This Haunted Remembrance, page 1
Copyright © 2024 by Raven Jean
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Book Cover by Rosie K • Instagram @dollipop.art
Illustrations by Rosie K • Instagram @dollipop.art
First edition 2024
Contents
Content Warnings
Dedication
Alone Edgar Allan Poe
Definitions and Pronunciations Guide
Part One
Beneath
Part One: Beneath
1. 1: Shadow
2. 2: Maz
3. 3: Shadow
4. 4: Shadow
5. 5: Maz
6. 6: Shadow
7. 7: Maz
8. 8: Shadow
9. 9: Maz
10. 10: Shadow
11. 11: Shadow
12. 12: Shadow
13. 13: Maz
14. 14: Shadow
15. 15: Maz
16. 16: Shadow
17. 17: Maz
18. 18: Shadow
19. 19: Shadow
20. 20: Shadow
21. 21: Maz
22. 22: Shadow
23. 23: Maz
Part Two
Between
Part Two: Between
24. 24: Korras
25. 25: Maz
26. 26: Shadow
27. 27: Shadow
28. 28: Cazimir
29. 29: Korras
30. 30: Cazimir
31. 31: Shadow
32. 32: Maz
33. 33: Shadow
34. 34: Maz
35. 35: Shadow
36. 36: Korras
37. 37: Shadow
Part Three
Beyond
Part Three: Beyond
38. 39: Maz
39. 38: Shadow
40. 40: Korras
41. 41: Cazimir
42. 42: Shadow
43. 43: Maz
44. 44: Shadow
45. 45: Maz
46. 46: Shadow
47. 47: Maz
Afterword
Acknowledgments
Also By
Find Me On Patreon
About the Author
For those who have ever been made to believe love is conditional. You deserve to be loved without conditions.
The Planes of Existence
Ephemera (eff-emm-er-ah)
Celestia (sell-esst-ee-ah)
Celestial (sell-esst-ee-al)
Nocte (nockt)
Noctis (nock-tees)
Cities and Landmarks
Anephia (an-eh-fee-ah)
Caelero (say-leh-roh)
Evaesas (eh-vay-sahs)
Transcendentia (tran-sen-dent-ea)
Norealis (no-ree-ah-lis)
Morroi (more-oy)
Infernia (inn-fur-nee-ah)
Names
Mazgaros (maz-gah-ros)
Korras (core-us)
Gadreel (guh-dreel)
Cerephin (sarah-fin)
Eyta (ay-tuh)
Arrath (air-eth)
Izron (eez-ron)
Cassius (cass-ee-us)
Sevren (sev-er-en)
Cazimir (kaz-ah-meer)
Azura (ah-zyu-rah)
Rozan (row-zahn)
Errel (air-el)
Estron (es-trohn)
Juras (jur-ahs)
Sorrath (so-rahth)
Azrith (ahz-rith)
Mithir (myth-ear)
Garos (gah-ross)
Ohiros (oh-hear-ose)
Noctis Words
Azzokvul (ahz-ock-vool)
Wildes (wilds)
Drestava (dreh-stah-vah)
Kavlaaka (kah-vlah-kah)
Terms
diminutiae (dim-eh-new-shuh) is a Celestial term meaning “fallen/cast down”
grace is a form of magic; it is also a common curseword in Celestia
1
The Queen stood before us, her long black hair cascading in waves down her back. Her onyx crown sat prettily atop her head, and her blue eyes sparkled in the dim lighting of the room. Her smile never faltered, but her impatience was like a silent tension, thick enough to cut with a blade. If I were allowed to have one, anyway.
I am your mother.
I had burst out laughing at her words, to the point where I doubled over, tears streaking from my eyes as I laughed. Maz stared at me, eyes wide with shock, though by my outburst or the Queen’s revelation I couldn’t be sure.
He knew already, my mind told me, which sobered me up just a little. But still, I shook the thought away. I had a feeling this was something the Queen kept quiet, if it was even true.
“You realize how insane that sounds, right?” I asked, once I finally composed myself. I took in more of the room, finding guards stationed throughout—they appeared utterly bored with these proceedings, keeping their eyes trained on anything in the room but me. Irritation flared through me at the bitter realization that they didn’t consider me a threat.
I wanted to ignite, to call forth my grace and burn this place until it was nothing but ashes. But I gritted my teeth, keeping the fury inside me and forcing it down until it was more manageable.
It was much easier than I expected—but should I have been surprised? I’d been doing this exact thing for the last three hundred years with Gadreel.
“You insult me,” Queen Eyta said, rolling her eyes. It was such a mortal gesture, I almost started laughing again.
“Your Majesty, are you sure—” Maz started.
“The only reason you are in this room,” she said, interrupting him yet again. My teeth clicked together as I fought the urge to shout at her for doing so. It wasn’t my place to defend him. I wouldn’t let it be. “The only reason I did not send you away tonight is because of that mark upon her neck. I allowed you to stay here because she is your mate,” she spat, annoyance and disgust laced in the word, “but you have absolutely no place to speak here, Mazgaros.”
I lifted my brows. Okay, nevermind. Fuck not defending him. “Sorry, but if he is my mate, and if that bond is held with as high regard here as I’ve been made to believe, then he has every right to speak at my side.” I ignored the heated glance I could feel coming from my right as I took a step forward. “If you wish for me to listen to you, hear whatever twisted side of the story you might have to offer me, then you will not disrespect him again. Is that clear?”
I expected irritation, perhaps anger at my words. But the Queen merely smiled, eyes flickering with excitement. “You are everything I hoped you would be,” she told me. She sighed sadly. “If only Gadreel hadn’t taken you away from me.”
I frowned, confusion making my brows draw together. “Gadreel said I was found wandering around Transcendentia as a toddler.”
She shook her head, sitting back down on her throne. “I was worried Gadreel had done this, but hoped he would not.” She sighed again. “I have much to explain to you, Shadow, but not tonight. I merely wished to look upon my daughter—see if what Mazgaros told me was true. I am very sorry for what has been done to you, my dear.”
She sounded sincere enough, but I didn’t care. I shook my head, hating the way my eyes stung. “Of course,” I spat, throwing caution to the wind. “Well, if that’s all.” I turned away, heading towards the doors that led to the room.
I walked only a handful of feet before Queen Eyta said, “You will attend dinner with me as my honored guest.” Not a question, but an order. I stopped in my retreat, looking at her over my shoulder. Her brows were drawn together, her lips pressed in a thin line. “You may be my daughter, Shadow, but that does not mean you can walk away without being dismissed. You are a Noctis, after all, and shall obey my command so long as you are within my realm.”
I contemplated telling her to fuck off, but three hundred years of silently following orders made it all too easy to swallow the words down, along with my pride. I turned to fully face the Queen, ignoring the pleading look Maz sent my way. “Fine,” I gritted out.
Queen Eyta beamed at me, rising to her feet and stepping down from her dais. She was shorter than I remembered, only an inch or so taller than me in the heels she was wearing. “Good. Follow me, loves.”
Maz held out his arm, and I begrudgingly accepted it. I hated him, hated what he’d done to me, but there was a small part of me that still wanted him. And I would blame that part of me for the heat that simmered low in my belly when he leaned in and whispered, “Is it bad that I found it incredibly attractive that you just told the Queen off on m
The rumbling purr of his voice made my skin pebble with goosebumps, and I resisted the urge to lean even further into his side, into the familiarity of him in this unfamiliar place. I whispered, “Don’t get any ideas, Mazgaros. You’re never touching me again.”
He chuckled, and the sound worked its way through my body, warming me in places that had begun to grow cold since waking up earlier. I was angry—but I wouldn’t deny that I still wanted him.
I refused to let him be my weakness. I’d already lost too much of myself because of my entanglement with him—I would not lose any more.
“We’ll see about that, love,” he returned, pulling back to his full height as he guided me through the halls of the castle. We walked behind Queen Eyta, who held her head high as she ignored all of the guards we walked past.
“I thought Korras said she cleared the place out,” I muttered, glaring at each guard we passed by. “He said I was too much of a target.”
Maz stiffened at my side, and he gritted out, “She cleared out those whose loyalty is in question—anyone she doesn’t trust enough not to go against orders are gone.” He let out a bitter laugh. “Which makes even more sense now, considering who you are to her.”
I frowned. “Do you believe her? That I’m her daughter?” I asked, looking at him from the corner of my eye.
He grimaced, lips tightening in a firm line as he nodded once. “I don’t see why she would lie about it. And in a way, it makes sense.”
I glared at him. “In what way?”
He chuckled. “Let’s discuss this later, love.”
My eyes narrowed further, but before I could respond, we appeared before a set of large black doors. They were carved with depictions of a great battle, with Noctis warriors along the bottom third of the door, and winged Celestials along the top third. In the middle, two beings stood, one on each door, facing off against one another. On the left door was a male Celestial, with large wings spread wide behind his back. On the right, a beautiful Noctis warrior, fangs bared and long hair blowing in the wind behind her.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” The Queen asked, jarring me from my thoughts. I turned to her, but she wasn’t looking at me. Her eyes were narrowed on the doors, filled with disgust as she took in the male Celestial’s form. His features were difficult to make out, but I knew who it was.
“This was the battle near the World Tree,” I said, my gaze flicking back to the doors. Maz stood silently beside me, and I could feel his stare on my face as he waited for me to say more. “You faced off against Gadreel for three nights, tearing each other to bloody ribbons until your warriors had to drag you both from the battlefield. And at dusk on the fourth night, you left your tent to find your camp had been raided in the daylight hours, your warriors cut down, gutted all around you.”
Queen Eyta snorted. “Is that how Gadreel tells it?” I looked at her, and she shook her head, her eyes never leaving the doors. “They never killed my warriors. The dusk of the fourth evening, I left my tent to find Gadreel and his armies gone, disappeared back into the Way.” She turned towards us, her lips tightening as she noticed my arm looped through Magaros’. Her eyes lifted to meet mine. “He realized we were equals—realized we would fight until we both died before either one of us would win. That is why he ran. I imagine he tells a different story, not wanting the Celestials to think he’s a coward.”
I shrugged, not wanting to confirm nor deny her words. I had no loyalty to him, but I had no loyalty to her either. Regardless of who she may or may not be to me.
Queen Eyta smiled, though the gesture didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Very well,” she said, gesturing towards the ornate doors. Two guards stepped up and pulled them open, and I noticed with a start that one of them was Korras. He winked at me, which earned him a scowl from both the Queen and Maz, but he simply smirked, and carried on with his duties.
The interior of the dining room was massive, with a long table stretched down the center of it made of some wood I didn’t recognize—probably the trees that made up the forest on the very edges of the city we were in. There were fourteen chairs, one on each of the long ends, and six on each side. They were all high-backed, black with red cushions, and I watched as Queen Eyta made her way towards the head of the table. She gestured at the place to her right and said, “You will be here, Shadow. And Mazgaros will be on my other side.”
I bit my cheek to contain my grimace. I didn’t want to look at him over dinner, didn’t want him to be able to easily observe me. It was already bad enough having to be side by side with him—it was all too easy to pretend things hadn’t gone downhill between us, that he hadn’t betrayed me. I only needed to look around to remind myself that was false, but still. I knew very well what sort of games he would be up to now, knew he was likely already scheming and plotting, trying to figure out how he was going to win me back.
As we approached the table, and Maz pulled my chair out for me, I quietly built walls around my heart, hardening it underneath a layer of ice. When he helped me scoot in, and then sat down on his side, it was easy to pretend nothing had ever happened between us.
That we’d never crossed boundaries I hadn’t crossed with anyone in two centuries—like he didn’t hold my heart in his hands, and hadn’t completely obliterated it with his actions.
Queen Eyta sat in her seat, and I couldn’t help but notice her smile grow just a little wider as I all but pretended Maz wasn’t even there at all.
A handful of staff appeared from the kitchens, all of them with their heads bowed. They did not make eye contact with any of us, and got to work setting up dishes in the center of the table directly in front of us. Plates and silverware were already set up in our places, and I watched as the Queen and Maz both set their napkins in their laps. I lifted a brow at Maz, knowing how he didn’t like to eat food, and he stared at me with a gleam in his eye that challenged me to call him out about it. I rolled my eyes, turning my stare onto the Queen, who watched our exchange with pursed lips.
“Now,” the Queen said, smiling her blood red smile. “Let’s eat.”
2
The dishes the palace servants brought out looked delicious—even if the thought of eating anything made my stomach turn. In the center between the three of us was a large roasted chicken, laid out on a plate surrounded by vegetables. There were other side dishes, like salt potatoes, fresh rolls pulled right from the oven, and a bowl of cranberries covered in sugar, which looked a little too similar to blood. There would be desserts served after this, no doubt. Eyta loved to lavish her guests with all the finery the castle cooks could offer, and I knew Shadow would be no exception.
I watched as Shadow’s eyes lit up, and though I knew she was hesitant to eat, I also knew she realized that the Queen wasn’t going to harm her. Even if neither of us understood what Her Majesty was up to, or whether she was even telling the truth about being her mother, it was clear the Queen did not plan to kill Shadow.
If I even suspected that she did, I never would have brought Shadow here.
We all took turns dishing up different portions of food. I took considerably less than the Queen and Shadow, but enough to make sure Her Majesty didn’t question why I wasn’t eating at all.
She didn’t know that food made me sick, that the only thing I’d been able to survive on these past two hundred years was drinking blood. Though every Noctis drank blood at one point or another, as far as I knew, I was the only one who relied on it as I did.
“Tonight, I would like to propose something,” the Queen said, pulling me from my thoughts. She was staring intently at Shadow, her hand wrapped delicately around the stem of a wine glass I hadn’t even seen the servants bring. In front of me sat a matching glass, though where hers was filled with wine, mine contained blood.
Shadow eyed the glass in front of me with a deep frown on her face, and when she caught me looking, she tore her eyes away and faced the Queen. Her cheeks turned pink, and I lifted my brow as I wondered whether she was upset that I might drink someone else’s blood.
I smirked, the idiotic male pride in me rearing its head at the thought. I couldn’t blame her for feeling that way, though—even the thought of taking a sip, of letting the life force of anyone else fall past my lips, made me feel unreasonably unhinged. I wanted to drink from her, not from some stranger. Even still, I lifted the glass to my lips, tipping it back slightly, but not taking an actual drink. The smell was enticing enough, a faint mix of red berries and chocolate, but nothing would be as sweet as Shadow’s blood. I could still recall the taste of it, the way the citrus stung my taste buds, and though I was tempted to take a sip of the blood in my glass, I refrained.
