A Daddy for Her Sons, page 10
She turned away. Why did she have such a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach? Was she jealous? Ridiculous. He deserved to fall in love. He deserved some happiness. Hadn’t she just been counseling him to find someone to marry? And now she was going to go all green-eyed over a woman he obviously had some affection for? What a fool she was acting.
Connor was probably the best man she knew. He’d always been there for her—except when he took off for places like Singapore. Still, he’d always been a playboy in so many ways. She couldn’t imagine him in love.
“I never knew any of your girlfriends in college,” she noted. “Why was that? You never showed up with a girl on your arm. I knew they existed, because I heard about them. How come you never brought them around?”
He gazed at her and didn’t know what to say. He’d dated plenty of girls in college. But why would he take any of them to meet the one girl he cared about above all others? They would have seen through his casual act in no time.
Funny that she never did.
He stared at her for a long, pulsing moment. “You could have had me anytime you wanted me,” he said in a low, rough voice.
There. He’d said it. Finally a little hunk of truth thrown out into this sea of making everyone feel good about themselves. What was she going to do about it?
“Connor!”
She didn’t seem to want to take it as truth. More like teasing. Did she really think he was making a joke?
“Be serious,” she said, waving that away. “You know that’s not true. You didn’t want anyone to be your steady girl. You wanted fun and excitement and games and flirting. You didn’t want a real relationship. You admitted it at the time.” She made a face at him. “You have to realize that back then, what you wanted didn’t seem to have anything to do with what I wanted.”
He shook his head sadly. “I don’t know how you could have read me so wrong.”
“I didn’t.” She made a face at him. “You just don’t remember things the way they really were. I was looking for the tie that binds, just like a lot of women at that age. It’s a natural instinct. Nesting. I felt a deep need for a strong male, someone to build the foundation of a family with.”
He almost rolled his eyes at her. Was she really so self-delusional? “So you chose a guy who didn’t want kids.”
Her shoulders sagged. He got her on that one. What had she been thinking? He was right. She’d known from the first that he didn’t want children. Somehow she had buried that fact under everything, pretending to herself that it didn’t matter. Maybe she wouldn’t want children, either. Or, more likely, he would change his mind. After all, once it was a clear possibility, surely he would think twice and begin to waver. After all, he loved her. Didn’t he?
“I didn’t say I chose wisely.” She hated to face it, but he had hit the nail on the head. Her mistakes had been easy to avoid, if she’d only been paying more attention. Sighing, she rose. “I want to check on the kids. And I think I’ll change out of this uniform. Will you still be up or should I not come back and let you get some sleep?”
He looked at her and realized he wanted her back above all else. He wanted her in his bed, in his arms, in his life. But for now he would have to do with the minimum.
“Sure, come on back,” he said, holding up his wineglass. “I’ve still got a long way to go.”
She was glad he’d said that. As she stopped in to look at her sleeping children, she sighed. The upturned crib was not a long-term solution. Something would have to give. She only hoped it wasn’t her peace of mind.
She stopped by the guest room where she slept and changed into something more comfortable, then hurried back down, wondering if he would be asleep before she got back. But he was still staring at the light through his wine and he smiled to welcome her as she entered the room.
She flopped down on the little couch, sitting much closer this time. She was drawn to his warmth, drawn to his masculinity. Might as well face it. She loved looking at him, loved the thought of touching him. Would he kiss her good-night? That would be worth a little loss of sleep.
“Connor, how come I don’t really know anything about your childhood? How come you never talk about it?”
He took a long sip of wine and looked at her through narrowed eyes. Then he put on his Sam Spade tough-guy voice. “It’s not a pretty story, sweetheart. Full of ugliness and despair. You don’t want to worry your pretty little head over it.”
“Be serious for a moment,” she asked. “Really. I want to know you better.”
“Why? What more can there be? We’ve known each other for more than ten years and suddenly you don’t know me?”
“Exactly. You’ve used our friendship as cover all this time. And now I want to know the truth. What were your parents really like? Not the cartoon version you dredge up for jokes. The real people.”
He appeared uncomfortable for a moment, then thought for a second or two, and began.
“Let’s just put it this way. As they say in the head-shrinking crowd, I’ve had lifelong relationship commitment problems, which can probably be traced back to my childhood environment.”
“And that means?”
He stared at her. Did she really want him to go there? Okay.
“I learned early and firsthand just what kind of power women have,” he said softly. “I watched my mother purposefully drive my father crazy. Payback, I think, for never making as much money as she felt she needed.”
“Ouch.” She frowned.
“Yes.” He glanced at his ruby-red wine and thought back. “My father was a sweet guy in many ways. He tried hard to please her. But he just didn’t have what it took to bring in a high salary, and she rubbed his nose in it every day.”
“Oh, Connor,” she said softly.
“I watched him go through all sorts of contortions to find some little way to bring a smile to her face, but that was virtually impossible. She nitpicked everything. Nothing was ever good enough for her.” He threw her a lopsided grin. “Especially me.”
“So she nitpicked you, too?”
“Oh, yeah. I think finding something to make me stammer out ‘gee, I’m sorry, Mom,’ was what made her day for her.” He looked at her. “So I avoided going home. I hung around school in the afternoon, joined every sports team, every debating society, every club that would give me a place to hang out.” His gaze darkened. “Meanwhile my father drank himself to death.”
“Oh, Connor. I’m so sorry.”
He nodded. “It was a waste, really. He was a smart guy. He should have had a better life.”
“Yes.”
He gazed at her levelly, wondering if he really wanted to get into the next level of this discussion. Did he want to cut a vein and just let it bleed all over the night? Not really. But he might as well explain a little more about why he’d been the way he was when they were younger.
“You know, for years I really was leery of having a relationship with a woman that lasted more than twenty minutes. It just didn’t seem worth the risk from what I’d seen.”
She wrinkled her nose at him, as if she thought he was being silly. Still, he plowed on.
“But I have a new perspective on it now. I spent the last eighteen months or so in Singapore working with a great guy name George who is married to a wonderful woman named Peggy. I lived in their house and saw their entire interaction, and it helped me understand that decent, loving relationships are possible. I had to look harder at myself and wonder if I had what it takes to have that. I mean, it may be possible, but is it possible for me?”
Jill stared at him. She’d had no idea he had such deep misgivings about lifetime relationships. It made her want to reach out to him, to hold his hand and reassure him. There were plenty of women in the world who didn’t treat men the way his mother had. Didn’t he know that?
“And what did you decide?” she asked tentatively.
He flashed her a quick grin. “The verdict isn’t in yet.”
She started to argue about that, but she stopped herself. How could she wrestle him out of opinions that had developed from real life experiences? She didn’t have as many bad ones as he did. Maybe it got harder as they piled up.
“Where’s your mother now?” she asked.
He shrugged. “I’m not sure. I think she moved to Florida to live with her sister, but we don’t keep in touch.”
She thought that was a mistake, but she held her tongue. Maybe later she would try to talk to him about how much could be lost when you lost your parents. Instead of going into it directly, she decided to tell him about her background.
“Here’s what happened to me,” she said. “And Sara. When my mother was alive, we were a happy family. At least, that’s the way I remember it. But my father’s second marriage was a horror show right from the beginning. That’s why Sara and I never warmed to our stepmother, Lorraine.” She shook her head.
“She was such a terrible choice for him. And it probably didn’t help the marriage that we couldn’t like her. He was a good guy, gentle, warm. And she was a shrew.”
“Wow,” he said, somewhat taken aback. He wasn’t used to such strong disapproval from Jill. “That’s a pretty negative judgment on the woman.”
She shrugged. “Of course, I saw the whole thing through the perspective of a child who had lost her mother and found her father bringing home a new, updated version that didn’t please her at all. We were very resentful and probably didn’t give her much of a chance, especially after she had a baby. Little Kelly was cute, but it didn’t make up for Lorraine. And she didn’t like us any better than we liked her and she made it pretty obvious.”
“Little Kelly is the one who died last week in a car crash?”
She nodded. “The one I wish we’d been kinder to.” She shrugged, but her eyes were sad and haunted. “Too late now.” She looked at him again. “And that’s what I want you to think about. Don’t wait until it’s too late to contact your mother again.”
He gave her a quizzical look. “Okay. Point taken.”
She nodded, then yawned. He smiled.
“You look like a sleepy princess.”
She’d traded in her uniform for a short fuzzy robe over the long lacy white nightgown and she looked adorable to him.
“What?” she said, laughing.
“In that gown thing. Even with the little robe over it. You look like you should be in a castle.”
She was blushing. Connor had a way of letting her know how pretty he thought she was and she was so hungry for that, it almost brought tears to her eyes.
She smiled back. “I guess we’d better go to bed.”
“You’re right. We need sleep. I’m only glad we survived the day.”
He rose and turned to pull her up beside him and he didn’t let go of her hands once they were standing face-to-face, looking at each other.
“I’m glad you came back,” she told him, her breath catching in her throat as her pulse began to race. Was he going to kiss her? Or was she going to have to do it herself?
“Me, too.” His eyes went so dark, they could have been black instead of blue. He leaned closer, pulling her body up hard against his. “Jill...” he began, and at the same moment, the cell phone in his pocket began to vibrate.
She felt it right away. Sharply drawing in her breath, she stepped back and looked at him. He pulled the phone out, looking for a place to set it down. She reached out and took it from him. Flipping it up, she glanced at the screen and handed it back to him.
“Message for you,” she said, and her voice showed no emotion. “How interesting. It’s Brad.” Her face didn’t reveal a thing, but her eyes were strangely hooded as she turned away and started for the stairs. “Good night,” she said over her shoulder.
He cringed, though he wouldn’t show it. He stuck the phone back in his pocket and didn’t answer it. He hadn’t been answering Brad’s calls all day. Why should he start now?
But he wished she hadn’t seen that.
CHAPTER EIGHT
SLEEPING ON THE couch was getting old fast. Connor stretched and hit the armrest before he had his legs out straight.
“Ouch,” he muttered grumpily, wondering why he was awake so early when he was still so tired. Then he noticed the problem. The twins were running around the furniture and yelling at the top of their lungs. He groaned. He really preferred a normal alarm clock.
He opened his eyes just enough to see them. They were pretty cute. But loud. He was going to have to give up any chance for more sleep. He stretched again.
“Great game, kids,” he told them groggily, swinging his legs over the side of the couch and sitting up with a yawn.
The boys stopped and stared at him. He stared back. Tanner pretended to bark like a puppy. Timmy made a sound like a growling monster. He shook his head. They wanted him to respond. He could tell. And he couldn’t resist.
Just like the day before, he burst up off the couch, waving the covers to make himself look huge, and gave them a monster growl they wouldn’t soon forget.
They screamed with scared happiness and charged out of the room, pushing and shoving to both fit through the door at once.
Jill came in and glared at him. “They won’t be able to eat their breakfast if you rile them up too much,” she warned.
He waved his sheet-covered arms at her and growled. She shook her head and rolled her eyes.
“How come you’re not scared?” he complained.
“Because you look so ridiculous,” she told him. She laughed softly, letting her gaze slide over his beautiful body. What on earth did he do in Singapore that kept him so fit? His muscles were hard and rounded and tan and a lot of that was on display. His chest was all male and his pajama bottoms hung low on his hips. He took her breath away.
“But you do look cute as a scary monster,” she allowed, trying to avoid an overdose of his sexiness by looking away. “We might be able to use your skills at Halloween.”
“Hey, no fair,” he said as he looked her over sleepily. “You already changed out of your princess dress.”
“I’m going incognito for the day,” she told him. “They don’t let princesses bake Bundt cakes.”
“They should.”
“I know.” She smiled at him then asked with false cheerfulness, “What did Brad want last night?”
He shrugged. “I didn’t answer it.”
She stared at him for a moment, then looked away. “I just checked my email. There are already two more orders from people who had cake last night. That makes four who want their cakes today, and two more for the weekend.”
“I said you had star power. Didn’t I?”
She reached out to take the sheet from him and he leaned forward and dropped a quick kiss on her mouth before she could draw back. She looked up into his eyes and the room began to swim around her.
“They should let princesses do whatever they want,” he said softly, and then he reached out and pulled her closer and she slipped her arms around his neck and his mouth found hers.
Finally!
She’d been waiting for this kiss forever—or anyway, it seemed that way. She melted in his arms, taking in his taste and letting her body feel every hard part of him it could manage. His rounded muscles turned her on and his warm, musky smell sent her senses reeling.
And then the doorbell rang.
She collapsed against him, laughing and shaking her head. “Why does fate hate me?” she protested.
He held her close and buried his face in her hair, then let her go.
A timer went off.
“Oh, no, I’ve got to check that,” she said.
“I’ll go to the door,” he offered.
“Really?” She looked at him skeptically, wondering who was going to get a stunning view of that magnificent chest and hoping it wasn’t the church people. Then she rushed on into the kitchen to check her cake.
It definitely needed to come out. She set it on the cooling rack and looked around at the mess that still existed from yesterday. She usually made it a practice never to go to bed with a dirty pan left in the sink, but she’d broken that rule last night. Now she had a couple of counters full of pans that needed washing. She was working on that when Connor came into the kitchen.
“Who’s at the door?” she asked distractedly.
Connor made a face. “The Health Department Inspector.”
She turned to stare at him. “What? He just came last week.”
He shrugged. “I guess he’s back.”
And so he was, coming into the kitchen and looking around with massive disapproval all over his face. Tall and thin, he wore glasses and had a large, fluffy mustache, along with a pinched look, that made him look like a bureaucratic force to be reckoned with.
Connor made a face at her and left to put on some clothes. The inspector sniffed at him as he left, then looked back at the kitchen.
“What the hell is going on here?” he demanded, looking at the pot and pan strewn counters.
Jill had a smart-alecky answer right on the tip of her tongue, but she held it back. This was the health inspector. He could ruin her if he wanted to. Shut her down. She had to be nice to him, much as it stuck in her craw.
“Look, this is such a bad time for you to show up. Unannounced, I might add. Aren’t you supposed to make appointments?”
He glared at her. “Aren’t you supposed to be ready at all times for inspection?”
She gave him a fake smile. “Sorry about the mess. I’m in the middle of cleaning it up. We had a huge, huge day yesterday. Things will be back in order in no time.”
“That would be wise,” he said. “I wouldn’t want to have to write you up for kitchen contamination.”
She gaped at him in outrage. “There’s clutter, there’s mess, but there’s no contamination. Please!”
