The Inconvenient German, page 1
Contents
Cover
Also by Peter Steiner
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Part One
Lucky Charlie
The Apricot Tart
Was Machen Sie Da?
The Warden
The Aftermath
The Rhineland Bastard
Dandelion
SS Lieutenant Laumann
Big Talk
Plumbing Supplies
The Seduction
The Alm on the Nagelkopf
The Tangled Web
Herr Schacht
Men
Waiting
Information
The Human Factor
Clover
The Hikers
June 6, 1944
The Abattoir
Aunt Sally
What’s Funny?
The Roadblock
Chocolate
Laumann Reports
Ernst Nutzke
Beyond the Blue Horizon
Willi
Part Two
The Bulge
The Woodcutters
Peace
Bernie Pautsch
Lola
Elke
Helmut Raeder
Bobi
An Excellent Witness
The Law
Lukas Pettermann
Director General Georg Berghof
The Lutz Connection
The Phone Call
Mr West
The Trial
The Man Who Couldn’t Swim
Anna and Franzl
General Gehlen
The Currency Exchange
The Crazy Detective
Family Life
Dead Again
Finding Ernst
Willi in Lindau
The Swimmer
The Resignation
Also by Peter Steiner
The Louis Morgon mysteries
LE CRIME
L’ASSASSIN
THE TERRORIST
THE RESISTANCE
THE CAPITALIST
The Willi Geismeier mysteries
THE GOOD COP *
THE CONSTANT MAN *
* available from Severn House
THE INCONVENIENT GERMAN
Peter Steiner
This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.
First world edition published in Great Britain and the USA in 2022
by Severn House, an imprint of Canongate Books Ltd,
14 High Street, Edinburgh EH1 1TE.
Trade paperback edition first published in Great Britain and the USA in 2023
by Severn House, an imprint of Canongate Books Ltd.
This eBook edition first published in 2022 by Severn House,
an imprint of Canongate Books Ltd.
severnhouse.com
Copyright © Peter Steiner, 2022
All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. The right of Peter Steiner to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs & Patents Act 1988.
British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data
A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library.
ISBN-13: 978-1-4483-0641-1 (cased)
ISBN-13: 978-1-4483-0648-0 (trade paper)
ISBN-13: 978-1-4483-0649-7 (e-book)
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Except where actual historical events and characters are being described for the storyline of this novel, all situations in this publication are fictitious and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is purely coincidental.
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For Jane
PART ONE
Lucky Charlie
There was an explosion, a jolt that snapped Charlie’s head back, and the Mustang shuddered and pitched. The stick went wobbly, and the plane rolled belly up and burst into flames. Captain Charlie Herder ducked his head, pulled the red handle, and the canopy blew off. He released the safety harness and dropped out into the night sky. He pulled the cord, and the parachute opened with a jerk.
He heard the roar of the bombers and fighters above him, heading home. To his west, Munich was on fire. Looking down, he saw nothing but black. Charlie wished he had paid better attention in Miss Kitzmann’s German class. You think of funny things in moments like this.
He recognized the smell of fresh-mowed hay as the ground came up to meet him. He landed hard. The chute settled softly over him like a shroud. Charlie lay still for a moment, then pushed it aside. When he stood, he felt a sharp pain in his hip. His shoulders and arms hurt too, but when he moved around a little more, it was all right.
The sky above the woods glowed red. Charlie gathered up the chute and headed for the trees. It was just getting dark, and he had maybe six hours until first light. Whenever a plane went down, you knew there would be German patrols out looking for the crew.
Charlie stuffed the chute under the trunk of a fallen tree and covered it with forest debris. He set out along the edge of the woods. He had seen the Mustang crash in a ball of flame, and he needed to find a hiding place as far away as possible. The woods ended at a dirt road. He followed the road for a while over gently rolling terrain. There were more woods on his left and fields on his right. He came to a three-sided shed. A pipe out front dripped water into a wooden trough. Inside the shed, he found rakes and forks and a few other tools. Maybe he could stay here for a while.
Charlie was about to drink when he heard men’s voices coming his way. There was a tiny loft under the shed’s roof, and Charlie climbed the small ladder and pulled it up after him. He lay flat on the floor. Mice scurried to get out of his way.
When he was in intel, Charlie had interviewed pilots who made it back. They all said being taken by German soldiers was your best bet. They might rough you up a little, but they wouldn’t hurt you too bad. You’d end up a POW. Civilians were riskier. More than one captured pilot had been killed by an angry German mob.
The soldiers down below were nervous. One kept making jokes nobody laughed at. They were probably clerks and cooks and mechanics. They figured that somewhere nearby a desperate pilot was waiting to cut their throats. They held their rifles ready and peered into the darkness all around. Their radio came to life and caused them to go quiet.
‘Scheiße!’ said the joker. Charlie knew what Scheiße meant. When you took German, the cuss words were the first ones you learned.
A command came from the radio.
‘Jawohl, Herr Leutnant!’ said the radioman, trying to keep his voice low.
The lieutenant said something else. He sounded impatient.
‘Nein, Herr Leutnant.’
The lieutenant said something else.
‘Ein Mustang P-einundfünfzig.’ P-51. Charlie understood that. They were talking about his plane.
‘Zwei kilometer,’ said the man, and then something else Charlie didn’t catch.
The lieutenant said something else.
‘Jawohl, Herr Leutnant.’ The men finished smoking. The butts hissed as they dropped them in the trough. The men shifted their rifles and left the way they had come. Charlie could hear them for a while, a muttered curse here, a cough there, then silence.
Charlie had considered surrendering to the soldiers. He had almost called out to them as they were leaving. But better, he thought, to surrender in daylight where they could see him clearly, hands raised, no nasty surprises. He was likely to end up a prisoner of war. But what’s the hurry? he said to himself.
He decided they wouldn’t be back this way again. This was as good a place as any to get a couple of hours of sleep. He lay back and fell asleep almost immediately.
Something woke him suddenly. He couldn’t tell whether it was something he heard or dreamed. After waiting a while, he climbed down from the loft and took a deep drink from the pipe. The water was cold and good. The metal was cool against his cheek. It reminded him of Ohio and his granddad’s farm.
The first light showed gray on the horizon. Charlie set out and walked until he came to a paved road. A milestone said, Otterfing, 8 km.
The Apricot Tart
Charlie kept to the woods as best he could. It didn’t seem that difficult; much of Bavaria was woods. Later that morning, Charlie came to what looked like a forester’s cabin. He watched from the trees for a long time. There were no signs of life. When he approached the house, chickens that had been sleeping started squawking and running about. Charlie ducked back into the trees and waited. Nobody came out.
The cottage was locked tight. The windows were heavily shuttered, and the doors were solid oak. There was no getting in. A pair of overalls was hanging on a clothesline. In a shed behind the cottage, Charlie changed his uniform pants for the overal ls and put on a canvas coat he found hanging there over his sheepskin. A bag of walnuts hung from a hook in the shed, and Charlie filled his pockets. There was a small garden with spinach, lettuce, and radishes, and he ate some of each.
Charlie walked through the forest all day, following trails and timbering roads, always heading southwest as best he could, not with any goal in mind, other than putting distance between himself and the downed Mustang. He was hungry and regretted not killing a chicken. He had seen it done often enough at home.
He came to a river, the Isar maybe. He remembered the Isar from the briefing maps. He turned south and stuck to the riverbank as best he could. He came upon a small rowboat hidden among the reeds. But there were no oars. The opposite bank was built up with what Charlie guessed were fishing huts. Beyond the huts were houses and a church steeple sticking into the air. People were home; Charlie smelled their fires.
Where there was a village, there was likely to be a bridge, and, sure enough, another kilometer upstream he came to a pretty stone bridge. He watched the occasional farm wagon cross while he waited for dark. Wackerzell am Perz, said the sign. So the Perz River, wherever that was, and not the Isar. The streets of the town were deserted. The town was blacked out. There was no moon.
The National Air Raid Protection League (the RLB) had appointed wardens in every German city and town, even small ones like Wackerzell. Hartmut Mueller, the mayor of Wackerzell, was also the town’s warden, and being a man who loved order and regulations, he was out patrolling in his helmet and RLB armband. Even the smallest sliver of light showing would cause him to rap on the door and admonish whoever answered for being lax in their patriotic duty.
Wackerzell had fewer than a thousand people. The only industry was a family-run sawmill. There were no dams, no railroads, no transportation hubs, no roads or bridges of importance. The only way an air attack was coming to Wackerzell was by accident. But Hartmut Mueller insisted that, for the sake of the Reich’s absolute security, no light must be allowed to escape into the night from Wackerzell.
Tonight, once again, Heinz Ulbricht the baker had light showing. Like all bakers, Heinz baked at night, and sometimes he opened the back door a crack to let out the heat. The door opened into a vestibule and from there on to a small, enclosed courtyard behind the bakery. A gigantic chestnut tree spread above the courtyard. Whatever light had spilled from the door was unlikely to be seen from 10,000 feet. But rules were rules.
Charlie was watching from the shadows. He was hungry enough that the smell of baking bread had drawn him too close. Other than walnuts and a few garden greens, he hadn’t eaten anything since the previous day. The mayor handed the baker a citation and then turned on his heel and left, followed by the baker’s curses. Heinz went back inside and slammed the door. Dawn was breaking as he came back out, carrying a basket of loaves to deliver to the grocery store.
Charlie was immediately inside. The smell of freshly baked bread almost made him dizzy. He tucked two loaves under his arm and was about to leave when he found an apricot tart. He grabbed it and hurried out of the door. Charlie retreated to an abandoned hut on the riverbank behind the sawmill. He ate most of one loaf and the entire apricot tart. He drank from a bottle of water.
Charlie fell into a deep sleep. He dreamed he was flying the Mustang upside down, surrounded in the cockpit by a sumptuous feast: his mother’s fried chicken, mashed potatoes, collard greens, and an apricot tart.
Was Machen Sie Da?
Charlie had survived one day and two nights on the ground. He hadn’t seen any German soldiers since that first time. He knew he was leaving a trail of thefts behind him. Still, getting caught began to seem less inevitable, and surrendering less appealing. He wanted to continue west to France. He figured the border would be heavily patrolled. Still, if he made it, he could link up with the French resistance. Quite a few pilots found their way back to England with the help of the French.
For now, though, he needed provisions. He needed food and water, of course. He needed rain gear – the sky was looking ominous. A rucksack of some sort would be good, a map for sure, a compass, and a knife if possible. Clothes were the easiest to come by. Every household hung out laundry. They also put their bedding in open windows each morning to air out, so their houses were wide open. Finding the map would be trickier.
Charlie staked out a house at the edge of the village close to the woods. There was a quilt airing in the window. He watched a young woman leave the house carrying a cloth bag and a basket. She got on a bicycle and pedaled off down the road. Charlie pushed the quilt aside and climbed in. In a cupboard, he found an oilskin jacket, a felt rain hat, a wool sweater. He went into the kitchen and found some canned sardines. He took a kitchen knife. When he laid the things on a chair and turned to explore the rest of the house, he found himself facing a round-faced boy of about six and his little sister. They regarded him with wide eyes.
‘Was machen Sie da?’ said the boy.
‘Ja, was machen Sie da?’ said the little girl, mimicking her brother and clutching his hand.
Charlie grabbed the things and fled back through the bedroom, out of the window, and into the woods.
Charlie moved southwest and acquired what he needed day by day. He avoided villages when he could, trying to steal what wouldn’t be missed from isolated farms or forest cabins.
In a hiking hut, he found a rucksack hanging from a peg. It was filled with provisions. Charlie guessed it belonged to the hiker he met a little further along the trail. ‘Grüß Gott!’ said the man. Charlie nodded and kept moving. The hiker didn’t recognize his own rucksack, but he did notice there was something odd about Charlie and stopped to watch him go.
The next day, Charlie got lucky and found a map and a full picnic basket on the front seat of a beer truck while the driver and his girlfriend were having sex in the woods. That afternoon, he ate black bread, chicken, sausage, pickles, radishes, and washed it all down with beer. This is almost too easy, he thought.
A bicycle would get him to the border faster; later that day, he stole one. He pedaled west on narrow roads and was making good time. He encountered only one car and two tractors. The trouble was the roads were so narrow they had to slow to a crawl to pass him. Which meant they got a good look at him. In these parts, everyone knew everyone, and nobody knew Charlie. He abandoned the bicycle in the weeds and left the road.
Charlie had seen road signs with a red border and the word Achtung! beneath the black silhouette of a tank. And once, in a great pine forest, he came upon a cleared strip of land with five strands of barbed wire strung between tall concrete posts. There were signs every ten meters or so that said Zutritt verboten. Lebensgefahr. Entry Forbidden. Mortal Danger. He made a note on his map.
The next morning, as he was passing through Heidenried, a village of a dozen houses, he met the Wehrmacht face to face. He wanted to cross a river – the Fahle, his map told him. He didn’t see a soul. He was halfway across the bridge when he heard the unmistakable rumble of tanks behind him. At the end of the bridge was a wheelbarrow, and Charlie picked it up and pushed it along as though he were working. As the tanks passed, the ground shuddered beneath him. The Panzer commanders stood tall in the hatch. They didn’t even look at Charlie. They were too busy negotiating the narrow bridge.
There was now a small stack of police reports documenting Charlie’s activities. The woman with two children had told police that a man had broken into her house. Her precocious six-year-old even described Charlie well enough – the sheepskin leather jacket had struck his fancy – to suggest to the authorities that the intruder could be an English or American pilot. The baker hadn’t noticed that two loaves of bread were missing, but the tart was another story. It had been a special order for which the customer had supplied the eggs and butter herself. She was furious. The baker told the police, although he tried to blame the mayor for distracting him and causing him to leave the door unlocked. The bicycle had been reported stolen, too.
The lovers did not report the stolen picnic basket. Her husband was just back from the war, minus a hand and an eye. She imagined he had followed them, spied on their lovemaking, and taken the basket as a warning. Her lover said she was being ridiculous. He tried to convince her that it was some itinerant tramp. She said this was a sign that they should stop their affair. She cried. He became impatient and hit her. With a black eye, she had no choice but to confess to her husband. She expected to be beaten again. Instead, he took her to the police station, where she filed a complaint against her lover. It turned out she wasn’t the first woman he had hit.
