Bleeding Chaos: a Secret Baby, Rock Star Romance (Love & Lyrics Book 4), page 1
CONTENTS
Author’s Note
Playlist
Prologue
1. Gage
2. Sadie
3. Gage
4. Sadie
5. Gage
6. Sadie
7. Gage
8. Sadie
9. Gage
10. Gage
11. Gage
12. Sadie
13. Gage
14. Gage
15. Gage
16. Sadie
17. Gage
18. Sadie
19. Gage
20. Sadie
21. Gage
22. Sadie
23. Sadie
24. Gage
25. Gage
26. Sadie
27. Gage
28. Gage
29. Sadie
Epilogue
About the Author
Bleeding Chaos
Copyright © 2021 Nikki Ash
Cover Design and Formatting: Jersey Girl Designs
Photo: Wander Aguiar Photography
Editor: Jenny Sims with Editing 4 Indies
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This book contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by an information and retrieval system without express written permission from the Author/Publisher.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
AUTHOR’S NOTE
Like real life, the characters in Bleeding Chaos are far from perfect, make morally gray decisions, and deal with subjects that may be sensitive for some readers. If you are looking for a safe romance, this story is not for you. Trigger warnings (which contain spoilers) can be found on my website: Love & Lyrics Trigger Warnings.
PLAYLIST
“The Bones”- Maren Morris
“All of Me”- John Legend
“Too Good at Goodbyes”- Sam Smith
“Love The Way You Lie”- Eminem feat. Rihanna
“Whatcha Say”- Jason Derulo
“Don’t Let Me Down”- The Chainsmokers
“Leave Before You Love Me”- Jonas Brothers and Marshmello
“Without Me”- Halsey
“You Should Be Sad”- Halsey
“Breakeven”- The Script
“Sorry”- Justin Bieber
“Arcade”- Duncan Lawrence
“Memory”- Kane Brown x Black Bear
“Too Much to Ask”-Niall Horan
“Ghost”- Justin Bieber
Listen to all my playlists here: Nikki Ash’s Playlists
Someone like me doesn’t deserve her time
But that doesn’t stop me from wanting to take what’s mine
From wanting her heart to be mine
Her body, her soul, all mine
- Gage, Raging Chaos
PROLOGUE
GAGE
Summer
Before Senior Year
“It’s so fucking hot out,” I say, dropping into a seat outside the coffee shop where Declan and Braxton are already sitting and drinking their iced coffees. They’ve got a shit ton of papers strewn everywhere—lyrics, songs, and sheets of music—since we spend most of our time writing or playing music. When we graduate from high school in June, our goal is to get signed by Camden’s parents’ record label, Blackwood Records.
When I was little and banging on the drums my uncle bought me for Christmas, I never imagined I’d have a chance to play professionally one day. Every night, when my mom would leave for work, I’d use our neighbor’s Wi-Fi to watch YouTube videos on how to play. I never thought it’d go anywhere until I met Camden, Declan, and Braxton, who were hell-bent on starting a band and in need of a drummer. I played for them—and Camden’s dad—and learned, according to him, I was damn good, and if I stuck with them, I’d make a living one day from beating on those drums.
My thoughts go back to my uncle. He was the only decent person in my life… until he died from heart disease only a few short months before my mom died, leaving me alone in this fucking world.
“It’s too damn hot,” Declan agrees, snapping me from my thoughts as he lifts a paper and takes a look at a song Braxton wrote. “I think I saw it’s going to be in the hundreds today.” He drops the paper and takes a sip of his coffee. “Fuck, it’s too hot to work on music.”
“It’s too hot to move,” I say, wiping the sweat beading across my forehead. “Who the hell can even think in this heat?”
I’ve lived in New York my entire life, and I’m still not used to the few months a year when the heat waves come through and knock us all on our asses. Thankfully, fall and then winter will hit in a few months, and this ridiculous weather will be replaced with snow and ice. I’d take that over the humidity any day.
“You know what we should do?” Declan says, turning his phone around and showing us an image of a bunch of our classmates at the beach. I’m about to tell him he’s lost his mind when I spot one classmate in particular. Bright red hair, piercing green eyes, and the body of a damn goddess, Tori Spears is the definition of a teenage wet dream.
“I’m in,” I say without hesitation. I’ve had my eye on her for months. The only problem is, she and her best friends, Layla and Kaylee, have been on a no dating kick the past year since Layla’s boyfriend cheated on her and broke her heart. Since the school year is over and we’re about to start our senior year, I’m hoping that shit will be over, and I can slide in and take my chance.
“You don’t even like any of those assholes,” Braxton says with a laugh, reading my mind.
“I don’t need to like them to get in the water and cool down.” I stand, down the last of my iced coffee, and chuck the cup into the trash. “It’s too hot to even smoke. Fuck it, let’s go.”
Declan chuckles. “He saw Tori in the picture. He’s been eyeing that cheerleader for months.”
“Tori?” Braxton says with a laugh. “Actually, I can totally see it. She’s all cheerleader meets emo with her short skirts, black lipstick, and fishnet stockings. She’s like the least peppy cheerleader on the squad. It’s the perfect match made in hell.”
Declan nods, and I punch Braxton in the arm. “Fuck you, asshole. Let’s go.”
A couple of hours later, we arrive at the beach. The place is packed, and I almost consider turning around and going home, but then I remember home fucking sucks, and Tori’s here somewhere. After a few beats of scanning the area, I spot her, along with Kaylee and Layla, lying out in sexy as fuck bikinis surrounded by a bunch of jocks.
Layla glances up, noticing us first, followed by Kaylee and then Tori, whose gaze goes straight to me for several seconds before she turns back to her friends.
They whisper back and forth, and then a few seconds later, the three of them head our way. They’re all in tiny as hell bathing suits, but once my eyes land on Tori, she’s the only one I see. Sporting an all-black string bikini, she saunters straight over to me and wraps her arms around my neck, whispering, “Go with it,” before her lips lock with mine.
The kiss is intense as fuck. Our mouths and tongues devour each other. She tastes sweet like mint, and as our kiss deepens, the gum responsible for her flavor ends up in my mouth. When she realizes what she did, she pulls back and laughs. “I’m so sorry. That was not supposed to happen.”
“The kiss or sharing your gum?” Because let’s be real… I’m okay with both.
“The gum,” she says, her cheeks turning an adorable shade of pink. “The kiss was planned… well, as planned as it could be during our three-second conversation.”
I glance over at my friends and notice Kaylee and Braxton are making out, and Layla and Declan are standing nearby laughing at whatever they’re talking about.
“And to what do we owe the pleasure of getting kissed by the most beautiful cheerleaders on the squad?”
Tori snorts out a laugh. “The football players were totally trying to get in our pants.” She scrunches her nose up in disgust. “We told them we had plans, and then you guys walked up, so when they asked with who, we said you guys. Perfect timing.” She glances back and sees the guys have moved on to another group of women. “Seems like they bought it.” She reaches up and kisses my cheek. “Thanks.”
Just as she’s about to turn and walk back to where Declan and Layla are now sitting, I grab her hip and pull her back toward me.
“You know what would be the perfect way to show your thanks?”
She quirks a single brow in response.
“Go out with me.”
Thanksgiving
Senior Year
“Holy shit! Yes, just like that.” Tori throws her head back as I fuck her from the bottom, hard and deep. The day after I asked her out, I took her to dinner and a movie with the only fifty bucks I had to my name. By the end of the movie, we were dry fucking in the corner of the theater. The next night, she snuck me into her pool house, where we actually fucked, and shortly after, I was calling her my girl.
She’s my fir
“Oh, God,” she breathes as she comes down from her orgasm and slides off me so she can get cleaned up. “How soon until we can do that again?”
“Aren’t we supposed to join your parents for dinner?” Unlike me, who comes from a home without a dad and a mom who sold herself on the street corner to make ends meet until she was found dead in a motel room when I was twelve, where I was then placed in the state’s care and thrust into several foster homes, Tori’s family is somewhat normal.
Her parents were in love until her dad passed away from a heart attack. Her mom remarried Tori’s stepdad earlier this year, and they all live in a nice house in the Upper East Side. Tori only goes to the same school as us because she already attended our high school when her mom married her stepdad. She begged to stay with her friends, and her mom gave in.
“I told them I’m not feeling well,” Tori says with a clipped tone I don’t understand. Every time I’m around her parents, they seem nice, but Tori, for whatever reason, hates being around them. When I ask her about it, she says they’re annoying, but it feels like there’s more to it than that. I would give anything to have two parents who actually want to be around me… Hell, I would give anything to have a living parent, period.
“Tor…” I meet her in the bathroom and wrap my arms around her from behind. “It’s Thanksgiving. Isn’t it a day to be with your family?” Until I was invited to Camden’s house for Thanksgiving last year, I never experienced an actual Thanksgiving dinner filled with family and friends and delicious food, but now that I have, I can’t imagine not wanting it. Yet Tori would rather stay here, just the two of us, and miss out on the family and food.
I’m watching her in the mirror, so I catch her flinch, but before I can ask what’s going on, she turns around and hops onto the counter, wrapping her arms and legs around me. “I’d rather spend today with you,” she murmurs against my lips, “inside me.”
And because I’d do anything she wants, instead of questioning her, I give in and spend the rest of the day inside her, just as she wants.
January
Senior Year
“I don’t feel good. Please just leave me alone.”
I’ve just returned from spending a week at Big Bear Mountain with Camden’s family. I wanted her to go with us, but her parents said no. I offered to stay, but she insisted I go, not wanting to ruin my trip. I’ve never been there before or stayed in some crazy-expensive mansion/cabin. The trip was unreal. The guys and I spent the week skiing and snowboarding. It was the first real trip I’ve ever been on, and I hope when the band takes off, I can come back with Tori one day.
The moment we got home, I came straight here to see Tori, only to find her tucked into bed in the pool house. Her eyes are puffy, and her cheeks are stained pink like she’s been crying, but aside from saying she doesn’t feel good, she won’t tell me what’s wrong.
“Do you need medicine?” I ask.
“No,” she chokes out. “I need you to leave me alone and let me sleep, please.”
“Or I can lay with you while you sleep,” I say, refusing to give up. I climb into her bed and wrap my arms around her from behind. At first, she stiffens at my touch, but after a few moments, she sighs and lets me hold her until she falls asleep.
February
Senior Year
“I’d let you live here,” Tori says, “but Glen would never allow it.” Her words are slurred from the liquor she’s been consuming and the weed we’ve been smoking.
I turned eighteen a few days ago, and the people who foster me made it clear I need to move out sooner rather than later since the money is about to stop, and as long as I’m there, they can’t take in a younger kid, who will bring in more money. The state spouted some bullshit about helping me transition, but the last thing I want is any help from the same people who stuck me with that shitty-ass couple.
“It’s all good,” I tell her, kissing the corner of her mouth. “I’ll figure something out.”
“We could get our own place,” she says, perking up. “We could get jobs and find a small apartment…”
“While going to school and playing in the band?” I shake my head. “We’d never make enough money. Besides, you’re still seventeen, so there’s no way your parents will let you move out. They’d kill us both.”
Despite Tori trying to keep me away from her parents, I’ve been forced into several situations where we’re all together during the past few months. While they seem nice, I’ve learned they can’t stand me—especially her stepdad—and are hella strict. And not just like with a curfew, but about everything. Tori wants to go to school for dance, but her parents told her she’ll be going for business, or they’ll cut her off completely. They have no idea she’s a cheerleader or that I’m in a band. They’d probably lock her ass up and stop her from seeing me altogether if they knew.
“Yeah,” Tori mutters. “So what are you going to do?” She looks at me with glassy, sad eyes, and I pull her into my arms to kiss her soft lips. When we first started dating, Tori didn’t smoke or drink, but now, it seems like she’s high and drunk more than she’s not. But since I am too, I guess I don’t really have any room to judge.
“I just need to get through the next few months, and then, if all goes well, we’ll be heading to LA.” Tori’s made it clear that she has no desire to major in business, and since she turns eighteen at the end of July, I told her she should just follow us over to the West Coast once she’s legal and her parents can’t give her any shit.
“I wish we could go now,” she says softly. “I hate it here.”
“In your pool house that your maid cleans and stocks with fresh food?” I joke. “There could be worse living conditions…”
“Fuck you, Gage,” she snaps, sitting up and pushing me away. “You don’t know anything about my life, so before you talk shit, maybe you should know the facts.”
“Then tell me,” I say, not shocked by her attitude. Tori’s been lashing out at everyone in her life lately—especially me, since I’m the one around her the most—but she won’t tell me what’s going on. She just smokes and drinks, and once in a great while, she’ll fuck me.
“I need to go,” she says instead of answering. “My mom’s having a stupid dinner for her birthday, and if I’m not there…” She doesn’t finish her sentence. Instead, she stands and stumbles toward the bathroom. “You can see yourself out.”
I sigh, wishing she would speak to me but knowing she won’t. After getting dressed, I head over to Camden’s, where his mom tells me I can stay with them as long as I promise not to smoke or drink in the house. I respect Sophia and Easton too much to ever do that shit around them, so I have no problem agreeing.
May
Senior Year
“I’m worried about Tori.” I’m sitting in her parents’ living room. It’s the middle of the school day, but I took off so I could meet with them without Tori knowing. She’s spiraling out of control, and I’m worried about her. She’s stopped going to cheer, doesn’t hang with her friends as much, and barely speaks to me. I don’t know what’s going on or how to help her. I know her parents can’t stand me, but they love her, and I’m hoping they’ll listen.
