Bad Kitty Meets the Baby, page 3
against cat rescues. This is because the time spent
rescuing a cat from a tree could distract them from a
fire that could be taking place elsewhere.
Instead, call your local animal shelter or humane society.
They’re the real professionals for this sort of thing.
Great. Now you
tell me.
•CHAPTER SIX•
A NEW BEGINNING
Well, Kitty. I guess it’s nice that you’ve become so close
to the baby.
But sometimes . . .
No, Kitty! The baby doesn’t use the litter box like you.
That’s why she wears a diaper.
No, Kitty! The baby doesn’t eat cat food like you.
That’s why we feed her apples and bananas and
cereal.
No, Kitty! The baby doesn’t play with fuzzy toy mice
like you. That’s why we give her blocks and cars and
teething rings.
No, Kitty! You don’t need to lick the baby clean like
you clean yourself. That’s why we give her a BATH.
That’s right, Kitty. Babies get BATHS. Babies like
BATHS. In fact, now that this baby is all covered in cat
litter, cat food, fuzz, and your slobber, it’s time that we
gave her a . . .
BATH!
Oh, Kitty. Don’t be like that. She likes baths. Really. It’s
true. Don’t you believe me?
What are you doing, Kitty? Are you going to help me
take the baby to the bathtub? Are you going to help
me give her a bath? Kitty?
Kitty . . . ?
Uh-oh.
• APPENDIX •
CAT TRICKS
During The Pussycat Olympics, we saw all of the kitties
compete in some fairly basic feline activities like meow-
ing and eating. But cats are capable of performing
some great feats even though dogs are usually the ones
with the reputation for executing tricks.
The one thing you’ll need to get tricks is to bring treats.
Keep a little cat kibble around for training your cat
because you’ll need them to reward her when she does
what you want.
COME: This one should be easy. Every time you feed
your cat, call to her with the same word such as “come”
or “here.” Trainers call this a “cue word.” Eventually,
the cat will come to you every time you use that word.
Reward her with a treat when she does.
SIT: Hold a treat to your cat’s
nose. When she becomes interest-
ed, move the treat up over her
head until she naturally takes
a sitting position. When she sits
down, give her the treat. After
you’ve been able to do this sever-
al times, introduce the cue word
of “sit” into her training. After a
while, she should be able to sit
on command.
SHAKE A PAW: Once you
have been able to teach your cat to sit, try gently tap-
ping her front paw while saying “shake.” Once she
naturally lifts her paw up, gently take it into your hand
and then give her a treat.
SITTING UP OR BEGGING: Once your cat has
mastered sitting, try holding a treat up a little higher
than usual. It will take several tries, but once your cat
lifts her front paws off the ground, give her the treat
right away. Over time, you can lift the treat higher so
the cat has to reach higher. Eventually you may be able
to train your cat to sit or even stand up on hind legs
alone on command.
When you train your cat, you have to remember two
things: BE PATIENT because, depending on the cat,
even the simplest tricks can take several days, weeks,
or even months to learn. And DON’T OVERFEED YOUR
CAT. Tricks are fun
to teach your cat,
but not at the ex-
pense of making
her too fat because
of all the rewards
you’re giving her.
Nick Bruel, Bad Kitty Meets the Baby
