I smiled up at him. “Let me get undressed.”

  Jonas sat back on his knees to watch, and I lifted off his old shirt and wriggled out of my panties. He was already naked, his heavy chest rising and falling with each breath. But his gaze didn’t move down the curves of my body this time. His eyes met mine, and finally I recognized what I had seen glimpses of before. Happiness. Real happiness.

  I smiled a little, and the corners of his mouth quirked up. He climbed over me again and rested between my legs. His gaze stayed fixed on mine as he lowered his body. His skin was hot, and his hard muscles flexed as I touched them.

  “It was a lot to ask of you to wait here when I left, to just be here for me. Especially considering the way I was when you came.” He brushed my hair off my face and stroked my cheek. “I can be there for you, too. If you’ll let me.”

  Trust me, his eyes said. See the real me.

  I swallowed the flood of emotions that threatened. “I want that, Jonas. I’m trying.”

  He blinked, and for a moment I thought I saw tears in his eyes. But he leaned down to kiss me before I was sure. This was everything I had wanted when I stood at his doorstep.

  He rested on one elbow and glided his hand down my body, teasing, caressing. He closed his hand around his erection and stroked it before guiding himself to my entrance.

  “I’m trying, too,” he whispered. “I want you so, so much.”

  On his last word, he thrust deep inside. I gasped for air as my body adjusted. Everywhere we touched fit together perfectly. Jonas found my hands and laced our fingers together. He squeezed, and I squeezed back. His beautiful blue eyes shone with hope and wonder. This is real. I’ll love you the best way I know how.

  My heart ached as I answered silently. You’re what I want. You’re what I’ve been missing all this time.

  His rhythm was slow and unhurried, reverent and heartbreakingly tender. He was giving me things I never hoped to have. Things I had tried so hard not to hope for. I wrapped my legs around his, bringing him closer, matching my hips with his. Over and over, he said with every move, I’m falling in love with you. Please let me in.

  “Yes,” I whispered. “Yes.”

  He groaned and gave a few hard thrusts, pushing me over the edge into ecstasy. He followed, biting out my name, holding me.

  “I’M NOT SURE if the pub will be open tonight,” said Jonas, kicking a chunk of snow off the sidewalk with his thick hiking boots. “New Year’s Eve gets a little rowdy, and they might not want to deal with it.”

  I pulled my coat tighter against the cold.

  “But it’s where we met.” I smiled up at him. “What’s the matter? I thought you liked mushy and romantic.”

  The corners of his mouth turned up, and he shrugged. “I just want tonight to be good. And some of the assholes that hang around that place, on a night like tonight…”

  Jonas shoved his hands in his pocket and shook his head. The soft glow of the streetlights lit his face, exaggerating his brooding frown. But I smiled at him, and slowly, he smiled back.

  I tightened my hand around the envelope in my pocket. It was New Year’s Eve. I was running out of time. Tonight was the night to give it to him.

  We walked along the narrow sidewalk, the city noises muted by the blanket of snow that covered everything. Firecrackers echoed through the streets, some close, some far away.

  “It’s not midnight yet, is it?” I asked.

  “Still a few hours left,” he said. “People shoot off shit all night long.”

  I laughed. “Not a fan of New Year’s Eve, either?”

  Jonas smiled a little. “Just never really had anyone to celebrate with. Until now.”

  His smile grew, that smile he gave me when no one else was looking. When we shut the rest of the world out, when it was just the two of us.

  “Your call.” His eyes glittered. “I’d take you somewhere more romantic and squishy, but it might offend your refined New York tastes.”

  I rolled my eyes. “As fun as it is to walk in the cold while you harass me, I think I’m voting for the pub.”

  Jonas chuckled. The snow came down harder, covering his broad shoulders.

  He took my hand and squeezed it. “Did you celebrate Christmas with your mom before you left?”

  I nodded. “I haven’t been to her place in years. My aunt moved in with her, so she and my cousins were there too. On a scale of family Christmases, it was pretty good.”

  Bits of snow came in over the tops of my boots, seeping through my extra socks. He stroked my hand with his thumb.

  “Any good presents?”

  “I got a clay figurine of a cat, made by my seven-year-old niece.” And a gift certificate for a hair consultation and cut, a not-so-subtle self-improvement suggestion from my mother. “What about you, Mr. Grinch? Did you get anyone a present this year?”

  Jonas shrugged.

  “Maybe,” he said, but he didn’t elaborate.

  We passed a familiar corner store.

  “Hey look. It’s our store, where you bought condoms that first night,” I said, elbowing him. “How romantic.”

  The corners of his mouth turned up. “You looked happy to see them when I brought them out.”

  “Give me a minute,” I said, ducking into the warm entrance.

  I grabbed two candy bars from the counter and handed the man some Swedish bills I had stuffed in my pocket. Jonas was waiting on the sidewalk where I left him, hands in his pockets.

  I handed the candy bars to him. “For the New Year’s countdown. We can toast with these.”

  His smile lit up his face. He put the candy bars into his pocket and pulled me into his arms. His breath in my hair, he kissed the top of my head.

  “Thank you,” he whispered.

  Groups of celebrators jostled around us on the snowy sidewalk, boisterous and seemingly oblivious to the cold, along with couples, more subdued. I caught a glimpse of a cute blond woman ogling Jonas.

  I pulled back to peek up at Jonas, just to see his reaction, but he was staring down at me like there was nothing else in the world that mattered to him. His warm hand stroked my cheek. “Just promise me we’ll leave the pub if it gets too rough.”

  “Don’t worry,” I said. “If anyone gets rough with you, I’ll take care of them.”

  He tipped his head back and smiled into the snowy sky. A real smile. He shook his head and found my hand.

  “I’m not that good at doing regular couple things,” he said. “But I’m willing to try if that’s what you want.”

  “Thank you,” I whispered. How had I never realized just how badly I wanted that?

  “You know, some twisted part of me is glad you came early,” he said. “It’s a relief, knowing you’re still here even after I fucked up so badly.”

  I blinked up at him. He watched me for a while, brushing my hair over my shoulders. All the laughter from moments before was gone.

  “But I hate that I was that way with you. I’m so, so sorry.” His eyes were serious and sad.

  “It’s okay,” I said. It really was. “You were right that day. I think some twisted part of me needed to know, too.”

  Jonas nodded a little and squeezed my hand.

  I clenched the envelope in my pocket with my other hand. My heart gave a little jolt. Before we left, he had watched me as I picked it up out of my bag. Then he ducked into the kitchen and came out with his own envelope, the one that had been waiting there all week.

  We rounded the slushy corner, and Jonas held the door open for me. The place was as dimly lit as the Stockholm sidewalks, with groups of people, mostly men, clustered around the bar, talking loudly. Just a few steps away, a man with carefully gelled hair took a shot and stumbled back toward me. Jonas wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer.

  “Looks like a promising night,” I said.

  “Your idea, not mine,” he said dryly.

  “But it’s where we met.”

  Jonas gave an exasperated sigh. “We could get that hotel room from the first night. Spend some time there instead.”

  I smiled up at him. “Come on. It’ll be fine.”

  The booth where we first had sat together was empty. I tugged on his hand, and he followed me across the pub. Heads turned as we passed the bar, straight out of a bad movie. I slid into the booth. Jonas unzipped his coat and tossed it on the opposite bench.

  “What do you want to drink?” he asked.

  I frowned. Right. We were in a bar, and he didn’t drink… except when he really did. Maybe coming here was a bad idea.

  “We don’t have to stay here,” I said quickly, moving to the edge.

  Jonas raised his eyebrows. He rested one hand on the back of the booth and the other on the table, leaning over me.

  “Are you afraid I’m going to order a half bottle of whiskey?”

  I couldn’t tell if he was joking or not.

  “I guess not,” I said slowly.

  Jonas shrugged. “I eat here with my mother every Sunday, remember?”

  I nodded slowly. “Okay. Then surprise me. Bring me anything.”

  “Except beer, right?” he said, cracking a smile. “You’re the American who doesn’t like beer.”

  “Right.”

  Jonas headed for the bar, and I watched him as he crossed the room. He was an impressive man by any standards, tall, clearly fit, even under the winter layers. The huddled groups parted as he neared. He leaned in to talk to the bartender, giving me a view of the perfect fit of his jeans. My cheeks flushed. I glanced around, but no one was paying attention.

  I pulled the crumpled envelope from my pocket and set it on the table, smoothing it out. Jonas returned with a glass of champagne and a soda. He slid in close, just as he had the first night we met. His gaze rested on the envelope I had set out. He slipped one hand onto my thigh and raised his glass to me.

  “To a new year. A new start.”

  “A new start,” I echoed.

  I drank a sip of champagne and set it down. It was time. I took a deep breath and picked up the thick envelope, with his name in neat letters. I bit my lip and handed it to him. He opened it, unfolding the pages, one by one. He stared down at the very first letter. My heart pounded. And I waited. Too many minutes passed as he slowly turned the pages.

  Finally, he looked up, his eyes wide.

  “These are letters to me?”

  “They’re nothing like yours,” I said quickly. “And I quit part way through most of them. It’s stuff I’m not used to talking about. But I really wanted to try, and I finished a couple on the plane ride over.”

  My voice died out. He was looking at the pages again, and I turned away. This was probably a bad idea.

  “Sorry,” I said. “They’re a bit of a downer. You were probably expecting something—”

  “Alice?” Jonas rested his hand on my cheek, gently turning my face toward his. “There’s nothing in the world that I would want more. Thank you.”

  “It might not be very interesting,” I mumbled. “I was trying to be honest with you. Like you were in your letters.”

  “Thank you,” he said again.

  My face must have been bright red at this point. He tugged on the zipper of my coat until it opened at the top. He slipped his hand behind my neck and stroked me with his thumb. “Do you want me to read them after you leave?”

  I nodded.

  “Okay. Then it’s time for my gift.” He pulled the envelope out of his pocket, the one I had seen the first day in the kitchen. “I’m impressed you didn’t open it while I was gone.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You’re looking at years of experience at self-denial. I’m a pro.”

  Actually, if I hadn’t been distracted by Siobhan Dillon’s letters all week, I probably would have peeked.

  “This gift isn’t nearly as personal as yours,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

  His cheeks flushed, and he frowned a little. Was Jonas nervous? I had never seen him this way before.

  I rested my hand on his arm. “I might not like it?”

  Jonas shook his head. “Not that. It might scare you off.”

  I furrowed my brow. What would fit in an envelope and also scare me off? The court papers from his prison sentence? That would be a pretty morbid present, even for Jonas.

  His pulse ticked quickly at the base of his throat, and he swallowed as he handed it to me. The envelope was warm, and I stared down at it, trying not to tear it open. His last gift, the earrings, had hit me hard. I needed to be ready for whatever this was.

  “Go ahead,” he whispered. “Open it.”

  I opened the envelope and pulled out a single sheet of paper. My hands trembled as I unfolded it. On it was a photo of a house right on the water, with a dock and a rocky shore. Pine trees in the background.

  I looked up at him, brow furrowed. “It’s a nice photo,” I said weakly. “Did you take it?”

  “I did,” he said cautiously. “But do you like that place?”

  “I do,” I said slowly. “What is it?”

  Jonas rubbed the back of his neck and looked away. “Well, I bought it. For us.”

  “What?” My voice came out in a loud squawk. “You just went out and bought a house for us? Without even knowing if I’d come?”

  I rubbed my forehead. Whoa.

  Jonas took a deep breath. “Look, I spent a lot of time this fall trying to figure out what to do. I want to be with you. I want to have what we had in Paris together, but for real this time.”

  I swallowed.

  “But I’m so afraid I’m going to fuck it all up when we’re here, right in the middle of my life. When I saw the listing for this place, far out in the Stockholm archipelago, I knew it would be perfect. I want it to be just the two of us.”

  “So you bought… a house?” I asked slowly, almost to myself.

  “You look a little mad about it,” he said.

  I let out a gulp of a laugh and shook my head. “I don’t know what I feel. It’s a lot to take in.”

  “This is what I want. I’m all in.”

  I shook my head slowly. “This isn’t how people usually do it, Jonas. We’re missing some in between steps. Most people don’t buy a house until after they’re married.”

  Jonas wrinkled his brow. “I don’t want to get married unless we’re really, really sure.”

  He looked like he was actually considering it.

  My stomach was doing flips. I rubbed my temples. “I have a job.”

  “So quit it. Say goodbye to that asshole ex-boyfriend of yours forever.”

  “We don’t even know each other very well,” I whispered.

  He nodded slowly. “That’s why we go to this place in the summer. Just us, nothing else. We learn what it’s like to be together, have something more. Something that could last.”

  I took a shaky breath. This was it. My biggest fear was about to be voiced aloud in a noisy pub in Stockholm for the whole world to hear.

  I looked down at the beautiful house one more time. “But what happens when I’m no longer the thing you’re into? What happens when you get tired of us?”

  What if you see more of the real me, and you change your mind?

  Jonas shook his head. “No,” he said gruffly. “That’s not going to happen.”

  He clenched his fists and let out a huff of a breath. Then he turned to me. Slowly, he pulled the zipper of my coat the rest of the way down. He slipped his hand inside, around my waist. The heat of his palm soaked through my shirt as he stroked gently, up and down. He pulled me close, and I buried my face in his chest. I took a deep breath, blocking out everything else but him.

  “There are no guarantees, Alice,” he said, his voice rumbling from deep inside. “It’s possible I’ll hurt you in all the ways you’re most scared of. But in the end, you have to decide if you trust what we have between us. If that’s what you want.”

  “And we just wait until the summer for it?” I whispered, closing my eyes.

  “I’ve been waiting my whole life to feel this way,” he said. “You tell me you’re coming, and I can wait as long as I have to.”

  A cheer echoed through the pub. The place was getting louder and a little rowdier. I straightened up.

  “This isn’t just one more night anymore,” he said softly. “You know that, don’t you?”

  I laughed. “It’s more than a week this time. Unless you’re planning to kick me out tomorrow.”

  Jonas shook his head. “That’s not what I mean.”

  “I know.” I took a deep breath, and my lip quivered.

  His eyes were dark, and he held my gaze.

  “My past isn’t going away, Alice,” he said. “But I’m tired of being scared of it. I want this future with you more. You and me.” His large hands explored higher, under the swells of my breasts. “I want to know that you’re all in, too.”

  Another round of cheers erupted from the bar. I glanced at my watch.

  “Only a few minutes until midnight,” I said.

  He nodded.

  “What do you say, Alice?”

  The people around us were chanting in Swedish now, probably counting down. A new year. A new start. And I wanted that new start to be with him. More than anything.

  “I’m all in, Jonas,” I said. “I’ll come this summer, and if it goes well…”

  “No ifs, Alice,” he said. “This is where we start for real.”

  Cheers and horns rang out through the tiny pub, and firecrackers exploded everywhere outside. He pulled a candy bar out of his pocket and peeled off the wrapper.

  “Happy New Year, Alice,” said Jonas, raising the squares of dark chocolate to my mouth.

  “A new start,” I repeated softly.

  I took a bite of his rich, smooth candy bar, my gaze fixed on Jonas’s intense blue eyes, blazing with the kind of happiness I had waited for my whole life. Yes, this man would love me. And I would love him back. So simple, but it was everything.

  He took a bite and set the chocolate on the table. Smiling, I cupped his face in my hands. I brought my lips to his, but I didn’t close my eyes. I stared at him up close as he watched me, patiently waiting.

 

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