The Big Fake, page 26
“I was hoping the two of you could convince her. If she still hates me, then tell her it’ll be a great chance to see me get horribly embarrassed. If she’s not happy with how things ended… well, tell her she should come. Can you two do that?”
“We’ll think about it,” Steph said.
“Good.” There was another pause, then Dean’s head popped into view under the table. “I hope I’ll see you there, Pearl.”
I winced, then shielded my face from him because it was the only thing I could think to do. I waited until I heard the sound of his footsteps retreat and the eventual jingle of the bell over the door.
“Who hides under a table?” Steph asked, almost to herself.
With as much dignity as I could, I got out from under the table and brushed my clothes off. “Someone who is known to panic in high stress situations, maybe?”
“I thought all that anxiety stuff was getting better,” Steph said.
“It was,” I said. The real truth was that my time with Dean was some of the calmest I’d felt, even amid all the chaos and stress of trying to figure out my feelings. He’d felt like a rock I could hold on to. Knowing he was there for me made everything easier. Ever since he left for the city, my constant anxiety had crept back in. Little by little, I thought it was getting worse, too.
“What are you going to do?” Lizzie asked.
“I’m not going,” I said.
“Really?” Steph looked almost offended. “I’m dying of curiosity, dude. Maybe he put together a Powerpoint presentation explaining all the ways he fucked up, or something.”
“He really might want to apologize,” Lizzie said. “Something big and romantic.”
I shook my head. “Apologize for what? Not liking me?”
“You won’t know if you don’t go,” Steph warned.
“Then I guess I won’t know.”
43
PEARL
True to my word, I was in my apartment with my laptop open about thirty minutes before I was supposed to go to whatever Dean was planning. I was stubborn, so I’d even put on pajamas. If some weak part of me got tempted to rush out there at the last minute, I’d be doing it in my pajamas. In other words, not at all. The whole town wasn’t about to see me in my pink unicorn PJ’s.
It was more like I was pretending to work than actually working. I had a design file open and I was absently switching the background colors while my mind was on Dean and whatever he was planning.
I jumped and actually screamed a little when someone knocked on my door. It wasn’t a polite, “here’s your package” kind of knock, either. It was a frantic knock. They only paused a split second before launching into another series of rapid taps.
I thought about my ridiculous PJ’s, regretted the decision, and then went to the door. I opened it a sliver, sticking one eye in the crack.
“Miss Moreno!” Billy said. “We need a ride!”
“Sorry,” Greyson Ashford said. He was towering behind Molly and Billy with a hand on each of their shoulders. The man was just as distractingly handsome as his brother, Zack. He was in his mid to late thirties, but appeared to age the same way wine did. “My truck wouldn’t start and we don’t have time to make it there on foot. Any chance you’d give us a lift?”
“Um,” I said. “Sorry. I’m not really dressed to go out.”
“That’s fine,” Molly said. “You can borrow Mommy’s big jacket.”
Suspiciously, Greyson held out the jacket for me to take.
“Where is it you need me to take you?” I asked.
“I can give you directions on the way,” Greyson said.
“It wouldn’t happen to be a certain barn, would it?”
Greyson rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, it’s possible.”
“Please!” Molly said. She came forward and hugged my leg. “That man really wants you to come. We’re all waiting to see what happens! Please, please, please!”
Billy nodded with solemn agreement. “It would be a big disappointment to the whole town if you didn’t show.”
“The whole town?” I asked. “How many people are there, exactly?”
Greyson shrugged. “Everybody who was interested in a little gossip.”
“That means everybody,” Molly added. She was still clinging to my legs. The little girl had the biggest pair of puppy dog eyes I think I’d ever seen. She was currently aiming them at me–full blast.
“Okay, okay,” I said. “I’ll go. But if people are hoping for some kind of happy resolution, they’re going to be disappointed.”
“Great,” Greyson said. “Put this on.”
I took the jacket and slid it on, zipping it up to cover as much of my pajamas as I could.
I let Greyson drive my car while I waited in the passenger seat with my arms folded. Molly was practically vibrating with excitement in the back seat.
When we pulled up the dirt road to the farm where Lizzie’s wedding had taken place, I felt my stomach drop. The road leading up to the house was lined with cars. Greyson hadn’t been exaggerating. Somehow, Dean had managed to suck the whole town into coming. What the hell was he planning?
We got out in front of the house and walked through the grass toward the barn. It was lit up with string lights and decorated like another wedding was taking place. I wondered if they’d been booked out for someone else’s wedding, but thought I would’ve heard the rumors if that was the case.
“Look!” Molly said. “Flower petals!” She laughed as she picked up a handful from the grass and tossed them over her head.
I saw she was right. We were walking along a pathway of flower petals, just like there had been for Lizzie’s wedding.
When I came around the corner and saw inside the barn, it was packed to the brim with people from town. They were all stuffed into little chairs and some were standing around the edges. The other side of the barn was open to reveal a little arch of flowers, where Dean was waiting in a crisp black suit. He had a microphone in his hand.
“Nope,” I said. I started to turn and run, but Greyson caught me by the arm. “At least hear him out. Come on. Take it from a guy who screwed up once and had to do a little groveling.”
I still gave escape a very long thought, but I turned and took a deep breath.
Dean saw me and took a deep breath of his own. For once in his life, the man actually looked nervous.
Everybody quieted to a hush, and I felt myself walking a little ways up the aisle between the chairs. If Dean Slater tried to propose to me, he was officially out of his mind.
“Music, please,” Dean said into the mic. He pointed somewhere in the crowd and after a few seconds, soft, sappy music started to play. “I was told this would work better if I had a soundtrack.”
I folded my arms. I decided getting any closer was dangerous, so I waited right where I was in the center of the aisle. I was painfully conscious of all the eyes on me. Without looking around, I guessed it had to be nearly the entire town packed into the little barn. Maybe not people from Stone Village, but the true Fairhopers were all here. I was almost certain of it.
Then a little voice at my side made me jump. “Go to him!” It was Molly. She was whispering and shoving my butt with both hands.
I stumbled forward, more and more conscious of the fact that I was in pajamas and a coat while Dean was in a full suit.
I made it to the doorway on the other side of the barn, just a few steps from Dean. At least the crowd was at my back, then. I could pretend it was just Dean and me if I tried hard enough. There were the dangling lights over his head and behind him, lighting him in a golden halo that caught the stray hairs on his head and the stubble on his jaw.
Dean came closer and lowered his mouth to my ear, holding the microphone at his side. “This is what happens when you block me. I can’t just call to say sorry.”
I gave him a look, which earned a wry smile from him. Just like that, it felt like we were back to three months ago when the chemistry always felt like it was zipping between us in a constant stream of electric jolts.
He raised the microphone to his mouth and started to speak, half to me and half to the people behind me. “Three months ago, I misled all of you.”
He misled them? We both had. Was that his plan? Did he think he could take all the blame and somehow make my life easier here?
“I let you think I was dating Pearl. I think I owe all of you an explanation. See, almost a year ago, Pear and I both had our hearts broken. We knew friends and family would try to make it better by setting us up, so we tried to beat them to the punch. We’d pretend we had a long distance relationship as long as it took to get everyone off our backs. And I thought I might just be done dating altogether. She said she was, too. So it seemed perfect.”
“Dean, what are you doing?” I asked. I felt supremely awkward just standing there with my back to everyone while Dean gave his little speech into the microphone.
He lowered the microphone again, speaking just to me. “I’m building up to it. Give it a minute.” He winked, then lifted the microphone again.
“But then we wound up getting obligated by work to go to the same conference and the same wedding week here in Fairhope. It took about two minutes to realize my feelings for Pearl were way more than pretend. Little by little, I was falling for her.”
I felt my eyebrows come together and my stomach threaten to drop out. He what?
“But there was a problem. All her life, Pearl was treated wrong by men. They didn’t appreciate what they had with her, and they screwed it up. All my life, I’ve been screwing up relationships. One way or another, I find a way. So once I realized how much I cared about her, I saw the truth. I wasn’t different than the men before. I was one of the jerks who kept breaking her heart. So what did it matter if I was crazy about her? Telling her my feelings was only going to end in heartbreak. I was certain I’d screw it up, and I knew Pearl deserved better than that. So I did what I thought was the right thing.”
All I could do was stare with my mouth open. Did he really mean all of this? It brought me back to the dream I’d had after my drunken night at the rehearsal dinner. Hadn’t I dreamed he said something like that to me? Or maybe it wasn’t a dream at all. Maybe that was just a fuzzy memory of something he thought I wouldn’t remember?
“I hid my feelings from her. I thought I was being noble. Honorable. It was self-sacrifice for the greater good, or something stupid like that. But I never stopped to think that it wasn’t my choice.” He lowered his eyes from the crowd and looked into mine, microphone still up to his lips. “Trusting someone with your heart is a scary thing. It’s dangerous. It can lead to heart break. But I never gave you the chance to decide if you wanted to trust me with yours.”
“Dean,” I whispered. “What are you doing?”
“I’m crazy about you, Pearl. I’ve been a complete mess ever since I went back to Manhattan without you. It feels like life lost all of its color. Like I’m just going through the motions. All I do is think about the time we had together and how much I miss it. How much I miss you. So I’m here to tell you that I’ve never been as happy as I was when we were together. I love you, Pearl. And I wanted you to know that, even if you don’t feel the same way. Because you deserve to make your own choice, and I was an idiot for taking that choice away from you. Oh, I also realized I’m not like those assholes who came before. I’ll never make you regret it if you trust me.”
He got down on one knee and held up a little necklace. It was in the shape of a frog. “Sorry,” he said. “This was all kind of a last-minute realization, and the frog was the only necklace I could find at the airport.”
I didn’t realize I was crying until I felt a hot tear roll down my cheek. “Okay,” I said, laughing and crying at the same time.
“Pearl Moreno,” he said into the microphone. “Will you be my girlfriend? Just to clarify, it’d be real this time. I wanted a few witnesses, in case people are skeptical given our history.”
His words opened something in me. Something I’d been trying desperately to close off these last few months. It was hope. I felt all the hope come pouring out of me. It rushed from my center, warm and brilliant, washing over me like some kind of cleansing fire.
This was what I wanted. It was what I didn’t dare to hope for anymore. It was what I needed so desperately I couldn’t admit it, because that would be admitting how imperfect my life was.
I rushed forward, practically tackling him in a hug.
“For the sake of the crowd,” Dean said into the microphone over my shoulder. “I think we need an official ‘yes’ or ‘no’.”
He lifted the microphone to my lips. “Yes,” I laughed. “Yes!”
Molly was the first to jump up and pump her little fist into the air. “So freaking romantic. Yesss!” There was scattered laughter and then people were clapping for us.
It was ridiculous, over-the-top, and so totally Dean that I found myself loving every bit of it.
“Sorry about the frog necklace,” he whispered to me. “Once my little sister helped me realize what an idiot I’d been, I came straight here. I didn’t want to wait.”
“I’m glad you came,” I said.
“You know,” Dean said. “You could’ve dressed up a little bit.”
I pulled back to glare at him. He was smiling, and then his smile faded when our eyes met. He put a hand on my cheek and pulled me in for a soft kiss. I’d forgotten we weren’t alone until there were more whoops and some clapping from the crowd.
I kissed him, not caring if anyone watched. For the first time in months, I felt at peace inside. I didn’t have to hide from my feelings anymore. I didn’t need to wonder what was wrong with me–to wonder why I could feel so much for someone who didn’t feel the same way for me.
All along, he’d just been trying to care for me in his own way, misguided as it might have been. I hugged my arms around him. He was my big, stupid, well-intentioned boyfriend. My boyfriend who I wished had just tried not to be so freaking noble and saved me all the heartache. “My butt is getting really cold,” I said. My pajama bottoms were thin and the night was near freezing.
Dean raised an eyebrow. “My lady. If you need help warming up your butt, you only have to ask.”
I bit my lip. “Hmm. I don’t know. I’ve never been on a real date with you, and I don’t do that with guys I haven’t dated. I’m a proper kind of lady, you know.”
“That’s a shame, because I’m not a proper kind of gentleman.”
It turned out, that was not a bluff. Once the people from town had cleared out and congratulated us, Dean practically rushed me into his car and back to his room at the Ashford Inn. Our clothes were off before we hit the bed, and for the first time, I slept with Dean and didn’t even try to pretend it wasn’t everything I’d always wanted. That he wasn’t everything I’d always wanted.
We were laying in bed afterward and my head was on his bare chest, listening to the steady thump of his heart. “I love you,” he said. “I think I’ve loved you since that first kiss in the lobby back in Asheville, even if I didn’t know what to call it then.”
I took a split second to look inside myself. It wasn’t hard to find. When I thought of Dean, I felt a kind of gushing hope and excitement for the future. I felt safe. I felt warm. I felt happy. Dean made me see the difference between him and all the guys who had come before. When you really loved somebody, giving them your heart wasn’t a choice anymore. It wasn’t a risk or a hard decision. It was a law of nature. Love like that meant your heart was already theirs. The risk was as unavoidable as gravity. It was fate.
But all of that didn’t mean I had to make it easy for him. “Hmm,” I said. “That’s nice.”
Dean rolled on top of me, pinning me down with a devilish look in his eye. “That’s nice? That’s all you have to say for me?”
“Mhm,” I said. I bit the corner of my lip, trying not to smile. His eyes searched mine.
“I love you, Pearl. Whether you say it back or not, I’m going to keep telling you. And you’ll just have to deal with it.”
I finally grinned. “And I love you too. I loved you even when you were trying your hardest not to break my heart by breaking my heart.”
He kissed me. “Sorry about that.”
“The apology might have been worth the three months of pain.”
“Good. I spent the whole plane ride searching the internet for ideas on how to apologize when you’ve been a colossal idiot. It was either that, or I was going to get you a piñata shaped like me. I’d let you whack it and then the frog necklace would be inside. But I called some piñata guys and they said it’d take at least two or three days.”
“I’m going to go out on a limb and say you made the right choice by not doing that one.”
“Good. But I was going to keep trying if you turned me down, anyway. That was only Plan A.
“What was your next move, then?”
“Next, I was going to have Molly Ashford start working on you. Apparently, she has experience in the matchmaking game.”
“I’m almost sad I missed that. Is it too late to change my mind and pretend I don’t forgive you?”
“Yes,” Dean kissed me again. “Because the moment you took that frog necklace, you were mine. And I’m planning to keep you.”
I ran my fingertip down the center of his chest, smiling softly. “I might just let you.”
44
EPILOGUE - DEAN
Epilogue - Dean
Two Months Later
The bonfire roared. Logs popped and hissed. Most of the cold from Winter had long since faded, but nights here were still pleasantly cool. Pearl looked up at me, leaning in to rest her head on my shoulder and smiling.
Walter was loping around, chasing the kids and barking with excitement when anybody was nice enough to throw something for him to chase. Every few minutes, he’d gallop over to where we were sitting and give us both a check-in sniff, then rush off when he heard little kids screaming and laughing by the river.
