Estranged, page 8
When Elizabeth returned to the townhouse, she found Darcy waiting for her. He looked worried, but his tone suggested otherwise.
“Where on earth have you been all this time?”
“Am I not allowed to leave the house without first having you approve my itinerary?”
“Pray it does not come to that, but should you persist in willfully behaving in a manner unbefitting a woman of your stature, it just might.”
“I am not in the habit of going against my own inclinations merely for the sake of others. First and foremost, I must remain steadfast to my own principles, even if it should lead me to act in defiance of established convention.”
Mr. Darcy grew livid. She watched as he paced the floor, his temper a seeming rage. He accused her of being ungrateful and headstrong, and he reminded her that she was his wife now and that she had to behave accordingly.
Elizabeth was taken aback by his reaction, and she could not help but feel hurt by his words. But then, something in her snapped. She had had enough of being told what to do and how to behave.
Standing up to Mr. Darcy, she said, “I refuse to be a puppet in your life—speaking and behaving solely for your approbation. I am my own person, and I will not let you or anyone else dictate my life.”
“How can you be so selfish?” he asked, his eyes flashing with anger. “I have done everything in my power to make you happy, and this is all the consideration I am to expect. Defiance and willful misbehavior and disregard for my edicts on your part.”
Elizabeth shook her head, searching for the right words. “You go too far, sir. Attempting to tell me what I can and cannot do.”
“I am only looking out for your best interests, Mrs. Darcy!”
“My best interests, Mr. Darcy?” Elizabeth asked. “Or your own?”
He scoffed. “Is there a difference?”
“There most certainly is a difference. It is in my best interest to maintain strong ties with those whom I have always depended on. And yet, you expect me to turn my back on my own family,” she argued. “I may be your wife, but I am still a Bennet.”
He waved a dismissive hand. “And there it is. Finally, we come to the heart of the problem these past weeks. Your family! Tell me, Mrs. Darcy, did you expect me to rejoice upon learning that I had attached myself to such wretched connections?”
Elizabeth listened carefully as he spoke, thinking how even she had been appalled by her family’s deficits at times. Her mother, her three younger sisters, and even her father were not the epitome of propriety and decorum by anyone’s stretch of the imagination. If it were anyone other than her own husband disparaging them, she might not be so disappointed. But Mr. Darcy was meant to be her family—meant to shield her from derision, not subject her to his censure. This was a matter of principle for her. She had grown up with these people, and they had been a part of her life for so long that she could not just abandon them without feeling guilty.
“You ought to know I will not turn my back on my family. I know that is what you want me to do. I demand that you respect my wishes!”
“This subject is not up for debate.”
Elizabeth’s eyes widened as she took in his words. The surprise soon gave way to anger, boiling up inside her like a volcano about to erupt. Who did he think he was, telling her what to do and disregarding her opinions? She clenched her fists tightly, biting back the retort that threatened to spill out of her mouth. She knew she had to choose her words carefully if she wanted to get through this unscathed. But deep down, Elizabeth knew that she could not just sit there and take it—not when every fiber of her being was screaming at her to fight back. She felt a sudden surge of anger course through her veins, and before she knew it, she was emboldened with renewed strength and determination.
“I cannot continue to live my life this way,” Elizabeth said firmly. “If this is how you expect me to be treated, then perhaps we should go our separate ways.” She held Darcy’s gaze steadily as he stared back at her in surprise, but there was an unwavering resolve in her tone that showed him that she meant every word.
“Well, my dear, an annulment is not possible for obvious reasons, and I will not entertain the idea of a divorce—not so long as there is a chance you may be with child—with my heir.”
Elizabeth gasped in disbelief. She could not believe her ears. Was Mr. Darcy more concerned about an heir than their marriage? She felt a pang of hurt and rejection, but she knew she had to stay strong.
“Is that all I am to you? A vessel for your precious heir?” Elizabeth asked, her voice laced with bitterness. She looked down at her belly, wondering if there was a chance that she was with child. The thought of bringing a child into a loveless marriage filled her with dread.
“Then let us pray for both our sakes that I am not carrying your child, Mr. Darcy. How unfortunate it would be to bring an innocent life into a marriage devoid of mutual respect and affection.”
“At least there is something we can agree on.”
Darcy’s voice was cold and distant, as if he were already resigned to the fact that their marriage was over. Elizabeth felt a sense of relief wash over her at his words. It was clear to her now that there was no hope for their relationship, and the time was now at hand to relinquish the struggle.
With tears streaming down her face, Elizabeth turned and walked out of the room. She needed to be alone to contemplate what had just happened and figure out what to do next. She could not stay in this loveless home any longer, but she did not want to leave without a plan.
The next few days were a blur for Elizabeth. Thoughts of going to Cheapside to stay with her uncle and aunt Gardiner were dismissed entirely. How could she, the wife of a rich and powerful man, entertain such a scheme that might lend itself to gossip and innuendo and possible embarrassment to her London relations? Besides, she wanted much more distance between Mr. Darcy and herself than that. Thus, she packed her belongings and left for Longbourn, the place where she always found solace and comfort. She knew her family would be there for her, but she also knew that she needed to take charge of her life and make a fresh start.
Chapter 14
AN ESTRANGED WIFE
A chill crept over Elizabeth, despite the golden rays that danced through the carriage window, playing upon the folds of her silk gown. As she gazed out at the passing landscapes of Hertfordshire, the fields and trees appearing so familiar, an ache settled within her heart. The journey from London had drawn a heaviness over her soul.
It was not supposed to be like this.
Emotions tumbled within her, a mixture of sadness and relief, each vying for dominance. Her return to Longbourn was awash with a bittersweet hue, the landscapes that once promised comfort now only reflecting the unrest in her mind. Elizabeth’s eyes, once bright with anticipation, now dimmed with reflection, lost in thoughts that no scenic beauty could lighten.
She let her mind wander back over the tumultuous weeks since her hasty marriage to Mr. Darcy. How quickly their initial connection and understanding had unraveled, giving way to resentment, disappointment, and finally, estrangement. The passionate intimacy they had shared was but a distant memory now.
When asked while on the way to her awaiting carriage of her plans, Elizabeth had informed Mr. Darcy she would remain at Longbourn indefinitely. If he wished to mend their marital rift, he would have to seek her there. His only reply was a curt nod before disappearing into his study.
With Longbourn Village in sight, Elizabeth felt her spirits lift slightly amid the comforting environs of her father’s home. She was determined to focus on her family and not the haughty stranger she had wed. At least at Longbourn, she was loved unconditionally. Not judged.
As the carriage rolled to a halt, Elizabeth stepped down. Taking a deep breath, she relished the sweet country air, a welcome change from the suffocating perfumes of London society. Her eyes swept over the familiar rambling gray stone facade of Longbourn, her gaze lingering on an upstairs window where a curtain fluttered.
The front door swung open with a suddenness that startled her. Jane, who was once again visiting from Kent, burst forth, her face bright with surprise. “Lizzy!” she exclaimed, enveloping Elizabeth in a tight hug. “We did not expect you home so soon!”
Elizabeth embraced her sister, despite the confusion and uncertainty radiating from her entire being. She could not help but smile at Jane’s grace and tact, yet she was also aware of the surprise and curiosity emanating from not only Jane but from other onlookers peering outside the windows. Linking her arm through Jane’s, Elizabeth allowed herself to be guided inside, struggling with waves of conflicting emotions.
“Come,” said Jane softly, her presence a soothing balm in the storm. “Let us get you settled.”
As they stepped inside the manor house, a wave of nostalgia washed over Elizabeth. The familiar sights and smells of Longbourn embraced her like an old friend. The hum of activity, the warm glow of the hearth, and even the creak of the floorboards were a comforting balm to her troubled sensibilities.
In the parlor, her younger sisters, Kitty and Lydia, were engaged in an animated conversation. On spotting Elizabeth, they paused mid-sentence, their eyes wide with surprise.
“Lizzy!” Lydia squealed, rushing towards her. “You have come home! Now, you must tell us about London! And pray, do not skip a thing.” Clinging to Elizabeth and coaxing her further inside the room, Lydia asked, “Did you attend any balls?”
“Yes, you must tell us everything!” Kitty declared.
“Did you meet many handsome lords and dashing dukes? Oh, you must tell us everything!” exclaimed young Lydia.
Elizabeth managed a strained laugh. “Slow down, both of you. One question at a time,” she said, her smile masking the turbulence of her inner torment.
Sitting away from the others in his favorite chair, Mr. Bennet glanced over the rim of his newspaper, his bushy eyebrow arched. “With so much to entertain in London, we did not expect to see you again for quite some time,” he remarked.
Elizabeth could feel the lump rising in her throat as she fashioned a reply. “I missed home.” She could not bear to look at her father for fear he would somehow know what she was suffering—that it was not just the home she yearned for but the life she had before.
Her father regarded her shrewdly over his newspaper but did not comment. His knowing nod gave her to understand he had rightly discerned that her sudden return did not bode well for his favorite daughter and the proud Mr. Darcy. His silent companionship spoke volumes at that moment, and Elizabeth found solace in the thought that he did not need to say anything else.
Doing her best to appear composed, Elizabeth mustered a smile and devoted her attention to the youngest Bennets. She regaled them with tales of grand balls and events, carefully skirting around the truth of her feelings without giving away too much of the heartache she was carrying.
She forced herself to focus on amusing anecdotes as much as possible, all the while trying hard to blot out the painful memories that came crashing in whenever she started reflecting on the truth of all that had transpired in London.
Mrs. Bennet, having arrived from nearby Meryton with her daughter Mary in tow, gazed upon the scene. Upon seeing her second-eldest daughter, Mrs. Bennet was struck with panic. Her voice shrill and piercing, she exclaimed, “Oh! Lizzy, where is your rich husband? Have you come alone?” She spun around on her heel before settling her eyes on Elizabeth once more. “Lizzy! What brings you here today, all by yourself...” Her voice trailed off expectantly, as though daring her daughter to confess something she was not quite ready to hear.
Elizabeth considered her words carefully, trying to keep her composure as she answered her mother’s question. “I am here because I missed my family, Mama,” Elizabeth replied. “As for Mr. Darcy, he remains in London, attending to business matters.” It was not a complete falsehood, Elizabeth supposed. The gentleman, no doubt, was buried in papers, ensconced in his study as he had been most of her time in London.
Still, Elizabeth could see the disappointment on her mother’s face, and she could not help but feel a pang of guilt.
Mrs. Bennet’s eyes narrowed as she regarded her daughter. “Well, it is a shame he could not spare the time to accompany you here,” she huffed. “But I suppose it is the fashion. Rich men have their own priorities, after all. Else, they would not be so rich.”
Elizabeth bristled at her mother’s words but managed to maintain her composure. She knew that her mother would never understand if she learned the truth behind her return.
“La!” Lydia cried. “If I had a house in town and such fine things as Lizzy, wild horses could not drive me away.”
“There is more to life than what we can see and touch,” Elizabeth said.
“I declare, Lizzy! That savors strongly of resentment,” cried Mrs. Bennet. “As the wife of Mr. Darcy, what cause have you to repine?”
Elizabeth dared not engage her mother on the subject. A woman of uneven temper and mean understanding, what empathy would she suffer toward her daughter, whom she regularly proclaimed the luckiest woman in all of England?
Throughout the evening, Elizabeth deflected her family’s curiosity with vague explanations about missing Longbourn and growing tired of Town. In truth, she was in no mood to dissect her failed marriage. For now, she only wished to enjoy the familiar comforts of home and avoid further reminders of Mr. Darcy.
After dinner, as the family gathered in the parlor, Elizabeth found herself cornered by Jane. “Lizzy, what has happened?” Jane asked, her voice low and full of concern.
Elizabeth sighed, running her fingers through her loose curls. “It is complicated, Jane,” she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.
Jane rested a comforting hand on her sister’s arm. “You can tell me, Lizzy. You do not have to face whatever you are suffering alone.”
Elizabeth’s lips curved into a sad smile. “That is the problem, Jane. I feel alone. Mr. Darcy and I... we are... estranged.”
Jane’s eyes widened in surprise. “Oh, Lizzy, I am so sorry,” she whispered, giving her sister’s hand a comforting squeeze.
“I told him I will stay here indefinitely. If he wishes to mend our marriage, he must seek me here.” Elizabeth’s voice held a certain determination, belying the vulnerability in her eyes.
Later that evening, as she settled into her childhood room, Elizabeth tried to push away the memories of her failed marriage. But try as she might, she could not help but think about Mr. Darcy and their time together. She wondered if it were all for naught or if there was something she could have done differently to salvage their relationship.
Lost in thought, Elizabeth heard a knock at the door. Her sister Jane opened it and peeked inside.
“Are you all right, Lizzy?” Jane asked, concern etched on her face. “I thought we might continue our conversation in privacy.”
“I am fine, dearest Jane,” Elizabeth replied, trying to put on a brave face and waving her sister inside the room.
Jane, no doubt, saw through her facade. “No, you are not. And that is understandable. You do not have to be strong all the time. We are here for you, Lizzy. Whatever you need.”
Elizabeth felt a lump form in her throat, and tears threatened to spill over. But this time, they were tears of gratitude. She had always known that she could count on her family, but it was in moments like these that their love and support meant the world to her.
“Thank you, Jane,” Elizabeth said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I do not know what I would do without you and the rest of our family.”
“You do not have to do anything alone,” Jane replied, taking her sister’s hand. “We are here for you, every step of the way. But Lizzy, have you thought about what you are going to do now? Have you made any plans for yourself?”
Elizabeth sighed, realizing that she had been dreading that question. “I do not know, Jane. I just could not stay in that marriage any longer. But now that I am here, I am not sure what my next move should be.”
“Have you given any thought to returning to Pemberley? You are the mistress of the place.”
“To even think of living at Pemberley without Mr. Darcy would render me an imposter. No—living at Pemberley is out of the question.”
“Well, you do not have to decide on anything right away,” Jane said with a sympathetic smile. “But I do have an idea. You are welcome to come and stay with me in Hunsford.”
Elizabeth shook her head. “And live under the scrutiny of Mr. Darcy’s haughty relation, the Right Honorable Lady Catherine de Bourgh,” she said mockingly. “You, more than anyone, know how her ladyship’s low opinion of me has poisoned her once favorable opinion of you. Can you not imagine how much worse things would be were I to come to Hunsford for a visit, much less stay with you? I appreciate your offer, but I dare not even consider it.”
How grateful Elizabeth was for her sister’s presence. Aside from Lady Catherine’s interference, Elizabeth suspected her sister was also in want of a matrimonial reprieve herself. If such were the case, Elizabeth could not fault her, for Mr. Collins could not be easy to live with. He was just as ridiculous as her own husband was officious, which was really saying something.
“Of course, I understand,” Jane said quickly, as if not wanting to push her sister too far. “But if you ever need someone to talk to or if you change your mind, I am here for you. And who knows? Maybe Mr. Darcy will come back into your life one day soon. I am sure he is missing you already.”
Elizabeth smiled weakly at the thought. Given the manner of their parting, she could not imagine any reason she would want to entertain such a hope.
Later, as Elizabeth readied for bed, she traced her fingers over the delicate flowers she had embroidered on her linen handkerchief as a girl. The Elizabeth who had worked so diligently on this piece could never have envisioned the tumultuous path she now walked: married to a rich and powerful gentleman yet living once again under her father’s roof.
