Cruel Stakes: Vampires & Vices No. 2, page 6
Because hope is cruel. It rips your heart out. It breaks promises and doesn’t return phone calls and treats you like an afterthought and makes you late for work.
I was stupid to trust her again. All it took was one conversation with her, one happy birthday breakfast, one promise that things were going to be different this time, that she was better, that it was impossible for her to be sick again.
Adrian obviously didn’t compel her to be a better mom, and it’s sad that I wish he had.
And as I march into Pops, pissed off and ten minutes late for my shift, all I can think is that I should’ve refused to celebrate my birthday altogether. That would’ve been my preference! That’s what I had wanted. I’d been content with not celebrating in any way, shape, or form. As the day had approached, I had not allowed myself to think of it. Why should I? I didn’t want to grow older, and I certainly didn’t want to be disappointed. It was always better to set expectations low because that way nobody could hurt me.
“You okay?” Eddie frowns when he sees me. I assumed he would give me a stern talking to about being late, but maybe he caught the expression on my face because he only seems concerned. I don’t really get it. I’m here to do a job. This is the second time I’ve messed up. First, I had called in with an emergency and had no coverage, and now, I was late and in a piss-poor mood.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I say. “Sorry I’m late.”
He nods. “You’re okay. Go clock in.”
And that’s it. He doesn’t question me, which is exactly the slack I need right now in my tug-of-war life. Maybe it’s another strike against professionalism, but I give him a big bear hug. I can hardly get my arms around him, but the man pats me on the back and tells me to take better care of myself. Maybe he can see the bags forming under my eyes from all the late nights and early mornings. Or maybe he can sense the stress I’m under, especially when it comes to worrying about my mom. Or the sadness from losing my best friend.
I go about my shift, and Eddie walks me to my car afterward. He raises an eyebrow when he sees the Porsche. I can’t claim it as my own, I just can’t. Maybe because of who really owns it, or maybe because I don’t think I actually deserve it. I don’t know. “It’s a friend’s car, not mine,” I explain sheepishly, “he’s letting me drive it for a while until I can get my own.”
Eddie whistles low. “Some friend, huh?” I climb in, and he pats the roof. “Be careful, okay? Sometimes a gift isn’t really for the giftee as much as the gifter, know what I’m saying?”
I nod, knowing exactly what he’s saying and wishing I didn’t.
“So then you have to ask yourself, is it really a gift?”
His words follow me the entire drive home, and when Mom texts apologizing and wanting to reschedule for a lunch date instead, I don’t respond.
A week passes by, and I don’t hear from her again. I don’t hear from Adrian either. Or Ayla. I find myself hanging out at the guys’ house more and more, which has become a little tricky for me and Felix. A few nights ago we agreed to be official, but we’re still pretending to be just friends whenever Seth is around. And considering Seth is his roommate, that happens to be a lot.
“Alright, level with me,” I say the next chance we have to be alone. We’re sitting on the living room couch watching SportsCenter. I couldn’t care less about sports, but I don’t mind it since Felix enjoys it so much. But there’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to him about. “Why have you been avoiding coming over to my apartment?”
Because that’s the thing. We could be alone there any chance we wanted. But Felix keeps wanting to hang at his house, and I don’t get it. I’ve thought about this a lot and I want to take things to the next step with him, but it’s like he’s pushing it off.
Felix tugs at the tips of his curly hair nervously and his cheeks go red. “Well, I guess it’s because I used to hook up with Jasmine.”
One sentence from those pretty lips of his and my world tilts off its axis.
He’s referring to my roommate who I almost never see, the pretty Latina girl who’s always at the library studying for her pre-med degree. I like her from the few interactions I’ve had with her, and she came to my birthday party, but I never expected to get this news. I sink into the couch and take it in. I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised since Felix is a twenty-year-old college student. He’s sexy as hell with his sleeve tattoo and that Cuban ethnicity girls love around here. He’s a star player on the lacrosse team so he’s built like a model. And don’t forget he’s super smart and going into business, where he’ll surely become the CEO of some Fortune 500 company one day. Sometimes I can’t believe he wants me. He’s got his life together. I don’t.
“Well, I could see how that could be a problem.” My throat goes dry.
“Her and I are just friends, I promise.” He leans over to wrap me in a hug. “And I’m exclusive with you now.”
Right. I want to believe him . . . I do believe him. The simple fact that he was the one who found me a room in her apartment is confirmation enough that he’s not into her anymore. He wouldn’t have done that if he had something to hide. He’s helped me, been kind, looked out for me, and finally seen me as something other than a kid sister. This is everything I’ve been wanting for years. I can’t screw this up.
“Well, we’re alone now, aren’t we?” I scoot in closer and run the tips of my fingers along the little curls at the back of his neck. “Why don’t we go up to your room?”
There’s no denying my meaning.
It takes more courage than I care to admit. Maybe it’s because I’ve been holding onto my virginity for so long, or maybe it’s because for so many years I fantasized it happening with Felix and nobody else, but I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and I think Adrian is right. At first I was angry at him for acting like he should get a say in what I do with my body, but I realize now that he’s a logical creature and logic says I need to take care of this to be safer among the vampires. I don’t know what my blood smells like to them. Even Kelly, who hates me, said I smell like the sweetest flower.
For some gross unexplainable reason, virgin blood smells better to vampires than nonvirgin blood. And now that I’m planning to be around vampires a lot more––who better to lose it with than the one guy I’ve pined over for ages?
Felix leans over and kisses me, long and slow and deep. Butterflies tickle through my stomach and my heart speeds up. I imagine that at any second he’s going to scoop me into his arms and follow through with my request.
He doesn’t.
He pulls back and stands. “I actually need to get to class.”
My heart drops. I didn’t know he had a class coming up. He never said so, and a little voice in my head says he’s making up an excuse to get rid of me. I stand up, annoyed, and an angry fire rushes in to snuff out the insecurities.
“What’s a girl got to do around here to lose her virginity, huh?” I throw my arms up.
Felix doubles over in laughter. I don’t know what I expected Felix to do, but laughing? It makes me even angrier.
“Sorry.” He tries to pull me into a hug, but I dodge him. “I don’t mean to laugh at you.”
“Sure,” I deadpan.
He calms down. “You just reminded me of why I like you so much.”
“Oh, you need reminding?” I put my hands on my hips and shoot him a glare.
“No, I don’t.” He turns serious. “But this isn’t easy for me.”
“And why is that?” Now I’m even more offended. I don’t want to be some chore to him. “You’ve slept with loads of girls before. Do I repulse you or something?”
“No, Eva. You’re the most tempting thing I’ve ever laid eyes on and I’ve thought so for a long time. But you’re my sister’s best friend, and she’s mad as hell at me right now.”
“She’ll come around.”
“Will she? I’m not so sure. Not to mention, you’re on my hunter team, and my best friends are telling me to back off.”
“I thought they didn’t know about us.”
“They’re not stupid.” He grins sheepishly. “They see the way we are together. And you have been hanging out here every day lately.”
He makes good points, but I still don’t care. This is about us, not everyone else. “Why are you letting other people dictate your life?”
The front door swings open, and, as if to mock me, Kenton and Seth bulldoze inside. “Who’s hungry?” Kenton asks. “I’m ordering pizza.”
“Actually, we were leaving,” I reply.
“Together?” Seth questions, his tone accusatory.
“If you must know, your boy here claims to have a class coming up. And I have . . . things to do.” I don’t have things to do.
“I thought it was your night off?”
“Fine. If you must know, my thing to do was supposed to be Felix.” I go to the door and turn back, giving all the guys my dirtiest glare. “And by the way, my dating life is my business. I’m a grown ass woman who can make her own choices.”
Kenton yells at Felix, “Damn, son! What did you do?”
I leave, the door banging behind me. Seth follows me. Which, I gotta admit, only adds fuel to the fire. Felix should be out here, begging for my forgiveness, not Seth to rub it all in.
“Hold up, Eva,” he calls after me, “I think we need to talk about this.”
I spin on my heels. “Oh, you mean about how you’ve decided that you get a say in what goes on in my relationship?”
His face hardens. “This is to protect all of us.” But there’s something else in his meaning, and I can’t quite put my finger on it.
“What aren’t you telling me?”
Then Seth does something I’ve never seen him do––he blushes.
And I know.
He looks away, and I drop it, because I’m not going to make him say it. But I know. All the signs are there. The way he treats his friends, the way he acts around Felix, the attitude he gives me and how he’s tried to push me away . . .
Seth is in love with Felix.
How did I not see it before? Does Felix know?
“Don’t say anything.” Seth’s voice is raw with emotion. “Please.”
I nod once. I would never out someone. I don’t know Seth’s reasons for staying closeted.
He runs his hand through his hair and shakes his head. “Look, I know I can’t have him. I’m not stupid enough to think he’s going to switch teams for me or anything like that. Guys like me? We’ve been in this situation before.”
“Seth, I don’t know what to say.”
“It’s fine. Whatever. But that doesn’t mean I magically approve of your relationship because I don’t.”
“But Felix means as much to me as he does to you.”
He holds my gaze. “I know, okay? I’m a hypocrite. And I’m sorry I haven’t been the kindest to you. Now you know why. But that aside, the two of you dating is a horrible idea.”
I shake my head. “Felix and I have known each other for years. We wouldn’t get involved if we didn’t really care about this working out. Don’t you want him to be happy?”
“You really don’t get it, do you?”
Pretty sure I do get it. He’s jealous—to the point of ruining our happiness.
“I don’t care about Felix’s happiness,” he says, practically reading my mind. “I care about his life. I want to keep him alive. And you. And all of us. Hunters aren’t supposed to date each other, and there’s good reasons for that. The vampires could use Felix against you. And don’t think for one second that your buddy Adrian wouldn’t do that, because he would.”
He wouldn’t.
Maybe he would.
“Go home,” Seth continues, “think about it. Take your emotions out of the equation and really think this through using your brain and nothing else.”
“I have.”
“No, you haven’t, because if you had you’d already be at the same conclusion.” He sighs heavily and steps back. “I already know Felix is willing to risk everything on you, so he hasn’t thought this through enough either.” My heart does a little happy dance at his confession, despite what he’s trying to say. All I want to do is go back in there, work things out with Felix, and then drag him up to his room and tell everyone else to stay out of our business.
Seth must see my thoughts written all over my face because his voice turns angry. “Are you honestly that selfish that you’re willing to risk Felix’s life? You think you know Adrian better than the rest of us, but don’t forget what he is, and don’t forget that you don’t really know him. You can’t.”
“He’s encouraged me to be with Felix, actually,” I jut in. “He wants me to lose my virginity.”
“So lose it with someone else!”
“Are you kidding me?”
“You just proved my point that your vampire already knows about Felix.” His voice goes dark. “If it were between Adrian’s life and yours, Adrian would choose his own, and he’d drink you dry to do it. Now imagine Felix mixed up in that. Imagine what it would feel like to have your boyfriend and your best friend’s brother killed because of your choices. Choices that could be avoidable if you treated Felix like a teammate and kept things professional.”
A tear burns down my cheek––one that I didn’t even know was there until it brands me with the truth.
Because Seth is right.
My heart breaks, but I walk away without another word. I don’t go back in there to work things out with Felix. I get into my car and go home to my apartment alone. After a few hours of thinking it all through, I send Felix a text asking for us to stick to being friends. When he calls me back immediately, I don’t answer. And when he blows up my phone with texts, I don’t respond to any of them. And even when he shows up at my doorstep later that night, begging to talk to me, I have my roommate Olive send him away.
Chapter 10
By the next morning, Felix gives up, and that hurts the most. I cry into my pillow and then I scream into it. Once that’s done, I wipe the tears and sit up, phone in hand.
I need some time off, I text Seth. I’ll see you guys when I’m ready.
So you’re quitting?
Of course not, but I’m taking a short break.
Fine, but we need you by next Monday. We can’t miss more than a week. I think we’ll be getting assignments soon.
“Yeah, I’ll believe it when I see it,” I grumble out loud.
Going back to the gym at all seems like a huge chore, and honestly, I’m angry about everything. I’m angry about the guys, about Tate, and about being a hunter in general. Becoming one of them was supposed to be rewarding, and so far we haven’t even been on a single mission. Seth may think we’ll be sent out soon but I’m skeptical. We’re training and learning, and we need time to get prepared so we don’t end up dead. I have to keep reminding myself that it’s only been a little over a month, and I’m not being very patient.
But I’m ready.
Hugo’s venom has enhanced my senses, gaining strength each day and adding to my confidence that I could hunt down vampires with ease. This has nothing to do with simulations. This has to do with blood. I’m linked into their bloodline, which means that I can sense them better than anyone. And maybe if I accomplish what I set out to do, I won’t feel so guilty about everything else.
It’s too bad Tate can’t be trusted. I’ve avoided him ever since seeing him in the ICU. If I could trust him then I’d tell him about the venom in my blood so he could send me out. I’d be able to help the mission. But then, who’s mission? The humans or the energy demons? I’m confused and indecisive, which isn’t like me. I’m not sure I like the person in the mirror these days.
Going to Adrian for help late Friday night is the last thing I ever thought I’d do, but the phrase “never say never” hits me right across the face as I walk into the Alabaster Heart Hotel and Casino uninvited.
Kelly sits at her office reception desk and doesn’t seem surprised as I approach. She looks me up and down and smiles devilishly. “You didn’t dress up.”
“Hello to you, too.” I look down at my high-waisted cut-off jeans and forest green baggy t-shirt, wondering what the big deal is. My little silver cross necklace is tucked under my shirt, and I’ve got my wooden stake strapped to my ribcage. I’m sure Adrian will notice, but at this point he’d probably find it more out of character if I didn’t have one.
“I need to talk to Adrian.”
Kelly stands on five inch heels and motions for me to follow. I expect her to lead me to the elevator, but she doesn’t. We must be going to Adrian’s suite, or maybe out on the casino floor, or even downstairs to the ballroom the coven uses for meetings.
I’m wrong on all counts because we cross the opulent lobby and go outside.
The sunset has given way to an inky black sky, the city lights blotting out the stars. The energy bustles around us with evening partiers, many of which are probably tourists. Even though it’s known for having more vampires than a lot of cities, people still flock here. A group of intoxicated girls wobble past us on high heels, heading toward the nightclub across the street. I catch a whiff of booze mixed with a cloud of perfume and I grimace.
I wonder how many of the people in there have donated blood instead of paying a cover fee. They can’t possibly feel safe. Why do people keep doing it, keep exchanging their safety for a night of fun? We follow them to the club. They go to the back of the line that wraps around the block, but Kelly and I head right past the massive vampire bouncer.
The moment we step inside, I want to turn back around. Suckers are everywhere––behind the bar, in the seats, dancing on the floor. There are far more vamps in here than there are humans, but several of the humans have a nurse with them drawing blood. Opening a vein to gain free drinks for the night must be too good to pass up for many. Before I was around vampires, it wasn’t always obvious what they were, but now that I know what to look for, it’s impossible not to see them. It’s a knowledge I wish I didn’t have.
