Everything Will Change, page 21
The morning air was chillier than she had expected. Elizabeth wrapped her arms around her shoulders. Walking along, she imagined what it would be like to be enveloped in Mr. Darcy’s warm embrace.
If she were lucky, she might once again know what it was like to feel the touch of his lips on her face, her lips. Inwardly laughing at her wanton thoughts, she doubted either of them would allow things to progress that far during their initial encounter. What if we were to meet on such a morning as this, when it would be just the two of us, free to indulge such fantasies?
As the morning sun began poking through the clouds, a man she knew to be Darcy came from out of nowhere, much to Elizabeth’s surprise as well as her delight. Who else could it be? No other man moved quite the way he did. She had not expected to see him so soon. She had meant for this to be an early morning walk where she would be all by herself, a quiet escape from Longbourn before her family stirred and commenced going about the new day.
The day before had passed, and no one from Netherfield had called on Longbourn. Mrs. Bennet was beside herself with worry, and she had even demanded that Mr. Bennet must call on Netherfield first in order that she and her daughters might then do the same. All the talk was that there were more people in the party other than Bingley, his two sisters, and his brother-in-law. Indeed, another illustrious person had joined the party—Mr. Darcy of Pemberley and Derbyshire.
Elizabeth was now seeing him alive and in person for the first time since they had parted at Pemberley with an unspoken promise between them. A tentative step from him, a pensive step from her, and moments later they were in each other’s arms.
He had dreamed of seeing her for so long, and now here she was in his arms. Were they declared to each other, he would lift her face to his and kiss her lips, tenderly at first and then with abandonment. However, no such declaration existed between them, not yet, and even though there was no one but them at this beautiful place in the ever-constant rising sun, he knew he ought not to be holding her like this. Releasing her from his arms was beyond his power.
At length, her hands fell to her sides. Darcy, sensing the absence of her gentle touch, seized both her hands in his. They gazed into each other’s eyes. “I have missed you.”
Elizabeth spoke softly. “I have missed you too.”
“Are those tears that I see?” He brushed his thumb across her chin. “Why are you crying?”
Freeing her hand, Elizabeth wiped her tears away. “You must forgive me, sir. It’s just that we have been apart for so long, and I know I asked for this time so I might sort out my feelings about all that has happened in my life, but when my brother – when Avery – told me about your accident, I began to imagine all manner of horrible things. The worst one of all was that I might never see you again and yet here you are and I—I simply could not be happier and so you see, sir…”
How beautiful the ring of her voice sounded to him. The thought that his absence may have caused her pain was too much to bear. He placed his finger on her lips, thus interrupting her passionate declaration. “Yes, I am here. I am sorry you worried. I would have been here sooner were it not for the carriage accident. That was just one of many things that conspired to keep me from joining you here in Hertfordshire. None of that is important at this time. Instead, I simply want to hold you a while longer, and then we can talk. Will you allow me that pleasure?”
Elizabeth nodded and soon she was once again in his loving arms. Being in his arms that way felt just as it ought to. He was there. He had come all that way to be with her again. Not wanting to read more into his being there than was warranted, for she was still not confident he would accept her Bennet family, she decided now was not the time to do anything but enjoy being with him. No other man of her acquaintance had the power over her that this man commanded. It had been that way for as long as she had known him. Despite his accident, he appeared no worse for wear for indeed she had imagined all manner of things had befallen him, from the loss of a limb to scars marring his beautiful face, even blindness. Here stood the man as he had always been, and she counted herself happy.
Remembrances of the many intimacies they had shared in his dreams sought to intrude on their quiet moment, prompting Darcy to relinquish Elizabeth from his tender embrace.
They commenced walking along side by side, she with her arms folded in front of her, and he with his hands tucked behind his back.
“Despite my taking so long, you have to know I would allow nothing to keep us apart. I’ve vowed to wait for you until you are ready, but I can wait in Hertfordshire just as well as I can wait miles and miles away in Derbyshire.” Stopping, he took her gloved hand in his and raised it to his lips. “How are you adjusting to your new circumstances?”
“All in all, my time has been wonderful, but it has not always been this way.”
“How so?”
“You cannot imagine how hard it is for me to listen to the vile words that so easily flow from well-intentioned people’s mouths about my grandfather—about His Grace. You see, I have not yet taught myself to hate him, despite what he has done.” She searched Darcy’s eyes for a modicum of much needed understanding. “Does that make any sense? Am I to be presumed as being mad because I do not hate His Grace?”
“I would not venture to say you are out of your mind, if that’s what you mean, but one might expect a fair degree of anger towards the late duke on your part.”
“Yes, I can admit to my share of anger. However, my anger does not translate into hate or even unshakeable resentment. The truth is I love him still, I miss him and I think of him every day.”
“No doubt, you and your grandfather—” he paused “—His Grace, were exceedingly close. Pray, how do you get along with Mr. Bennet?”
“I love him—just as I love all my Bennet relations. Loving them is as easy as it is natural. They are by no means perfect. Of course, I do not need to tell you that. But, despite my family’s imperfections, there is goodness in all of them, and I am so proud to call the Bennets my family.”
Darcy rested his forehead against hers. It sounded if she were in no hurry to leave her newfound life behind, which he supposed must be a good thing for her in that she was happy, but it meant that much longer before the two of them could start their lives together in Derbyshire.
“I hope this does not meet with your displeasure, sir. It’s just that I would like to suppose that I can talk to you more freely than I can with everyone else I know.”
“Does that include Avery? I always supposed the two of you were very close.”
“And we are, but there are some things I am not comfortable confiding in him.”
“Things? What manner of things?”
“Things that have to do with our family—my place in the family.”
“And yet you feel comfortable confiding in me?”
“Indeed, as you are as close to an impartial observer as I know. I do not get the sense that you would judge me harshly for sentiments that are not to be considered natural, if that makes any sense.”
“I am glad you feel you can confide in me, Elizabeth, and I will not betray your confidence to anyone. You must never hesitate to speak your mind when you are with me. I am here for you. I shall be forever at your service.”
Chapter 13 ~ Speaking in Jest
Alone in Bingley’s study, Darcy sat in a comfortable chair by the fireplace, dreaming of the enchanted morning he had spent with the beautiful woman with the most bewitching eyes. His thoughts were quite unlike what had actually unfolded between them during their chance meeting hours earlier. Just as had been the case during his laudanum-induced dreams at Pemberley, this dream was incredibly vivid.
Even in his dream state, he hated the thought that he might awaken any moment and find himself once again all alone—as always. He meant to enjoy this as long as he could. Kissing her about her face and her long, slender neckline would not do, for he felt too passionately not to leave evidence of their lovemaking, and thus he enfolded her in his embrace and lowered her to the ground. Enjoying the sensations of her soft body against his hard body, he commenced kissing her moist, pleasing lips – the sweetest wine he had ever tasted – and, at length, making her his in every way again and again.
Bingley’s butler entered the room and thus interrupted Darcy’s pleasing dream. “Mr. Thomas Bennet of Longbourn asks to see you this morning, sir.”
Startled, after what he had just experienced, Darcy’s first thought was that he ought to be on his knees beseeching Mr. Bennet for his daughter’s hand in marriage. Allowing a second to clear his head, he stood from his chair and straightened his coat. “Please show the gentleman inside.”
The butler did as he was bade, which gave Darcy a moment to ponder the reason he was receiving a visit from Elizabeth’s father so early in the day. Unless the gentleman is aware of our early morning chance encounter.
Mr. Bennet entered the room. “Mr. Darcy, it is a pleasure to see you again.”
“Indeed, sir. To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?”
“It seems that I owe you a deep debt of gratitude, sir. I do not think I can ever repay you for being the means of reuniting my Lizzy with my family and me.”
Darcy held up his hand. “You owe me nothing, sir.”
“On the contrary—I owe you a great deal. Were these the days of ancient times long since gone by, I would be obliged to offer you your choice from among my five lovely daughters.”
Darcy colored. He always supposed that Mr. Bennet was an odd mixture of whim and caprice, and someone who enjoyed making sport of others, but what if the older man knew more than he was letting on? Not that he would mind, for Darcy had every intention of marrying Elizabeth. However, he knew enough about her to know that now was not the time, for she had practically hinted as much when they parted earlier—she still needed time with her family before leaving them to spend her life with him.
Mr. Bennet must have read in Darcy’s face his astonishment. “Fear not, young man, for I am merely speaking in jest. However, I have a favor to ask of you, and I pray you’re of a mind to grant it.”
“I shall do my best, sir. What is it that you wish to ask of me?”
“It has to do with the discussion we had when you and I talked all those months ago at Longbourn. Did you have any indication at the time that you were in possession of information that might lead to my daughter’s return?”
Before Darcy could fashion a reply, Mr. Bennet said, “Now you must tell me all the particulars. When did you begin to suspect there might be a connection? My brother Gardiner told me what he could, but, with all due respect, his was no more than a second hand account laced with heightened emotions of joy and elation. I would much prefer to hear a less impassionate account from you.”
Darcy offered the older man the seat opposite his and then did his best to oblige Mr. Bennet by telling him what he knew and when he knew it. Once he had satisfied all Mr. Bennet’s questions, he was ready for a drink—but it was still early in the day for libations of the sort he had in mind.
When Mr. Bennet was ready to take his leave, he said, “I do not wish to speak out of turn, but I would like to suppose that your being here in Hertfordshire once more is not merely for the sake of visiting your friend Bingley at his country estate.”
“Sir, you suppose correctly, but I am not at liberty to talk about that just now. Pray you understand.”
“I respect your right to privacy, young man, but there is a particular adage that my wife is especially fond of, and it goes something like this: a single man in possession of a large fortune surely must be in want of a wife.”
Peeping over his spectacles, Mr. Bennet continued, “Should your purposes for being here in Hertfordshire have anything at all to do with deciding upon a wife, I would say that you have my hearty consent to marry whichever of my daughters you choose.”
Darcy and Bingley entered the parlor and saw that all the ladies of Longbourn were assembled. Included in their party was yet another familiar face—Lady Sophia Montlake.
Darcy truly had eyes for but one of the room’s occupants. How pleased he was that the seat next to her was unoccupied. If only it were solely the two of them in the room. He would take her in his arms and recommence where they had left off earlier.
Elizabeth was thankful that her mama was on her best behavior that morning and she supposed that she was acting in that manner in deference to Lady Sophia’s presence. If there was one thing that concerned Elizabeth, it was her mama’s none too subtle reference earlier that Mr. Darcy’s being in Hertfordshire meant that Kitty might indeed stand a chance at garnering his attention. Kitty protested that just as it was before, so it was now; she wanted nothing to do with the proud man.
Why would Mama suppose otherwise? And what would her mother think if she knew the true reason for Mr. Darcy’s being there? A rather unsettling thought then occurred to her. Could her mother have been playing the part of an eager matchmaking mother when Mr. Darcy was first in Hertfordshire? Was that the reason he did not hold her in the highest esteem?
True, ever since he entered the room he had been the perfect gentleman. He did all that was required of him to convincingly act the part of an eager caller, but she knew him well enough to know that being in Longbourn with her mama and her sisters was the last place in the world he wanted to be, and the only reason he was even there was for her sake.
The guests had not long since arrived when Mrs. Bennet proposed that Jane and Bingley take a walk. She strongly hinted that Kitty walk with Mr. Darcy as well, but Kitty objected.
Lady Sophia proposed the perfect remedy. “Elizabeth will walk with Mr. Darcy, won’t you, my dear?” It was perfect indeed, and the two couples were soon on their way.
Allowing Jane and Bingley to outpace them, when they were alone and at liberty to talk, Darcy said, “I always knew there was a reason I liked your mother Lady Sophia.”
“Indeed, she was not too subtle just then.”
“I owe her. I was eager to have you all to myself if only for an hour or two.”
“It seems I owe my gratitude to my sister Kitty.”
“Yes, as you may have surmised, I am not your sister’s favorite person.”
“I know how you might change that—that is should you wish it.”
“At the risk of sounding interested, pray how might that be?”
“Why, sir, you must lose your stuffy attire and don a bright scarlet coat.”
He laughed. “If that is indeed the case, I will have to say that your sister is quite safe from me.”
Darcy and Elizabeth were finally together again, which they both had been longing for. Perhaps Darcy had been longing for it more than Elizabeth, and with good reason, for, whereas she was the only thing missing in his life, Elizabeth had been missing an entire family – sisters, a mother, a father, aunts, uncles, and cousins – for the better part of hers. She had far more diversions to consume her every waking hour.
It stood to reason why she felt herself in need of more time to fill in the blanks of her life. Add to that the loneliness she felt in being away from the only home she truly knew with clarity and that she was mourning the duke’s passing, despite all he had done in ripping her childhood apart. Her hand tucked neatly in the fold of Darcy’s arm as they walked along, she said, “I cannot tell you what it means to me to know that you understand my feelings as they regard His Grace—that I would miss him still.”
Darcy placed his free hand atop hers. “One’s mind cannot command one’s heart, and the fact is that the late duke earned a place in your heart long ago. Most of your memories of him are pleasant memories, and nothing you have learned about him since his passing has been sufficient to erase them. I see no harm in that.”
Elizabeth rested her head on Darcy’s arm, but only for a moment as she quickly remembered herself. While such a show of affection would go unnoticed were she walking along in that manner with Avery, such a gesture would raise eyebrows and set a few tongues wagging when done with someone so wholly unconnected to her as Mr. Darcy. Just the thought of it sent her mind back to her earlier question of how long he would wait before asking her to be his wife.
The thought that the question that had gone unasked when they parted ways in Pemberley might soon be asked, and an answer expected, then entered her mind.
Saying yes would mean my time here at Longbourn would soon come to an end. She was not certain she was ready to take her leave of her family so soon as an imminent marriage to a man who lived so far away would dictate.
Darcy did not fail to notice how Elizabeth was exercising extra measures to erect a barrier of sorts between them. He said, “I know you and I talked about your needing time with your family before committing yourself to a lifetime with me. I feel it incumbent upon me to tell you that my being here in Hertfordshire is in no way meant to interfere with that. I said I would wait for you and I intend to do just that. However, I must tell you what a pleasure it is being able to see you like this. I have thought of very little other than our being together, and as grateful as I am for this moment as well as for the intimacies we shared this morning, I do not mean to renege on that promise.”
“Sir, I would be lying if I said I did not consider that you had grown tired of waiting and that you would wish to wait no longer. I am grateful for what you just told me. Hearing you reaffirm your promise to me is quite comforting, I assure you.”
“Then we are both satisfied.”
When the couples returned to Longbourn, Lady Sophia spoke softly to Elizabeth. “How did you enjoy your walk with Mr. Darcy, my dear?”
Elizabeth was rather shocked to discover that her mother was playing the role of the unabashed matchmaker. “I do not know that Mama appreciated your rather blatant attempt to thwart her favorite wish for my sister Kitty.”
