Only One Forever, page 3
She laughs. “You’re kidding, right?” she says, and I just sit here shocked. “You will have every single team coming in with an offer. The question you should be asking yourself is where do you want to go?”
“I have no idea,” I answer honestly.
“Why don’t you think about it, and then we can make a game plan? I don’t want you making a big decision like this because you’re pissed off.”
“I’m past pissed off, Erika,” I huff out. “They are talking about rebuilding the team.”
“Damn,” she says. “Okay, go think about it, and we can talk more tomorrow. No one is going to come in with contracts during playoffs, but if they know you aren’t signing with Montreal again, they might start calling in.”
“Okay. Let’s touch base tomorrow,” I say and hang up, opening the text to Alex
Me: Call me when you have a minute.
The phone rings as soon as I press send and get out of the car. “What’s wrong?” she says as soon as I answer.
“Why does something have to be wrong?” I ask as I walk up the steps to the house and open the front door.
“Because you never say call me when you have a minute,” she huffs out. “Usually, it’s like ‘can you get off your lazy ass and call me?’” I laugh when I hear Big Mac run through the house to get to me, her tail hitting the wall as she sees me—the golden Lab that I adopted when I came out here because I was lonely.
“Hey there, little lady.” I rub her neck and walk to the back door letting her out. “I never call you lazy.” I walk over to the couch and sit down.
“So what’s wrong?” she asks again, and I put my head back on the sofa.
“I don’t know,” I answer her honestly. “There is so much going on in my head.” I wish she was here with me. “I don’t know if I’m going to sign with Montreal. I asked Erika about my options.”
“That’s a big step.” Her voice is soft. “You love it there.”
“I know.” I rub my hands over my face. “But I just feel stuck.”
“Well, where is your notebook?” she asks, and I look over at the side table, seeing the notebook. It was something I started when I was thirteen when I had to make a decision on the school I wanted to go to.
“Here,” I say, grabbing it.
“Well, you know what you need to do. Start making your list. Why don’t you come out here? Maybe getting out of the city will be good, and you can have a fresh look at things.”
“I mean, I have nothing stopping me,” I tell her. “I have to bring Mac with me.”
“Oh, my baby.” She claps her hands excitedly. “I’ll go and get her a bed and everything.”
“Okay.” I sit up, finally feeling a little bit of weight lifted off me. “I’m going to go in tomorrow and pack up my locker and then get on a plane to you.” I smile for the first time in a week.
“Sounds good,” she says. “Now I have to go back to my meeting with Wilson.”
“Thank you, for always knowing what to say.”
“It’s a gift. I tell you.” She laughs at her own joke and disconnects with me. I sit here for a minute, the smile still on my face. Whatever happens, it’ll be okay. I turn on my computer and book the plane and make sure I have everything packed by the time I walk out of the house the following morning. I will have to come back and get Mac, but other than that, everything is set.
When I walk into the arena with my bag in my hand, my heart tightens in my chest, thinking this might be the last time I walk in here as a member of the team. Leo is the only one here. “You cleaning out your locker?” I ask. We share a look but don’t say the words, and he just nods his head.
“Yeah, might as well get it over with,” he says, and I nod at him as I start to put the things in my bag. “It feels different.” I just look over at him, nodding.
Usually, we always clean it out at the end of the season, but this time, I make sure not to leave anything behind. Zipping up the bag, I look over at Leo. “Whatever happens,” I say. “It was a pleasure being your brother.” I hold out my hand, and he pulls me to him.
“Want to come hang with me?” he asks when he lets me go. “A couple of friends of mine are in town, and I know a couple of single girls will be there.”
I smile at him. “Nah, I’m going to go visit Alex,” I say, slapping his arm. “Thanks for the invite.”
“See you around, Dylan,” he says, and I sit on the bench for just a minute longer. A tear comes to my eye as the sadness sets in. I wanted to achieve so much here. I wanted to hoist the Cup over my head here. I wanted to do it for the team and for the city. I wanted to do it for my family and me.
I get up, taking one look around before finally walking out, knowing in my heart this really is the last time I’ll be here as a player for the team.
Pulling away from the arena, I watch the building in my rearview mirror until it disappears. Parking my truck in the garage, I walk into the house and change out of my tracksuit and put on jeans and a white T-shirt with my sneakers.
My four suitcases are at the front door with Mac’s leash on it. My phone rings, telling me that my private driver is here. I open the door and start carrying out my bags. He comes over to load them in the Lincoln he is driving. “Let’s go see your favorite person, Mac.” I grab the leash, and she just looks at me. “You want to go see Alex?” I ask, and she looks outside to see if she is there, and her tail starts wagging back and forth.
The plane is waiting for me when we get there, and I step out with Mac, who walks beside me. I wait for her to climb up the steps before walking in. “Welcome aboard, Mr. Stone,” the flight attendant greets, and I just nod at her. “We will be taking off as soon as your bags are loaded.”
“Thank you.” Walking past the table with four chairs and straight to the couch, I sit down, and Mac sits at my feet. The door closes, and I look out the window as we make our way down the runway.
I take my phone out and text Alex.
Me: On my way.
The bubble comes up with the three dots, and then the text comes through.
Alex: But is my girl with you?
I laugh. Looking down at my feet at Mac sleeping, I take a picture and send it to her.
Me: You know she’s my dog, right?
Alex sends me a picture of her in her car with the whole back seat filled with dog stuff.
Alex: Why don’t I keep her here?
I shake my head and put my phone away as I look out the window. The thoughts of the past two weeks rush back to me. All the games, all the times we thought we would win only to lose in the last minute of play. It was fucking depressing. I grab my phone and go on Instagram, scrolling through my private account. Watching little clips from the game, I see myself on the bench, my head just hanging, and it guts me yet again.
The wheels touch down, and I stand and so does Mac. “You ready, girl?” I ask, and she gets up and smells the air. “Alex is here,” I say and walk to the door as soon as it’s opened. “Thank you.” I duck my head out of the plane and look out to see her standing there by her car.
“There she is.” I hear her voice, and Mac goes nuts. She runs down two steps and jumps the rest of the way, pulling me with her. I can’t help the smile that fills my face when I see her.
She doesn’t even pay attention to me. She squats down, and Mac runs straight to her. “Oh, my girl.” She hugs her around her neck. “I missed you so much,” she says, and then she finally looks up at me, her blue eyes shining in the sun. “Hi.” She gets up and comes over to me, hugging me. I wrap my arms around her as she lays her head on my chest.
“You look good, Alex,” I compliment when she lets go of me, and I look at her up and down. She’s wearing blue jeans that are all torn in the front with a white T-shirt that falls off her shoulder. The strap of her pink bra shows against her tanned skin. “Dallas agrees with you.”
She throws her head back and laughs. “What does that mean?” She smiles, and I wrap my arm around her shoulder as I walk to her car.
“Your skin is glowing. Sun-kissed,” I say, thinking of the word.
“It’s called self-tanning lotion. It comes out brown, and you apply it like cream. If you want, we can give your pasty white skin a try.”
“I’m not pasty,” I defend, and all the feeling of unsettledness is suddenly gone just by being with her. “I just have been in Canada for a long time.”
“Is that your excuse?” she asks, folding her arms, and all I can do is hug her. She must sense that I need the extra hug and wraps her arms around my waist. “It’s going to be okay.” She looks up at me at the same time Mac barks at me.
“Yeah, yeah. You are all over me when she isn’t here,” I mumble when we get her into the car.
“Did you leave any clothes in Montreal?” She looks at me as the four suitcases are brought and left by the car.
“I just didn’t know what to pack.” I shrug. “I left my suits there. And my parka.” I wink at her and hold out my hand for the keys. “You can sit in the back with Mac so you can let me drive.”
I sit in the car, and the whole time, I watch her talking to Mac from the rearview mirror. We stop to eat and finally get back to her house when the sun is going down. When we get inside, she gives me the house tour, and I stop once we get into the living room and I see the picture of us on her mantel. I walk over to it, picking it up. “This was when I broke Gramps’s record,” I say, looking at it. The smile on both our faces as we look at the camera. “I still remember this whole day.” I look down at the picture of the two of us. “You were the first one on the ice to get to me.”
“You threw up four times before heading over for the game,” she reminds me, and she is the only one who knows that since she was there with me. Michael doesn’t even know that little detail. In front of everyone, I acted cool, calm, and collected, but in front of Alex, I let my nerves show. I knew she would calm me down. “It was something else.” She walks over to the couch and sits down, curling her feet under her. Mac gets on the couch next to her and sits down, ignoring me.
“Get off the couch.” I motion with my hand, and she literally ignores me as she looks at Alex. “Mac.”
“It’s okay,” Alex says. “She just missed me.”
“Well, it’s been what, a month,” I remind her, sitting on the couch in front of her. “I think that is the longest we’ve ever gone without seeing each other.”
“Really?” she asks, and I nod. “So how was today?”
“It was strange,” I admit to her. “It’s like I knew in my heart that I wasn’t going back.”
“Did you tell anyone?” she asks me as she rubs Mac.
“Leo was the only one there when I got in.” I rub my hands over my face. “I think he’s leaving also.”
“That’s going to be a sad day if both of you leave,” she says, and she isn’t wrong.
“I just …” I shake my head. It’s so fucking crazy that this morning I woke up with dread on my shoulders. I couldn’t even breathe, and suddenly, it’s like everything is washed away. “I don’t know what’s the right or wrong thing to do.”
“Dylan, you know you are allowed to make mistakes, right? It’s okay for you to fuck up.”
“I just, I feel like a traitor if I walk away from the team,” I admit.
“What about the fact that they promised you the world and never cashed in on it?” She sits up, her voice going loud. “Everything that you did for the organization. Every single time they said that it would be different, and it wasn’t.” She shakes her head. “You need to think of yourself for once. What does Dylan want?” she asks, and all I can do is sit here and think about the question, wondering if I can put into words what I really want. “If you can picture yourself in five years?” she asks. “Where do you see yourself?”
I shrug my shoulders. “Never really thought about it,” I tell her. “I guess I’ll still be playing hockey. Married for sure.” My stomach sinks for a second, making me stop talking to look up at her. She sits there, not saying anything, her eyes blinking really fast. She does that when she is fighting off tears. “I definitely want to have kids. That is for sure.”
Chapter 4
Alex
When I asked him the question, I didn’t know what I was expecting, if I’m being honest. I was trying to get him to talk things out and calm him down. It’s not like it’s the first time we’ve done this with each other. Even when I was thinking about taking the job with Wilson. I wasn’t sure I would be good enough for it or have the experience he needed to make it successful, so Dylan sat with me, and we talked things out. It was not supposed to be a loaded question, but the minute he said the words, my heart that was beating normally suddenly shattered in my chest. “I guess I’ll still be playing hockey. Married for sure.” The burning in my stomach rises to my throat as my nose starts to tingle, and my eyes start to burn with the tears that want to come. I blink them away rapidly the whole time, trying to breathe, but the tightness in my chest makes it so hard. And if I thought hearing those words gutted me, I was wrong. “I definitely want to have kids. That is for sure.” I felt like someone cut me off at the knees while kicking me in the chest. The pain was something that I have never felt in my whole life.
“It’s late.” I force the words out. “I’m going to bed.” I push up from the couch and hope like fuck I don’t fall down when I take the first step. I ignore his eyes, and if I could, I would run to my room. Instead, I look down at Mac. “Night, girl,” I say, walking and never turning back. I can feel his eyes staring at me. “Sleep tight.” I try to make the tremble of my voice not show. I try to ignore the pull to turn and take one more look at him, but I can’t because the tears are already rolling down my face.
I walk up the steps, and my stomach is in knots as I roll my lips, trying not to sob. My vision is blurry from the tears building up, ready to fall over. With every single step, my legs get heavier and heavier, and when I walk into my room, I close the door. It’s the first time I’ve ever done that. Usually, I leave the door open, and he comes in and chills with me while we watch television. But not tonight. Not now. I walk past my bed and into the walk-in closet that leads to the bathroom.
I turn on the shower at the same time that a sob escapes me. Hoping he doesn’t hear me, hoping that the shower drowns out the sound. He’s going to marry someone. I close my eyes as reality hits me. This time I have to hold on to the shower door because my legs do give out. My knees hit the floor, and then I turn to sit with my back against the wall facing the shower.
I sit on the cold tile floor, next to the tub, watching the shower fill with steam. My body feels like it’s been run over front and back. My eyes focus on the drops of water on the glass door, watching one turn into over a hundred. “He’ll never look at you like that,” I whisper out the words, rubbing the tear off my cheek. “So stupid,” I tell myself, peeling myself off the floor. How the fuck could I ever tell him that I am in love with him? I try to laugh at the ridiculousness of it, but all that comes out is another sob. I can’t even picture how I would be able to tell him. How it would change everything, not just for me, but also for him. For the family. “God.” I put my head back and close my eyes. How the fuck would I be able to tell my family that I was in love with him? What the fuck would people even say? We grew up together. He’s my family. Granted, he’s not blood-related to me, but we grew up together. Side by side from when he was adopted at eight years old, and I was five.
Every single memory I have is with him beside me. Learning how to ski and almost breaking my face, he was there. Family vacation of us sneaking off to drink on the beach and then laughing until we had tears running down our faces. When I was going to prom, and my date flaked on me at the last minute, he put on a suit and took me to prom.
Every single memory has a story with him in it. Every single milestone is with him beside me. He knows everything about me, except this. Except for the fact I am in love with him.
I undress and step into the shower, the hot water hitting me feels like pellets of ice. My body trembles, and I have to sit down. I put my head forward on my knees as the hot water tries to heat my body that has turned to ice inside. How could I be so stupid? It’s the only thing going through my head. To fall in love with him, I mean, in all honesty, I didn’t even know it until it hit me like a car hitting a brick wall.
It was during Michael’s wedding that it suddenly dawned on me. When we walked back down the aisle, his arm around my shoulder as I held Jamieson in my arms. I looked over at him, and it just came to me. That I was head over heels in love with him, so I did what I thought was the only thing to do. I stopped calling him every day, I stopped texting him fifty times a day, and instead, I threw myself into the dating pool of New York. I was on all the apps—Tinder, Bumble, Elite Singles, Zoosk. You name it, I signed up for it, but every single date I went on only showed me that I was in love with Dylan.
After the dating apps failed or, better yet, crashed and burned, I did the blind dates; I went on any date that my friends fixed me up with. I would go on double dates; I went through it for three fucking years. Three years I went through this phase, three years of being the life of the party when deep down inside, I was the most miserable, unhappy person in the room. I faked it until I finally gave in and stopped fucking dating and just let the universe take control of it. But instead of delivering me my Mr. Right, it pushed Dylan into my face once again. Showing me that the man I loved was right in front of my face this whole time. So I did the only thing I could. I decided to put more distance between us, and I moved to Dallas.
I turn my head on my knees, and the warm water is running cold now. Getting up, I turn off the water and grab the thick white plush towel and wrap one around my hair and another around my body. Walking to my closet, I slip on my pair of pj shorts with a T-shirt. Then going back into the bathroom to brush out my hair, I look at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes are puffy and bloodshot, and the tip of my nose is red. There is no mistake that I was crying, and I don’t even have an excuse if he came knocking on my door and asked me.
