Where the Devil Don't Go, page 18
Sam hissed in pain. Christopher shot wide eyes upwards. “Sorry, Daddy.”
Sam chuckled. “Are you? I doubt it. You don’t look sorry.”
Christopher laughed before dipping his head once more, this time licking at Sam’s balls, sucking each one in turn. Sam shifted his weight, opening his legs wider, bending his knees and digging his heels into the mattress. It was a clear invitation. Christopher’s heart hammered against his ribs as he spread him open and laved his tongue over Sam’s hole.
Sam growled, a low rumble that went straight to Christopher’s already straining cock. He tried to make it good, tried to make Sam feel like he made Christopher feel. But he wasn’t sure it was working. Hands buried into his hair, dragging him upward and dropping him onto his back. Claws shredded his favorite sweatpants, and then Sam was settling between his legs, his dick pressing against Christopher’s entrance.
Christopher’s mouth was suddenly a desert as he begged for the courage to ask for what he wanted. “Can we…”
Sam studied him. “Can we what, pet?”
Christopher shivered. “Can we do it…slow?”
“Slow?” Sam asked, his head tilting like a dog.
Christopher flushed crimson. “Yeah, just… I want to remember what this felt like without the pain. I want to feel like this means something.”
Sam’s palm cupped his face. “It does mean something, pet. It always means something. But we can do this any way you want.”
Sam reached blindly for the lube, coating himself before pressing inside. Christopher’s breath punched from his body as Sam breached him, and he gazed up at Sam helplessly. Sam looked at him like he was something worthy. Precious. Wanted.
Loved?
Could Sam love someone like Christopher? Could Sam love at all? The thought disappeared as Sam caught his lips in a kiss, his tongue thrusting with the same slow, deep motion as his hips. Despite all the insanely painful things they’d experienced together, Christopher had never felt so full, so safe, so…cared for. Was this what sex was like out there in the real world? Where couples met and dated and fell in love? Was this how things were meant to be?
Tears leaked from his eyes. Why couldn’t he have this with Sam? Hadn’t he suffered enough? Why would any kind of benevolent God finally give Christopher the best thing that ever happened to him and then snatch it away? It seemed so fucking unfair. Christopher’s life was just so unfair.
Sam’s lips pulled from his to kiss his tear-stained cheeks. “Are you alright? Do you want to stop?”
Sam had never asked Christopher that. Ever. Even when he was forcing his body to the breaking point. “I never want this to stop, that’s the problem. This is almost over.” Christopher tried to keep his mouth shut, but the words were just pouring out of him. “We’re almost over, and I can’t take it. I know I said I was okay with it, but I’m not. I’m really not. I don’t want to lose you. There are so many things we could have been to each other. It’s not fair. This isn’t fair.”
Sam didn’t try to offer Christopher empty platitudes, just gathered him close, capturing his lips once more, as he started to move within him. Christopher wrapped his arms and legs around him and just let it all go. Tried to commit the sensations to memory, the smell of Sam’s cologne, the heat of his skin, the feel of him buried inside him, the way his cock pulsed within him when he finally came.
Sam stayed buried in him as he rose up on one hand to wrap his fist around Christopher’s cock, studying his face as he stroked him. It didn’t take long before his own orgasm ripped from him.
He dragged Sam back down on top of him, holding him close.
“It will be alright, pet,” Sam whispered against his ear.
“How?” Christopher whispered. “How will this ever be alright?”
“Because you’ll go on. You have your whole life ahead of you. You’re so young. You can meet someone, fall in love, have babies if you want. Your life isn’t over.”
Christopher made a noise of frustration. “I don’t want any of that without you.”
Sam kissed his throat. “You will find someone else. You just have to be brave.”
Christopher’s heart twisted, bitterness flooding his system. “But I’m not brave.”
“You’re stronger than you know. Trust me.”
Christopher sniffled, tears pricking behind his eyes. “Would you have wanted that…with me? Like, in a perfect world, where we were just two humans with some slightly twisted kinks…do you think we could have made it out there?”
Sam went up on his forearms to look down at him. “Are you asking me if I think we could have lived like them? The humans?”
“Would you have ever been content with a nine to five job and me at home and us watching tv on a Wednesday night? Could a demon ever be okay with living the boring life of a human?”
“I don’t think life with you could ever be boring. I think being a human would take some getting used to on my part. I’ve lived among your kind but never truly attempted to be one of you. Not that it matters, but yes, I think, if I had the time, I could have been content with living a human life with you.”
Christopher couldn’t stop the sob that escaped. It just sort of bubbled out of him. Sam held him close. “Please, don’t cry.”
“I’m sorry,” Christopher wailed, miserable.
Sam kissed his forehead. “Don’t be sorry. I just hate when you’re sad. I only want tears of pain. Not despair.”
“It’s not fair,” Christopher whispered once again, suddenly feeling like the world was collapsing around him, like he couldn’t breathe. He pushed at Sam. “I need to go to the bathroom.”
Sam relinquished his hold on him, rolling onto his back. Christopher did his best not to run, closing the door, then locking it behind him, before he came completely unglued, sinking onto the floor of the shower to cry, hoping the fist pressed against his lips quelled the sound.
“You suck,” he whispered fiercely, hoping God heard him. He didn’t care about Hell or damnation at this point. A life without Sam was damnation enough.
“Isn’t centuries of torture enough for your bloodlust? He did what you asked. He got rid of his progeny. He is making the others do the same thing. Doesn’t he deserve a second chance? What about forgiveness? Confessing your sins is supposed to save you. Right? Aren’t those your rules?”
He hadn’t expected an answer, but, somehow, the silence was still disappointing.
“And what about me? Haven’t I suffered enough? Did you just put me here on this planet to be tortured? I grew up with a family that hated me, a master who abused me, and now, I finally find something that truly makes me happy and you’re going to yank that away from me, too? You fucking suck.” Christopher wept once more. “You truly fucking suck.”
When he finally left the bathroom, he was surprised to see Sam still there, lying naked on the bed. He opened his arms and Christopher fell into them, giving a shuddering sigh as Sam’s warmth surrounded him. “Feel better, pet?”
“No.”
Sam sighed, his claws gently stroking over Christopher’s back. “Get some sleep.”
“No.”
“Excuse me?” Sam said, amused.
Christopher buried his face against Sam’s throat. “If I go to sleep, that’s just more time I lose with you. We don’t have any left to spare.”
“You need to rest, pet. Please. I promise I’m not going anywhere yet. I’ll be right here.”
Christopher wanted to argue, but he was just so tired. His breakdown had sapped all his energy. Still, he had to say the thing on his mind while he could. “I love you,” he said, voice slurred from exhaustion.
“I know, pet. I love you, too. Above all things. Remember that.”
Christopher didn’t know if that was true or not, but he’d take it. He’d take it and cherish it and hope it held him through the worst of what was to come.
“Is there anything you wish you’d done that you didn’t?”
Sam popped another grape in Christopher’s mouth, gazing down to where his head rested on Sam’s leg, his curly brown hair fanned over Sam’s naked thigh. He was truly beautiful. So unique looking with his wide eyes and almost elfin features. Sam ached at the thought of never seeing that face again. He would never grow tired of that face.
He hadn’t stopped thinking of what Christopher had asked him the other night. Would Sam be content in the human world if it meant never losing Christopher? If it meant living and dying as a human, going before the judges to measure his soul? What would a human life with Christopher look like? Could Sam do the things he’d asked?
He didn’t need a job. He’d amassed more money than any one person could use in a thousand lifetimes. If he was human, he could get Christopher the help he needed, help him be less afraid in the world so he could show him how truly spectacular his father’s creation was.
Or, if Christopher never recovered, he would sit at home and watch television on a Wednesday night. That sort of life had always seemed like a punishment before, but now, it seemed like an indulgence he’d never get to enjoy. Just this, what they were doing—lying naked and talking—was more than enough for Sam. Though part of him wondered if it would be enough for Christopher as he learned to be less afraid of the world.
“Daddy?” Christopher asked.
Sam pulled himself from his thoughts. He’d asked him a question. Was there something he’d never done? Actually, yes. “There is one thing,” Sam admitted.
Christopher sat up, his expression guileless. “What? What is it? Can we do it now?”
Sam smiled, running a finger along Christopher’s cheek. “I never got to show you my favorite place in the whole world.”
Christopher’s brows rose. “You have a favorite place?”
Sam chuckled. “Yes, pet. Would you like to see it?”
“Like, right now?” Christopher asked warily.
He ran his thumb along Christopher’s lower lip. He couldn’t seem to stop touching him. Like Christopher had said, he didn’t want to waste even one moment.
“If not now, when, pet? This is our last night together. Let me spend my last night with you in my favorite place.”
Christopher’s face fell. “Out there?”
“Yes, pet. Out there. But we’ll be alone. Trust me. Besides, if I were human, we could no longer live here in the catacombs. You would have to leave the house. We would need to do all the human things, like food shopping and…well, whatever else humans need to survive.”
Tears sprang to Christopher’s eyes. “I would try harder for you. I would do better for you.”
Sam’s chest tightened. “Don’t cry, pet. Just try for me now. Come with me. Please.”
Christopher gasped at Sam’s plea. Sam fought the urge to smile. Their dynamic had always been one-sided, at Christopher’s behest. He didn’t want to make decisions. He didn’t want to be in charge. But Sam had woefully neglected that part of him that needed attention and praise and tenderness. If he’d had more time, he would have rectified that, would have figured out how to balance the pain and dominance with praise and encouragement. But it was too late.
Christopher chewed on his lower lip for a while, his gaze looking anywhere but at Sam. “Do we have to go far? Like, are we going to blink ourselves to another country or something? Is that a thing you can do?”
“No. I cannot teleport. Not anymore. There’s a reason I live here in this city.”
Christopher seemed to vacillate on his decision for another minute or so before finally heaving a shaky breath. “Okay. For you, I will.”
“Then let’s get dressed. Where a coat. It gets cold up there.”
“Up there?” Christopher asked.
Sam grinned. “You’ll see.”
Sam also dressed for the cold, donning jeans and a cashmere sweater despite the cold being no bother for him. When Christopher did the same, Sam added his jacket around the boy’s narrow shoulders. Sam ordered the car around and hurried Christopher inside as soon as it reached the curb, ensuring he had little chance of having to interact with the outside world.
During the drive, Christopher stared out at the skyline, his fingers threaded with Sam’s, squeezing hard enough to cut off the blood flow to his hand. They were heading deep into the heart of the city, close to the building where they’d first met.
Sam had been furious when he’d realized that one of his own progeny had been living under his nose the whole time. Funny how that led to him finding Christopher, locked away in that cage, battered and broken but still, somehow, so fucking beautiful.
As they neared Vincent’s building, Christopher’s breathing grew shallow, and he gripped Sam impossibly tighter.
“Relax, pet. We’re not going back there. I promise.”
Christopher nodded but refused to look at him. When they reached their destination, Sam told the driver he’d call for his return. Christopher turned in a circle, gazing up at the seemingly endless high-rises surrounding them, wide-eyed.
Sam took his hand and guided him into an alley beside the tallest building with its gothic structures and spires that shot into the night sky. He gave a look around, ensuring they were, in fact, alone, before he shook off his human countenance and unfurled his wings. Christopher’s eyes went wide as his head swiveled around, like he was certain they would be seen.
Sam took Christopher’s chin in his hand, guiding his gaze upward to his. “Hold onto me, pet. Hold on tight.”
Christopher practically leaped into his arms, wrapping around Sam’s neck and clinging to him like he was half afraid he might allow him to fall to his death. Sam pushed off with his feet, holding Christopher tight as he flew. Christopher whimpered in his ear as they rose higher and higher into the sky, clearly panicking.
Even when their feet touched solid ground, Christopher continued to cling to him, his head buried against Sam’s chest. “Are you afraid of heights?”
“Not so much heights as plummeting to my death,” Christopher muttered against Sam’s chest.
“I’m relieved to hear you’re no longer eager to end it all,” Sam teased.
Christopher only tightened his hold as Sam partially shifted to his human form, leaving his wings unfurled just in case of emergency. He cupped Christopher’s face, tilting it upward to seal their mouths together in a hungry kiss that lasted until Christopher’s body relaxed.
“I promise nothing is going to happen to you up here. It’s only us.”
Only then did Christopher release his death grip on him. Sam turned him outward to look out over the city. Christopher gasped, maybe at the immaculate view, maybe at the night sky, or maybe because he was standing on the precipice of a twelve-hundred foot drop.
“Oh, my God.”
It was quiet up there, the only sound the whistling wind. Sam wrapped his arms around Christopher from behind. Christopher placed his hands over his, like he needed to reassure himself that Sam had him.
“Why do you like it up here?” Christopher asked, breathless.
Sam thought about his answer for a long moment. “Because it’s quiet? Because it reminds me of home? Because I am the only person in the world who can sit on the roof of a twelve-hundred foot building anytime I like? I don’t know, honestly. It just soothes something within me.”
Christopher was quiet for a long time. “Thank you for bringing me here.”
“Thank you for coming.” Sam spun him around and took his hand. “Come.”
He led him to a little alcove, just big enough for the two of them to lie down and safe enough where there was no risk of falling. He laid out his coat and sat down, beckoning Christopher to join him. He did as Sam asked without question, eagerly curling into him when Sam laid down.
“The stars are so clear up here,” Christopher said.
Sam’s hand rose to thread his fingers through Christopher’s hair, giving a slight smile when he bumped his head into his hand like a cat. “Mm. Less light pollution this high. You should see how clear the sky is in the Atacama Desert in Chile. So many stars it would make you dizzy.”
Christopher’s hand crept under Sam’s sweater, stroking his lower belly. “Is there anywhere you haven’t been?”
“I don’t think so. I’ve had eons to roam this planet. I’m almost certain I’ve seen it all. Is there any place you wish you could go, pet?”
“I saw this picture once of a fishing village in Norway,” Christopher said. “The water was so blue and the grass so green and there were little red and white houses with colorful boats on the dock. The water looked so still. I always thought it would be so peaceful to live there.”
Sam turned onto his side, looking down at Christopher. “Promise me you’ll go.”
Christopher’s mouth fell open. “What?”
“Promise me you’ll go.”
Christopher shook his head, bewildered. “I…can’t. Even overlooking the fact that I can’t go outside without a panic attack, I have no money, no passport, no address. When you leave, I’m a ghost. A shadow person. I don’t have a driver’s license or a birth certificate. I don’t even know my social security number. I’m never getting out of this city.”
“Surely, your mother has those things.”
“My mother very much thinks I’m dead and she prefers it that way,” Christopher said, voice dull. “There’s literally nobody in this world who cares whether I live or die, Sam. Nobody. If I died tomorrow, not a single person would mourn me.”
Sam wasn’t sure what was more jarring—hearing his name on Christopher’s lips or the surety with which Christopher said nobody would care if he died.
“I care. I care deeply. I…” Sam shook his head, struggling to find the words. “The only thing that brings me any comfort about my impending demise is the knowledge that you’ll go on. That you’ll have the life you deserve. I can’t die with any peace tomorrow if I think I’m leaving you behind to suffer alone.”
“I’ll do my best. I just don’t know how.”
“If it’s money you’re worried about, I’ve planned for that. I have left you a rather substantial sum, enough to allow you to get an apartment, a car, to travel. Lily and Keziah will also help you any way you need. You can use that money to hire an attorney so they can help you get the documentation you need. There’s nothing that money can’t fix, and you’ll have all you ever need.”
