Quiet Ones (Hellbent Book 3), page 16
She never told anyone, though. Not to my knowledge. Madoc has never inquired about it.
When she doesn’t move, I ask, “Can you come out?”
“Come in.”
I breathe out a laugh and climb inside. As I move toward her, she sits up and leans back against the wall of the tunnel.
“I took out the pizza,” I tell her, “but Jared and Madoc are already eating it.”
She chuckles. “Thanks.”
I wasn’t able to get another piece, unfortunately. I’m tempted to smuggle a jar of her sauce into my luggage.
“I wanted to give you something before I leave.” I sit across from her, my heart pumping in my ears. What time is it?
I take in a little air, unable to get a full breath. I pull out the Cubs cap from my back pocket and hand it to her. I’d gone to my car to get it, and I’m not sure why I didn’t wait till I was about to leave, but…
She looks down at it, her expression unreadable.
But then a voice interrupts us. “Quinn, don’t get my shirt wet!”
She darts her eyes up, addressing the voice somewhere outside the tunnel. “Too late!”
I take in the dark green T-shirt she wears over her bikini top that I hadn’t noticed till now.
Noah’s shirt? Splashes of water are sprayed across the fabric.
I flex my jaw. They became best friends quickly, didn’t they?
I hand her the hat. “Its home is here,” I tell her.
Her face softens as she takes it. “You mean, I can keep it till the next time you return?”
The next time I return… Something about the way she says it—kindly, but with an air of finality as if she knows I won’t be back—leaves a hole in the pit of my stomach. Quinn notices everything.
“It’s yours,” I tell her.
She doesn’t look at me, just brushes her fingers over the red C on the front of the hat. She’s had it in her possession a long time. I never expected to own it again.
But she hands it back to me. “Really, it’s okay.” She sets it in my lap. “I’d prefer you have that part of your father with you. Besides, you’re right. I should be wearing a hair net anyway.”
She smiles with that same relaxed air again as if she’s already said goodbye.
I close my fist around the bill of the hat—a piece of me—that she no longer wants. That she has no interest in looking in the mirror to see. I search her eyes for a falter—a chink in her armor. Is it really so easy for her? It’s like I’m disappearing from her past too.
But what do I want from her, really? If she looked sad—cried—what would I do? She was upset the last time I left. But seemingly, not now.
I stare at the shirt she wears, my eyes starting to burn. She has distractions now.
“Take off his shirt,” I say through my teeth.
I squeeze at the hat in my hand, feeling her go still.
“Excuse me?” she asks.
I lift my eyes, forcing the edge in my voice to ease up a little. “Before your brothers see.” I move past her, climbing out of the tunnel. “It’ll set Jared off on my last night here, and you know he’s like a bullet. Once shot, you can’t bring it back.”
I hope I sound convincing. Having Quinn pissed at me is the last thing I want in this moment, but I couldn’t stop myself.
She follows me out, and I weave slowly through the obstacle course and up the next wall, jumping rather than sliding down the next side.
She coasts down, still wearing the shirt.
I lock eyes with her.
Peering up at me, her spine straight, she doesn’t blink as she finally slips it off, over her head, and her body comes into view in her skimpy bikini top. Her hair falls back down around her, a little wet. Locks blanket her breast, drawing attention to the curve of a tendril as it drapes over her full and supple skin.
Jesus fuck.
Heat pools in my stomach, my body stirring, and it’s like she has a hand fisting my collar and is pulling me in. My fingers ache, empty and begging. If… If she were any other woman. God, any other woman, I’d have backed her up into the corner and kissed her.
Goddammit. She knows exactly what she is doing.
Kids I don’t recognize run through, jumping high and falling all over the place. Quinn grabs my hand to steady herself, and I draw in a sharp breath, instantly clasping my fingers around hers. I almost let my eyes close, a jolt spreading up my arm.
God, get it under control. It can’t happen.
She stands back upright again, but I don’t let her go, both of us leaning into the corner for support.
“It’ll pass,” she laughs, holding my arm with both hands now. I take Noah’s T-shirt from her, hanging it out of my side pocket.
The kids bounce over and over, the house underneath us rocking and swaying, and I plant my hand next to her head to steady myself.
She laughs quietly.
I gaze down at her and try to ignore the buzz on my skin at how close she is. By midnight, I’ll be gone. Back to where I’m solid. Back to where I belong. What will she be doing tomorrow?
Or tomorrow night? This moment, right now, will be long gone. In an hour. In ten minutes. And in thirty more seconds, I won’t be here with her. This close, smelling her and touching her where no one can see us. I turn my head away so she doesn’t see how I can barely breathe.
“Why do you like them?” I ask, trying to keep her to myself as long as possible.
My voice is barely a whisper, but I don’t mean to sound like I’m telling a secret.
She looks thoughtful and then shrugs a little. “Maybe it would be nice to have someone to talk to, after all.”
“You have family.”
“It’s not the same thing. They can’t really talk to me, can they?” she presses. “Do I really want to know what my family members are doing in private?”
More kids race through, leaping and crashing.
“If I share, so will they, and I’m not interested in the mental image of Hunter sinking his head beneath Dylan’s sheets, for crying out loud.” She offers a little smile. “But then that means I can’t tell them private things, either.”
I narrow my eyes. Like someone with his head under her sheets?
She looks away. “I need someone to talk to.”
We rock like we’re on a boat, and I open my mouth to say something, but I don’t know what. If this was ten years ago, I’d tell her she can talk to me. She used to have that.
And I would’ve told her she can be friends with anyone she wants. I don’t want her to feel lonely.
It’s different now, though. Am I really that worried she’ll get hurt by some guy? Honestly, it’s probably the best thing that can happen to anyone. She’ll probably cry over three or four guys before she finds the one meant for her.
Darts of water hit us, and Quinn and I jerk our eyes up, seeing Madoc’s daughter and Jared’s son shooting their water guns.
“Brats!” Quinn teases.
The eleven-year-olds giggle and come somersaulting over the slide, A.J. barreling toward us.
Quinn pushes into me, squealing, and we tumble to the floor. I start to catch her, but her knee jabs into my dick, and liquid fire spreads. I gasp, squeezing my eyes shut at what feels like fifteen fucking needles impaling my balls, creating a lightning storm down my thighs and up into my stomach.
I grunt, starting to curl up on reflex. “Oh, shit.” I try not to cry, forcing it to come out as a pained laugh, instead.
She sucks in a breath and pushes herself up. “Oh my God.” She looks down at me, horrified. “Are you okay? Did I…”
“Yeah, you clipped me a little bit,” I grit between my teeth, trying to breathe. “Fuck.”
I don’t know where the kids went, but they’re gone, and I just try to manage lying still as the pain gets worse before it gets better.
Quinn’s body trembles on mine, and I pry one eye open. Laughter gleams in her eyes, her lips trapped between her teeth.
“Are you laughing?” I burst out.
“I don’t mean to be.” She winces. “Can I do anything?”
I realize my arm is around her, my hand at the curve of her waist. I move my fingers just a hair, the feel of her skin making my fingertips vibrate.
“Yeah, get off me,” I joke, jerking away. “So I can get the hell out of here before you kill me.”
But as I rise up and offer her a hand, her smile has fallen, her expression torn. I didn’t mean ‘get out of here’ as in ‘the country.’ Just the bounce house.
Finally, she takes my hand and I tug her up.
I gaze down at her, easily lost in her brown eyes. Eyes that have seen me as a boy and counted on me when I was a man, trusted me, and looked right through me, the same now as they ever did. Eyes that gravitated to me with all of her questions and kindness and ease.
“You can do better, you know?” I say, continuing our conversation about Noah and Farrow. “You’re not the type of girl to go for guys like that. At least, I never thought so.”
Her expression falters, pain hitting her eyes, and I don’t try to apologize. It was a shitty thing to say, but I want to hurt her feelings. I’d forgotten the kind of man I used to be in her eyes, and I hope I forget again just as quickly.
Before she has a chance to move away from me, we’re surrounded. Kade shows up with a backpack, as well as Hawke, his girlfriend, Hunter, Dylan, and Farrow.
“Nice hiding place.” Kade looks between Quinn and me as he digs into his backpack. “Let’s do a toast.”
What time is it?
He starts tossing tubes of something pink, which I can only assume are shots.
Dylan catches one. “Yesss.”
I check my watch. An hour and a half left.
I should just leave now. Fuck it.
“Want one, boss?” I hear someone say and raise my eyes to see Farrow holding a tube out for me.
Boss…
The gleam in his eyes meets the ire in mine, and I glance around, no one really noticing. Or registering any meaning to his choice in words.
When I don’t reply, he pulls the shot back with a small smile, everyone uncapping theirs and raising a toast.
“To no school and no books,” Kade announces.
“Oh, you love books,” Hunter fires back.
“Fuck off,” his twin gripes. “You know I can barely read.”
Everyone laughs, but I watch Quinn toss back her shot and pull another one out of Kade’s backpack. She’s the only one old enough to drink, other than me, but I watch her the closest. She’s going to be drunk in fifteen minutes.
“To Fallstown and the lake,” Dylan chimes in.
Followed by Farrow. “And a summer of fun!”
“Ow, ow, ow!” Kade and Hawke howl, everyone raising their drinks high and then swallowing them down.
And as Hawke and his girlfriend toss theirs back, extending their necks, I see them. The tattoos, just like Farrow’s.
My chest caves, the ink still on my back that Quinn noticed all those years ago suddenly burning.
They’re Green Street too? What the fuck is going on?
Quinn tosses the second empty tube back in Kade’s backpack and leaves, hopping over a low wall. I should talk to Hawke.
I debate for a moment, but then follow her over the wall and up another one, walking down a small slide. She hits the grass, finds her flip flops, and heads across the lawn, back toward the patio.
I dig in my heels, powering after her and tossing Noah his shirt as we pass. I see him look at me, but I don’t stop.
How much has Weston infiltrated Shelburne Falls? Hawke wouldn’t be doing anything illegal, would he? Jax raised him better, and these kids have choices.
Fuck.
Everyone is eating, drinking, and laughing, segregated into small groups around the pool as music spills out of the speakers. I make my way straight for Quinn, but then Jared is there, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and tugging her in close.
I halt.
I should apologize. I want to leave her with a good memory of me, at least.
I can’t see Jared’s face, but he talks to her with a folded piece of her pizza in his hand. She nods, and they seem happy.
Just leave. She probably wants to stop looking at my fucking face anyway.
Gritting my teeth, I turn.
But Madoc is there, beaming at me. “Just in time.” He puts an arm around my shoulder and turns me back to face the crowd. “May I have your attention, please!”
Ah, shit.
“I know most of you made sure to be here,” he announces, holding a drink in his hand, “because I always have an open bar, but there is a deeper reason.”
“Madoc…” I beg him to stop.
The music cuts off, and out of the corner of my eye, I see Quinn and Jared turn toward us.
“When I was sixteen,” Madoc tells everyone, releasing me and addressing his guests. “I met this kid who supposedly needed a strong, level-headed, positive, and well-behaved male influence.”
Chuckles and snorts go off around the pool.
“But he got me, instead,” he teases, throwing me a look. “I tried to be a big brother to him, set an example, give him advice, and show him the ropes, but the more time I spent with him, the more influence he had on me, instead.” His tone softens, thoughtful. “I started watching cartoons again, and remembered how good cereal tasted, and I started rooting for the Cubs.”
“Go White Sox!” someone shouts.
Others clap and cheer.
But I can’t unclench my jaw, everyone’s eyes like lava on my skin.
I was so nervous the first time I met Madoc, but I shouldn’t have been. He was a pro. It took me all of four minutes to get attached to him.
“He was supposed to be the one who needed me,” Madoc says, his voice gravelly. “But the truth is, I was heartbroken when I met him. I’d lost someone very important in my life.”
I tilt my eyes up, finding his wife on the other side of the pool. She smiles small through her chin trembling and the tears in her eyes.
Years later, I found out that while I was losing my father, Madoc was a teenager, losing the girl he loved. He was suffering, too, the day we met, not that he let on.
“And I was acting like an asshole because of it,” he explains to his guests. “This eight-year-old kid reminded me of who I used to be when I was happy, and I didn’t want to be numb anymore. I wanted him to be happy, instead.” Madoc looks around the crowd, everyone quiet and listening. “My dad once told me that if you’re a good father, your hopes and dreams transfer to your kids when they’re born. They come first.”
Madoc’s father is Quinn’s too, and he would know. He wasn’t an attentive father to his son. But he learned.
“So I cheered for the fuckin’ Cubs,” Madoc goes on, smiles breaking out around the pool. “And subscribed to MAD magazine. And built airplane models and ate hot dogs three times a week, because they were his favorite, and I was grateful for every second of it…” He locks eyes with me. “Because I think I needed all those things more than you did.”
My eyes burn, and I know he can see it. I blink, dropping my gaze, and about to fucking choke. They don’t know me. Not really. He wouldn’t say all this if he knew.
“I came back to life when I met you,” he whispers only for me to hear.
I shake my head. Please stop.
“I’m not your father,” he states, “but I think of you as my son.”
My chest shakes, and I almost can’t hold it in. They’re not my family, I tell myself. They’re not…
As he finishes, I hear the smile in his voice. “And I hope it’s not too long before you come home again.”
He pulls me into a hug, and I can’t help but wrap him in my arms and hold tight. One last time.
A little clapping goes off around the pool, and Madoc finally pulls back, everyone looking to me now.
I have to say something. I know this is where I belong, and I can’t tell myself I don’t have a home here because this family’s track record disproves that. Jared’s mom took in Jax when he was a teenager. Jax and his wife, in turn, took in their son’s girlfriend and her siblings. This family makes room for everyone.
But I can’t be here. If I don’t leave, Madoc could be implicated in things I did. I have to go.
I clear my throat. “I…” I laugh. “I actually asked for the hot dogs because I thought you liked them,” I announce. “I mean, you’d eat them three times a week, so…”
Everyone breaks into laughter, Madoc shaking his head at me.
There should be more to say to the man who gave me so much. To his wife, who was a big sister and a second mother, a mentor, and a friend.
To the people who gave me a community and a family that would show up for me at a moment’s notice. A moment’s notice.
I meet Quinn’s eyes. “I’ll miss you all,” I tell them.
Quinn’s brow pinches together, and I see the tears she’s trying to hold back, feeling a sob in my throat. But then she drops her eyes, staring at her drink, and I wait, but she doesn’t look at me again.
I don’t have anything else to say.
The patio is silent, and I’m a piece of shit, but that’s it. It’s over.
Madoc’s smile falls a little, but he recovers quickly, coming in for one more embrace.
I ignore the eyes of everyone waiting for more. They don’t understand, because they can’t. It is what it is.
Except Farrow Kelly. I catch him as he stands there like a stone, staring at me and knowing he’s probably the only one here who knows why it’s best that I leave.
Others approach me—Fallon, Juliet, Tate, Jax, and Jared—some of them hugging me one last time, and others shaking my hand. I thank them for coming.
When I finally lift my head, Quinn is gone.
My heart skips a beat, subtly scanning the pool deck and lawn. She wouldn’t leave…
“I’ll be back,” I tell Madoc.
I head around the house again, to the lower-level patio, but she’s not there. Slipping into the basement, I bolt up the steps, enter the kitchen, and head for the front door. As soon as I open it, I see her walking across the driveway, pulling on a white button-up over her bikini top.
