She laughed. “I did notice that you seemed extra happy.”

  He took her hand that was closest to him in both of his, and Rachel’s heart fluttered.

  “You know I haven’t moved up much at work.”

  Sean had found a good job right in the Twin Cities, but he wasn’t making much advancement, and she knew it bothered him. Maybe he’d finally gotten the raise he wanted. It only seemed like one more thing that would lead to an engagement, and she tried to tell her brain to shut up.

  “Yes, I know.”

  “Do you remember me mentioning my dad’s brother who lives in Chicago?”

  Rachel had to think about it for a moment. “Oh, yes. He came to your parents’ a couple of years ago. Is his name Don?”

  Sean smiled. “Yes. Well, Uncle Don works at an up-and-coming company, and they are looking to hire engineers. I will automatically make ten thousand dollars more than I do now.”

  Rachel wanted to be happy, but she only felt disappointment and the beginning of dread. She tried to smile. “And this is in Chicago?”

  “Yes! I’m getting a mid-level position with a guarantee to move up within a year.”

  Rachel slowly withdrew her hand from Sean’s grasp. “Wow. That is some news. I’m very happy for you.”

  Sean’s brows furrowed. “Babe. Happy for us. I want you to come with me.”

  Some of her dread left at the thought of Sean leaving her, but she didn’t know if she could just move. Her family was here, her job was here, and most of her friends were here. Moving without a safety net scared her. “So…would things be the same between us if we moved?”

  He looked confused. “Of course. Why would things change? I love you.”

  Why indeed.

  Sean hadn’t even considered proposing to her. She was just supposed to pack up her life and move several states away. After growing up with her mom, Rachel didn’t know if she could do that. She’d always told herself that she would never drop everything for a man. Maybe, if Sean asked her to marry him, she would, but there was nothing stopping him from leaving her after they moved. She wouldn’t be the first girl that happened to.

  “I love you, too,” she told him.

  She couldn’t say anything tonight. He was so eager about starting this job, and she couldn’t ruin it for him. They could talk about things tomorrow.

  “Rach?”

  Rachel turned around from where she sat at the windowsill in their bedroom. “Yeah?”

  Sean sat beside her and pushed her hair off her shoulder. “Babe, you’ve been distant all week. What’s going on?”

  After their dinner conversation about Sean’s new job, Rachel hadn’t yet discussed her reservations with him. That had been a week ago, and every day that she’d put it off, it only made things worse. But she knew, once she told Sean what she was thinking, things wouldn’t be the same.

  She turned to him as her eyes filled with tears. “I can’t go with you, Sean.”

  He squinted. “What do you mean?”

  “Chicago.”

  Sean backed away from her. “I don’t understand.”

  “My life is here. My family, my friends, and my job. I’ll make tenure at the end of the school year.”

  Sean knew all about her past, but he didn’t seem to understand how much she needed stability and security.

  “If I moved, I’d have to start all over. And who knows how long it would take me to find a job?”

  “So, stay here, and finish out the year. You don’t have to move until you have a job. We have a few months left on our apartment lease anyway. I’ll wait for you.”

  “Will you though?”

  A scowl crossed his face. “What the hell does that mean?”

  She hadn’t wanted to bring up proposing and marriage, yet she’d had to open her big mouth. “Never mind.”

  “No. Tell me what you mean.”

  “I’m just your girlfriend, nothing more.”

  “What the fuck, Rachel? We’ve been together for years. I love you.”

  “I love you, too.” More than he would ever know. “But you’ve never wanted anything more from me.”

  “You mean, marriage?” he spit out.

  Ugh. He made her feel like such a whiny girl.

  “Or even an engagement.”

  The furrow in his brows lessened slightly. “Then, let’s get engaged.”

  Rachel shook her head. “No.”

  “No?” Sean threw up his hands. “You are confusing the fuck out of me.”

  He didn’t get it, and despite this conversation, she didn’t want him to be upset.

  She stood and took his face in her hands. “Sean, I’m not giving you an ultimatum. If you had wanted me to marry you, you would have already asked me. I never want to coerce the man I love into marrying me.”

  He put his forehead on hers. “Do you want me to stay? I already put my notice in at work, but maybe I can ask them if I can stay.”

  “No. I know how frustrated you’ve been there. And you haven’t been able to find another job around here. You need to take this opportunity in Chicago. It’s too good to pass up.”

  “So, what does this mean? Are we breaking up?”

  She took a deep breath. That was just too much for her. “How about we try the long-distance thing? We’ll see how it goes. We’ll see how your new job goes. We’ll just take it one day at a time.”

  “I don’t like it, but I’ll go with it for now.”

  She brushed her lips against his. “Thank you for understanding.”

  He kissed her, this time hotter and wetter. “We might be trying the long-distance thing, but right now, I’m still here, and I’m going to make love to you.”

  “Yes,” she whispered as Sean sucked on her neck.

  He removed their clothes and laid her on the bed. “I don’t want you to ever forget me.”

  She adamantly shook her head. “I won’t.”

  Sean thrust inside her, hard and deep. “I’m going to make sure you don’t.”

  Less than a month later, Sean moved away. The two of them tried the long-distance thing. It was hard after going from living together to living four hundred miles apart. The more weeks that passed, the less they talked.

  Six months after Sean went to Chicago, they both decided it was better for them to see other people. Rachel suspected that he had already met someone, but he didn’t say.

  She sometimes regretted not going with Sean, but at no point had he told her that he missed her and wanted her to be his wife. She knew in the end that she had made the right decision.

  With time, Rachel also moved on and began dating. Life didn’t end because she’d broken up with someone she loved. She thought of Sean often, but after a while, it became less and less. No matter what though, he would always hold a special place in her heart.

  Rachel sat at her desk in her classroom, grading papers. The students had all gone home an hour ago, and the silence they’d left behind made it easy to get her work done for the next Monday.

  Not that she needed to finish up anything quickly. She had all weekend to prepare for next week’s classes. At twenty-nine, Rachel was done with the partying-every-weekend thing, and right now, her relationship status was glaringly single. She’d broken up with her last boyfriend almost six months ago and not even gone on so much as a date since then.

  She sighed as she took the papers and began to enter the grades into the computer. A part of her had always thought she’d be in a different spot in her life at this point. But, ever since Sean, she hadn’t found anyone who made her feel the way he had. And, sometimes, she wondered what would’ve happened if she had moved to Chicago with him.

  She looked up from her computer. But it was too late now. He’d been gone for four years, and there was no going back on her decision at this point.

  As she entered in the final grades, she couldn’t help but stare at the spot where the last six assignments were missing on Brian Hansen’s row. Each blank space was like a pinch to her heart. She should probably delete his name from her spreadsheet, but she hadn’t been able to do so yet. There was something so final about the whole thing.

  Brian had been a shy, smart student who didn’t say much in front of the class. But, when he’d had one-on-one time, he had never been afraid to ask her questions. She’d loved his thirst for learning. She knew she shouldn’t have favorites, but he was one of hers this year.

  When Brian hadn’t come to class a few days in a row, Rachel had begun to worry. It was normal for kids to miss school, but they usually only missed one or two days. The principal had informed her that Brian was in the hospital with meningitis. Rachel wasn’t particularly religious, but she’d gone home and prayed for her student every night.

  But, when she had seen the principal walk into her room a week and a half ago, she hadn’t even had to say anything before Rachel’s worst fear for her bright student had come true. The meningitis had taken poor sweet Brian much too soon. He’d only been ten years old.

  Last weekend had been his funeral, which Rachel and many other teachers had attended. It was the saddest thing Rachel had ever experienced, and she never wanted to go to a funeral for someone so young again.

  She finished entering the grades and closed her laptop. She stared at Brian’s empty desk for a few minutes before she realized that she didn’t want to go home. Something about losing her student had really shaken her up, and for some reason, it made her realize how lonely she was.

  That was probably why she’d been thinking about Sean more than usual lately. She still remembered how he’d come home from his twenty-first birthday celebration early and held her while she was sick and gross.

  What she wouldn’t do to feel a lover’s embrace around her again. Someone to go home to, someone to hold her while she cried her tears, and someone to make love to her and tell her it would all be okay again even if it wouldn’t.

  There was a knock on Rachel’s classroom door, and she saw the red hair of her coworker and friend Shelly as she opened the door.

  “Hey, a couple of us are going out for dinner and drinks. You want to come?”

  Anything to not go home to an empty house right now. “Yes.”

  “Great. Can you be ready in thirty?”

  “Yep. I’m ready now.”

  “Grab your stuff, and come keep me company while I finish up in my room.”

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  Rachel sat at the booth with Shelly on her side and two of their other coworkers, Julie and Laura, across from them. While Rachel and Shelly taught fourth grade, Julie taught second, and Laura taught third.

  “How are you holding up?” Julie asked Rachel.

  “Okay. You?”

  Julie had taught Brian in second grade and seemed just as sad about Brian as she did.

  “Same. It sure puts things into perspective. I go home every night and give my baby a tight squeeze.”

  “Me, too,” Laura said. “Although mine isn’t a baby anymore and doesn’t let me hug him for long.”

  Julie had a new husband and a six-month-old daughter at home while Laura was a single mom to a four-year-old son. Thankfully, Laura’s own mother lived with her and her son and was able to help out a lot.

  “I just get to go home and hug Joe,” Shelly joked. She hadn’t been married to her husband, Joe, very long, and they had yet to have kids.

  They all giggled.

  Rachel picked up her glass. “Better than me. I go home and hug my cat.” Her eyes widened. “Oh my God, I’m going to be an old cat lady someday.” Rachel was half-kidding, but deep down, part of her worried it would be true.

  Shelly bumped her shoulder against Rachel’s. “No, you won’t. But, if you’re that worried, I can always set you up with my cousin.” She wiggled her eyebrows.

  “I’ll…think about it.”

  Shelly’s mouth dropped. “Really?”

  Rachel rolled her eyes. “Why not?”

  “Yes,” Shelly said.

  Shelly had been trying to set Rachel up with her cousin for months, but every time Shelly asked, Rachel would say no. Rachel had been set up on blind dates before, and they always turned out less than okay. But, now, she figured she might as well go for it. If anything, it would get Shelly to stop asking.

  The four of them ate dinner and ordered another round of drinks. As their cups got emptier, the other three women talked of going home to their families. Rachel had been having a good time, but now, she was beginning to feel lonely again. Part of it was thoughts of Brian, and part of it was the alcohol. The two together were not a good combination.

  Rachel waited for about another half hour for her drinks to work their way out of her system, so she could drive home. But, as the other three started talking about their plans for the weekend, she excused herself to go to the restroom.

  Their booth was in the front of the restaurant, and the restrooms were in the back. As she made her way there, Rachel decided she needed to do something to get out of the house that weekend. She could always go visit her parents, but now that they had an empty nest, they always seemed to have plans.

  She was so lost in thought that she didn’t quite watch where she was walking, and she tripped on the leg of a chair.

  An arm reached out to catch her, and she heard a voice say, “Whoa.”

  She closed her eyes for a moment because it sounded so achingly familiar. She really needed to stop thinking about Sean.

  She turned to thank the gentleman who had broken her fall thank you, but when she saw his face, the words got stuck in her throat.

  “Rachel?”

  It was Sean standing in front of her.

  “Sean. Wow.” She studied him. “You look great.”

  And he truly did. His blond hair was a little darker and styled differently than four years ago. He had a close-trimmed beard on his face, but it suited him. And his ocean-blue eyes were the same. Beautiful with a couple of more laugh lines around them. She noticed that Sean had gained a few more pounds of muscle. He was still thin, but she could see the definition of his biceps and pecs under his shirt.

  But, mostly, he looked like home to her.

  She hadn’t realized exactly how much she missed him until that moment. Over the years, she’d tried to find him online, hoping that he would one day change his mind about social media so that she would have a chance to Facebook-stalk him. But she’d never been able to find him. She hadn’t seen Sean for four years, and right now, all she wanted to do was throw herself into his arms.

  “What are you doing here?” Rachel asked him.

  He shrugged and smiled like he was embarrassed. “I live here.”

  She put her hand on her throat. “You moved back?”

  He smiled again. “Guilty.”

  “Sean, introduce me.”

  Until that moment, her eyes had only been on Sean, but she now looked at his table to see that he was having dinner with someone. A woman someone. A beautiful, blonde-haired, green-eyed someone.

  He was on a date.

  The night couldn’t get any worse.

  “Teri, this is Rachel. We knew each other back in college. Rachel, this is Teri, my—”

  Rachel stuck out her hand, cutting Sean off. “Hi, Teri. Nice to meet you.” She didn’t want to hear—couldn’t hear Sean say that Teri was his girlfriend. Not when she’d been thinking about him all week.

  Teri shook Rachel’s hand, and as soon as she dropped it, Rachel stepped back.

  “I’m sorry. I have to…go.” She spun on her heel and went straight back to the booth, forgetting all about trying to make it to the restroom.

  Rachel grabbed her coat and purse when she reached the booth.

  “Rach?” Shelly asked.

  “I’m sorry. I have to go. Something came up.”

  “Are you okay to drive?”

  Now that Rachel felt like a cold bucket of water had been dumped on her head, she was as sober as could be. Sean hadn’t even introduced her as his ex-girlfriend. She was just someone he’d known from college.

  “Yep.”

  “Is everything okay?”

  “It will be.” Once she escaped from the restaurant and bawled her eyes out. “Please don’t worry. I’ll call you later.”

  Shelly bit her lip, and her eyes were full of concern. “Okay,” she said reluctantly.

  “Bye,” Rachel said, trying to give her friends one last sincere smile before she practically ran for the door.

  She broke into a sprint once outside and made it to her car in record time.

  Once she closed the door, Rachel wanted to put her head on the steering wheel and cry, but she couldn’t. What if Sean and his girlfriend walk outside and see me? No way could she handle that kind of humiliation right now.

  She hadn’t realized until that moment that a part of her always thought she and Sean would get back together someday. But he had moved back and hadn’t even called her. He had a girlfriend.

  That horrible conclusion went through her at the thought of Sean moving back to Minnesota for his girlfriend when Rachel hadn’t been enough to get him to stay. The realization made her feel depressed, foolish, and humiliated. Even if no one else knew she hadn’t been good enough, Rachel knew.

  Rachel slammed the car into reverse and then drive. She peeled out of the restaurant and hurried home as fast as the speed limits allowed.

  When she arrived home, she ended up standing in the entryway of her apartment, staring at the floor. Not knowing what else to do, she let her keys, purse, and jacket fall to the floor and walked down the hall to her room. As she made her way there, she stripped off her shoes and clothes. She could pick them up tomorrow.

  She went straight to her bathroom and turned on the shower. Only after the water was warm and she stepped inside did Rachel give herself permission to let go and cry.

  After she dried off, Rachel combed her hair and put on her most comfortable pair of pajamas. Then, she flopped down onto the couch. She picked up her remote, but nothing appealed to her. She wasn’t as sad after her big cry, but now, she felt incredibly drained. She didn’t have the energy to do anything that would require her brain to function at more than two percent.

 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10