Driven by Ambition, page 11
“While upside down?”
“Try it. You’ll soon figure out what I mean once you feel it for yourself.”
Surely Freddy hadn’t meant that to sound like a euphemism. Jaxxon focused on the wall. The main thing here was to give it a go and not fall on his ass and hurt himself. He shook out his hands, grateful that the chalk absorbed some of the sweat on his palms. With a deep breath in, he reached out for the holds, and stepped onto the lowest hold with his feet.
“That’s it. Now reach up to the next one and push with your thighs. Step out to that small one on your right.” Freddy started to talk him through it; it was less like coaching and more enthusiastic encouragement. “Keep your body close to the wall in this stage. Yes, that’s it. Now reach over your head. The trick now is to keep your arms long.”
“Long?”
“Elbows straight. Um, it’s less work for your biceps.”
Jaxxon tried it and it helped. He moved his legs, listening to Freddy’s instructions, but when he reached out for the final hold, he missed and dropped to the ground, landing on ass.
“Are you alright?” Freddy rushed over and hovered beside him.
“Yeah.” He eased himself up. “I just missed the last hold.” He brushed his hands down his thighs, leaving streaks of chalk on his clothes.
“I noticed.”
“It’s fine. I bounced.” Jaxxon grabbed the liquid chalk, spread some on his palms, and had another crack at it. Freddy talked him through each hold again. The man just loved talking, and slowly Jaxxon inched his way to the final hold.
“Yes.” Freddy’s excitement echoed in the warehouse and Jaxxon dropped to the ground, this time landing on his feet.
“Thanks.”
“I told you it was fun.” Freddy kissed him on the cheek, then jogged off to another wall and began climbing, leaving Jaxxon to touch a couple of fingers to where Freddy’s lips had brushed his skin.
Chapter 11
Freddy was glad that bouldering took concentration because he still couldn’t believe that he’d spontaneously kissed Jaxxon on the cheek. And now he wanted to ask Jaxxon to have lunch with him. Jaxxon spent the ride back to the hotel working on his laptop. It felt like Jaxxon was ignoring him, even though he’d reassured him that he had a few things to do, and he wanted to take advantage of the car ride to catch up. A few things. Jaxxon had been tapping away on the laptop for nearly forty minutes. He breathed out slowly; recognising the anxiety spiral. He wasn’t being ignored on purpose. It was just that Freddy should’ve controlled himself better. It was one thing to flirt with Jaxxon, and another to kiss his cheek because he’d been so relieved that he was fine after falling.
The speed of Jaxxon’s tapping had been interspersed with the occasional moments of staring out the window. Freddy was fascinated by watching Jaxxon work; his focus and intensity screamed of competence. Obviously, he had to be good at what he did, or he wouldn’t be a Team Principal before his fortieth birthday. Fuck, the pressure of running a whole team with all the financial side of things was more stress than Freddy wanted to take on. He was quite content being in the media. Close to the action, getting to spend all his time thinking and talking about Series One. He’d thrived on the pressure when he’d been a driver. Pressure as a driver was different to being Team Principal because he only had to focus on one job; get around the track as fast as possible for the whole race distance. Outside the car, he spent most of his time training and it’d been all about one singular task, being faster and more consistent. Team Principals had to juggle several threads of information and people all the time.
Their ride-share pulled up outside the hotel.
“Wasn’t that fun?” Fuck. He sounded like a needy teenager, not a forty-two-year-old man. People accused him of playing his way through life and he really wasn’t helping himself. Something about sitting next to Jaxxon as he did proper, serious, work made him feel like his own work was inadequate. Logically, it wasn’t. Every job in the paddock was useful; he sold Series One to the public with his enthusiasm and he often had feedback from fans who loved his insights into why a car or driver reacted in certain ways.
“Sure. Thanks for inviting me.” Jaxxon packed his laptop back in his bag and stepped out of the car. “Thanks, driver.”
Freddy scrambled to follow. It was a glorious Melbourne day, with bright blue sky and properly warm air. He enjoyed working here as press more than he’d enjoyed driving here. The jetlag was always an issue, and the cockpit of his car was hot enough without adding Australia’s summer weather to it. Singapore was worse though because of the humidity. He followed Jaxxon into the hotel, checking for people they knew, but no one was around in the foyer, so he stepped into the elevator with him.
“What are your plans for the rest of the day?”
Jaxxon glanced up from his phone. “I’m going to have a shower, then head down to the track to see how the logistics team are going with the set up. The cars arrived this morning and should have cleared the airport by now.”
“Can I—”
“No. You can’t come with me. Freddy, we need to have some boundaries.”
He cleared his throat. “Fine. I’m sure there will be someone around to interview or annoy.”
“Stop fishing for compliments. You aren’t annoying.”
He was, though. He always had been an annoying presence in the world. His father treated him like the second son whose presence was inconvenient—existing just in case anything happened to AA—and he’d spent his childhood trying to get the attention of his father and brother, to no avail. The Duke had been pleased when Freddy’s racing had taken him away from the family. “Kept him busy,” was a euphemism for the Duke not needing to expend any time on Freddy, and there was no surprise that winning races had been incredibly validating when his family weren’t. He’d become addicted to winning until the day he couldn’t shut out the risks anymore.
“Wait a second.”
Jaxxon pushed the button for the elevator. “Yes?”
“Why do you think we need to have boundaries?” He shouldn’t get his hopes up with a question like that. Jaxxon probably just meant a work boundary with the media restricted from seeing team data in case something became public knowledge when it shouldn’t. Freddy hoped, rather hopelessly, that Jaxxon referred to a possible relationship between them. Freddy already knew he wasn’t going to be satisfied with a hook up with Jaxxon. It was all or nothing, really. This pull towards Jaxxon should scare him since it made him want to ignore all his own good sense.
“Like work ones, or?” Freddy was the one who needed boundaries; to stop another Chester situation; and yet, he couldn’t resist Jaxxon. He still couldn’t believe that Jaxxon had gone bouldering with him. He’d asked for permission, then taken a few photos of Jaxxon as he climbed and he knew he’d probably stare at them tonight when he was alone. Jaxxon’s broad shoulders and strong legs had looked fucking amazing as he’d climbed. After a few climbs, Jaxxon’s light blue t-shirt had clung to his body. Freddy loved how the colour of the shirt was so aesthetically pleasing against Jaxxon’s dark skin, and while he wasn’t as fit as Freddy, Freddy had found Jaxxon’s rounded middle much sexier than he expected. Much sexier. He wanted to hold him and be held by him, pressed up against him like a ... well, he couldn’t think of anything better than Jaxxon himself.
“Freddy.” Jaxxon stepped out of the lift and walked along the hallway.
“Yeah?”
“Come in.” Jaxxon swiped into his room, and kicked off his shoes, leaving them just inside the door. Freddy took off his shoes, making sure they were neat and tidy, trying not to get his hopes up about what Jaxxon might say. Who was he kidding? His little crush on this glorious man was growing every day into something big and dangerous and irresistible.
“I’m here.”
“What are we going to do, Freddy?” Jaxxon placed his laptop bag on the desk in his room, pulling out his laptop and plugging it in.
“About?”
Jaxxon turned to face Freddy and waved his hands in the air, a stiff awkward movement. “Us. This. Whatever this is, or might be, and how we navigate it.”
“Are you saying you want to date me?”
“Before we even make that decision, we need to discuss this, right? There’s a chemistry between us that isn’t going to go away if we ignore it. We have to make a conscious decision, either way.”
Freddy swallowed. “What do you mean, either way?”
“The sensible choice—” Jaxxon paced across the room. “I’ve only been Team Principal for two races. I ... The sensible choice is to focus on work and not let myself be distracted by you.”
“I’m a distraction?” He had assumed the chemistry was all one way; from him. That he was the only one who felt this, like he came alive whenever he was near Jaxxon. Fuck. Jaxxon had said that there was chemistry between them. He must feel it too. Freddy was doomed and he was ready to embrace every sensational moment of his own downfall.
“If we decide not to be distracted by this, then we need a plan.”
“And if we decide to see where it goes?”
Jaxxon raised his eyebrows. “We still need a plan.”
“You like plans?”
Jaxxon spread his hands wide, palms up, still covered in chalk. “I’ve always wanted to be a Team Principal and from the first day of my engineering degree, it was apparent that I’d need to work a lot harder than anyone else, and have plans, to get here.”
“Because you aren’t rich?” Freddy knew it was more likely about race but he wasn’t sure how to raise the issue without making a mess of it.
“I’m Black. And yes, also because I don’t have any wealthy connections.”
“Yes.” He’d spent the plane ride to Australia reading about the impact of race in western society. It was only a start and likely no amount of reading would ever be enough. He’d never have the lived experience, but he could listen and learn, and try not to fuck up. Fuck, he really didn’t want to fuck up, but from all that he’d read, he knew he would, probably more than once, and he’d have to practice how to apologise without making it about him or his reactionary feelings.
He could begin with the one thing that seemed to matter to Jaxxon. “If you think we need a plan, then let’s have a plan.”
Jaxxon’s frown disappeared. His face relaxed into a slow smile and the unveiling of it made Freddy’s chest feel like it was bursting open. He’d fit in with any of Jaxxon’s plans to see that smile again and again.
“Good. Plans have helped me get to where I want to be. There’s a structure in having a plan that supports a goal. Even when plans have to change or adjust to new information, they are still useful, still what I need.”
“If you need it, let’s have it.” Freddy didn’t have an opinion on plans. They’d been useful when he was a driver and away from the track, he’d rather just go with the flow and see where life landed. Most of the time that had been enough, except for the only time he’d needed a plan—to get rid of Chester—and even then, he’d employed Georgia to sort that out for him. When he’d been a driver, his job was to execute plans and he’d been good at it. He could do the same now—not because he was particularly obedient—he just knew his strengths.
“What will it be?” Jaxxon asked.
“The plan?” He deflated a bit; not sure what Jaxxon was asking.
“Will we decide to focus on work and do nothing about ... us?” Jaxxon’s use of us was a shot of heat into his heart, at odds with what Jaxxon was actually saying.
“No. I don’t think that’s a good idea.” If left alone, or purposely ignored, the chemistry between them would erupt like a dormant volcano, spilling mess over everyone. “It makes more sense to deal with this head on.” Maybe if they kissed, they would get it out of their systems. Maybe it was driven by curiosity and once they both knew, then it would be boring, and they could move on. Or... He held his breath as Jaxxon walked closer to him, a deep frown between his eyebrows.
“What about your no one from the paddock rule?”
He coughed as his breath caught in the back of his throat. “I don’t know.” It was a good rule, removing the possibility of another Chester and making sure he didn’t have to be awkward around a one-night-stand gone wrong, or whatever.
“We are sensible adults. We don’t have to be weird around each other.” He didn’t need to say—later when it all ended.
“Hence why we need a plan.”
Freddy shook his head. “Who uses hence in a sentence?”
“Someone who isn’t going to let you avoid talking about this.” Jaxxon sent him such an indulgent look that Freddy knew there was only one option.
“I’ll give up my not in the paddock rule for you.” His mouth went dry. He was basically inviting drama into his life, but the way Jaxxon looked at him made him want to try again. “I can’t seem to resist you. It’s only been a few months since—” Since he interviewed Jaxxon about his promotion. Before that, he’d been aware of Jaxxon as part of the Gamble Racing team but hadn’t really interacted with him.
“I can’t stop thinking about you either. I keep telling myself that it’s a terrible idea. What kind of cruel joke from the universe is this? I should be maintaining a proper distance from the media, and I really, really shouldn’t spend every evening wondering about you.”
Jesus. The longing in his voice would be Freddy’s undoing. Jaxxon really would be the death of him. He shoved his hands into his pockets to stop himself drumming them on his thighs. One day Jaxxon would discover that Freddy was a disaster who tried too hard to impress the wrong people.
“Maybe you should stop wondering. You’ll find out soon enough that I’m...” He didn’t get to finish because Jaxxon interrupted him.
“You are worth it.”
“You can’t know that.”
Jaxxon peered at him with an odd expression on his face. “Actually, you are correct. I can’t know that. We’ve only just met and barely know each other. ... But you’ve given me no reason to doubt your worth as a person.” Jaxxon tilted his head. “Of course, that could simply be lust talking. This is mostly lust—” Jaxxon’s admission that he was unable to be logical thanks to the chemistry flickering and igniting between them had Freddy so hard and wanting, he wanted to end the agony and kiss Jaxxon right now.
“It’s impossible to know where this might go or if it is worth the risk.” Jaxxon’s reminder was a shot to the heart.
“And there are risks.” He knew better than most. Being forced to think about his stalker ex was the greatest cure to a mighty erection ever. Tension built in his shoulders and his spine went rigid.
“Yes. It’s also important to note that whatever happens next, we still need to talk on television at the next twenty-one races. I intend to be Team Principal for many years, and I imagine you aren’t willing to give up your job, so we need to find a way to continue in our work whatever goes down between us.” Jaxxon’s understanding being punctuated with sexual innuendo increased the warring feelings inside him; as if his stomach and chest were rioting against each other. Their jobs, which involved talking professionally to each other in front of an audience of millions, was only one part of the potential mess they were about to embrace. Freddy couldn’t decide if his worries were just fears that he should overcome, or if it would all play out into the ugly catastrophe that he’d experienced before. He didn’t think Jaxxon would stalk him, but there were countless ways this could go terribly wrong. There was only one thing for it.
“I want to kiss you.” This might be the best or the worst choice he’d ever made. “I can’t spend all year playing this game, wondering what it will be like. I have to know.”
Jaxxon strode across the room and placed one slightly chalky palm on his cheek. “I need to know too.” Jaxxon leaned in and Freddy almost closed his eyes, except he wanted to be completely present for this; their first kiss. He placed his hands on Jaxxon’s elbows, and waited, holding his breath. Jaxxon’s breath—coffee and mint and a little salt, a reminder of the way they’d sweated at bouldering—whispered over Freddy’s lips.
“Please.” He stretched up and kissed Jaxxon—his extra few inches of height were fucking perfect—unable to wait anymore. From the moment that their lips touched, the kiss was everything that had been promised in their banter. Jaxxon kissed him as if he’d been planning it since they’d met. It was deliberate and precious, hot and sexy, and somehow, impossibly, imbibed with Jaxxon’s sarcasm. He could almost hear Jaxxon’s sardonic tone saying some seemingly throw away comment that got right to the core of the matter. This kiss began as an introduction and grew into a wild, uncompromising demand for more. Jaxxon shifted his hand, gripping onto Freddy’s skull, pulling him closer. The pressure of Jaxxon’s fingers threaded through his hair created a source of heat at each connection point, prickling in the best way. There was so much heat and need in the kiss that Freddy didn’t move, couldn’t move, rendered speechless and motionless by a kiss with only his mouth capable of any response. He flicked his tongue along Jaxxon’s bottom lip, asking the question, and Jaxxon lashed his tongue into Freddy’s mouth. Their kiss became demanding; a deep tangle of mouths and tongues until all Freddy could taste was Jaxxon. A lick of sweat from their earlier efforts at the bouldering place, and oddly, a hint of buttery croissant. Trust Jaxxon to taste decadent and rich, the buttery perfection of a meal cooked at a starred restaurant. Jaxxon’s gaze stayed focused on him, and he gave Freddy the impression that he never wanted this to end, but also that he’d stop immediately if Freddy asked. God. He never wanted to stop. He wanted to strip off Jaxxon’s clothes and kiss him everywhere. He wanted to suck Jaxxon’s cock, to taste the saltiness of his cum. He wanted to find the places, unique to Jaxxon, that made him moan and beg for more. He wanted it all. Everything. He wrenched his mouth away, gasping for air.
“Shower.” He didn’t want their first kiss tainted by old sweat and chalk from bouldering. He wanted to be reckless and lick Jaxxon all over.
