The Wedding Wrecker, page 24
"What about the police?" Kora asked.
"One, that's so lame. Two, I don't have the time to deal with it. If I'm getting fired by Cole soon, I need to make sure I've got another job lined up."
"So... What are you suggesting?" Kora asked.
"I’ve been scheming all afternoon and I think I’ve got the perfect plan. I'm going to get hired by this Mr. Foster guy like Cole wants. I'll even let Cole believe I'm planning to sabotage his rival. But in reality, I’m just seeing how long I can collect two salaries before Cole figures out what’s going on. Imagine his face when he finds out I duped him."
Kora smiled and clapped her hands. "Yesss. It's wicked. I love it. So you're just milking Cole's money while you get your foot in the door at your next job. He'll be so pissed when he finds out."
I smiled around a mouthful of ice cream, then paused and looked down at my pudgy belly. Hmm. I guess I was less of a "hit the gym and get the perfect beach bod" kind of ex and more of a "let's destroy his soul with my diabolical schemes" type. But my brilliant plan was way cooler than just getting a great body. Anybody could do that! In theory...
"So," Kora said, eyes narrowed. "How will you get a job working for Foster Real Estate? Isn't the boss kind of notoriously dickish?"
"Another dickish boss," I said thoughtfully. "Thankfully, I've already got experience handling dicks."
Kora burst out laughing as she raised two fists, pumped them in the air, and opened her mouth like she was really going at it.
"That's not what I meant at all," I sputtered.
"Hold on, they're almost done," she said, continuing to pump while making obscene slurping sounds.
I tossed a pillow at her as she fell back, accepting a phantom money-shot on her chest, which she pressed together to make a bigger target.
"You're ridiculous," I said, trying not to laugh. “Anyway, asshole bosses are all the same on the inside. Deep down, all they care about is obedience. They want fear, respect, submission, or a combination of all three. The real secret is not giving them any of it."
"Ohh," Kora said with a wiggle of her brows. "She's spitting wisdom, now."
"So," I continued, leaning forward. "You get your foot in the door, and then you drive them crazy by resisting. You show them you won't bend, break, or even tilt. It pisses them off, and they will put you in more and more important positions of responsibility. They'll think the weight of it will make you crack. But you just keep on resisting."
"What happens if you are the one who cracks?"
“They will crack first. Think about it,” I said, tapping my temple. “They call them assholes for a reason, right?" I asked. "Every asshole is hiding behind a massive crack. All you have to do is dig into it... to..." I trailed off, realizing the metaphor was both gross and not exactly applicable. My lips scrunched as I held back a smile.
"That's either some fortune cookie shit, or the dumbest thing I've ever heard."
"Thank you," I said, smiling around my spoon as I shoveled another bite into my mouth.
From his perch on the couch, Catman gave me his signature one-eyed look of judgment.
"What?" I asked him. "You got a better plan?"
His meow seemed to say "I've lived nine hundred years and that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
"Nobody asked you, you immortal drama queen."
The way he turned his back to me said everything.
At least I had ice cream.
And a plan.
Sort of.
Penelope Bloom, The Wedding Wrecker
