Mister Cowboy, page 18
“Congratulations,” Brecken said, feeling… shit, he wasn’t sure how this made him feel. “Why does that bring you to my office. Not that I don’t enjoy a trip down memory lane, but keeping me in the loop of your comings and goings isn’t really your style.”
“I heard you’re selling the ranch. I want to buy it.”
Brecken threw his head back and laughed at the absurdity, but the noise echoed through the room and he found Henry sitting and watching him with a serious expression.
“You’re serious?”
Henry nodded.
It was too fucking much. He broke. He fucking cracked wide open.
“After all this time, you waltz in here and ask for the one thing he gave me that you haven’t already taken away? Fuck you. Get the hell out of here.” His voice boomed through the office as he stood and moved around his desk and a bead of sweat formed at the back of his neck.
They met in the middle, chest to chest. They were the same height, and Brecken could finally… after twenty years… look him dead in the eyes. Henry was broad and looked like he could still throw some weight around, but Brecken was bigger. He’d earned this body with a lot of time slamming iron at the gym.
“Don’t put that shit on me. You might have lost the perception of your picture-perfect family, but I lost my whole identity. You weren’t the one who found out the man who raised you… the man you loved and looked up to your whole goddamn life, wasn’t you father. Get over yourself.”
He seethed as the words sank in. He wasn’t ready to concede anything. Right or wrong. “My answer is no.”
“You’d rather it go to a stranger or be sold off in pieces?”
“I’d rather it go to anyone but you.”
“You know what? Fuck you. You’re as stubborn as the old man. Following right in his footsteps, too.”
All the air left his lungs. It was a low blow, even for Henry.
“Fuck me?” Brecken shoved him with one hand. “Fuck you. You took off and left me here. Never thought to clue me in or call to see how things were going in the aftermath of your discovery. You fucking deserted me. The old man may have been a liar, but what you did was far worse. You took off and pretended like the rest of us didn’t matter anymore. Your mom and dad. Me.”
His chest rose and fell and he loosened his fists, which had been clenched at his sides.
Henry nodded, looking almost remorseful. “I’m staying in town for a while. If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”
37
January
He loves me.
She’d been repeating it over and over, remembering the way his deep timber vibrated through her and the way his eyes held hers. Three little words, but she’d never be the same. A twinge of panic coursed through her. Why hadn’t he called? Was he upset that she hadn’t said it back?
Checking her phone again, January tightened the belt on her trench coat and steadied her nerves. Sliding on the strappy shoes he was so fond of and steeling her eyes at her reflection, she gave herself a final pep talk.
Deep breaths, you can do this. He loves you. HE LOVES YOU! Now, go get him.
“Wowsers. Do you have anything on underneath there?” Michael whistled as he walked out of his bedroom in his sweats and gym tank.
“Of course I do.” She cinched the belt on the coat tighter around her waist. “It’s just not appropriate for this time of day.”
“Going to see Brecken?”
“Yes, I’m going to surprise him at this office. What are you doing up?”
“Meeting Carrie for lunch.”
“You must like her to be up at this hour.”
“This schedule is going to kill me. Dating someone who works a traditional nine-to-five job is harder than I remember.”
She snorted. “You say that like you’ve tried it so many times before.”
“Get out of here while I’m still speaking to you.” He grimaced playfully. “Oh, your dad called the landline again. Have you been screening him on your cell?”
“I’ve been busy,” she admitted. “I’ll call him later.” She kissed the air. “See you tonight.”
It was the first time she’d been to Brecken’s office, but it felt as if she could have picked it out even without the large black lettering signage that hung on the side of the building.
Everything about the interior spoke to his personality. Colorful and eccentric art lined the hallway, and the office buzzed with quiet chatter and the pecking of fingers on keyboards.
She knew she should have expected to see Nadia—the woman was his assistant, after all—but she was still a bit thrown off balance when she rounded the corner and found the woman herself sitting behind the large desk. Her hair was piled on top of her head in a chic bun that made her neck look long and delicate. Mustering up all her courage, she walked toward her.
Nadia stood from behind her desk and walked around to greet her like January imagined she did for all Brecken’s appointments. Long, lean legs, a rack that made even January’s eyes fall to her chest, and a smile that could be as warm as is it could be frosty. She hated it that Brecken had slept with her. Hated it even more that he still saw her every day.
“He’s on a call. Not to be disturbed.” Nadia motioned with her head to the closed door to her left.
“I’ll wait.”
“Can I get you a coffee or a water?” Nadia asked sweetly.
“No, thank you.”
With a polite nod, she walked a few steps back toward her desk and stopped. “I suppose Brecken has told you the happy news?”
January’s body set for defensive mode. “I’m not sure what good news you mean.”
“Brecken and I are expecting!” Nadia looked lovingly down at her stomach.
“Expecting? Like a baby?” The words sounded ridiculous even to her own ears.
“Yes. We just found out. I’m due in late September.”
Nadia’s smile was wide and a bit… triumphant. “I’m only a few weeks along, but we’re so happy. Brecken has insisted on coming with me to the first doctor’s appointment. He really is one of the good ones, isn’t he?”
The door to Brecken’s office swung open, and he appeared. Her breath caught in her throat and butterflies took over her stomach. He turned his head and their eyes met. The smile on her face fell. He looked tired and crumpled. His usual perfectly tailored outfit was wrinkled, the tie hanging loose around his neck.
A pit of unease opened in her stomach, and she knew it was true.
He started to walk toward her, but Nadia stepped in front of him. She snaked a hand up his chest and rested her head against him. January’s stomach dropped as she watched Brecken’s face go pale, his jaw flex. Then Nadia’s eyes fell on January, and they turned icy.
“I just told her the good news,” Nadia said.
Brecken recoiled away from Nadia as if he just realized she was touching him. He stalked toward her, surprising her by kissing her roughly. A whiff of alcohol hit her nose, and she pulled back. He’d been drinking, but for how long? Is this why she hadn't heard from him?
“Have you been drinking?”
Grabbing her hand, Brecken pulled her into his office and slammed the door behind them so hard she jumped.
“Brecken, what the hell is going on? Is it true?”
His voice was so quiet she barely heard his response. “Yes.”
“When—” her voice caught in her throat. “When was the last time you slept with her?”
“I told you it was before you.”
“When?”
“The day before you started at the ranch.”
It shouldn’t have hurt so much that he’d slept with Nadia after they’d met. They’d been nothing. Yet, it stung.
She waited for him to say something. Anything. He had a shell-shocked look on his face that she wanted to slap right off.
“What now?”
“I don’t know. I need some time to figure this out.”
She hadn’t meant what was next for them, but his response put a question mark over the future of their relationship. What the hell was she supposed to say to that? If she corrected him, she came off looking like a cold-hearted woman who didn’t care about the baby, but if she didn’t, then she ran the risk of him thinking that she was okay with whatever space he needed to put between them. That she wasn’t willing to stand by his side through whatever twists and turns this baby would put in front of them.
“I have an obligation to Nadia whether I like it or not. Seeing you could be problematic.”
“Problematic?” Her eyes widened as she repeated the word back to him.
He ran a hand through his hair, and she almost had a pang of sympathy for him. Almost.
“Fuck, January. I’m going to be a father. My priorities have to change.”
“I don’t see how that has anything to do with us. Unless, of course, you’ve decided that you really want to be with her instead.”
“I’m not my father. I won’t have a baby and just shit on my responsibilities.”
“I’m not asking you to.”
He ran both hands through his dark mane this time and blew out a breath. “I just need some time to figure this out.”
“Fine,” she said, heading to the door and placing her hand on the knob. She took one last look at him. “Take all the time you need.”
38
Brecken
He’d watched her leave. Known she was gone. Felt her absence down to his bones. What the hell had he done?
He listened intently to the tick of the second hand on his watch, waiting for the moment he’d feel like he’d done the right thing. It didn’t come. Pushing back from his desk, he slammed his laptop shut and grabbed his coat.
“Nadia.” Her name tasted like gravel in his mouth.
She looked up from her desk with an expression that said she knew she was in trouble.
“Have you made an appointment with the doctor yet?”
Guilt crossed over her face, and she pushed her lips out in a pout then drew them in and opened her mouth as if to speak.
He cut her off, completely uninterested in whatever excuse she had. “Make the appointment. Today. You can’t just blow this off. I’ll be working from home. Send anything urgent to my cell.”
She nodded.
“And the stunt you pulled with January?” His tone left no room for doubt. “Pull that shit again, and I’ll fire you.”
He walked away without waiting for her response.
Brecken turned the journal over in his hand, seriously considering opening it and devouring each word for answers about what he should do. Fitting that, in his darkest moment, he’d finally turned to the man he hated the most. He’d found his personal hell.
He slammed a fist down on the book, wishing he’d left the damn thing at January’s apartment last weekend, but he hadn’t been able to say no to her then when she’d looked up at him as if he were someone who deserved happiness and answers to the questions he sought. He doubted he would ever see that look from her again.
The hurt expression on her perfect face as she’d left was burned into his retinas. He’d just stood there. Just fucking stood there.
In the five days since January walked out of his office, his apartment had become his sanctuary, his hiding spot from Nadia and decisions he didn’t feel capable of making. Pressing silent on his cell, he sent Tina’s third call to voice mail—just like the others. He was in no shape to talk to her or anyone else. He’d tackled the pile of work that came in each day with a singular focus to drown out the rest of the world, but if it couldn’t be handled via email or text, then he wasn’t interested. Tipping back the amber liquid, he welcomed the burn of the first drink as it coated his insides.
He opened the journal, flipping through the pages for a second before he stopped on a random page. With a deep breath, he started reading, hoping like hell there was something to be learned from re-opening the wounds he’d bandaged years ago.
May 25, 2003.
Dear Son,
The night I found out Louisa was pregnant, I got good and drunk and stayed that way for a while. I wanted to blame her or just the whole world, but sometime during my bender, something became clear to me. It was no one’s fault but my own. Furthermore, why place blame when the outcome couldn’t be changed?
The decision we made, to live our lives like we would have had she not become pregnant, has haunted me every day since. Mostly because I believe it was naïve of us to think that was possible. We’d never been in love. Our relationship hadn’t been about that. I know that doesn’t make me sound like the most noble of men, but we were friends who were young and curious. I met your mother a week after Louisa and I had sex. I’d already bought a ring and planned on proposing before Louisa found out she was pregnant.
I momentarily considered asking Louisa to marry me instead and trying to put your mother out of my mind, but I was no more capable of forgetting your mother than I was of forgetting my own name. She owned my soul, and Louisa knew it.
Love,
Dad
Brecken tossed the journal onto the floor, where it landed with a thud.
He really was no better than his father. After everything he’d done, he’d found himself in the same situation as his father had years ago with an impossible decision. Love or responsibility?
His father had chosen love, which had ended with him losing everyone.
That left only one choice that made any sense.
Responsibility.
His cell rang again, and he sighed loudly into the empty apartment.
“What’s up, Martin?” Brecken answered into the phone.
“Good, you’re alive. Now open the front door.”
He stared at the door of his apartment for a beat before he heard Martin’s voice from the other side. “Open the damn door, Brecken.”
Crossing the room, he flipped the lock and let the door swing open as he returned to the couch.
Martin tossed a folded newspaper in his lap and took a seat on the opposite end of the couch. “You look like shit.”
“I feel like shit,” Brecken said, eyeing the Wall Street Journal in front of him.
“Tina’s worried.”
“The business is fine. Hell, I’ve worked more in the last few days than I have over the past month.
“She isn’t worried about the company. She’s worried about you. Anyway, I’ll save you the lectures. That’s only partly why I’m here.” He pointed to the newspaper. “Get your head out of your ass and turn to page two.”
Shooting him an annoyed glare, Brecken flipped through the pages. The crinkling of the paper grated on his nerves, and his pulse pounded against his temples. No more drinking.
“An old friend of mine has stepped down from his job at a large agricultural company. He’s looking for something new. Something fresh.”
Brecken scanned the article as his heart rate accelerated and the adrenaline pumped through his veins like it had when he was starting out and landing deals.
“This looks too good to be true.”
“It would be if I hadn’t called him and sang your praises. He’s coming into town next week. I got you a meeting—don’t screw it up.”
Brecken nodded. “Thank you.”
“No need to thank me. You’re great at what you do. He’d be crazy not to make a deal.” Martin stood and Brecken followed suit, walking him to the door. He shoved his hands in his pockets and hung his head.
“Either way. I appreciate it. It’s the best news I’ve had all week.”
Martin studied him carefully for a moment and then laid a hand on his shoulder. “Take a shower, clean yourself up, and go see her.”
“I don’t think I’m going to be welcome.”
“So, let her yell at you a bit, throw you out, and then slam the door. Then, you need to go back the next day and try again. Women love putting us in our place.” With a friendly pat, he was gone.
Running a hand over the scruff that had taken residence on his face, Brecken looked at the state of his apartment and groaned. His laptop and papers were strewn on the coffee table, empty beer bottles and takeout boxes littered the counter of his kitchen.
He’d accepted his fate, but he hadn’t been brave enough to face it yet. He couldn’t go to the office and see Nadia. Seeing her would remind him of what he lost, and that wasn’t fair to her.
He picked up a few empty food containers and tossed them in the trash. God, he missed January. Martin said to go see her, but what could he possibly say?
He showered, shaved, and dressed to see her even while telling himself he couldn’t. That he wouldn’t be welcome. That he was doing exactly what his father had done. That he’d made up his mind to do the responsible thing, which was to let January go.
But he had to see her one last time.
39
January
“That’s the last of it,” she said as Timothy carried the last box to the back of his truck and closed the tailgate.
Edward pulled up, and Timothy gave her a bear hug, picking her up off the ground. “We’re going to miss you around here.”
When he placed her back on her feet, she smiled back at him. She was going to miss this place and these people, but she was glad she would be gone before Brecken could sell the place. She really had gotten attached to it.
“I’m going to miss you, too. Take care of yourself,” she said as he helped her into the back of the town car and handed her the small box she still needed to take care of.
“Where to?” Edward asked as the door shut.
She considered asking Edward to drop the box off, but decided against it. One last thing to do before she could call this job complete. “I need to stop by Brecken’s apartment and then home.”
