I imagine the smoke filling my insides which always feel so damn hollow, and then I exhale long and slow.

  My truck approaches the bend up ahead with the steep cliff a few feet from the dirt road.

  After every Fight Night I imagine gunning the engine and flying off it. Ending the pain. Going out in a fiery explosion of glory.

  Ah, who am I kidding? There would be no glory. Just an old sad dead man in the woods with no one to grieve him. No one to even notice he was gone.

  My foot gets heavy on the gas. The truck speeds up. My pulse races.

  I squeeze the steering wheel and grit my teeth, going faster, faster…

  “Fuck it,” I mutter as I yank the wheel at the last moment. My tires skid through the dirt, launching rocks and pebbles over the cliff before they catch and I whip around the bend.

  I shake my head—heart pounding—as I continue driving up to my house.

  This mountain has hardly anyone on it. Only six houses scattered around the huge base and the one higher up near the summit, which is mine.

  “What the fuck is this?” I whisper when I pull into my long driveway and spot an old beaten-up car parked in it. Washington plates.

  Robbers. Criminals from the city. They must have come up here thinking we’re easy prey.

  Boy, did these fuckers pick the wrong house.

  I’m flushed with heat as I squeeze the wheel, getting excited for round two.

  And that’s when I see her.

  She walks into the shine of my headlights, waving shyly.

  The anger vanishes. My mouth drops. My heart stops.

  I slowly hit the brake and put my truck into park as I watch her with my body humming.

  It’s her.

  It’s Ruby.

  I’d recognize those beautiful blue eyes and that shy innocent smile anywhere.

  What is she doing here? What is happening?

  The only thought that makes sense is that I must have missed the turn. I must have flown off the edge of the cliff and this is heaven right here.

  She’s my angel come to greet me.

  I stare at her in awe.

  But then my hand drops down and the glowing cherry of my cigarette burns my thigh. The pain makes me realize that this is actually happening. This is real.

  I swallow hard, crush the cigarette in the ashtray on my dashboard, and step out of the car with goosebumps sliding along the back of my neck.

  I can’t stop staring at her. I can’t take my eyes off her angelic face.

  “Ruby?” I ask in a low shaky voice. “Is that you?”

  “Hi, Jack,” she says, suddenly struggling to hold back tears. Her chin quivers and I slam the door of my truck and race over.

  “Come here,” I say as I swallow her in my big arms, holding her against my chest. I wonder if she can feel how hard my heart is pounding. “You’re safe now, baby girl. You’re with me.”

  Her body shakes and she lets out a deep sob, melting into my embrace as I hold her like I’m never going to let her go.

  “I’m sorry,” she says, shaking her head and wiping her cheeks when she finally pulls away. “It’s the first time I cried… I just… I saw you and it all came gushing out.”

  I let her go, but my hands are trembling with the need to hold her again. My whole body is aching.

  “Are you okay?” I ask her, not knowing what I’m going to do if she’s not. “What happened?”

  That’s when she notices my face. “Are you okay?” she asks with a gasp. “What happened to your face?”

  She reaches for my cheek but I flinch away from her touch. Shame hits me harder than Goliath ever could. This is what her father gave her life for.

  This monstrosity of a life.

  Drinking, smoking, fighting—She had to grow up without a father for this.

  “I… got into a car accident.”

  My cheeks burn with shame. I hate myself. This is a new fucking low.

  She looks at my truck—the headlights still burning—and scrunches her forehead up in confusion when she sees that it’s in perfect condition.

  “It was at work.”

  I hate myself for lying to her, but I just can’t let her know how much of a fuck up I am. How pathetic I’ve become.

  “What happened?” I ask again. “Are you in danger?”

  She sucks in a long breath and then looks up at me. “Can we go inside?”

  “Of course,” I tell her as I jump into action. I hurry back to my truck and turn the engine off.

  “Do you have any bags?” I ask as she lingers by her car.

  “Just one,” she says before opening the passenger door and pulling out a plastic bag full of stuff. “It’s all I have left.”

  I have a million questions for her, but first, I have to get her inside. I open the front door and let her go in.

  “Can I use the bathroom?” she asks in a soft voice.

  “Of course. Over here.”

  She closes the door and I burst into action, racing around my house in a flurry, cleaning faster than anyone has ever cleaned before. Dirty dishes get shoved into the dishwasher, unwashed clothes get thrown into my closet, empty bottles get tossed into the recycling bin, and overflowing ashtrays get launched outside into the back. The place looks better by the time she comes out. Not great, but decent.

  “Are you hungry? Thirsty?” I ask when she makes her way into the kitchen, nervously rubbing her slender thighs.

  I yank the fridge open and curse under my breath when I see beer, beer, and more beer. There’s not much in the way of food. I have a few frozen elk steaks in the freezer in the basement, but I’m not about to offer her that.

  “I’d love a beer,” she says with a tired sigh. “If you have one.”

  “That I have,” I say, thankful to give her what she needs. I pull out a beer, open it, and hand it to her.

  “Thanks, Jack,” she whispers as she takes it. Her finger grazes mine and my whole body shivers.

  I watch her soft pink lips wrap around the opening of the bottle. I swallow hard as my heart thumps harder at the beautiful sight.

  This is Derek’s daughter, I have to remind myself. I tear my eyes away from her as self-loathing washes over me. If anyone on the planet is off-limits, it’s her.

  “Come,” I say, ushering her to the sofas. “Sit.”

  She sits on one and I sit on the other, keeping the coffee table between us. I don’t quite trust myself right now.

  I give her a moment, letting her have a few sips as she gets her thoughts together.

  “I’m sorry to barge in on you like this,” she says as she looks at the beer bottle in her hands.

  “Not at all,” I quickly tell her. “You’re always welcome here, Ruby.”

  She smiles sadly at me. “Thank you. I remember what you told me… at my dad’s funeral. I had nowhere else to go, so…”

  A fresh wave of tears hits her beautiful blue eyes. I squeeze my hand into a fist as I struggle to keep my ass planted on the couch. My whole body is screaming at me to go to her, but my conscience—what little of it is left—is telling me not to fucking move.

  “Tell me what happened,” I whisper in a firm voice. “Tell me everything.”

  My body stiffens and my blood runs cold as she tells me how she witnessed a murder and then ran from the killer. I’m breathing heavily with rage filling every cell in my body as she tells me how she slept behind a dumpster, how she was robbed, how they took everything from her.

  I want to burn down the world to keep her safe. I want to find every last one of those fucking punks and show them the meaning of hell.

  I’m struggling to keep it together by the time she’s finished.

  “I just need a place to stay for a few days,” she says, “while I figure out what to do.”

  She’s never leaving.

  “Of course. As long as you need.”

  Those shiny blue eyes fill with gratitude as she watches me. “Thank you, Jack.”

  “I’m glad you came to me, Ruby. I didn’t know you were living all alone in the city.” It makes me all tight and shaky to know she’s been on her own, surrounded by all those freaks, perverts, and animals. The thought of her so vulnerable in a human circus like that… Fuck, I don’t even want to think about it.

  “How come you’re not living with your mother?”

  Her eyes dart up to mine. “You don’t know?”

  My body gets so heavy it feels like I’m being pulled into the couch. “Know what?”

  “Mom…” She takes a deep breath as my chest tightens. “Mom committed suicide.”

  “What…? When?”

  “About three years ago.”

  The heaviness turns to numbness. Angela is dead?

  She always looked so happy whenever she was on Derek’s arm. I was the best man at their wedding. I thought they were the luckiest two people in the world whenever I saw how they looked at one another.

  The sadness is crippling. Why is this world so fucking cruel? My eyes get all hot and watery, my throat scratchy as it hits.

  “You’ve been on your own… Since you were nineteen?”

  Her mouth forms a straight line as she shrugs.

  I dart around the table and sit beside her, grabbing her hands and squeezing them too hard as tears leak out of my eyes. “I’m so sorry, Ruby,” I say, desperately wishing I could take the years back. “I didn’t know… I would have helped you. I would have gotten you… I…”

  I drop my head in shame. Is there anything in my life I haven’t fucked up?

  Maybe if I had kept in touch with Angela, maybe if I… Fuck. It was always too hard. It was easier to drown out the memory of Derek in a bottle than it was to face it. It was easier to hide up here than it was to stay and take care of his family.

  “It’s okay,” she whispers as she gently touches my face. She pulls my head back up until I’m looking into her watery eyes. “You’re here now. You’re helping me now.”

  I swallow hard as I stare at her beautiful face through my blurry vision. She’s stunning.

  She’s the most magnificent thing I’ve ever seen.

  After all the shit she’s been through, she still manages to have an angelic wholesome way about her. The way she’s looking up at me… It’s so innocent. So pure.

  Those plump lips…

  That sultry body…

  She has no idea how tempting she is.

  I squeeze my eyes shut and curse myself out.

  This is not the way to repay your best friend. He gave the ultimate sacrifice for you and here you are lusting after his daughter like a creep when she needs your help.

  I grit my teeth as my heart pounds with self-loathing.

  You’re a fucking monster. You’re as bad as the guys who took everything from her. Even worse since she trusts you.

  I dart up off the couch and open my eyes. I stare at the floor, not trusting myself to look at the devil’s temptation in front of me.

  “You must be tired,” I say in a cracked shaky voice. “I’ll run you a bath and set you up in the spare bedroom. The mattress is decent. I don’t think it’s ever been used so…”

  She takes my hand. Her skin is so fucking soft.

  I try to keep my eyes off her, but they won’t fucking listen. My heart squeezes as I stare down at her in awe. She’s looking up at me with so much trust in those tear-stained blue eyes. If only she knew what I was thinking… She’d be sprinting back to her car and racing down the mountain to get away from me.

  “Thank you, Jack. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  “You’ve been doing just fine without me all this time,” I say, still hating that I wasn’t there for her. “You would have figured something out. You’re the strongest person I know, Ruby. With all you’ve been through… I know Navy SEALs who couldn’t have made it through what you have.”

  She smiles sadly at me.

  Those beautiful eyes drop to my hand that she’s still holding. She runs her thumb over my bruised knuckles and then looks back up at me.

  “Car accident?”

  I pull my hand away and take a deep breath. “I’ll get that bath going.”

  My breath is lodged in my chest until I’m in the bathroom with the door closed. I turn the bath on and then drop to the floor, not quite knowing what hit me.

  I hang my head between my legs as so many conflicting thoughts spiral through my head like a tornado.

  I want her. I need her.

  And I hate that I fucking do.

  She’s just a kid, a part of me says.

  She’s not a kid anymore, another darker part of me answers.

  The hot water fills the tub as I drop my head into my hands, angrier at Derek than I’ve ever been.

  Why? I ask him as my veins flow with fury. Why didn’t you let me die?

  You could have been here for her.

  Instead, she has me.

  And what do I have to offer this angel?

  What good is still left in a broken man like me?

  Chapter Four

  Jack

  She’s in the bath…

  “Don’t think about it,” I mutter to myself as I storm into the kitchen. “Don’t you even fucking think about it.”

  I head right for the cupboard where I store my liquor. I had my last sip of alcohol at the bar.

  I’ll never touch the poison again.

  I yank off the cork of my half-empty bottle of Scotch and turn it upside down in the sink. The Whiskey goes next. Then the Vodka. Then the Tequila.

  Glug, glug glug… All of them, down the drain.

  I grit my teeth as I watch the dark liquid circle the drain before disappearing down it.

  “I’ll never drink another drop as long as I have an angel to protect,” I whisper, vowing it to her, to the heavens, and to myself. I’m not going near the stuff ever again.

  Everything goes. Rum, Gin, Beer—even the Peppermint Schnapps that someone gave me at Christmas a few years ago. I gather all of the empty bottles and cans in a garbage bag, carry them outside, and dump them into the recycling bin.

  There’s zero hesitation. No doubts at all.

  I have Ruby now. I don’t need anything else.

  My cigarettes go next. I grab the packs I have, open them all, and then run them under water as I think of Ruby’s beautiful blue eyes. I shiver, remembering the way she was looking at me with such trust and admiration.

  I don’t deserve her respect, but I’m committed to earning it one day. This is just a start.

  I toss the soggy tobacco into the garbage, tie it up, and bring it to the garbage bin outside.

  Once it’s in, I stand back and have a tremor of doubt. Can I do this?

  “You can do anything,” I whisper to myself. “You got through SEAL training and that’s the toughest test in the world. You’ve been through hell in jungles, deserts, and war-torn cities. You can do this. You will do this, for her.”

  I steel my nerves, trying to scrounge up some of that bold macho fortitude that came so easily in my twenties. I squeeze my arms, feeling some of that masculine tenacity returning into my hard biceps and flexed shoulders.

  I’m not going to fail. I’m not going to let her down.

  I’ll be the man that Ruby deserves and the sharp proficient protector she needs.

  Every time I crave a drink, I’ll do fifty push-ups. Every time I want to light a smoke, I’ll do fifty burpees.

  I’ll let my cravings be my trainer. I’ll turn my weaknesses into physical strength.

  With my mind set, I head back inside.

  My mother always said I was too stubborn for my own good. She said that once I had my mind set on something, the entire US military couldn’t stand in my way.

  Well, my mind is set on this.

  I’ll stay clean for Ruby. I’ll try every day to be worthy of the way she was looking at me.

  The bath is draining when I walk back into the house.

  My chest gets all tight when I hear the door open and those soft footsteps coming down the hall.

  “Jesus…” I whisper when I see her in the T-shirt I gave her to sleep in. It’s green army camouflage, but it’s doing nothing to hide her curves. I swallow hard when I see the way her round breasts are pushing out against it, the shape of her firm nipples in view. I drop my eyes to the ground, not wanting to tempt the hungry beast inside me.

  But even as I look away, I can still see the image of her bountiful chest burning in my brain.

  “Thanks for the shirt,” she says as I squeeze my hands into fists at my side. “They took all of my pajamas.”

  I’m shaky all over as I force my eyes up to hers. Her blonde hair is wet and she’s no longer wearing any makeup. I suck in a sharp breath when I see how beautiful she is. She’s stunning.

  The ultimate temptation.

  I could just go to her now, pull that shirt off her head, and she’d be completely naked and at my mercy.

  Fuck, I curse myself as I tear my eyes off her.

  If my best friend could hear the thoughts in my head right now… He’d probably come back to life just to end mine.

  “I’m going to bed,” she says in that soft innocent voice that’s like candy to my ears.

  My eyes dart back to her as she makes her way over. My shirt ends halfway up her thighs and those long bare legs look so enticing it’s hard to breathe. Even her feet are a work of art—long slender arches with perfect little pink toes. I could spend hours massaging them without wanting to stop.

  She stops in front of me and a whiff of coconut soap fills my lungs. She smells so good. So fresh and pure. My mouth waters as I look down into her eyes.

  “Thank you for everything, Jack,” she whispers. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  That tiny hand touches my chest as she rises on her toes to kiss my cheek. Her soft wet lips touch my stubbled skin and I fight back every intense urge ripping through my body.

  It takes everything I have to keep my hands to myself.

  She drops back down onto her heels and smiles shyly at me before tucking a strand of damp hair behind her ear and turning away.

  My eyes are on those long gorgeous legs and on her round ass as I watch her walk back down the hall. She disappears from view and my legs buckle.

 

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