Time Slips & Tax Thieves, page 14
part #4 of Time Travelling Taxman Series
“That’s right.”
“But you did not have the tools to do much of what you’ve done already. Still, you were able to fabricate them. You, and my smiths.”
She nodded, smiling softly. “Yes. But those were far more rudimentary than what I need to repair the generator.”
He nodded. “I do not doubt it. That’s why…that’s why I’ve called in a workman from London. He is a jeweler and a master metalsmith. He works with filaments as fine as a hair, and can create …well, anything. Whatever supplies you need to make your artifact function again – he’ll acquire them, Nancy.”
She blinked. “You mean…we might be able to go home?”
“Yes. I believe you will.”
“Basil, I…I don’t know what to say. Thank you.” She frowned. “But…his services must cost a fortune.”
“A king’s ransom,” the nobleman smiled. “But it is the least I can do for my wizards.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Basil was as good as his word. A week later, a bearded fellow with a fiery mane of hair that seemed almost to swallow his face arrived. His name was Hugh, and he regarded the four strangers with unreserved skepticism. “Wizards, eh? Never had much use for wizards.”
“We’re not wizards,” Nancy said.
“A she-wizard?” He studied her with pinched features, then shook his head. “Well, that’s a first.”
“We’re – we’re scientists,” she said. “Not wizards.”
“Hmm,” he harrumphed. “A horse doesn’t become a dragon, just because you say so, if you’ll pardon my frankness, miss.”
“Uh…sure. But a dragon is still a dragon,” she said, visibly struggling to work with his analogy, “even if someone thinks it’s a horse.”
Hugh paused to consider this, then nodded. “Well. Well, damned if you’re not right, miss. Alright, then, if you say you’re scientists, I suppose maybe you are.”
It was a fairly accurate preview of the master smith’s personality. The three men quickly learned to stay out of his way. They had neither the engineering expertise nor the social skills to be of use. But Nancy seemed to hold her own against the cantankerous old man.
Indeed, Alfred thought, he took rather a shine to her. “Well, whether you’re a scientist or a wizard, you know your way around metal, Nancy,” he said over dinner a few nights after he’d arrived. They’d been working together all day, fabricating parts.
“You should see what she’s done in town,” Basil offered. “She’s a wizard alright.”
“I’m not a wizard,” she protested. “It’s just science. I’ve told you that, Basil.”
He smiled. “It may as well be wizardry, Nance, if no one else is smart enough to understand it.”
She brushed this aside. “You understand it.”
“Some of it,” he acknowledged.
“And so do your engineers.”
“And if something breaks? If we can’t figure it out?”
“You will,” she assured him. “You have smart people working for you. You are smart, and resourceful. There’s nothing we’ve done in Warwick-on-Eden that you can’t maintain, Basil.”
He nodded slowly. “Perhaps. But we’ll be sorry to lose our wizard all the same.”
Alfred felt it could not happen soon enough, and he’d check in on their progress so often that Hugh threatened to throw him off the top of the tower more than once. But he was relieved as Nance’s excitement grew. She’d given up on getting home. He knew that. So the sparkle in her eyes and the eagerness in her voice as she’d talk through their work for the day filled him with a cautious hope of his own.
He began to believe that they might return after all.
It took two weeks, but Nance and Hugh finished their work. The generator was still in pieces. “There’s no way we can fabricate parts on the scale I need – not to close this thing,” she explained. “But this should work. It’s ugly and clunky, but it should work.”
“And…if it doesn’t?” Justin wondered.
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, it depends on what kind of not working we’re talking.”
He frowned at her. “What are our options?”
“I don’t know, Justin. I mean, best case scenario? Nothing happens. Worst case scenario? We’re ripped into a thousand shreds and scattered across the multiverse.”
Freddo whimpered, and Justin’s scowl deepened. “So you’re asking us to gamble with our lives? To trust our lives to your engineering skills?”
She sighed. “Look, I’m not going to lie to you. I wouldn’t try it if I didn’t think it would work. But we’re using melted down tax revenue – gold coins – as a conductor. We’re using makeshift parts, and medieval technology. Of course there’s a chance we might not survive, Justin. Whether you take the shot or not? That’s up to you.”
Alfred felt his blood run a little cold at that. He’d been so focused on getting home that he hadn’t thought about the risks. Now, hearing her articulate them in such unflinching terms, he reconsidered. Was it worth risking their lives – Nance’s life? “Babe…maybe…maybe we should reconsider.”
She glanced curiously at him. “Alfred, you’ve wanted to get home since we got here. I know it’s a risk, but we checked and doublechecked. It’s going to work. I’m willing to stake my life on it.”
He took her hand in his. “But I’m not, darling. I know I’ve been a pain in the…well, buns. I know I’ve pestered you and Hugh about it. But…but it’s not worth you dying.”
She smiled at him. “Babe, I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t think it would work. I can make the jump alone, to prove it works. I can come back for everyone. But I’m going to make that jump, one way or the other.”
“Why?” Basil asked. He’d been silent all this time, listening with a kind of solemn resignation. He spread his hands. “You could stay, Nance. All of you, I mean. You could be Cumberland’s wizards. This could be your home. You’ve done so much for it already. Only think what you could do – how many lives you could save – if you stayed.”
“I’ve already got a home, Basil. We all do.” Nancy’s tone was quiet and kind. “And Cumberland doesn’t need wizards. This shire has a hell of a leader, and a smart team of engineers. And scientists beat wizards any day.”
“Not in tabletop games,” Justin pointed out.
Nancy ignored this. “Cumberland has everything she needs. And as far as saving lives…you don’t need us for that. You were saving lives long before we showed up. You’re a great leader Basil, because you’re a good leader.” She smiled. “But our time needs us.”
“That’s true,” Freddo agreed. “Those tax cheats aren’t going to turn themselves in just because we vanish. And those, uh, computers won’t, you know, fix themselves. Or whatever it is you do, Nance.”
The nobleman nodded slowly. “Of course. I’m sorry. I’m being selfish. You’re right: you have lives you must return to.” He smiled sadly. “But we will miss you all the same.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
In the end, they decided to jump together. “Like the three musketeers,” Alfred declared. “All for one, and one for all.”
Justin snorted. “The three dumbasses, you mean, scattering their atoms across time for no damned reason.”
“That’s the spirit, Justin. Good and optimistic,” Nancy teased.
Still, no one wanted to be left behind. If the repairs held long enough for a single jump, they didn’t want to be forgotten. And if there was no coming back, well, no one wanted to be in a strange world by themselves.
Nance had taken leave of her friends the preceding days. It was a long process, since she had made friends everywhere she went. For the taxman’s part, a general farewell seemed to suffice. He’d be missed, he was told, and he didn’t particularly believe it, anymore than the people of Warwick-on-Eden seemed to believe he was sorry to go home.
But where Nancy was concerned, they did mean it. The women of the forest, the hospital staff, Lord Basil – they all mustered smiles and wished her the best. And though they stiff-upper-lipped their way through it, the air of loss was palpable.
Even Hugh, the master smith, seemed disappointed. “You may be the first wizard I’ve met who I don’t despise, Nancy Abbot,” he told her the morning of their departure. Not much, perhaps, from anyone else, but accolades from the old man. “Here. I’ve made you this. It’s not much, but it’ll be something to remember your time here.”
Then, brushing away her thanks briskly, he handed over a wrought silver brooch, inlaid with gemstones. The design was of a dragon, and its eyes were two glistening blue jewels. “It’s gorgeous, Hugh.”
He harrumphed. “Eh, just a bauble. Still, I thought you might appreciate it.”
“I do. Thank you.”
The old man smiled and nodded. “Well, this is goodbye, then.” He went to shake Nancy’s hand, but she would have none of it, and hugged him instead.
“Goodbye, Hugh. Thank you for everything.”
“I’ve had much harder assignments,” he declared, which was, as far as Alfred could tell, his way of saying he’d enjoyed himself too.
While he had gifts and hugs for Nancy, when it came to the taxmen, Hugh was less effusive. He regarded them with a disinterested gaze, saying only, “Well, good luck, then.”
Lord Basil tried to maintain a cheerful air as he took his leave. His parting gift was a bit more practical than the smith’s. “I’ve not Hugh’s skill,” he smiled, “to create anything so beautiful. But winter’s almost here. You’ll need these, wherever you’re going.” He had four heavy cloaks, with fur lined hoods and gold embellished trim.
They didn’t remind him that they were returning to the warm day they’d left. Nancy smiled too. “Thanks, Basil.”
“Of course. So…this is goodbye.”
She nodded. “Thank you again, for everything.”
“Yeah,” Justin put in. “I hadn’t lived in a castle before, dude. Can’t say I ever thought I would. But that was pretty cool.”
“Not starving to death was nice too,” Freddo put in.
“Of course. Warwick-on-Eden was in your debt.”
Alfred wasn’t sure this was true. In Nancy’s debt, certainly. But the Faveros and Justin had done little beyond common labor – certainly not enough to earn accommodations at the lord’s keep. “Be that as it may, we are in your debt.”
Basil nodded. “Of course. Well. There’s nothing left to say, I suppose, but goodbye.”
“Right. Well, goodbye,” Alfred returned.
“Yeah, adios dude,” Justin put in.
Freddo added, “Goodbye.”
“Goodbye, Basil,” Nancy said.
“Goodbye.” He seemed to flinch at the words, once they were spoken. “If you ever drop into our realm again, I hope you’ll look Warwick-on-Eden up.”
“We will.”
He smiled and nodded. “Then…I will leave you to it.” And, with a final glance back at them, he left the room.
“Let’s get this over with,” Justin declared. “If it’s suicide, I don’t want to sit around thinking about it.”
Nancy pressed a few buttons on the device, and they all cringed as it beeped out its acceptance of the input. Still, there were no explosions, and no deaths.
So far, so good.
“Okay. I’ve put in the coordinates. Everyone ready?”
Alfred wrapped an arm around her. “Ready.”
The other two men confirmed they were too, and Nancy drew in a long breath. “Here goes.”
“Nance?” Alfred said as she reached for the button.
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
“I love you too, Alfred.” Then, she pushed it.
White light flooded his eyes, seeming to pierce his soul. Sound and feeling vanished for half a moment.
Then it all receded, and he blinked into a bright sunny day. The sky was clear and blue, and they were surrounded by trees. Trees, and camping apparatus.
“Oh my God,” Alfred said, drawing her to him in a bear hug. “You did it, Nance. You really did it.”
She brought them first to Justin and Freddo’s time. “If it only worked once, I didn’t want you guys to be stuck out of your own time.” She shrugged. “We were the ones who forgot the device in the first place.”
“Well,” Justin conceded, “I appreciate your reasoning.”
Freddo was more direct. “Thank you, Nancy.”
“Of course. And – hell, I’m sorry you guys got dragged into this.”
The other Favero shrugged. “Eh, it’s not every day you get to live in a medieval village.”
“Since we’re home, and as long as we didn’t get parasites, or catch the plague,” Justin added, “no harm, no foul.”
She grinned. “Well, here’s to no plague and no parasites, then.”
They stayed a little while longer, making their farewells. “Well, too bad there wasn’t an easier way to do this,” Freddo told Alfred. “Not every day you meet someone you can converse intelligently with.”
“No,” the taxman agreed. “It’s not.”
“Well then.”
“Well then,” he nodded.
Justin rolled his eyes. “Jesus. You two are the same guy, and you still can’t express your feelings.”
The two men harrumphed in unison, and Nancy laughed. “What he’s saying, Freddo, is he’ll miss you.”
The other Favero smiled. “Well, I’ll miss him too.”
Still, Alfred was eager to get home, to their own universe. So with farewells and best wishes, they moved to the far end of the campsite. Nance punched in their home coordinates and smiled at him. “Moment of truth, babe.”
It was only slightly better than, “here goes nothing.”
The taxman gulped, shutting his eyes tight. He felt the familiar rush of movement through time and space. He felt it fade away.
Then cautiously, fearfully, he opened his eyes. He had never been, and probably never would be again, so happy to see a campsite as he was in that moment.
“We’re home.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
As soon as they confirmed that they were, in fact, back in their own world, in their own time, Nancy stashed the generator in the glovebox.
“Oh hummus,” Alfred cursed.
“What’s wrong, babe?”
“Our campsite’s soaked.”
Nance frowned. “Dammit. I forgot about that.”
“Well, I suppose we better get to work.” Thoughts of drying everything that had been rained on filled his mind, and he remembered just how much he hated camping.
She nodded thoughtfully, but then said, “Babe?”
“Yeah?”
“Would you be really annoyed if I said, I’ve had my fill of forests for a bit?”
He blinked. “What?”
“I know this was all my idea, and you’ve been a great sport…but after Yngil-wode, I can’t think of anything less appealing than spending more time in a tent.” She smiled apologetically. “Would you mind terribly if we packed it up and went home?”
“Mind?” He scooped her up in his arms, drawing her to him in a kiss.
“Is that a ‘no,’ then?” she grinned.
“It’s an ‘I can’t believe you’d have to ask,’” he smiled back.
“Good. Then let’s pack up and get the hell out of here.”
“What do you want to do instead?” This had been Nance’s big summer vacation. And as eager as he was to avoid it, he didn’t want to ruin her time.
She shrugged. “Not a thing. I want to stay home with you. I want to get up late, take my time drinking coffee, watch television…” She kissed him again, a mischievous look in her eyes. “And anything else we can think of.”
He grinned. “Well, I’m sure we’ll think of something to pass the time.”
“Me too.”
About the Author
Rachel Ford is a software engineer by day, and a writer most of the rest of the time. She is a Trekkie, a video-gamer, and a dog parent, owned by a Great Pyrenees named Elim Garak and a mutt of many kinds named Fox (for the inspired reason that he looks like a fox).
You can follow Rachel on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/rachelfordauthor/
She is also on Twitter @RachelFordWI and Instagram @RFord191
More from the Author
More from the Time Travelling Taxman series:
Book 1: T-Rexes & Tax Law (ebook, paperback and audiobook)
Book 2: UFOs & Unpaid Taxes (ebook & paperback, and audiobook)
Book 3: MarvelousCon & Tax Cons (ebook & paperback, audiobook releasing soon)
Book 5: Mob Bosses & Tax Losses releases June 14th, 2019
Black Flag series (space opera sci-fi):
Book 1: Black Flag
Book 2: Lee Shores releases July 15th
Tribari Freedom Chronicles series (dystopian sci-fi):
Book 1: Catalyst (novelette – ebook and audiobook)
Book 2: Uprising (novel – ebook, paperback and audiobook)
Book 3: Liberation (novel) releases May 30th
Book 4: Absolution (novel) releases June 30th
Other works available now:
Prison Break (sci-fi space opera novelette, ebook & audiobook)
Flesh Eaters (military sci-fi novella – ebook, paperback & audiobook)
Rachel Ford, Time Slips & Tax Thieves
