Into the Pit: A LitRPG Adventure (Brad the Impaler Book 2), page 54
Since this was a boss quest, we couldn’t access our guide. We were on our own. Just me and Slash against a seventy-foot cobra with a human head, hooker makeup, and the worst animal-inspired hairdo since the beehive. I didn’t need her guidance to see what was coming out of the entrance tunnel. I needed better options. But they were options she couldn’t give, so I’d have to settle for better eyes. Dog eyes.
“Notice anything I need to know about?”
“She looks different. She—” Slash jerked as he swallowed. “She’s wearing armor.”
“Armor? Shit.”
From the mouth of the entrance, Ssserenia Serpia emerged. Just as with her throne room, she was too large to stride out snake-style into the arena.
Donned in green scale armor, she wedged her way through the entrance tunnel and into the arena. The scales of her armor left behind narrow channels on the scarred wall. The armor added a few inches of thickness but was jointed in all the right spots to allow her to slither naturally. When she was completely free, she wrapped just enough of her tail in a coil that the rest of her body could sit at the top of it, towering over the arena floor.
“Is it just me, or does she seem bigger?” Slash said between whines.
Out of the corner of my mouth, I said, “Size isn’t everything.”
“That’s not what Tess said,” Slash said without missing a beat.
“Focus.”
I readied Venom Fang. “Remember our plan. Stick to it.”
“I will, but let’s do better than we did against the Vampire King, okay?”
“Deal.”
Ssserenia Serpia lifted her tail, still adorned with that oversized scimitar. In the arena, she smacked stone instead of bone. Since the scaled armor weighed her tail down, the sound of the sword striking didn’t clack, but made a sound much closer to a European church bell. She struck the stone three times, sending up basketball-sized chunks of debris each time. In those three strikes, the Queen of Snakes silenced the entire arena.
“This tiny human is here as a champion for our prisoner,” she started, arousing hisses from the throng. “As is his right, he will fight for her freedom…” She lowered her head in my direction until it hung ten feet in the air. “If he wins, she is free. But if my little mouse loses…” She pulled back and lashed out. I barely had time to shove Slash out of the way. I dove for cover before her armored face smashed into the floor.
When I rolled up on my knees, I noticed how fervently hot the crowd was. Even though their vocal range was limited to that of their nature, the early attack had obviously triggered their bloodlust.
As the hissing swelled, Ssserenia Serpia whipped around. She opened her flat, very human mouth, hissing and baring two rows of jagged teeth.
Back in the real world, I would have considered any snake something to tolerate. Not that I’m afraid of them. In fact, I consider them somewhat fascinating. At least, until I tripped across one too big for my comfort zone. With her size, Ssserenia Serpia made my skin tingle with revulsion. She didn’t need to do much to frighten anyone smart enough to understand their own mortality. The way she looked at me now, her eyes flaring, rows of teeth bared, and a dented mask from her collision with the floor, set off every alarm in my body.
I shot Slash a meaningful look. We’d planned for him to use his speed and agility to our advantage, distracting anything that came out of the entrance to challenge us. At the queen’s size and with her donning armor, our advantage only grew. He nodded. Slowly moving sideways, he created a greater gulf between me and him.
Ssserenia Serpia hissed, snapping forward.
In the real world, snakes are dangerously fast. Another facet of their creepiness. But with great size came a counterbalance in the laws of physics. Ssserenia Serpia was fast, she just wasn’t real-world-snake fast.
As her head shot toward me, I lunged to the side, swinging Venom Fang. The speed of her movement took her past me as I brought the sword down. I clipped her halfway down her body. A glancing blow her armor easily deflected, nothing more.
I was remotely aware of the tonal change in the hissing coming from the snakes in the stands. I didn’t need to be one of them to understand the change. Earlier, their chorus had been one of elation and joy at seeing and being able to root for their queen. But I’d just denied them a celebration of gratuitous violence with my dodge, and they were reacting. The same dissatisfaction, I was sure, their leader felt because my move had deprived her of the satisfaction of plowing into my body and ripping it apart with her jagged teeth.
As she pulled her tail in, turning to face me, I moved behind a large block of stone. At four feet tall, it wouldn’t hide me if I remained standing, but it put a significant obstacle in her way.
“Come now, mouse. You can’t hide from me forever,” Ssserenia Serpia said in her honey-smooth voice. “Will we play this game all day?”
Holding my sword in both hands level in front of me, I watched her, avoiding her face and paying closer attention to the movements of her body. That was a better indicator of her next move. “I’ve got nowhere else to go until my friend is free.”
The giant cobra flicked her split tongue. It extended five feet. “You’re afraid,” she said, almost purring. “I like that.”
The comment might have worked with insecure men. “Don’t let it go to your head. I’m still defeating you and walking out of here with her. Just make sure your lackeys honor the deal. When I win, all three of us walk out of here without as much as a flick of a tongue from one of your followers.”
Ssserenia Serpia released a long “sssssss” sound as her head swayed from side to side. “I’m going to have fun with you, mouse.”
She lowered her head, moving to the side. Her scale armor scraped and scratched over the bone-covered stone floor. I lost sight of her for a second. I signaled to Slash to take an advantageous position atop another block surrounded by sharpened, gray steel poles that looked like giant javelins. We both had attacks and spells planned, but we needed to understand what type of fighter Ssserenia Serpia was first. Using them until we understood that might prove worse than fruitless. Right now, our imperative was to stay in the best position to attack.
Ssserenia Serpia couldn’t hide forever. As cluttered as this arena was, she was simply too large. Presumably, she’d worn the scaled armor as another layer of protection, but it worked to her detriment, making her movements easier to track when I didn’t have a direct line on her. If I kept her worried about me, my hope was she wouldn’t bother to track Slash. I wanted him stationed at points where he could observe as much of the floor as possible. A grand task, to be sure, but we had to take the advantages where we could get them.
Ssserenia Serpia whipped around the block I’d been using as a barrier. The rattling of her scaled armor gave her away, and I was ready. Even before she snapped at me, I was thrusting forward with Venom Fang.
I’d like to say the strike was successful, but with the speed at which she moved, I counted my fortunes just by making contact. My blade sliced her cheek open, catching in the narrow space between her prominent cheekbones and the curve of the fashioned helmet. Between the gash and my surprise move, she screeched, jerking back. I was already yanking my sword away. The combination of our moves ripped the helmet from her head. It smashed against the stone block with a clang and tumbled to the floor. There, it bounced with a clang, clunk, dunk that must have been audible to half the arena for as quiet as it fell.
“Let her go and we can both walk away,” I said, backing away to give myself space and time to react to any quick counterattacks.
“Don’t be a fool, mouse,” Ssserenia Serpia said, her cheek displaying the long gash, skin peeled open and leaking black blood. The queen snake didn’t seem to notice that I had ripped a river across half her face. “We’ve just started the fun.”
“She’s up to something, Brad,” Slash said, hopping across a triple set of columns to keep me in his line of sight.
Keeping her yellow eyes locked on me, Ssserenia Serpia undulated, her body moving laterally while also backing away.
I pushed off the wall. By backing away, she was increasing the distance between us. If Slash sensed something coming, I needed room to operate.
She raised her sword-tail, too far away to lash out with the scimitar blade, and smacked it on the stone, once. From above came a loud, metallic clang, like the sound of a big city metal dumpster being slammed shut, just ten times as loud. Looking up, I saw madness falling from the ceiling.
A rain of snakes. Wiggling and writhing as they fell, serpents cascaded to the arena floor. The Queen of Snakes had a backup plan, of course. I’d suspected this was a setup, and she’d proven me correct. A tubular container filled with snakes. Sort of like a club party or concert with a net of balloons above the crowd for the grand finale, except this payload wriggled, hissed, bit, and probably carried a few thousand doses of venom.
The snakes continued to flop and plop onto the stone. The first ones to hit didn’t move, the fall taking its toll. But as more crashed atop the slush pile, they survived thanks to the buffer their brethren created.
Standing atop a column barely wider than his base, Slash was safe from the growing pile of writhing vipers, cobras, and constrictors. However, I wasn’t. I was surrounded by an orgy of reptiles with no way out.
“What is it, mouse?” Ssserenia Serpia, her voice hinting of her pleasure. “Do my children frighten you?”
The squirming sounds coming from the piles were enough to turn my stomach. But that paled in comparison to the fact that I had no retreat. I’d moved away from the block of stone that might have given me something to climb on, thinking that creating more space between this level-two boss and myself was the smart move. Instead, it brought me right into her trap.
As the snakes disentangled themselves, the space I had to move shrunk.
Ssserenia Serpia flicked her grotesquely long tongue again, her head bobbing as she laughed. “We can do this quickly, or I can make this excruciating for you. Which would you prefer?”
“Actually, neither,” I said as coolly as I could manage.
Her head rotated in a flat orbit. “I believe I want to see you suffer a little, mouse. After all, you’ve ruined my mask. I treasured that, as it was a gift from Sarpa Raja before you so kindly took him from us. Still, a kind gesture and an exquisite piece, wouldn’t you say? Alas, your opinion doesn’t matter. Children.”
With her one-word command, the hundreds of snakes that had fallen from the ceiling moved as one. They didn’t cut through with military precision or blitzkrieg speed, but with such a fine margin for error, they didn’t have to. I had seconds before becoming swarmed by the sea of leathery-scaled warriors of Ssserenia Serpia.
“Slash, remember the boomnutts?” I yelled with a sudden revelation.
“How could I forget those stupid giant rats?”
I waved my sword at the closing circle of snakes. “Give these bastards a taste.”
My pooch shivered for a second before shaking. He threw his head back. “Opposable thuuuuuuuuuuuumbs, Brad! I don’t have theeeeeeeeeeeem!”
“Focus or I’m dead.” Lowering my sword, I turned in a complete circle, gauging how much time I had left before the swarm took me down. The pressure of what I was facing was already clouding my mind. I shoved away the panic that’d begun to overwhelm me.
No matter where I turned, no matter where I looked, I faced an undulating wave. Would I die by being suffocated in the grip of one of those constrictors? Would a score of cobras save me from the torture by latching onto my face and injecting me with venom until it was pouring out of my nose? I had a few buffs, but nothing to help stop this assault. My two specialized attacks were wonderful in their own rights, and effective in most fights. Even one-on-one with Ssserenia Serpia, either the Snake Bite or the Rock n’ Roll attack might serve me well.
Against hundreds of snakes coming in all directions? Pointless. The single spell I had was just as worthless in this situation. Night Fury would do wonders for my Fortitude, Constitution, Toughness, Speed, and Strength, but it would also send me into a blackout fury that was all too familiar. Plus, when I received the spell during the last level, the game hadn’t told me how long it would last. Aside from the extensive full-day cool down, my Health would recharge half as fast as normal.
Could I really chance increasing a handful of stats to get through this challenge against her horde, only to take enough injuries to drain my Health, watch the stat buffet drop, and then fight the boss with my hands tied behind my back and my ass already kicked?
Can I really allow myself to let go like that again? The dark thought was almost as frightening as my immediate future.
My knuckles ached from gripping my sword. I turned constantly, wondering which of these slithering creatures would be the one to instigate the attack, wondering how long I could reasonably fend them off.
I didn’t hear the first acorn bomb hit, but I saw the result. An explosion and spray of snake guts was the confirmation I needed. A split second later another explosion, this one rumbling my ears. Temporarily deafened because of the proximity, the acorn bomb sent more of Ssserenia Serpia’s army flying into the air in blackened, burned chunks. Two more exploded off to my left, followed by another to my right. Each was as devastating as the other.
I glanced up at the column where Slash had his ass turned in our direction. It took me a moment to realize what he was doing. He would pull a couple of acorn bombs from the Inventory, line them up along the edge of the column, and kick them like he kicks his poop after relieving himself. I couldn’t help but laugh. A maddening sight.
“Fuck opposable thuuuuuumbs!” my pooch howled as he flung acorn bomb after acorn bomb off the pillar and into the sea of snakes below.
In the chaos, even Ssserenia Serpia couldn’t understand what had happened to her home-arena advantage. Her army was being wiped out without me making an effort. Each acorn bomb took out twenty or thirty soldiers, ripping them to shreds and littering the stone with bits of bone and flesh. Even the first few rows of spectators weren’t safe. The monstrous snake watched her children being decimated and couldn’t stop any of it.
Acorn bombs fell. I scrambled through the chaos and confusion to the far side of the arena, out of Ssserenia Serpia’s periphery.
Safe from the devastation as Slash’s attack continued to rip the snake army to shreds, I prepared my Rock n’ Roll attack. All I needed was a pathway. I didn’t want to waste it on her minions. This song was going to be dedicated to the slithering bitch who held Kira.
Ssserenia Serpia raised herself, looking like a rod had been shoved down her gullet, nearly all the way down to her scimitar-equipped tail. Her head snapped in every direction, searching to understand what had happened to her army. If she spotted my pup, which she surely would once her brain unfroze from its fog, she’d go straight for him. He was completely vulnerable atop that pillar. Immune to the snakes below, she could easily reach him.
Between her and me, the floor was littered with stone and bone, but now the added accouterment of fresh guts powdered everything. I didn’t see a single surface in this part of the arena that didn’t have a remnant of the destruction my pup wreaked on the unsuspecting army of snakes. If I used my attack now, it would lose its efficacy trying to plow over and through those piles. I was playing the percentages. How much of a risk to Slash was I willing to take to buy myself a couple of extra percentage points of damage to Ssserenia Serpia?
The air smelled of honey and citrus as it filled with smoke from the exploding acorns. A gray mist hung above the arena as he continued to kick bombs down on the diminished army. One landed close to the queen, rocking her sideways. Her head snapped in my pup’s direction, officially signaling the end of the luxury of time.
I sprinted forward, having barely enough room to get up to full speed before I came across the first small pile of acorn bomb decimation. I tucked my head toward my waist, grabbing my ankles right before I hit the ground. The world blurred as my impervious ball plowed through the wreckage. I didn’t understand the physics of the attack, but I enjoyed the benefit of the floating camera feature it provided because that allowed me to see myself relative to the area around me.
I bulldozed pile after pile of the snake army, including small clumps that hadn’t fallen victim to Slash’s acorn attacks. All fell before me. I plowed into a pile of skulls, smashing them to shards in an instant and showering the surrounding area with sharpened chips.
None of that mattered. I had Ssserenia Serpia in my sights. And even though I felt the attack’s momentum waning, I had enough juice left to not only hurt her but, more importantly, also distract her from targeting my pup.
I smashed into the queen. I might have been impervious, but she didn’t feel much different. Hitting her was like the one time at my first duty station when the guys took me to a German pub for my first taste of foreign beer. I don’t remember much of the night, but I did remember waking up in the early morning to rush to the bathroom to heave out what remained of the alcohol. The corner of my dorm room wall stopped me before I made it. My buddies found me hours later, dressed only in my boxers and lying on my back, covered in my own puke. Hitting Ssserenia Serpia felt a lot like that, my loincloth a rough replacement for my boxers, just without the puke.
The impact threw me out of the rolling ball, and I landed on my back. Breath was difficult to draw. When I got my wits about me, I looked up, my head woozy, to see that my attack had knocked the queen thirty yards across the arena floor. She’d hit the circle of spikes, taking them broadside, unfortunately. If I’d been lucky, maybe I would have sent her airborne and had her land on top of the spikes. As it was, she raised her head, wobbling. I gave myself a second to check her Health bar. The attack had taken a quarter off the bar.
Long way to go, I thought as I groaned and rolled onto my knees to push myself up.
I cupped my mouth with my free hand. “Get down, Slash. She knows where you are.” Then I pressed the hand against my temple as I watched him hop along the pillars. Each was slightly lower than the last. He scurried down until he reached a series of platforms that provided steps down to the arena floor.
