Secrets and Sin, page 10
Inviting Zack into her home meant that there was a possibility that they might make love.
Sex always changed a relationship whether for good or bad. There was no going back after that. They couldn’t pretend they were just pals or that they weren’t all that attracted to one another.
It might just be something that she dealt with, but after going to bed with someone Lucy always felt a bit vulnerable the next day. She’d allowed a man to be that up close and personal and, for her at least, that meant stripping away more than just her clothes. She was letting him see inside her emotions, too.
She wasn’t about to fool herself either that Zack was going to stick around Winslow Heights. He’d confessed that he was at a crossroads in his life and career. This was just a pitstop along the way. If she had any ideas about happily ever after, she needed to get them out of her head right now. If she went to bed with him tonight, she had to expect that it wasn’t going to lead to some grand love affair. Zack wouldn’t hurt her deliberately, but he wasn’t at the point in his life where he was looking for a commitment and to settle down. She didn’t think it was an accident that all the Winslow siblings had yet to find their forever person.
They weren’t looking, and in some cases like Cooper, they were deliberately hiding.
But she wasn’t going to turn back. She’d made this decision, and she wasn’t afraid of what might come of it.
Unlocking the door to her condo, she flipped on the lamp in the entryway and then stood back so that Zack could enter. She loved her home, although it was quite small. Just two bedrooms, one which was postage stamp-sized. She used it as an office mostly. The living room and kitchen were really just one space with an island separating them. She had a small powder room in the entryway, and a full bath in the primary bedroom. There was even a tiny deck in the back where she had a small grill that she used during the summer.
She’d spent time searching shops for the right decor. She liked simple, clean lines with splashes of color. Her favorite color was red, but she tried not to overdo it, happy with the crimson-flowered throw pillows and a red and blue vase on the coffee table.
“This is nice,” Zack said, his gaze taking in the space. “I always wondered what these looked like inside. They’re much bigger than I imagined.”
“They’re pretty small but the ceilings are high, so they look larger than they are.”
It was a strange conversation to be having, and it had become rather awkward in a flash. Desperate to get their relaxed vibe back, she invited him to sit down on the overstuffed sofa located in front of the fireplace.
“How about a glass of wine?” she offered, hovering near the kitchen. “Or something to eat? Are you hungry?”
They’d had a large meal at the reception along with a piece of cake but that had been a few hours ago.
“I’m kind of hungry,” she confessed. “I could make us some popcorn.”
Zack visibly perked up at her suggestion. He might be as hungry as she was.
“Popcorn? I could eat. Do you want some help?”
“It’s microwave popcorn. I’ve got this,” she laughed. “Do you want something to drink to go with it? Popcorn always makes me thirsty. Why don’t you find us something to watch on television?”
She handed him the remote and then rattled off the beverages on offer, both deciding on ginger ale instead of wine. She quickly made the popcorn and dumped it into a large bowl, the aroma of butter and salt drifting in the air. It smelled amazing and her stomach growled softly, reminding her that this was an excellent idea. She settled on the sofa next to him, placing the bowl between them.
To her surprise, he’d chosen the movie Peggy Sue Got Married with Kathleen Turner. It was an older film from the eighties, but Lucy had watched it with her mom many years ago. It was one of her mother’s favorites, and now it was one of Lucy’s, too.
“I really like this film,” Zack said, tossing a handful of popcorn into his mouth. “Is this okay? I saw it and thought it might be fun to watch.”
And kind of a chick flick. She’d had him down as the Fast and Furious type. If anything, her respect for him went up a couple of notches. He wasn’t afraid to admit that he wanted to watch the movie.
“I love this movie,” Lucy said. “My mom introduced me to it.”
“Mine, too.”
It made sense that Zack would want to feel close to his mother after the wedding earlier.
They didn’t say much as the story unfolded, simply eating their snack and sipping at their ginger ale. When the main character Peggy Sue decided to change her future by changing the past, Lucy could feel Zack tensing up next to her.
“You know the ending,” she said softly. “She ends up not wanting things to change. She remembers the things she’s proud of.”
“She tried to change her future, but she couldn’t escape it. Even when she made different decisions.”
“In the end, she didn’t want to change things.”
They were talking about more than the film.
“Would you? Want to change things, I mean?”
It was an honest question. One that Lucy had contemplated a few times in her life even though she wasn’t all that old.
“I used to wonder what would have happened if I’d stayed here and not gone to the West Coast. Sometimes I still think about the might-have-beens. But if changing my future means that I lose some of the things and people that I love, then I’ll pass. I’ve made mistakes but I like to think that they’ve made me wiser. Maybe a better person. That may not be true, of course.”
“If you’d stayed, what do you think your life would be like?”
“I’d probably be married with kids,” she replied immediately. “I don’t think that I’d own the bookstore. I’m not sure what I’d be doing, to be honest. I feel like leaving the town and forcing myself to be independent a long way away forced me to focus on what I truly wanted. What I needed. I don’t think my life would be bad or anything, but it would be different. What about you?”
“I think about what would have happened if I’d never taken the job on Wall Street, or at least didn’t stay there so long.”
“If you’d come back to take over the family firm?”
It was a bold question, but they were both in a soul-baring mood tonight. She could feel the tension radiating off of him, his gaze off somewhere far away.
“Yes, what would my life look like? And those around me?”
She knew what he was trying to say.
“Your mother didn’t disappear because you weren’t in Winslow Heights,” Lucy said, her own throat clogging with emotion. “None of this is your fault.”
“If I’d been here—”
Zack broke off, shrugging his shoulders as if it didn’t matter, but she knew better. It mattered deeply to him.
“Lily still would have gone to the doctor that day. And to the store. You would have been at the office. Nothing would have changed. This wasn’t your problem to solve.”
She reached out and placed her hand on his, hoping the warmth of her touch might soothe him in some way. Their fingers tangled together, and he raised her knuckles to his lips, pressing a brief kiss there.
A streak of heat ran straight through her, rocking her with its unexpected ferocity. She’d known there was chemistry between them, but this was something she hadn’t experienced before. It was off the charts in its intensity.
She was surprised that he’d done it. He’d clearly said that she would have to make the first move, although a brush of his lips on the back of her hand wasn’t exactly a major sex play.
“I’m glad I ran into you, Lucy. You’ve made this trip home a hell of a lot more bearable. I was dreading it.”
But that didn’t mean he was going to stay.
“I’m glad that I ran into you, too.”
The movie had been all but forgotten. The awareness between them had grown, building a tension that she could almost reach out and touch, wrapping around them and pulling them closer together. This was it. The moment had arrived, and she could push it away or embrace it. He was leaving it all up to her. Not pushing, but not pulling away.
At some point in Lucy’s life, she’d figured out that fooling herself wasn’t a productive plan. Brutal self-honesty was painful in the short run but was better in the future. Tonight would be no different.
Lucy wanted this man. It might only be for one night or a few nights, but she knew deep in her heart that if she didn’t act on these feelings, she’d regret it down the road. She wasn’t even sure that she wanted forever with Zack.
Turning her body toward him, she reached up to cup his firm jaw with her hands, the stubble prickly on her palms. Their gazes met and she didn’t try to hide her desire. She could see it reflected back at her, blue eyes dark with arousal and the pupils blown wide.
“I’m happy that you came back,” she said, her throat tight with emotion. “I’m only sorry that it was under these circumstances.”
“I’m not sorry I came back at all.”
Leaning down, he brushed his lips softly against hers, a whisper of a kiss. Her lids fluttered closed and he kissed her gently again, his arms pulling her closer.
It didn’t matter who had made the first move or the second. They were both exactly where they wanted to be.
At some point their kisses had become deeper and far more passionate, their hands eager to explore each other’s bodies. When they were both breathless and flushed, Lucy had reached for his hand and led him to her bedroom. She wasn’t a teenager anymore that made out on couches when her parents weren’t home.
She wanted a comfortable bed where they could take their time touching, kissing, and caressing. Zack seemed to agree because he didn’t hesitate for even a moment, pressing her back onto the mattress with his hard body on top of her.
Their clothes seemed to melt away, landing scattered on the floor like a dotted path on a treasure map where the bed was X-marks-the-spot. She reveled in the heady sensation of skin on skin, letting her palms glide over his wide shoulders.
His body blocked out any light from the hallway, but she reveled in the cocoon that the two of them had made, far from the demands of the everyday world. Right now, it was only her and Zack, their world narrowed down to this moment together. Tomorrow might bring happiness or heartache, but she didn’t have it inside of her to care. She would simply live in the moment, giving herself to the pleasure of having his hands and mouth on every inch of her skin.
Her fingers tangled in his silky hair as his devilishly talented tongue lavished attention on one rose-tipped breast and then the other. His tantalizing kisses trailed down to her soft belly, then ever lower until he reached the most sensitive parts of her body. She gasped and writhed against the sheets, every inch of her skin alive with sensation with each flick of his tongue. Her nails grazed down his back when shockwaves of arousal surged through her veins and curled her toes.
When he pressed himself inside of her, she wrapped her legs around his waist, needing to pull him as close as possible. They moved tentatively at first, trying to find their rhythm. His lips pressed kisses everywhere he could reach as his thrusts sped up, their urgency driving them closer to the shiny pinnacle.
It was Lucy who fell off the cliff first, white-hot lava flowing through her veins and fireworks exploding behind her eyelids. Her body arched off the bed, and she heard herself whisper his name as pleasure suffused every cell like golden champagne bubbles in a crystal glass on New Year’s Eve.
Zack’s own completion was mesmerizing to watch, his head thrown back in ecstasy and his face contorted as if in exquisite pain. They collapsed together, a tangle of damp limbs on her white linen sheets. Their breathing slowed to normal and they cuddled together, still wanting more closeness and connection.
He might not be here in the future, but tonight he was. She’d enjoy it while it lasted, knowing that this little town wasn’t in Zack’s plans. They could care for each other, have fun, but it didn’t mean forever.
Some things simply weren’t going to last. Zack Winslow was one of them.
11
Lucy was still smiling the next day when she opened the bookstore. On Sunday, they opened at eleven and closed at four so it would be a short day. Jane had offered to handle the entire shift on her own, but Lucy didn’t want to ask that of her. Their usual part-time help wasn’t available.
It hadn’t been easy to lever herself out of a warm bed with Zack in it, but she’d managed. He’d promised that they’d spend the evening together, and then bid her goodbye with a sweet kiss that was still lingering on her lips.
Jane had shown up at the store a few minutes later, carrying two steaming hot coffees.
“We could have used the coffeemaker in the back,” Lucy said, gratefully accepting the paper cup. “But I do thank you. I need this.”
The coffee shop section of the store was closed on Sundays, and Lucy had always thought it would be rude to have the smell of freshly brewed coffee in the store when no one could buy it. They usually used the small coffee pot in the storage room instead of the fancy one in the cafe area.
“I wanted a latte,” Jane explained. “I needed something more than a regular old coffee.”
“Did you stay up too late reading again?”
“I did. And I’m not sorry either. The book was excellent. I highly recommend it. How was the wedding? Any Winslow drama? Did you dance with Zack?”
Lucy could never be a poker player. Her emotions were far too transparent for that. She simply wasn’t someone who could “be undercover” or “play it close to the vest”.
“No drama. None. And Zack and I did dance together.”
It was all the truth.
Jane’s eyes narrowed, her suspicious gaze pinned on Lucy.
“Must have been one hell of a dance.”
“Why do you say that?”
Although Lucy wasn’t sure she wanted to know the reason.
“Because of the look on your face when I mentioned Zack’s name.” Jane’s eyes widened and she wagged her finger at Lucy. “See? You did it again. You went all dreamy for a second. I’ve never seen you look like that before. Ever. I think I need all the deets, girl. Spill it. Clearly, you’re smitten.”
“You’ve been reading too many romance novels.”
“Probably, but that doesn’t change what I’m seeing here. Are you denying that you and Zack don’t have some sort of relationship? Because I’d call you a liar.”
“We had a good time at the wedding,” Lucy admitted. “We danced and talked. It was nice.”
“Nice? What a namby-pamby word. Just how nice was it?”
“Very nice,” Lucy replied with a sigh. “Really nice.”
“Ohhh, I think I need to sit for this. You really like him?”
Jane sank down into a chair and Lucy followed suit. She did need to talk to someone about all of this. She’d been sure of what she was doing last night - and she had no regrets this morning - but she wasn’t as casual about this as she’d hoped she’d be.
“I do like him. Zack’s a great guy. Funny, handsome, intelligent. He doesn’t play a lot of head games, and he’s honest and straightforward. I feel like he’s a good person.”
“But? There’s a but at the end of that sentence. I can hear it even if you didn’t say it out loud.”
“But…I know he’s not going to stick around town. He’ll probably be gone in a few days. I told myself I was okay with it, but I’m beginning to think that I’m not as okay with it as I thought I was. Do you know what I mean? Shit, I don’t know if I’m even making any sense.”
“It’s a tale as old as time,” Jane said with a wise nod. “You meet a terrific man, you have sex with him, and suddenly your emotions are involved when you thought it was just going to be a fun night between the sheets.”
“What makes you think I slept with him?”
Although Jane had pretty much nailed it.
“Because of the way you look whenever the name ‘Zack’ is uttered. Whether I say it or you do. You get a sort of romantic, longing expression. You like him. You slept with him. And there’s nothing wrong with that, by the way. We’re women. We have needs. And I’m guessing the sex was pretty great if you’re wishing he was hanging around. Am I right?”
“Let’s just say he rocked my world.”
“Nice. I hope you did the same for him.”
“He seemed to enjoy himself.”
If a bed could have burst into flames, Lucy’s mattress would be ashes this morning. Thank goodness her neighbors were older and hard of hearing. The gossip was going to be bad enough because people saw them leaving the wedding together.
“That’s probably the understatement of the century,” Jane giggled. “If I’m reading the situation correctly, you like him and wouldn’t mind if he stayed in town. But he’s not going to do that. Are you sure? Has he talked about his plans? Maybe you’re wrong. Maybe he wants to stay.”
Lucy had told Zack that she would keep his secret about quitting his job. It wasn’t her place to reveal his personal life. Besides, it probably wouldn’t make any difference. His life wasn’t here in Winslow Heights. He hadn’t spent any real time here since he’d gone off to college. He could have his pick of any place to live on the planet.
“He hasn’t said anything about staying. We haven’t talked about the future much.”
“Live in the moment. I got it. Do you want my advice? Or do you just want to talk about it? I can do either with you.”
Did Lucy want advice? It wouldn’t change much. She doubted Jane would tell her something that she hadn’t said to herself, but it wouldn’t hurt anything to hear it.
“Only if your advice is brutally honest. Don’t sugarcoat it for me. I need to hear the truth.”
Jane rubbed at her chin, screwing up her face for a moment before replying.
“Okay, here it goes. I think Zack Winslow is smoking hot. A lot of women wouldn’t kick him out of bed unless it was to…you know…do it on the floor. Is that the old saying?”
“I don’t know. Is there a saying like that?”
