The Ravenous Dark, page 35
Then the most marvelous relief came.
Bailey's shoulders sank as the terrible tension riddling her body eased. She took another sip, catching the droplet that dared sneak past her mouth with a swipe of her tongue. The cooling sensation wound leisurely through her body. She almost moaned in delight.
She took another sip, and another, until the rhodiola's strange magic eclipsed her worries. For the first time in weeks, Bailey felt as if she could breathe.
Her hand lifted of its own accord to signal the bartender for another glass.
Bailey groaned. She was buried beneath a stack of pillows and blankets. Her throat was raw, and a ringing headache prevented her from further sleep. She groaned but swiftly cut herself off as it exasperated the throbbing in her head.
Unwilling to leave the sanctuary of her bed, her hand wormed out in search of the glass of water she was sort of sure was on her nightstand. Her fingertips rummaged over the grainy surface before bumping into cool glass. Bailey gave a soft exhalation of relief; her fingers inched around the glass's body only to accidentally nudge it forward and off the nightstand. The resounding shatter of glass against the stone floor made Bailey sink deeper into the mattress.
"No."
The pile of bedding muffled her bemoaned regret, and she reluctantly sat up to view the damage. Pieces of glass, large and small, were scattered about the right side of her bed in a puddle of water. They glittered in the low light bestowed by the embers of her bedroom's fireplace. Bailey dragged both hands down her face as she groaned.
She didn't remember rekindling her fire when she got back.
Nor retrieving a glass of water for herself.
Bailey blinked as her hands flopped into her lap. She didn't remember coming home at all.
With a yawn, she freed herself from the comforting pile of pillows and blankets and slipped out of bed. Not far down the hall from her room was a linen closet with basic cleaning supplies. She went to fetch a broom and dustpan.
The barest whisper of voices carried up from downstairs. She eyed the end of the hall where the stairs laid with trepidation, and her toes curled in the carpet runner. Bailey had no desire to interact with anyone in her state. Flustered, she hurried to grab the items and returned to her room.
She locked her bedroom door behind her and mechanically moved over to the mess. The cleanup was fast and thorough, the tinkle of glass a burden on her sensitive ears. She deposited two full loads of glistening shards into the trash bin located under the room's desk.
Yet, it was only on her second pass that she noticed another forgotten night's decision on her desk.
She'd brought home trash.
"Seriously," Bailey groused.
She poked at the pile of folded paper with the end of the dustpan. A piece tipped over. She poked at the lone piece; movements sluggish. She only wanted to see if her trash contained anything interesting or if drunken Bailey had been intent on an intense origami session.
At first, the sight of the black spot on the paper drew from Bailey a puzzled frown. Then the black spot shuddered, expanding, and constricting on the paper. Bailey jumped back with a yelp and dropped the dustpan to slap both hands over her mouth.
It moved.
It moved!
Bailey's heart beat erratically against her rib cage "What the fuck? Oh, my Gods, what the fuck?"
She snatched back up the broom, her gaze glued to the deceptively innocent pile of paper, and used its handle to turn over a few more pieces. Her throat bobbed as the blood rushed from her face. She mused the pile again and gagged.
All had a black spot. Every. Single. One.
And each one squirmed and shuddered like the first at her prodding.
"Oh, my Gods."
She nearly dropped to her knees in shock, but a gentle knock at her door locked up her joints. She stared at her door in horror.
"Bailey?" The doorknob twisted to no success. "Why is your door locked? Bailey?"
"I'm naked," Bailey croaked in response to River's questions.
"Er, do you mind getting dressed so we can talk?"
Bailey looked frantically between the door and the nefarious pile of paper and cursed violently under her breath.
"Sure, give me a minute, all right?" With haste, she used the broom to sweep the papers into the bin and dumped the collection into the fire's embers. The instant the paper touched the embers, her fire roared back to life. She watched, mouth agape, as the flames went from soothing gold to noxious green then back to embers.
"Bailey?"
"One more moment! Sorry," she called back as she double-checked her desk and the area around it. Unable to see any more pieces, she allowed River entry. "Hey," Bailey answered breathlessly, brushing her hair over her shoulder.
River eyed her dubiously, stepping inside and shutting the door. "You look rough."
Bailey glanced at herself. She was in a sports bra and sleeping shorts. River had seen her in worse shape and in far less for that matter. She turned on a slim standing lamp, bathing the room in warm light, and gave River a similar once over. Her skin lacked its usual warmth, and she smelled like she could use a shower. Bailey sniffed subtly again, unable to determine whether the stale body odor was wafting from both of them, or just strongly from herself.
"Speak for yourself." River gave a long-suffering sigh and shuffled to Bailey's bed. "Be careful," Bailey warned and pointed for her friend to sit on the end of the bed. "I accidentally knocked over a glass."
River nodded her appreciation and sat. She looked like she hadn't slept, or if she had, not slept very well. Bailey sat by her.
"What's up?"
"I wanted to apologize," River said, staring resolutely at the floor. "I've been a terrible friend lately. I've ditched out on you too many times to count."
"It's okay."
"It's not okay," River said with barely contained emotion.
She glanced at Bailey, then took a deep breath and scooted slightly away. The she-wolf recognized the move as River tried to rein her empathetic projection. Bailey scooted over as well, putting at least a foot between them. River passed her a shaky smile in thanks.
"It's like I get tunnel vision or something. I don't mean to shut everyone out, but I can't help but become a little obsessed sometimes." River gripped the bed's duvet in hand. "I want to be whole; you know? I see you and all these other people here, and you're all so sure of yourself. And I want that. I want that so bad—" Her knuckles turned white as she exhaled roughly. "—and I know if I was able to unleash my other half, I would be so much more. I could be that whole that I'm not now."
Bailey absorbed her friend's explanation slowly, still fighting back the terrible shock of her morning discovery and a killer hangover. River waited for her reply with head bowed. Her hair was slicked back into an unforgiving bun at the back of her head. The stark profile enhanced the burnout she carried. Bailey scooted back to her side until they were hip to hip.
"That self-assurance you're looking for?" Bailey bumped her shoulder into River's side until she looked at her. "It's only going to come when you start loving yourself for who you are now," Bailey told her softly. "Stop looking at yourself as someone who's only half. Unleashing your lycan side isn't the only solution to what you're feeling right now. In fact, once you do release it, you're probably going to face a whole new set of problems and challenges." She bumped her again. "I'll be there to help if you need me—but you won't." Bittersweetness filled Bailey as she smiled softly at her friend.
River choked out a laugh and quickly wiped away the tears cresting her lash line. "When the hell did you get so wise?"
Bailey flopped back on the bed. "I've always been this wise," Bailey joked. River looked back at her. "Apology accepted, by the way."
A sense of peace passed between the two. It did wonders for the running discord in Bailey's life to know things were finally better between them. River cleared her throat.
"I was hoping if you didn't have plans with the Wildings, you could review some of the stuff I've found recently? You always catch the holes in my plans and ask the questions I don't think of."
Bailey smirked and sat up on her forearms. A lazy smirk played on her lips even as her headache intensified. "Well, I am the brains of the operation." River scoffed and rolled her eyes playfully. "What stuff have you found?"
"Ideas on spells and some new training regimens." Bailey nodded along attentively, trying to ignore the added discomfort of the soulmark's aching want as it settled deep in her bones.
"Yeah, of course," she said after a long pause.
River ducked her head again. "I also wanted to run an idea by you. I've been thinking about it for a couple of weeks now since William couldn't lend me any of his family's books."
"What is it?"
River stood and went to stand by the fire. "I've been thinking it might not be a bad idea to try and check out another library."
Bailey shrugged slowly and gave a single nod. "That makes sense. Which one did you have in mind? Mind you, it will probably be tricky at court with all the restrictions in place."
Bailey watched as River sucked in her cheeks and crossed her arms. She met Bailey's eyes reluctantly, causing the she-wolf's anxiety to jump preemptively.
"What library, River?"
"The one in the Otherworld."
"The one in the…." She repeated slowly, trailing off. Her heart skipped a beat as soon as her words sank in. "No," Bailey said, far louder than necessary. "Absolutely not."
"But you haven't even heard the rest of my plan!"
"I don't need to! It's already a terrible plan." River's face grew splotchy as her features set themselves in stone. "Don't give me that look. You can't seriously think I would support this. Jax and Ronan are different since their time in there."
"Exactly! They're far more powerful. That's what I need, Bailey," River argued, stepping back toward her. "I need more power. That's why I couldn't get my old spell to work—the one you walked in on me performing."
"That's not what I meant," Bailey explained with pained patience. "Ronan is… he's closed-off and cagey now. And Jax, he might be playing it cool, but there's something going on with him, too, otherwise, Ruby wouldn't be this concerned. Plus, he's all buddied up with a demon now. He wouldn't be hanging out with one on a regular basis if he was fine." Even if Raphael isn't all that bad, Bailey sighed softly.
River rubbed at her forehead. "Then maybe… maybe we should go."
Bailey whipped herself upright. "What?"
"The Otherworld idea was sort of a last resort. I've tried every avenue so far, save a few that I'm not holding out any hope for. Why bother and waste the energy? I think I need a break, some time to reset."
Bailey swallowed nervously. Leave now? Her heart flew to her throat, then dropped to her stomach at the prospect of things left unresolved with Ronan. She couldn't leave. Bailey’s blood chilled in her veins even as a cold sweat erupted over the back of her neck at the idea. Not far behind the visceral wave of emotion, her soulmark keened in agony, wracking her bones with pain.
"Don't give up yet," Bailey said, barely able to keep the stress and strain she felt out of her voice. "Let me look over your research and plans. You said I always find the things you miss, right? Who knows what I'll find, just… just give it a little more time, okay? I know you're not a quitter, Adolphus."
"I'm not quitting," River retorted defensively. "I only need a little breathing room. I dove headfirst into a lot of shit here, and I think it would do me some good to take a step back."
Bailey nodded. "You should absolutely take a break." Bailey licked her lips and stood, trying and failing to play it cooler. "Point me in the direction of your work, all right? I'll go over it and come back to you with a whole load of questions."
"Are you sure?" At River's obvious wariness, Bailey forced a cheerful smile on her face and began to hustle her out
"Yes. Give me a few nights, and I'll figure everything out. Okay?" Her voice hit a high note that made her cringe. Still, she kept the smile pinned to her face.
River nodded reluctantly and allowed Bailey to see her out, leaving her friend to sort out what she could not.
XXII
Bailey showered and dressed before knocking on River's door to collect her notes and plans. Then she made a beeline for the common's well-stocked library on the sixth subfloor.
The trek was easy enough if not for the pangs of her empty stomach.
That, and the unrelenting urge to abandon her promise to River and hunt Ronan down.
By the time she reached the library, she was strung tighter than a spring. Bailey let loose a brittle sigh and threw herself straight into her search. River had marked several books of interest that corresponded with her summoning spell. Bailey stopped before the first towering stack, her gaze tripping over the impressive spines on display.
"Alchemic Tongues and Rites, The Occult Arts, Miracle Medicines." Bailey's fingers danced over the eclectic collection, wandering deeper into the row. "Dancing with Devils, The Necronomicon, ah-ha! Gotcha," Bailey breathed with excitement, snatching up the next book she laid hands on, Magika: Unleash the Unlimited.
It was at the top of River's list, and she immediately understood why. The book tickled Bailey's nose with the promise of powerful magic. She wrangled back a sneeze as she wandered to the back of the library, where seating could be found.
The entirety of her walk back, an alien sensation crept over her. It was one of nuanced awareness. Her forearms and hands tingled from clutching the tomb and River's notebook to her chest. Once at the nearest table, she dropped her load unceremoniously upon it.
Bailey rubbed her arms to dispel the uncanny influence of the book's magic and glared at it. Down the long corridor from which she entered, voices and revelry carried from the Styx.
Bailey took a deep breath.
"Focus," she scolded herself and searched River's notes for her section on bonds. Her finger traced the looping script.
What goes around comes around—sync with the full moon? Reflecting back curse to break control. Must look deeper into mirror and moon magic—call K. Moon
Bonds and bindings can occur within a wide range of possibilities: animal familiars or spirits, people, or objects to places, bind away abilities or anchor someone to them (bad habits, obsessions, loves, fears, etc.), soulmarks.
Bailey's chest constricted on the last word. Her hand hovered over the cover of Magika: Unleash the Unlimited, yet she couldn't open it. Not even as an intense tingling sensation erupted over her palm, making it itch.
She wanted to shove away the notebook and book, her focus completely shattered as thoughts of Ronan made her lungs burn with each breath.
"Calm down," Bailey commanded herself, trembling hands coming to rest on her thighs. She inhaled deeply several times, vision wavering. "Don't think about it. Don't think about him."
She lifted a hand to her heart, concentrating on its rapid pace until, miraculously, her anxiety started to fade. Bailey's hand slipped back to her lap as she hesitantly relaxed. She didn't understand the sudden release until the soft tread of footsteps reached her ears.
Her pulse jumped in recognition, and a different kind of shiver ran over her body. Bailey pushed back from her seat, gaze swinging down the corridor.
Ronan was heading straight toward her. Her lips parted as her body angled toward him, feet spurned into action by their unseen connection.
Bailey was on her feet and walking to him. "What are—"
Ronan snatched her by the arm and dragged her into the nearest stack once she was within reach. Bailey sneezed as he led her to where the towering shelves dead-ended. Then, before she could repeat her question, his hand clamped gently over her mouth. She stared at him with startled eyes as he put a finger to his lips, imploring her for silence.
Bailey nodded dumbly, and his hand slipped away.
For a moment, her eyes fluttered close at the fleeting impression of his palm dragging against her lips. The simple warmth of him teasing her lips apart as they passed. Bailey bit her lip, and then her eyes popped open at the sound of multiple pairs of feet traipsing through the library's main corridor.
Ronan stiffened. In the next instant, she was boxed into the stack's darkened corner, where the bookshelf met the cobbled wall.
"What are you—"
The world behind Ronan blurred out of focus. Bailey had to blink in rapid secession to register the oddity, but then he was there, cupping her face and tilting her head back. Her gasp of surprise was swallowed by his lips.
The kiss was reverent.
Each pass of his lips against hers was an innocent seduction. Bailey's arms twined around his neck. She shifted onto her toes, pressing against him.
Ronan moaned. The gentle vibration ignited her blood.
She rocked her hips into his, and he responded with a grunt, breaking their kiss only to stare down at her with lust-doused eyes. He pushed her back into the brick wall.
He was like a man starved.
His tongue probed her mouth, demanding entrance for what was rightfully his. The sudden wave of possessiveness didn't deter him. If anything, it spurred him on. He bit and nipped at her lower lip as she attacked his mouth with the same fervor.
Ronan's body shook with barely concealed restraint as he seized her by the back of the neck and dominated their kiss. He controlled the pace, the depth, everything.
His possessive side howled in satisfaction.
For nights, he struggled to ignore the fevered longing building inside him. Then last night, while plotting with Jakob, he hit a breaking point.
Something had happened to her.
Logically, he knew he shouldn't be able to discern such a thing. A knowing and awareness of that caliber usually came after the marking, not the sealing. He imagined it was a new way for the soulmark to tempt them closer together, and it had, in a roundabout way.
