Wonder Woman and Harley Quinn, page 1
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CONTENTS
Character Profiles
Chapter 1: Museum Mayhem
Chapter 2: Wonder Blunder
Chapter 3: Seeing Red
Chapter 4: Cats of a Feather
Chapter 5: Wisecracks & Safecracks
Chapter 6: The Root of All Evil
Chapter 7: Let Them Eat Pie
Chapter 8: Reborn on a Monday
Chapter 9: No Joking Matter
Chapter 10: Truth Be Told
About the Author
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CHARACTER PROFILES
Mr. Mxyzptlk
This magical imp loves to prank Super Heroes. The only way to stop Mr. Mxyzptlk is to make him say his name backward—but he may have an extra trick under his hat this time.
Wonder Woman
Princess Diana of Themyscira left her island paradise to protect the rest of the world. As Wonder Woman, she wields her enchanted bracelets and Lasso of Truth to fight the evils of war and intolerance.
Harley Quinn
Once The Joker’s partner, Harley Quinn now roller-skates the fine line between heroism and hijinks. This Maven of Mayhem is as silly as she is super-smart and plays by only one set of rules—hers.
Deadman
Daring acrobat Boston Brand always believed that the show must go on—even after he died! As a ghostly hero, he controls the bodies of the living to perform amazing feats worthy of any circus performer.
The Penguin
Oswald Cobblepot always considered himself an odd bird even before he became The Penguin. This criminal mastermind uses trick umbrellas to keep Batman out of his fishy, fiendish schemes.
Cheetah
As Wonder Woman’s enemy, Cheetah is as dangerous as she is graceful. But before becoming a furry felon, she was Barbara Ann Minerva—a doctor whose wits are as sharp as cheetah’s claws.
Solomon Grundy
A huge, hulking zombie who crawled out of a swamp, Solomon Grundy doesn’t have much patience for things like good manners or fancy words—he prefers to let his fists do the talking.
Poison Ivy
Dr. Pamela Isley grew so frustrated with the way humans mistreated the environment, she turned her powerful plants against people! Poison Ivy is thorny to everyone she meets—except her gal pal, Harley Quinn.
The Joker
The Clown Prince of Crime and Batman’s archnemesis, The Joker delights in destruction and finds comedy in chaos. But his practical jokes are so twisted, he’s the only one who laughs at them.
Batman
After a tragic robbery left young Bruce Wayne an orphan, he dedicated his mind and body to fighting crime. The Batman now uses his intelligence, gadgets, and vehicles to keep Gotham City safe for all.
Batgirl
Batgirl, a martial artist and computer genius, is one of Batman’s partners. She solves mysteries and stops crime, whether in her Batsuit or in her daily life as Barbara Gordon.
Kalibak
A son of Darkseid, the evil ruler of Apokolips, Kalibak is a big brute who has discovered an unlikely bond with Batman. Defying his own father, Kalibak joined Batman on a quest to undo Mr. Mxyzptlk’s prank on the world.
Chapter 1
Museum Mayhem
“Don’t do that!”
The museum tour guide glared at a startled sixth grader, who quickly pulled her hand away from a gleaming bronze shield. Of all the artifacts in the Gotham City History Museum, this piece of armor from the remote island of Themyscira had captivated her the most. The girl hadn’t meant any harm. She just wanted to touch the shield’s embossed stars. The guide pointed to a sign that spelled out the exhibit’s rules.
No flash photography
No food or drink
No raised voices
No touching
No chewing gum
“Museum guests are supposed to look at the masterpieces, not touch them!” the guide said in another shrill whisper.
“But learning is supposed to be fun,” said the girl. “And the shield looks really solid, sir. I promise, my little hand wouldn’t even leave a scra—”
The guide didn’t let her finish. “Are you some kind of class clown?”
“Watch it, pal,” warned a high-pitched voice from behind them.
The guide gulped. His bowtie bobbed as he turned around and saw the Maven of Mayhem—Harley Quinn!
“You say ‘clown’ like it’s a bad thing!” she added with a sly wink.
Harley twirled her dyed pigtails and snapped her gum. The students gasped.
“Th-there’s no gum chewing allowed,” said the guide, pointing to the sign again.
“Ah, don’t get your tweeds in a twist,” Harley said.
“Security guards!” the guide yelled.
“Don’t bother. They’re napping on the job, courtesy of the sleeping potion I slipped into their coffee,” Harley said. “And you just broke one of your own rules.”
She pointed to the No Raised Voices part of the sign, then began blowing a bubble, which grew to an impossible circumference of six feet. Harley bounced the behemoth bubble. It landed on top of the guide and encased him like a pink, human-sized hamster ball! Giving the rubbery bubble a kick, Harley pinballed the yelping guide out of the exhibit, sending the students rushing to the exits. But the curious girl managed to take one last look back at Harley Quinn, who winked again and said, “You were right, kiddo—learning is supposed to be fun!”
Harley clicked her heels, and wheels popped out of the soles of her boots. She roller-skated around the exhibit, sticking googly eyes on oil portraits and gluing rainbow wigs onto the heads of marble busts. Then Harley skidded to a stop in front of the largest statue in the room, one of a noble female ruler.
“Hip-oh-lie-ta, Queen of the Amazons,” Harley read from a plaque on the statue’s base. “I think Her Highness could use a royal makeover!”
Harley pulled a large cream pie from her bag of tricks. She was about to throw it at Hippolyta’s likeness, when a golden loop fastened around Harley’s wrist, stopping her hand. She looked back and saw Wonder Woman standing right behind her.
“I know mothers can be annoying,” said the Super Hero, holding the other end of her Lasso of Truth. “But I’d still appreciate it if you didn’t hurl pies at mine!”
“Your mom’s a statue?!” Harley joked. “No wonder you’re always so stiff!”
“Oh, Harley, such a kidder,” Wonder Woman said patiently. “Now please put down the pie.”
“But I don’t want to!” Harley whined.
“Harley,” Wonder Woman said in a warning tone.
She renewed her grip on the shimmering lasso, and Harley Quinn followed Wonder Woman’s command. A few loose items slipped out of Harley’s seemingly bottomless bag as she grudgingly placed the pie back inside it. Wonder Woman nodded.
“That’s better,” she said. “But what in Zeus’s name are you doing here?”
Harley pouted. She knew the magic lasso compelled her to tell the truth.
“Eh, I was bored, and this seemed like a fun way to spend a Monday,” she admitted. “I choose to—whatchamacallit?—live in the moment and deal with the consequences of my actions later. Or, y’know, not at all.”
Wonder Woman shook her head in dismay. Such blatant disregard for decency was unthinkable to someone who had been raised by the Queen of the Amazons. She couldn’t imagine ever being so carefree. So reckless. So…irresponsible.
“Oopsie!” said Harley. “Pardon me!”
“Pardon you for what?” asked a confused Wonder Woman.
“For this,” replied Harley.
She pointed to the inflated whoopee cushion that had fallen out of her bag. Harley stomped her skates down on it, producing a thunderous raspberry.
BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!
The expelled air blew the googly eyes and rainbow wigs off the artwork. It also shattered the museum’s windows and sent Wonder Woman flying backward into a rack of swords! With a mighty crash, the weapons fell on to p of her, causing Wonder Woman to drop her lasso. Now free of its spell, Harley loosened her wrist and said, “That gag is always a home run! And speaking of baseball…”
She pulled her trusty baseball bat from her bag, tossed a softball-sized smoke bomb into the air, and smacked it. Wonder Woman emerged from the pile of swords, unscathed, and deflected the smoke bomb with her enchanted bracelets. Then the Amazon Princess threw her tiara, which spun through the air like a boomerang. Harley pulled out a jack-in-the-box, and a spring-loaded boxing glove popped out and punched the tiara. Wonder Woman caught it on the rebound and flicked her lasso in one fluid motion. This time, the Lasso of Truth bound Harley’s arms to her sides.
“I have to hand it to you, Harley,” said Wonder Woman. “You defend yourself capably. Give up your life of crime and join the Justice League!”
“Yeah, right!” Harley groused. “I ain’t no goody-goody party pooper like you!”
Wonder Woman sighed and shook her head. Just then, a bright flash filled the exhibit, blinding them both for a moment. When their vision cleared, they made a most startling discovery. Wonder Woman was dolled up like a punk prankster and restrained by the Lasso of Truth, while Harley Quinn held the other end, wearing the Amazonian armor. The Super Hero and Super-Villain had somehow traded outfits and places!
Chapter 2
Wonder Blunder
“Say, what’s the big idea?” Harley demanded.
Wonder Woman struggled against her own gilded lasso to no avail as it continued to pry the truth out of her.
“Great Hera! My super-strength is gone!” she confessed.
“Interesting,” said Harley, cocking an eyebrow. “Any other juicy gossip you can share, Wonder Woman?”
“Yes,” Wonder Woman said against her will. “My real na—”
“Blah, blah, blah,” interrupted Harley, who suddenly seemed bored. “I was just makin’ chitchat—not asking for your life story!”
As Harley tried (rather unsuccessfully) to slip out of the armored boots she now wore, Wonder Woman couldn’t believe her luck or Harley’s rashness. Had Harley waited a second longer, she would have learned Wonder Woman’s secret identity.
“Geez, Wondie, what do you wash your laundry in—superglue?” Harley griped.
Wonder Woman knew what she meant. It felt like Harley’s clothing was stuck to her skin, as if it was magnetized. And then she felt something else—Harley’s bat in her hand and an overpowering urge to use it.
“Play ball!” said Wonder Woman, swinging the bat as far as her tied arms would allow.
Harley squealed as the bat bonked against her hands, causing her to drop the lasso. That was when the museum suddenly went dark. Dozens of thick creeper vines grew over shattered windows, blocking out the sunlight. Harley took one look at the crisscrossing vines and grew concerned. “That almost looks like Poison Ivy’s handiwork,” she said. “Although I’ve never seen her control plants on such a large scale before. I’d better go to Arkham Asylum and check on my fondest friend—I mean, my bestest gal pal!”
She shook her head, confused by her proper-sounding speech. Harley shrugged and spotted one of the upended swords on the floor. Kicking her toe under its handle, she flipped the blade in the air and caught it in a single motion. Harley looked amazed—she’d never been able to do anything so graceful before—and then looked at Wonder Woman with a devilish smile.
“I think I know where your superpowers went!” Harley said. “Right to me!”
She jumped toward the window, swinging the sword and slashing at the vines as she bounded right through it.
Wonder Woman wasn’t about to let Harley go that easily. But a vine tangled her skates, causing Wonder Woman to trip, slip, and land on her rear.
Harley peered back through the window and said, “Watch that first step, Double Double-U—it’s a doozy!”
With that, Harley took off, relieved to be sounding like herself again. But the thought of Harley Quinn on the loose—with super-powers, no less—sent a chill through Wonder Woman, giving her goose bumps. Picking herself up, she turned to the statue of her mother. “How am I ever going to get my Amazonian abilities back?” she asked.
“What are you asking me for?” said the statue. “I’m a statue!”
Startled, Wonder Woman lost her balance again and fell right back onto her bottom. Now the statue smiled, only it wasn’t Hippolyta’s smile—it was the smile of a Fifth Dimensional imp hovering invisibly in front of the statue. He then made the rest of his body visible, from his purple shoes to his bowler hat.
“Mr. Mxyzptlk!” Wonder Woman cried.
“Harley Quinn is in control, while Wonder Woman is in chaos! One triumphs, while the other trips!” Mr. Mxyzptlk said. “And if you think that’s funny, my dear, you should see what I did to your good friends Batman and Superman!”
“Wait, are you telling me you also switched their powers?!” Wonder Woman asked.
“Of course, just like I switched yours and Harley’s!” he said. “But if I were you, I’d be wondering what else I did during my visit to Gotham City!”
“Let me guess—you’re the villain behind the vines, too,” Wonder Woman said in a high-pitched voice, sounding a bit like Harley.
“Maaaybe!” teased Mxyzptlk. “Anyway, I hate to swap and run, but I’m busy bothering other Super Zeros!”
Wonder Woman had already watched one prankster get away and wasn’t about to let it happen twice. Fortunately, she had picked up more than Harley’s speech patterns. Wonder Woman now felt like a natural born roller-skater, as well. She zipped after Mxyzptlk on Harley’s wheels as he zoomed through an Egyptian exhibit. The imp zigged and zagged between displays before bursting through the museum’s main doors and down the front stairs. Wonder Woman followed him, her entire body rattling as the skates bumped down each and every step.
But as soon as she reached the bottom, Wonder Woman skidded to a startled stop. Beyond the levitating Mxyzptlk, Gotham City was completely transformed into a dense tropical landscape, dominated by towering trees, fields of flowers, and mounds of moss.
“Watch out, Wonder Woman,” Mxyzptlk taunted. “It’s a jungle out there! And as much as I’d love to stay and watch you having so much fun, I’m due in deep space. Ta-ta!”
He vanished into thin air, and Wonder Woman heard what sounded like a roaring animal crossed with a racing engine. She spun around to discover a driverless, zebra-striped car, its jagged hood popping open and closed like mechanical jaws—and it was headed right for her!
Goose bumps ran up and down Wonder Woman’s body again, followed by another unexpected sensation. Without any warning, her legs took on a mind of their own. They launched Wonder Woman into a triple backflip. She vaulted over the car and landed behind it, astonished. “Hey, what gives?!” she cried. “Harley Quinn is agile, but not that agile!”
Wonder Woman then found herself doing several somersaulting handsprings up the museum stairs. She finished in a daze at the top, cartwheeled back into the Egyptian exhibit, and came to a stop. The goose bumps faded, and Wonder Woman regained control over her limbs once more.
Just then, she heard a faint scratching from a nearby sarcophagus. The lid of the ancient Egyptian coffin slid open. To Wonder Woman’s utter shock, a mummy sat up. “I don’t believe we’ve been properly introduced,” it said.
Chapter 3
Seeing Red
“Oh, I’m sorry,” said the mummy. “I didn’t mean to scare you. Or take over your body out there.”
It stepped out of the sarcophagus and stretched its back, which made all kinds of loud pops, as if the mummy had been asleep for a long time—which, of course, it had.
