Secrets of a Schoolyard Millionaire, page 5
I’m thinking I’ll sneak my spa bath and the school waterslide in there somewhere.
Toby’s eyes are wide and excited now. He’s so on board. ‘Awesome!’ he grins. ‘I love lists!’ He goes to jump up, but I stop him.
‘Just before we do …’ I grab a wad of cash, take off the rubber band and switch the track on the MP3 player, cranking up the volume. As ‘Don’t Stop Believin” booms out of my crackling speakers, I toss the money into the air. Toby and I laugh as the notes rain down on us.
‘And that, my friend, is how they do it in the movies!’
* * *
LIVE A LITTLE.
It’s hard to be a kid these days. There’s a lot of pressure to succeed, to focus on schoolwork, to be good, to be smart, to be sensible.
So, every now and then, just take a moment to enjoy life. ’Cos one day soon you’ll be an adult. And then the fun is all over.
* * *
My life has never felt more like a movie than this moment. And it’s in slow motion for sure. The soundtrack’s gotta be ‘For the Love of Money’ by The O’Jays. I love a bit of 70s funk. We round the corner of the school corridor just as the high hat kicks in. Toby and I both have sunglasses on indoors, because if you’ve watched enough movies or American reality TV, you know that’s what the rich people do. We strut down the school corridor, tossing strawberry-and-cream Sucker Pops to our adoring fans, who cheer us on all the way from our classroom.
Toby and I spent a productive Sunday writing and rewriting our lists, calculating our costs, stocking up on supplies and planning our change of status in the schoolyard. So by Monday lunch, we own that school.
The Sucker Pops are my idea. I like to reward my admirers. The Pitch Desk is Toby’s idea. He wants to start using the money to do good straightaway. I guess to balance out the Sucker Pops.
Toby printed the flyers at his mums’ print shop and we paid a Year Three-er to hand them out to all the kids. Toby did a great job of the flyers – he’s really good at Photoshop. He does his family’s Christmas cards every year, and manages to Photoshop him and his mums in a different exotic location each time.
Anyway, the flyers look great. They have money notes and dollar signs all around the border and read:
THE PITCH DESK – TOP SECRET!
Do you have a great idea but no cash to do it?
Pocket money just not cutting it?
Then come to THE PITCH DESK!
You have one minute to pitch your idea and tell us how much money you need to make it happen. If we deem it worthy, the money is yours. No strings attached.
Lunchtime – Monday – the back oval banks.
NO ADULTS ALLOWED!
PS Preference will be given to charitable ideas.
Toby made me put in that last bit, but I made him shrink it down to size six font. We’re good at compromising.
We strut down to the back oval with our horde of followers. This is what it feels like to be rich and famous. I like it. The back oval banks are technically out of bounds. They’ve been overgrown by bush, so they’re hidden from the sight of the teachers unless they actually make the effort to walk all the way down to the back … which they never do. But there’s still an old picnic bench there, and Toby has set it up between the last two classes. He organises the kids into a line and I take my seat at the desk. One by one they approach.
‘State your name, year, amount needed and idea,’ Toby explains with a newfound authority that I think he’s quite enjoying. ‘You have one minute … GO!’
‘Craig Martin, Year Six, thirty-nine dollars.’ The kid in front of us seems nervous, even though he’s older than we are. ‘There’s this new Future Extinction game for PlayStation, and Mum won’t let me get it, and it’s got like robot dinosaurs, and you’re this guy and you have to go through this forest and shoot all these –’
I raise my hand to stop him. I stand up and address all the kids in line.
‘Let me make this very clear: I will not be giving anyone money to buy video games.’ About ten kids groan and leave the line, including Craig. ‘This is an opportunity for entrepreneurs, guys. Great ideas. Ideas that will change the world. Original ideas.’ I sit back down and shake my head at Toby. ‘Seriously, kids these days … NEXT!’
‘Valentina Arizti, Year Three. My birthday is coming up, and I want to rent out the zoo and invite all my friends so we can pat the bears and ride the elephants.’
I can’t help but smile. She reminds me of Liv. ‘Are you sure you want to pat the bears?’
Valentina thinks about it. ‘How about the koalas?’
‘Better. How much do you think you’ll need?’
‘Um, maybe a hundred dollars?’
Toby takes over. ‘Tell you what. How about we give you three hundred dollars, and you rent out the animal shelter instead? You can pat all the animals you want to AND the money goes to a good cause.’
She thinks about it for a moment, then nods excitedly. ‘And you guys can come too, okay?’
‘Deal!’ says Toby and hands the girl three one-hundred-dollar notes.
‘Whoa! Thanks,’ she says as she walks off. The sight of cash sends a buzz down the line and things really kick off.
‘Anishka Batan, Year Five, one thousand dollars. I wanna rent Tim Cahill for the day to play on our soccer team so we can finally beat the Red Hill Raiders. They’ve been on top of the ladder for way too long and it’s not fair.’
‘But hiring a professional soccer player is fair?’ Toby asks.
‘I dunno. I just wanna win.’
‘Next!’ I yell. I’ve never been a big sports fan anyway.
‘Jasper Zabikas, Year Two, one hundred dollars.’
‘Okay, Jasper, let’s hear it,’ I say.
‘I want to buy a bunch of LED lights so I can make a big flashing sign for my dog so he knows where to do his poop, ’cos my neighbour says if he does it on his lawn one more time, he’s going to get him taken care of. And I don’t think it’s the good kind of taken care of like Mum does for me when I’m sick.’
‘What makes you think that your dog will follow the flashing sign?’ I ask.
‘Well, at Christmas time he always poops under the Christmas tree, so I’m just hoping he likes the lights.’
I shrug. ‘Worth a try, right?’ Toby hands him one hundred dollars. ‘Next.’
‘Casey Wu, Year Six, three hundred dollars.’
Casey is the prankster at school, so I’m pretty keen to hear what she has planned.
‘I want to buy a bunch of alarm clocks and set them all a minute apart, then sneak in before school assembly and tape them to the bottom of all the chairs. Then, during assembly, they’ll go off one by one and drive the teachers mad trying to work out where the noise is coming from. I’m going to get one that makes a chicken noise and set that to go off last, and that’ll go under Mrs Keiren’s chair.’
I look at Toby and he shakes his head. ‘Pleeeeease!’ I beg.
‘No,’ he says. ‘You promised we weren’t going to waste the money.’
‘This isn’t a waste!’ I say. ‘This would be hilarious, and laughter brings happiness to the world and –’
‘No!’
‘Sorry,’ I say to Casey but, as she walks off, I decide I’ll try and slip her a little cash later. I really want to see that chicken clock under Mrs Kieren’s butt.
By the time the school bell rings, we’ve only given away six hundred dollars. ‘I’m a bit disappointed,’ I say to Toby as we pack up our things. ‘I would have thought kids were a bit more ingenious than that.’
Toby stops and glares at me. ‘That’s not what’s disappointing, Tess. Not one kid had an idea that would help other people. It was all about them. We have a million dollars. That can change people’s lives – people who really need it – and we’re giving it away to kids to buy toys.’
‘Hey!’ I say, grabbing our stuff and heading back towards the classrooms. ‘We didn’t give anyone money to buy toys. Except maybe that motorised scooter for Micah, but that was to improve the efficiency of his can collecting. I can’t resist efficiency improvement.’
‘I’m serious. I only agreed to keep the money because you said we’d do good with it, and so far we’ve done nothing but waste it on pointless ideas and strawberry-and-cream Sucker Pops. What happened to helping our families? Or the poor? Or the sick?’
‘I tried to donate on Watsi, but you need a credit card. You need a credit card for everything we want to do. It’s not that easy.’
Toby stops and turns on me. He’s doing the Chihuahua thing and starting to shake a little. Not ’cos he’s scared – he also does it when he’s angry.
‘I know you, Tess. I know you can do anything you put your mind to. So you need to figure out a way for us to use this money to help people, or else …’
My jaw tightens. ‘Or else what? You’ll dob on me?’
‘I shouldn’t have to threaten you. You should just know what the right thing to do is. And I know you do.’
And with that, Toby storms off. The second bell rings but I wait until Toby’s inside before I head in. I don’t want him to think I’m following him to apologise. My neck has gone all hot and prickly. It always does that when I’m furious.
* * *
UNDERSTAND YOUR FEELINGS.
Sometimes you’re angry, sometimes you’re sad, and all of it’s okay. The key is to know why. Sometimes you think you’re angry at someone for one reason, but really it’s another. Take the time to work it out.
* * *
I feel furious with Toby because he said he’d dob me in. Because he’s supposed to be my best friend. Because it’s not my fault none of the other kids had good ideas. But mostly I’m furious because he’s right.
Toby’s in his advanced classes after lunch so I don’t see him until afternoon recess. I’m leaning against the side gate near the top oval when he walks up and leans next to me.
‘Still angry?’ he asks.
‘Nah,’ I say. ‘Two hours of Mr Deery and boring history is enough to defuse anyone’s anger.’
Toby laughs. ‘Defuse? Your Google word of the day?’
‘Nah. My Google word of the day is concede.’
‘Please use it in a sentence.’
‘I concede that you may have been right.’
Toby turns to me and smiles. ‘Look, I completely agree that we should enjoy the money and have fun, but it’s wrong to get this opportunity and not do something good with it, that’s all. So let’s just find a balance. Deal?’
I shake his hand. ‘Deal. Oh, and can you pay him?’
Toby spins around to see a guy in overalls walking towards us.
‘That’ll be three hundred and fifty dollars, thanks, miss. I’ll be back at half past three to pack it up,’ the man says. Toby looks at me questioningly.
‘Just pay him and I’ll show you,’ I say. Toby hands the man the cash and we walk around to the top oval. An inflatable jumping castle is set up behind the upper years’ playground. Kids are going bananas, running everywhere, jumping, tumbling, laughing. Even Toby must see that this is doing some good.
He chuckles. ‘Awesome!’
I put my arm around his shoulder. ‘So how about we let everyone have a bit of fun, and tomorrow we can start working out how to do some good?’
‘Sounds perfect.’
I reach into my bag and toss some Sucker Pops at the kids waiting to go on. One kid I don’t recognise yells out, ‘Three cheers for Tess!’ The crowd responds with, ‘Hip, hip, hooray!’ This feels good. This is exactly how I imagined it.
‘All right, Tobes, can you keep an eye on things here? I’ll see you in class.’
‘Where are you going?’ he asks.
‘I ordered a coffee and donut cart for the staffroom. Gotta go pay the guy.’
Toby can’t hide his look of surprise. ‘For the teachers? That’s very nice of you. Which is weird.’
‘Hey! I can be nice. You know, it’s the least they deserve for putting up with me for the last five years.’
Toby puts his hand on my shoulder. ‘Aw, look at you growing a heart! That’s very thoughtful of you, Tess.’
I swat his hand off. ‘Mostly I’m hoping it will keep them busy for a little bit before someone spots the castle.’
Toby shakes his head. ‘Nice try, Tess, but too late, I saw your soft side.’
I choose to ignore him.
‘Coffee and donuts will definitely keep the teachers away from the playground, but you don’t think they might wonder where it all came from?’ Toby asks.
‘Oh, they’ll know where it came from. “The Parents of Watterson Primary” organised it, complete with a card thanking them for all their hard work and dedication to the future citizens of Watterson.’ I grin at Toby and he laughs.
‘You are unbelievable, Tess!’
‘Thanks. Gotta go.’
I turn to leave when I feel a tug on my shirt.
‘Did you do this, Tess?’ Olivia asks, her wide eyes staring up at me.
‘Sure did.’
‘But how?’ Olivia looks around, confused. ‘The castle. The lollies. Do Mum and Dad know?’
‘Ah no, they don’t, Liv, and let’s just keep it between us, okay? Just for now. If you can keep it a secret, then I’ll be able to help Mum and Dad with all the bills and stuff.’
‘But where did you get the money?’
I pat her on the head. ‘Don’t you worry about that. Do you trust me?’
‘Of course,’ Olivia says.
‘Good. So go enjoy it.’
‘I didn’t, um … okay,’ Olivia says, rubbing her eyes.
‘You okay, Liv?’ I ask.
‘Yeah,’ she says. ‘I’m just … I don’t know where to start.’
I thrust my hands dramatically in the air. ‘Do it all!’
I give Liv a little shove towards the fun and walk away. Behind me I hear her say to her friend, ‘That’s my big sister!’
I smile to myself and toss a last handful of strawberry-and-cream Sucker Pops over my shoulder to my adoring fans as the chanting of my name fades into the distance. Cue some song like ‘Simply the Best’ as I head to the staffroom.
Toby and I walk through Brennan Park after school. Our parents have FINALLY agreed to let us walk home from school as long as we’re together. We always go through Brennan Park because it keeps us away from the road, which makes the parents happy, and it’s a good place to chat about our business ideas without fear of someone overhearing. Toby also likes to drop a coin or two in a hat somewhere in the park.
‘I can live without money, but I cannot live without love!’
Kooky Kathy is strumming her guitar and singing something that sounds more like a cat having its tailed pulled than an actual song.
‘Said the girl who played Dorothy, who fell from above.’
Kooky Kathy is a Watterson icon. Everybody knows her. Mum used to go to school with Kathy, so I’m not sure when she started living in the park, but she’s been there for as long as I can remember. She has wild dark hair that’s sort of turning grey and has coloured bits in it. It also has other things in it, and she smells a little like that sandwich I forgot in my schoolbag for three months. She plays her guitar and invents songs that make no sense. She yells random (although complimentary) things at passers-by and feeds the possums in the park, much to the annoyance of the Council. Oh yeah, and Toby thinks she’s great. Honestly, he’s a real worry sometimes.
Toby heads towards her, digging in his pockets for some coins. I hang back. That three-month-old sandwich smell is not my favourite.
‘Hi, Kathy,’ Toby says as he throws a few coins in her beanie lying in the dirt. Recognition passes through her dreamy stare as she looks up at Toby.
‘Elvis!’ she yells. ‘Dance for me!’ She furiously strums an out of tune rendition of ‘Blue Suede Shoes’ as Toby laughs and shakes his knees back and forth with his hands flailing in the air. He looks ridiculous. I mean, when Elvis did it, it looked silly enough, but Kooky Kathy and Toby’s duet looks like a talent show for the highly untalented.
‘Toby! Can we go?’ I fold my arms and stare at him under my eyebrows.
‘Ooohhh, your friend isn’t happy, little Elvis,’ Kathy says. ‘Maybe we should fix that.’
She starts to play ‘Don’t Worry Be Happy’, singing the words at the top of her scratchy voice. It’s actually a great song but this version is just annoying. Toby thinks it’s hilarious and joins in.
‘Well, I’m going,’ I say and turn to leave. ‘You can … EEEEKKKK!’
A huge rat-like creature runs straight up my leg. I completely freak out, thrashing my arms and kicking my legs. I finally manage to shake it off. It hits the ground, scampers over to Kooky Kathy and climbs up onto her shoulder. Kathy laughs hysterically and Toby covers his mouth, knowing if he joins in I’ll kill him.
‘Her dancing is almost as good as yours, Elvis!’ Kathy says.
‘What is that thing?!?!’ I yell in disgust, wiping off the rat-creature germs I can feel crawling their way all over me.
‘This is Mr Piddles,’ Kooky Kathy says with pride. ‘The smartest ferret in all the world.’
‘Try the grossest,’ I mumble under my breath.
‘Careful there, kiddo,’ warns Kathy. ‘Mr Piddles is my people.’
‘Your people?’
‘Nothing is worth anything if you can’t share it with your people. Everyone’s gotta have their people,’ says Kathy. ‘Even if their people is a ferret.’
‘Seriously, Tess,’ says Toby. ‘You should see what he can do. Show her, Kathy.’
Kathy lifts the furry creature off her shoulder and puts him on the ground. ‘Go scavenge,’ she says and the animal darts off, running up the side of a rubbish bin and disappearing inside.
‘Oh wow,’ I say, rolling my eyes. ‘A rat that goes into rubbish bins. Amazing.’
‘Wait for it!’ Toby says with a smile.
After a minute, Mr Piddles’ little head pops up over the edge of the bin. He’s got something in his mouth as he scurries back to Kooky Kathy. She reaches down and takes the object, switching it for a small piece of bread. She holds it up to us.
