Brazen Ivy, page 15
I missed Elliott. I’m not sure why. We shared nothing special other than a few adventurous sex romps. The relationship with the guys was different. With Graham I’d formed a true partnership. A man I trusted when I thought I could never trust again. Archer never failed to make me laugh. He dreamed big, risked bigger and encouraged me to believe in myself. And Julio, my sweet, earnest guy, helped me rediscover an optimism I’d buried deep inside after becoming a hopeless cynic.
You got these great guys, and still you want more?
Now I could dismiss my inner critic. A gift from my new lovers. Before, that stupid voice in my head wielded the power to undermine and destroy every ambition. No longer. I’d grown too strong to let that bitch steal my happiness.
So yeah, to answer her question, I did want more. Shouldn’t we always strive for the best? No. More. Settling.
No more settling also meant I must confront Elliott and learn why he avoided me. Us. Yesterday, a delivery truck dropped off several large boxes for him. He made an appearance after Julio departed for the dock this morning. Graham and Archer returned to Lawrence last night for in-person meetings on campus, and they’d return tomorrow.
That left me alone with Elliott in the cabin. I heard him shuffling around in his room, the zip of a box knife and the crinkle of packaging. My chance for answers was now. After changing into a cute peasant top with stunning embroidered flowers of pink and green and belted black shorts, I stood outside his bedroom door.
After my knock, he swung open the door shirtless, his room stuffy and strewn with half a dozen pieces of new computer equipment. His blue eyes flared when he saw me, his gaze traveling the length of me from the messy ponytail to the pink of my painted toenails. My nipples budded as he paused at the curve of my breasts.
“You still want me. I definitely want you. Why the cold shoulder?”
Surprise lighted his gaze, and a smile tugged at his lips. “Summer has wrought some changes I see.”
I fought the urge to wring my hands. Prove how these last weeks have strengthened you. I hadn’t planned on sounding so accusatory the moment he answered his door, but spying his interest angered me. Why deny what we both wanted?
“It’s time we talked,” I said staring at his chest. We’d joined together in a fervor of lust and need, but I’d never gotten the chance to explore his body. Never feasted on the ruggedness of his lean strength. Eyed the muscles of his flat stomach or traced the tempting line of hair that led from his belly button and disappeared behind his jeans.
He widened the door, jerking my attention from his gorgeous body and back to the task I’d assigned myself. Like the other rooms of the cabin, the décor reflected another’s taste, but Elliott still stamped his bold personality on the room. He’d stashed the throw pillows and knickknacks on a shelf, revealing the bedroom’s clean lines. The dark, luxurious bedding broadcasted an invitation to my naked skin. I’d read somewhere that when decorating; each area should issue a statement. Elliott’s sure did: designed for sex.
Which left the question: why weren’t we having any?
I faced him, hating this vulnerability that threatened. Despite my brave declarations of strength, doubts still crept in.
“Why are you dodging me? Us?”
He lifted a brow. “What makes you think I am?”
I shook my head, not tolerating his evasion. “Don’t answer my question with a question. I have eyes. I see what’s happening. During finals week, you couldn’t wait to get me out here. Those first few days were magical, filled with anticipation and then finally that incredible evening of us all together. But since then…nothing.”
Elliott seized his shirt hanging off the back of his computer chair and shoved his arms through the holes, not bothering with the buttons. “You’re forgetting food truck night.”
I made a scoffing sound. “You checked out long before that. I need to know why.”
His cool, composed mask fell and Elliott scrubbed a hand down his face in frustration. Excitement bubbled up inside me. I’d finally dented his tough exterior. “Because I’m not like the other guys in the house, Ivy. I gotta have...” his words trailed, and he turned his back to me.
I reached for him, but he flinched away from my touch. “I’m trying to understand.”
He pivoted toward me, and he grasped my forearms. “I want to decide.”
My head titled to the side as I blinked up at him, unable to figure out his meaning. “Decide what?”
“Who fucks you.” He trailed his finger over my collarbone and a thousand tiny thrills shivered along my skin. “I decide who looks at you. Who touches you. Who fucking fucks you.”
Warmth unfurled in my stomach. His words, so carnal and base, sounded so intriguing. I licked my lips, and he lowered his mouth and sucked my tongue between his teeth. I craved his taste. His touch. He’d given me nothing since our time at the bar. The night he’d led me to the hallway off the dance floor, propped me against the wall and made me come with the fear of others in the room.
He walked me backwards until my shoulders pressed against the door. He dipped his hand to my knee, drew up my leg and hooked it around his hip. The swell of his cock thrust against the apex between my thighs and I jolted.
“You were mine first,” he said against my neck, then licked below my ear and I moaned.
“I was always yours,” I admitted. To him and myself. Because what I had with Graham, Archer and Julio didn’t seem complete without Elliott.
His head lifted and Elliott stared down at me. His stare mesmerized me. Something kicked between us, thick and heavy, like morning fog. But the haze plays tricks and makes you believe you’ll find your way. If I wanted Elliott, I must fight through the mist to the other side.
“Kiss me,” I invited. “Make me yours.”
His eyes clouded. The fog between us thickened. “I can’t, Ivy. I can’t have you the way I need you. I don’t want you the same way the other guys do.”
I shook my head and jutted my hips forward, nudging my clit against the bulge in his pants. “It feels like you want me in the same way.”
His smile turned rueful. “Always so damn smart. That’s why I fell for you, you know.”
My breath caught in my chest. “Elliott, I–”
He covered my mouth with his, sucking my bottom lip between his teeth. I wrapped my hands around his neck and drew him toward me. I couldn’t get close enough, and flattened against his naked chest. The tight tips of my nipples ached. I planned to feel his body. Taste him. Skin-to-skin. It only required a quick tug to the elastic of my peasant blouse.
His hands gripped my wrists, preventing my striptease. I glanced up, meeting his gaze. “Wha-”
“Remember what I told you earlier? How I wanted you?”
I decide who looks at you. Who touches you. Who fucking fucks you.
I nodded, understanding beginning to crystalize. His control over my dance scene that night they pleasured me on the coffee table. The moments that changed everything. His staging of our fuckfest in the kitchen the day after, when everyone caught us going at it. His encouragement as I performed at the bar in Harkins and then screwed me in a way that encouraged an audience.
My heart pounded as the fog lifted, and I began to understand what he wanted.
“Tell me what I want from you,” he urged, tension and desire turning his baritone to rough whisky.
“You want to, uh, present me to other men. Tease them with my body. Have them watch as you pleasure me.” Bewilderment laced my breathless words because his wishes felt…unthinkable. And yet, my imagination took over, drawing forbidden and salacious pictures in my mind. Intriguing pictures. I began to tremble.
His hands gripped my nerveless fingers. “Do you trust me?”
“I uh...”
He tapped my chin. “Not good enough. You must trust me without hesitation.” He reached for my hand and placed my palm flat against his chest. His heart beat against my skin, solid and true. “Trust I’d never choose anyone who’d hurt you.”
My mouth dried. How similar to Graham’s promise as we battled my fears. Similar and yet miles apart.
“I believe you.” My pulse quickened. Had I just given him permission? Would I allow a man to make my choices for me? Especially after fighting so long to develop my independence? The fog I’d sifted through and cleared thickened again.
He bent his head, dragged his lips over mine. Elliott stole my sense while wrapping me in a sensual haze. “I can see you thinking, Ivy. See what you’re thinking. But you’re always in charge, even if you turn the authority of your body over to me. A safe word.”
My breath cleared my lungs in a whoosh. I waded in a pool so over my head, the water threatened to drag me under. “A safe word like a submissive?”
A smile tugged in the corner of his mouth, so irresistible. So...dangerous. “In a way, except there aren’t punishments, and definitely no pain. Only pleasure.” Elliott ran his hand down the side of my body. His enticing fingers sent ripples of sensation wherever he touched. “Don’t you know how stunning you are? I could jerk off at the thought of your scent. Perfect tits. Grabable ass and your smile.” He hissed in a breath. “Your fucking smile drove me nuts.”
He rubbed his cock between my thighs and it was my turn to suck in air, his words giving me buoyancy. “I had no idea.”
“Any man who sees you fantasizes of fucking you.” He cupped my breast, his thumb tweaking my nipple. “Taste,” he said, and he tugged the elastic cup of the peasant blouse. My breasts spilled over the material and he licked over the slope above my bra.
My eyes fluttered shut, and my head lolled to the side. I moaned at the exquisite sensation jolting through me when he nipped at my pebbled tips. Elliott. This compelling man had always loomed as my biggest desire.
“You’re so damn responsive. You’re like a drug,” he whispered against my skin. “Sex is meant to be shared, and it’s a crime to limit who enjoys you. What you experienced here is only a taste. Put your trust in me, Ivy.”
Elliott made me wet and willing to do whatever he asked. Commanded.
He lifted his head. Chilled air from the air-conditioner slapped my bared skin as he stepped away from me. I opened my eyes. Elliott stood before me, his body rigid, cheeks flushed and his pants tenting.
The man wanted me. No, he needed me. Confusion clouded my reasoning. “Why are you stopping?”
“Because I require faith from you. I need your trust. I need your consent. I need the gift of your surrender.”
Surrender. That word alone held enough warning to send me fleeing from the room. But he’d paired surrender with gift. I stared up at this complicated man, who’d at last given me a glimpse into his thoughts. His drives. His darkest desires. The muscles along his jaw flexed, and at his sides his hands fisted. My mouth popped open. Elliott felt vulnerable to me. He wanted my surrender, but I possessed all the power.
I gave him a quick nod without another thought.
Something lightened in his eyes. “Is that a yes?”
“Yes,” I said, sensing his thirst to hear the word from my lips.
Elliott smiled then, a real one, and his whole face brightened. He no longer appeared like a man burdened by his darker appetites, but a soon-to-be college senior heading out for a date. He extended his hand to me, and I gave him mine without another thought.
“Meet me at the front door at seven. Don’t change clothes. Come exactly as you are, except leave the bra here.”
I couldn’t wait.
Elliott led me to his car, helped me inside and dropped a kiss on my lips. “Where are we going?” I asked.
“A party,” he said.
“Like a birthday party?” I imagined pizza and beer and being surrounded and trying to make small talk with a bunch of people I didn’t know. Not my idea of fun, but I just loved being with Elliott.
With a chuckle, he shut my door, rushed around the front of the car and slid into the seat beside me. “In a way it will be a birthday for you. Your first day in the folkways.”
“The what ways?” I asked, adjusting the blower on the air-conditioner. Arkansas summers were serious business.
“I’m not sure if other places call it something else,” he said with a shrug. “I guess you could refer to it as a lifestyle. I got my first taste of it about two years ago. Sometimes we meet in a club, or someone’s house. Tonight we’re on the grounds of an estate not too far from here. It’s the perfect night for your introduction. A full moon and a sky blanketed with stars.”
“You sure you’re not a werewolf cult?” I asked, thinking of my favorite TV show I watched with Gemma and Melody. My voice rushed out wavering and gave away my growing stress. Introduction? Lifestyle?
Elliott reached over and twined his fingers through mine. “Remember what I said. I’ll let no one hurt you, Ivy. Maintaining your trust in me is more important than any single act we ever do. Do you understand?”
The quiet sincerity lacing each one of his words eased my tension. I gave his hand a gentle squeeze.
“Tell me. I need to hear you say you understand.”
“I understand. Uh, do I call you something? Sir?”
The grooves along his lips deepened, and he shook his head. “Forget everything you’ve read in a book or watched in a movie. We’re not Dominant and submissive. We’re just you and me. Elliott and Ivy.”
I loved the sound of that.
Ten minutes later, Elliott turned off of the little two-way road onto a remote dirt lane lined with trees. The sun would be up for another hour or so, but low enough to shoot beams through the leaves, creating delightful patterns. As we rounded bends in the road, the surrounding woods grew more dense and isolating. Something twisted in my stomach, a primal instinct for self-preservation Where he led, I had no idea. What we’d do, he’d control.
You trust Elliott. You made tonight happen. Enjoy it.
I relaxed against the seat and delighted in the wildflowers and greenery outside the windshield. In the distance I spotted a turnoff and an electric gate. The keypad and iron fence looked odd out in the middle of nowhere. A modern convenience tucked in the wilderness. Elliott rolled down his window and punched in the key code. A camera on the gate shifted and rotated as he typed. Who watched us? A current of shock zipped along my spine.
I decide who looks at you. Who touches you. Who fucking fucks you.
Elliott’s earlier words echoed in my mind. This is happening. My resolve to enjoy tonight faltered. I trembled, and my gaze strayed to the seatbelt and then to the door handle.
Elliott reached over and squeezed my hand. I drew strength from his reassuring touch. “You have a safe word. It’s good. You’re good.” His warm voice broke through my ridiculous panic and I glanced away from the door.
“I don’t have a safe word,” I told him. And with that...I agreed. Agreed to whatever he requested tonight.
But it’s what you want, too.
My hands shook as shocked awareness registered in my mind. I’d danced for the guys and lay on the coffee table as they pleasured me. I’d followed Elliott to the hallway of the bar where he fucked me near a crowd. I’d convinced myself that Elliott persuaded me of those choices, but he’d only ever paved the way. I’d walked down the road. Now I’m willing to run.
I unbuckled my seatbelt with a quick snap. “I’m ready.”
Laugh lines fanned from the corner of his eyes. A carefree kind of satisfaction filled his clear blue eyes. When had I ever thought them cold?
“Your word is your choice. Think of it as your parachute, and you can pull the cord when you need to. But I promise if you trust me, the orgasm you experience from releasing yourself from your own thoughts, your self-imposed restraint will blow your mind.”
The temptation of his words seduced me. “Parachute then. That sounds about right.”
He chuckled as he focused his attention on the gate code once more. He keyed in the numbers and the heavy fence slowly swung open. The manicured lawn of verdant green beyond the gate invited picnics and traipsing across the grass barefoot.
Past a line of trees waited an opulent house, a mansion really. Mediterranean in style, its stucco sides stretched up at least three stories with a large circle drive in front. Several other cars parked along the curb. “Are we going inside?”
Elliott shook his head. “Not this time, it’s too beautiful a night. Although I think you’ll love the rooftop terrace. There’s a pool behind the house with a great view of the lake.”
“But I didn’t bring a suit.” I knew how dumb my words sounded the second they left my mouth.
Elliott just winked, instead of teasing me. He swiveled in his seat and opened the car door. I rubbed my palms on the cotton of my shorts to hide my nerves and soothe my worries. Other than shedding my top for Julio in our private inlet, I’d never even gone skinny-dipping.
Elliott raced around his vehicle to open my door. He extended his hand to me and with a deep breath I placed my hand in his. How many times had I performed this same action? Each occurrence denoted something different. This time meant: I trust you to choose.
I started in the direction of the sidewalk, but he held me for a moment.
“Ivy, you...”
I glanced up to see his blue eyes boring into mine.
“You are truly stunning,” he said as our fingers twined. He drew me tight against his body, and I heard the thunder of his heartbeat. “Your trust, it humbles me.”
I swallowed against the sudden lump in my throat. “I do trust you, Elliott.”
He lowered his head, brushed his lips against mine. The barest of touches. Enough to make my breath catch and my nipples pebble.
“Let’s go.” He led me to a sidewalk, lined with low, green shrubs with tiny white flowers and discreet lighting. This place felt expensive, sophisticated and way out of my league.
As we rounded the corner I spotted the pool, and I couldn’t mask my gasp.
