The Meet Cute Method, page 16
‘Come on, let’s play another game,’ Lee says. ‘We haven’t played Convince Me in forever. Teams of two, let’s do this.’
‘I’ve never played Convince Me,’ I admit.
‘I’ve never known anyone outside this family play it,’ Max tells me. ‘But lying is one of the main rules of the game, so obviously this family thrives at it.’
‘It makes sense that you two team up,’ Lee tells us. ‘Max can explain it to you as we go. Paige and I will be a team and… Albi, Jenna, come on, time to win your self-respect back, if you can.’
Lee’s yelling attracts the attention of Albi and Jenna, who get up from where they are sitting to come over and see what’s going on.
‘We’re playing Convince Me,’ Lee tells them. ‘Mum, Dad, are you playing?’
Eva says yes at the same time as Ronnie says no.
‘Never mind, then,’ Eva says. ‘Maybe next time.’
‘I’m not really bothered for playing,’ Jenna says. ‘I’d rather top up my tan. Eva, you can play with Albi if you like.’
‘The brother-sister dream team,’ Albi says, sitting down next to Eva, who I still can’t believe is his sister. ‘Let’s do this.’
Lee dashes off before returning with two pieces of card and a pen. I watch as he writes something on each one.
‘So, the aim of the game, if you can even call it that,’ Max starts, sitting up again, leaning closer to me. ‘Those two pieces of paper say “true” or “false” on them. The game is played in rounds. One person from each team choses one of the two cards at random, and it’s their job to share a fact that they know, or an anecdote about themselves, or someone they know – but it has to be something that is unbelievable, otherwise it would be too easy. If they choose the true card, then they tell a true story. If they choose the false card, then they have to make something up on the spot and tell it to the group. The team whose turn it is to guess then say “convince me” and try to work out if what you’re saying is true or false. They can ask you questions but no phones and no conferring.’
‘Wow, that sounds like a lot of fun,’ I say. It really does. ‘Although I’m not sure how good at lying I am.’
I do hear the irony in what I – the fake fiancée – am saying. But I’m generally not all that successful when it comes to deception. Not that I’m a deceitful person, I’m talking about what I do for work, obviously. Either way, I’m crap at it.
‘Well, for this lot, telling the truth isn’t something that comes naturally,’ Max points out. ‘So you should be fairly well matched.’
‘I know you’re not talking about your mum,’ Eva ticks him off.
‘Everyone apart from you, Mum,’ Max tells her.
‘Now you’re the one who’s lying,’ Ronnie quips, his eyes still firmly fixed on his iPhone screen. Forced fun must not apply to the head of the family.
Eva rolls her eyes.
‘Right, on with the game, shall we?’ she says. ‘I’ll go first. Paige, you’re guessing.’
‘Ready when you are,’ she says, making herself a little more comfortable.
‘Okay.’ Eva takes a deep breath. ‘I lost my virginity to Simon Le Bon.’
Noises of sheer horror come from the male participants of the game, which is no surprise, given that they are Eva’s sons and brother. Ronnie just chuckles.
Paige just pulls a face.
‘Who?’
‘Simon Le Bon from Duran Duran?’ Max asks in disbelief.
‘Yes,’ Eva replies. ‘But you know the rules, if it’s not your turn, you’re not allowed to speak.’
‘This is why we used to have that rule where you had to drop a ten on the table if you spoke,’ Albi says. ‘At least then the winners made some money.’
A ten? What’s that? Ten pence, ten pounds, more? Nothing would surprise me. Actually, scratch that, if it’s true that Eva lost her virginity to Simon Le Bon from Duran Duran, that would surprise me.
‘Sorry, I forgot to mention that rule,’ Max tells me. ‘No talking when it’s not your turn.’
I nod in silent acknowledgement.
‘Well, okay, convince me,’ Paige says, getting the first round well on the way.
‘I was the biggest Duran Duran fan when I was a teenager,’ Eva explains. ‘I followed them around the country. Simon was always my favourite. I met him a few times, before we did the deed. Normally what happens on tour stays on tour, but for the purpose of the game…’
‘What year was this?’ Paige asks.
‘It would have been 1982,’ Eva says confidently. ‘The Rio tour.’
I glance at Max. I can only describe the look on his face as pure horror, as he battles with the image of his teenage mum being a groupie for Duran Duran.
‘I think I’m going to need a little more convincing than that,’ Paige says, before turning to Lee. ‘Unfortunately.’
Lee turns to Max and gestures with his hands. He shows ten fingers, then five. Fifteen. Max’s eyes widen as he catches on. Lee is highlighting that, in 1982, Eva would have been fifteen. I wonder if it’s true. I think back to when I was fifteen. Busted were my Duran Duran. But if they had invited fifteen-year-old me onto their tour bus, and one of them had made a move on me, would I have slept with one of them? Oh my God, maybe it is true! That said, fifteen-year-old me was an awkward weirdo who thought safety pins were a must-wear accessory. I had a chubby baby face and I was so shy, I never went near a tour bus, it didn’t seem worth my time. Eva looks like a supermodel, though, so I fancy her chances more than mine.
‘Security was never as good as it is now,’ Eva explains. ‘My friend Elizabeth and I snuck on to their bus. They thought it was funny and asked us if we wanted to have a drink with them. We told them we were eighteen, only to look cool, though, I don’t suppose people paid much attention to ages back then. It was a different time.’
‘Then what happened?’ Paige persists.
Lee grunts, unhappy with what he’s hearing from his mum.
‘Pretty much that,’ Eva says, referencing Lee’s grunt that, now that I think about it, did sound kind of sexual. ‘Elizabeth’s parents were picking us up, so I had her tell them that my mum came for me early, because I wasn’t feeling well. I was supposed to be staying at her house. Instead, I stayed on the bus.’
Paige thinks for a moment. She narrows her eyes at Eva while she deliberates.
‘I’m going to say that you are… telling the truth,’ Paige says.
‘Well, you would be…’ Eva pauses for effect, ‘…wrong! Of course that isn’t true. I was only fifteen. I did try to break into their tour bus with my friend Elizabeth, but security stopped us. Anyway, I’m more of a John Taylor kind of girl.’
‘Okay, we are allowed to talk between rounds, and I can’t believe this rule doesn’t exist, but no one is allowed to talk about sex if they’re playing with someone related to them. Sound good?’ Lee says, without taking a breath.
‘Seconded,’ Max replies.
‘That’s me with nothing to talk about,’ Albi jokes.
It’s always so funny, watching other people’s families. It doesn’t matter whether you’re rich or poor, families are families. No amount of money can offset petty squabbles or embarrassing parents. Suddenly, I don’t feel quite so much like the odd one out.
Next up is Albi, presenting a true or false story for Max.
‘Just before the yacht docked on this island, we stopped offshore for some lunch and a swim, and a turtle swam right up to me,’ he says.
‘Of course he mentions the yacht,’ Max practically moans.
I so want this to be true. I love the idea that turtles swim up to you here, like friendly dogs in the park. Unfortunately, it turns out to be made-up, and probably just a way for him to mention the yacht.
We play a few more rounds. It’s a very fun game. You need a wild imagination, of course, if you draw the false card, but this entire holiday is basically about me pretending things are true anyway.
Eventually it’s Lee’s turn to tell a tale and my turn to work out if he’s fibbing or not. When it’s my turn to guess, the storyteller has a huge advantage, because I don’t know as much about this family as everyone else, so they have a lot more to work with.
‘Okay, Frankie, let’s do this,’ Lee says, wiggling in his seat, making himself more comfortable. ‘So, when Max was at school, kids used to call him Maxi Pad.’
I snort. Max gives nothing away with his face, not to me at least, but does appear to be exchanging some sort of silent sibling glance with Lee. It’s as though they’re having a whole conversation no one else can interpret.
‘Erm, you’re going to have to convince me,’ I tell him.
‘Max, Albi and I all went to the same school,’ Lee starts. ‘Like all kids that age, at that time, we were obsessed with wrestling – the American kind they showed on TV, more about the storyline than the actual sport. Anyway, there are a several belts in wrestling, but the Hardcore belt was the one we “had” at school. We didn’t have an actual belt, our Hardcore belt was more of a state of mind. The deal with the Hardcore championship was that it could be challenged anywhere, anytime. So you would be watching it on TV and the person with the belt would just be set about while they were sleeping. This meant that our version could too. So, for a while, break times involved the defending champ trying to protect their title, and everyone else trying to take it from them.’
‘Wow,’ I blurt. ‘That’s absolutely crazy. So how did the nickname come about?’
‘Max was involved in one of these play-fights, but even though they were just for fun, kids would still get hurt. One day, Max took a rogue trainer to the face. It burst his nose, which bled all over his white school shirt. One of the kids, naturally, called him Maxi Pad, and it stuck.’
‘If this is true, honestly, kids are just as awful as I remember them being,’ I say. ‘I always tell myself school wasn’t as bad as I remember it being, but I could be wrong. I don’t want it to be true…’
I really don’t. To teenage boys, a name like that probably carried a lot of weight. However, my faith in humanity is telling me that it probably is.
‘True?’ I say, a wobble of uncertainty in my voice.
‘It is true,’ Lee says through a huge grin. ‘Isn’t it, Maxi Pad?’
‘Thank you so much for bringing up such a horrible memory,’ Max says sarcastically. ‘Really appreciate it.’
‘What?’ Lee laughs. ‘It’s funny now, no? You don’t think you’re still that loser, do you? Losing out on all sorts.’
Lee places an arm around Paige and pulls her close. Is he taunting Max? It sort of seems like his is.
‘Is that why you don’t want to compete with me, with the challenge Dad set?’ Lee persists. ‘Because you know I’ll win?’
This catches Ronnie’s attention. He looks over, waiting for an answer.
‘You know what, fine,’ Max says. ‘I’ll rise to it. May the best man win.’
‘Now we’re talking,’ Ronnie says. ‘My sons, both working together.’
I wouldn’t exactly say pitting them against each other is the same as them working together.
‘Max, I need to charge my phone,’ I lie. ‘Can you help me find the charger, please? I couldn’t find it earlier.’
‘You’re not on call here, are you?’ Paige laughs.
I ignore her, taking hold of Max’s arm as we head to our suite.
‘Your brother is a bit of a dick,’ I say. I feel like I can say that, even based off the little information I have.
‘I know,’ Max replies. ‘I meant what I said, though, I want to do it, I want to show him that I’ve still got it in me, and, if Dad is retiring, I don’t want him handing things over to Lee, he’ll only make a mess of things. I’m going to go for it.’
‘Wow, okay,’ I blurt. ‘That’s amazing. Do you have an idea?’
‘I had an idea the second Dad mentioned it,’ Max says through a smile. ‘What do you think, do you fancy helping me?’
I smile too.
‘I would love to,’ I say. ‘Let’s wipe the smirks off their faces.’
‘As fake fiancées go, you’re a pretty great one,’ Max tells me. ‘Fancy having dinner with me later? I can tell you all about it.’
‘Sounds great,’ I reply.
It genuinely does. Somewhere, in all of this, the Max who caught my attention at work seems to be showing his face again. And I can’t wait to hear what he’s thinking.
25
‘I’m sorry things are so weird,’ Max says as we stroll through the resort gardens.
It’s after 7 p.m. now so the sky is getting quite dark here but the gardens are bursting with beautiful lights everywhere. Little lights on the floor that line the pathways, inside the plants to illuminate them, and even bursts of overhead twinkling light curtains that sort of look like stars. Max and I are headed for dinner – a working dinner, of course – but we’re taking the long way, because we’ve got a little time to kill before our reservation.
‘I accidentally stole a dog last week,’ I blurt.
‘Erm, what?’ he asks with a laugh, stopping in his tracks.
‘You said you’re sorry things are weird,’ I remind him. ‘I’m showing you that, despite your best efforts, my life was already pretty weird.’
‘I appreciate that,’ he says sincerely. ‘But I’m going to need to hear the story about the dog, please.’
‘It was a stupid misunderstanding, really,’ I insist. ‘While talking to a random man in the park, he thought I’d lost my dog, and then he dashed off and found one, and brought it to me. I was too embarrassed to say it wasn’t mine. I found the owner not too far away and reunited them a few minutes after.’
‘That doesn’t make a lot of sense,’ Max replies as we start moving again.
I don’t suppose it does, without the full story.
‘Clearly I’m not very good at lying,’ I say. ‘Today’s game proved that.’
When I pulled the false card, and wound up having to try to convince Albi that I once spent a party locked in a shower cubicle, he saw straight through me. I wouldn’t mind, but I had a strategy and everything. It was really my housemate Marcus’ then-boyfriend who locked himself in the shower, right after offering to share his drugs with me, although he couldn’t promise me what it was because he couldn’t remember if he’d picked up his coke or his ket. I’ve never been one for doing drugs at house parties but even I know that drugs are dangerous enough, without the lucky dip element. I still don’t know what he took – whichever one makes you crawl into a shower cubicle before accidentally pulling the handle off, locking yourself in. I left the part about the drugs out of the story, obviously, instead saying that I was having a shower, because that’s what it’s for. Thinking about this only reminds me how much I want to get my own place.
‘You’re doing a good job of pretending to be my fiancée,’ he says. ‘No one suspects a thing. I know I’ve said this a few times now, but I really can’t thank you enough for playing along. Lee and Paige are so difficult to be around. It’s like Lee is always competing with me, trying to prove that he’s the upgrade, and Paige does that thing: show your ex you’re living your best life without them.’
‘I probably shouldn’t be saying this, because they’re your family, but the two of them aren’t very nice to you,’ I point out.
‘I’m used to it,’ he says. ‘I usually ignore it, but today it was like a switch flipped inside my head, and I decided that this might be a battle that’s worth fighting. It might be because you’re here.’
I laugh.
‘I’m serious,’ he insists. ‘I don’t know if it’s because I want to look cool, or I feel like I have an ally. I just want to make the right moves, do the right things. Lee is ruthless, which can be a good quality in business, but he takes it too far. That’s why, if Dad is stepping down, it can’t be Lee who takes over.’
‘So, what’s this big idea that’s going to knock Lee off the top spot?’ I ask.
‘Well.’ As Max starts talking about it, he lights up. You can tell he’s passionate about these things, and that he isn’t just doing it to get one over on his brother, but because he really does have an idea that he believes in. ‘I’ve worked for the company but I’ve also worked as a reviewer. I’ve seen both sides of things. Multiple perspectives are important in business. Coincidentally, my idea is for a new sort of multiple-perspectives camera.’
‘Why do I get the feeling this is going to be something I couldn’t possibly understand?’ I say with a sigh.
Max laughs.
‘It’s simple, I promise,’ he reassures me. ‘I shoot review videos for ByteBanter, usually a mixture of talking to the camera, showing the product, showing my reaction as I’m using it, and if it involves a screen then showing the screen too. Usually, each part of this process requires its own camera, lots of changing angles, editing the footage, repeating actions to get the different shots. What I want to develop is one camera, multiple lenses, different perspectives, in a position that can catch them all in one go, and I want it to be something that anyone with a YouTube channel can get.’
‘Wow,’ I blurt. ‘That’s actually brilliant. And even I know it’s brilliant.’
‘Thanks,’ he replies. ‘I need to figure a few things out and put a pitch together.’
‘Well, I’m your girl for that,’ I say. ‘I started out as a copywriter. I think about making the change back to it all the time, but you know what it’s like, when all your experience eggs are in the one basket.’
Maybe he knows that, maybe he doesn’t, because even though I’m sure Max fully deserved his position at ByteBanter (he certainly seems like he’s good at his job and incredibly knowledgeable), being a part of the Ray family can’t have hurt. If I turned up at a digital agency or something, looking for a copywriting gig, there would be so many people up for the same role who had more experience that I did. I wouldn’t stand a chance.
