then I went and sat in our recliner. (I would’ve gone to my room, but Mom wouldn’t go for that. Even if I wasn’t talking, she wanted me with them and not alone.)

  “For starters, we need to decide what kind of dog we want,” Mom said. “Labs make great family dogs.”

  “Sparky was a Lab,” Livvy said.

  “I don’t remember Sparky,” Abby whined.

  “You probably wouldn’t,” Mom replied. “You had only just turned three when he—”

  Mom stopped short before finishing her sentence. I could feel her cringing. According to Know-Nothing Diana, “died” was the type of word to avoid using around me because it could trigger an emotional breakdown. And the general topic of death was a big no-no. Whatever. Told you that woman was an idiot. Like I needed any stupid word to remind me of what had happened to Charlie. It wasn’t like I ever forgot.

  “I want a little dog,” Abby cried.

  “One that we can dress up,” Livvy agreed.

  “I’m not getting a purse dog so you two can dress it up!” Dad yelled. He stuck his head into the living room. “That’s where I draw the line. You can do that with your dolls. I need a boy dog. I live with all women now.”

  Liv and Abby stuck their tongues out at him.

  “Go away,” Mom said. “We’ll call you when we have one we like.”

  “Find a boy dog,” Dad ordered before returning to the kitchen. I could smell that he was beginning to make dinner but I wasn’t hungry.

  Mom and my sisters turned back to the computer and read all about Labs, golden retrievers, terriers, Chihuahuas, and even Saint Bernards. Mom read aloud so it was easier for my sisters, but I knew she was also trying to include me. Not happening. Still not interested.

  My sisters thought every dog sounded fun, so after a while Mom changed gears and started looking to see what dogs were actually available and nearby. That was when she discovered rescue shelters.

  “What’s a rescue shelter?” Abby asked.

  “Well, in some areas there are places that…”

  “That what?” Abby said. She didn’t understand why Mom had stopped midsentence.

  I could feel Mom cringing—again. “Killed” definitely had to be on Know-Nothing Diana’s list of words and topics to avoid.

  “That what?!” Abby screeched.

  “That kill dogs!” Livvy exclaimed. She was reading off the website.

  “Why do they kill the doggies?” Abby asked, confused and upset.

  “Well, sweetie. A dogcatcher finds doggies that are without owners and turns them over to a shelter where they are housed, but if the doggie is sick or if no one claims them or adopts them, then they might be euthanized. They don’t have enough space to keep all of them.”

  “What’s your-in-hized?” Abby asked.

  “You-then-ized,” Livvy said. “It means put to sleep forever.”

  “That’s sad.”

  “Yes, and a lot of people agree with you,” Mom said. “So that’s why there are groups who rescue dogs from these shelters and then transport them to new places where they try to keep them until they do find families. These groups and places make up rescue shelters.”

  “Let’s get one from there,” Abby said. “I want to save a doggie!”

  “Me, too!” Livvy agreed, which didn’t happen often.

  So Mom started researching rescue shelters and found one that was only an hour away. Hickory Rescue Shelter had pictures of dogs on their website that had recently been adopted and pictures of current residents.

  “Look at that little puppy,” Abby squealed.

  “He looks just like Sparky,” Mom said.

  “It’s so cute,” Livvy said. “Let’s get it.”

  “Can we, pleeease?” my sisters begged.

  “Oh,” Mom replied, her voice much lower now. “She’s a girl.”

  “Can we get her, pleeease?” my sisters pleaded.

  “Shhh,” Mom whispered. “We’ll go first thing tomorrow morning, but don’t tell your father who we found. Once he sees her, he’ll have to say yes. He’s got a soft spot in his heart for girls.”

  My sisters giggled about their special secret.

  “Thea, come see the puppy we found,” Abby whispered.

  I shook my head.

  “Tomorrow,” Mom said. “Thea will get to see her tomorrow.”

  I turned away and stared out the window. I didn’t care about any dog.

  9

  A NEW NIGHTMARE

  Nightmares continued to haunt me, and that was no different on the eve of getting our puppy. But the nightmare that came for me that night was different.

  * * *

  —

  We’re walking, me and my dog, down the side of the road. My dog is wet because he’s been swimming. He’s happy. His tail wags and his ears stand tall. I’m happy.

  But then the sky goes dark. The warm sun disappears and an eerie wind picks up. I feel it blow across my skin and I shiver. A low moan vibrates in the distance. And then it is there. The black SUV rounds the bend and is upon us. There is no time to react. I feel the leash get ripped from my hand.

  My dog is gone.

  * * *

  —

  I woke up drenched in sweat, feeling exhausted. My heart raced and my muscles felt like I’d been flexing and squeezing them for hours. None of that was different from my other nightmares—but that dog was.

  I left my bed and walked downstairs to the living room and climbed into the recliner. I sat there hugging my knees to my chest.

  I loved that dog in my dream—but I didn’t want him.

  10

  THE CRATE IS MOST IMPORTANT

  We drove for an hour: Dad behind the wheel, Mom riding shotgun, my sisters in the way back—not fighting—and me in the middle seat, not saying anything. I couldn’t have snuck in a word even if I’d wanted to, not with the way everyone else was going on and on about the puppy we were going to get.

  “You’ll need to keep track of your stuff,” Mom warned us for the hundredth time. “Puppies like to chew things.”

  Whatever.

  “And there will be no feeding him from the table. And he stays off the furniture,” Dad reminded us for the millionth time.

  Tell my sisters. It’s their dog, not mine.

  “And she’s going to sleep with me?” Livvy said.

  “No fair! I want her to sleep with me,” Abby whined.

  “I called it first,” Livvy argued.

  “Stop saying ‘she,’ ” Dad said. “We’re getting a boy, and he’s not sleeping with either of you. He sleeps in his crate until he can go without making accidents in the house. The crate is the most important part in training a puppy. It’s where he’ll feel safe and want to spend time.”

  “And when she’s done with the crate she can take turns sleeping with us,” Abby said.

  “He,” Dad emphasized.

  “We’ll see,” Mom said.

  Mom and Dad talked like they were dog whisperers, but as we’d soon find out, they were no match for our future puppy. We didn’t end up with your average dog—not by a long shot.

  11

  HICKORY RESCUE SHELTER

  We pulled into Hickory Rescue Shelter and my sisters jumped out of Cleopatra before Dad even had her in park. A chorus of barks and yaps and deep-longing howls immediately welcomed us.

  “Ohh!” my sisters squealed. “Can we go see them?”

  “We need to stop by the office first to let them know we’re here,” Mom said.

  “Hurry up,” Abby yelled, running ahead with Livvy. “We want to see the doggies.”

  I was happy to lengthen my stride. Anything to escape all those sad songs. The dogs’ cries sounded like my heart felt.

  “May I help you?” the woman at the counter asked once the five of us were inside.

  “Yes,” Mom answered. “We’d like to get a puppy.”

  “Well, you’re in the right place then,” the woman said. She smiled at Liv and Abby. “My name is Rebecca. You can follow me outside and we’ll see if we have one you like.”

  “We already know which one we want,” Abby blurted. “We saw her on your computer.”

  Liv tried to cover Abby’s mouth, but she was too late. The cat was out of the bag. To be honest, I was surprised she’d kept their secret this long. Secret-keeping wasn’t exactly Abby’s strength.

  Dad scowled. He cast Mom and my sisters a dirty look, but it wasn’t a for-real one. The truth was he was going to do whatever made them happy, even if that meant a female dog. Mom was right about Dad having a soft spot in his heart for girls. My sisters had him wrapped around their little fingers. Unfortunately, there wasn’t anything Dad could do for me. I wished it was that easy, but it wasn’t.

  “And which dog would that be?” Rebecca asked.

  “We saw a nine-week-old female black Lab mix,” Mom said.

  “Oh, you mean Chloe…? I’m afraid she’s already gone,” Rebecca said. “She was a cutie, so she wasn’t here very long. I’m sorry.”

  “Aw,” Liv and Abby groaned, their bodies sagging.

  “Don’t worry,” Rebecca said. “We still have plenty of other wonderful puppies waiting for you.”

  We followed her out to the shelter, where the dogs were still barking and howling their heads off, but the moment Rebecca opened the door, they stopped. We stepped inside behind her.

  “Take your time and let me know if you find one you like,” she said. “If you do, I can let you take the pup into the play yard we have out back. That way you have a chance to try the dog on for size.”

 

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