#BURN: Fever Falls, Book 2, page 24
I could tell he was trying to make light of it for our benefit, something I could more than understand considering how wrecked Nance looked over it.
“The woman we were rescuing is in a room here too, and as you can see, Zed made it out just fine.”
“He should have been more careful,” she said.
“We all have our moments. Any other day, that could have been me.”
She nodded, likely knowing he was right, but it must’ve been hard for her to see her son injured in that hospital bed.
“Anyway, we can all be appreciative that they’re only keeping me for observation, so we got lucky.”
Luck? What kind of fucking luck was that?
Although, knowing the details of how they’d lost Crawford, I knew luck was right. It could have been so much worse. He could have been gone.
And that thought tore through my heart, terrorized my soul.
In the time we’d been together, I hadn’t had to deal with the real consequences of his job. Sure, I’d known he was working, but he’d always been fine. So in my mind, he could have had any job, and while I was nervous, until that moment, it hadn’t really registered for me.
I could only imagine what it did to Nance and Keegan, who still looked rattled but as though trying to mentally assure themselves he was still with us, and that was what mattered. Zed swung by, profusely apologizing to Jace again, who generously talked him down from his guilt as they swapped stories about errors Jace had made in his early days. I called Carter and Elliott to give them a heads-up about the news, and the hours ticked on by before I headed out to grab coffee for everyone. I noticed Beau and Ash in the waiting area, chatting with Serena. I checked my phone to see if she’d messaged. She hadn’t.
“Serena?” I asked, approaching them.
“I came as soon as I heard.”
“Where did you hear?”
She glanced around. “It’s all over the news, Dax.”
“The news? Like…the news news?”
“There was a bit on CNN…and a few local stations are covering it.”
“Of course they are. How silly of me.”
I’d expected the local news and even the paps outside, but fucking CNN?
As much credit as I gave to Jace before we’d begun his campaign, I had underestimated just how popular he’d become.
Or maybe I was so rattled, I wasn’t using my goddamn brain.
I chatted with Serena about his condition as she helped me grab some coffee. With one hand on my phone, I googled Jace’s name to see what the top stories were.
Hottie Firefighter Injured in House Fire
Hottie Firefighter’s Injury Evokes Memories of Adoptive Father’s Passing
“Shit,” I said, realizing he and his family would end up seeing these sorts of stories. Up to that point, Crawford’s passing had been an annotation to his story, a footnote even, not the center of attention. But apparently, the media had found a connection worth mining, one I well knew was at the heart of serious pain within Jace’s family, and for good reason.
I tried to figure out how I was going to break the news to them as Serena and I headed back to Jace’s room. I opened the door and spotted Keegan with the TV remote in his hand, his, Nance’s, and Jace’s eyes on the TV, their expressions revealing that they’d already discovered the news, in the worst way possible.
I slid into the room, Serena in tow, to see the headline at the bottom of the screen: Jace Kruse Hospitalization a Reminder of Crawford Kruse’s Death.
Fuck.
36
Jace
Like when the accident in the house fire had unfolded, I lost all feeling as the news dredged up the nightmare from my family’s past. I wanted to turn the TV off or break the goddamned thing, but there was no point turning away from it anymore now than there had been all those years earlier.
Keegan was the smart one. As the story continued, he excused himself to the restroom, leaving me, Nance, Dax, and Serena to watch the tragedy unravel. I couldn’t look at Nance. I didn’t want to see her reaction to the old photos they displayed of Crawford from various news clippings and even from his yearbooks.
It was cruel to be trapped in that bed when all I wanted to do was run far away and break down. I heard Nance sniffling. I wanted to be in tears too, but I couldn’t break. I wouldn’t allow myself to. I could be strong like him. I could fight back the pain and the tears for them, no matter how hard it was. They needed Batman right then, not some crying-ass Bruce Wayne.
However, considering how distressed I was from the events of the day and the news my family had just been assaulted with, it was hard to muster the strength.
All this over some stupid accident. Although, I knew how even stupid accidents could be fatal in my line of work.
As the commentators on the news station offered their well-wishes regarding my condition, Dax asked, “Do you mind if I turn off the TV?”
He sat in a chair between Serena and Nance. I’d noticed them entering the room, but hadn’t realized they’d sat, clearly having been too absorbed in the TV and working to keep my shit together.
“Please,” I said through gritted teeth.
Dax grabbed the remote attached to the arm of my bed and turned the TV off, leaving us in deafening silence. The air was thick with worry, like a fragrant cologne that made me cringe and feel unsettled, wishing I could have been anywhere else.
“I think I’m just going to step out for some air,” Serena offered, surely feeling like the odd one out since she didn’t know us well enough to be privy to everything she’d just witnessed. But then again, neither did most of the people who now knew that part of my past.
As she left, Nance set her hand on mine.
“You should probably call the aunts and uncles, let everyone know everything’s okay,” I told her, hoping she’d take the hint, which she did, which left Dax and me alone with one another.
He stayed put in his chair at first, giving me some space, before pushing to his feet and approaching.
“I’m glad you’re okay,” he said in a low, breathy whisper. I could feel his concern, and as I looked at him, saw the sadness in his expression.
It was hard…not just having to deal with the pain from my past, but knowing how much I’d worried Dax. When I was a kid, I was concerned about Crawford every time he went to work. I knew what it felt like to hear that he was injured, to fear that it could be the worst. And I knew how that affected Nance and Keegan.
Now Dax carried that burden too, and it was all my fault.
“I’m sorry,” I told him.
“Sorry? You don’t have anything to be sorry about.”
“Not that something happened, but…” I couldn’t finish my sentence. How could I tell him that the only reason he had anything to be worried about was because he knew me. Because there was always a chance that one day it’d be my face up there on the TV screen, and I’d be leaving him and Nance and Keegan, same as Crawford did.
“I just meant sorry your day got interrupted over a fractured fibula,” I lied.
Dax took my hand, interlocking his fingers with mine.
I felt like such a selfish bastard.
I’d done this to him. Nance and Keegan were a part of my life because of their relationship with me, but by wanting to be closer to Dax, by enjoying every moment we spent together, I’d lassoed him into all this bullshit too. The worry, the fear, the possibility of losing me the way I lost Crawford.
He’d snuck up on me, though. I’d considered the thought the more my interest in him intensified, but I never expected for our relationship to blossom and flourish the way it had. And in some ways, because of how it all transpired, amid this ridiculous celebrity-status fiasco, it felt like this thing outside of my day-to-day life.
We were just supposed to be having a bit of harmless fun. I was supposed to be able to play with that spark we’d ignited, watching as my feelings for him spread about carelessly like kerosene, in hopes that neither of us would get burned.
Hadn’t I been around fires long enough to know that wasn’t how they worked?
Dax leaned down and rested his free hand on my face. “You need me to get you anything?”
I shook my head. “I’ll be fine.”
However, I could see in his concerned expression that he knew better. I was so forthcoming with him about so many things, but not that part of my life I tried to bury away, even from myself.
“Would you mind checking on Keeg?” I asked. “Make sure he’s alright?” I wanted him to check on my bro, make sure he was okay, but I also needed a moment alone.
“Of course.” Dax offered a kiss, and even at my worst, even when I thought my soul couldn’t recover, it brought me life.
As soon as he stepped out, my face quivered, and the tear I’d been holding back shifted around in my eye.
That was all I’d permit, though.
I took a deep breath.
I could fucking get through this. I’d been living with this for so long already. It was just another day without Crawford, I reminded myself.
But damned if it didn’t sting, and damned if I didn’t hate myself for dragging Dax into it all.
37
Dax
I checked with the reception desk, asking where the men’s restroom was located. En route, I thought about how distressed Jace looked over the reveal about Crawford’s death.
That was the media’s game. It wasn’t newsworthy until it struck a nerve, and boy, did it ever strike one for the Kruses.
It was apparent the news had rattled them, and for good reason. They’d seen the mention already, but having it pulled open and dissected under the guise of a human-interest piece, that was a whole other ballgame.
It wasn’t human interest—it was intrusion.
I opened the door to the restroom, and as I rounded the corner, I discovered Serena with her arms around Keegan as he cried.
She held him close, whispering, “It’ll be okay.”
I froze in place.
The sight didn’t just confuse me—it baffled the fuck out of me seeing Serena acting so maternal, so understanding, to a kid who wasn’t even hers. I was glad someone was there for Keegan, but at the same time, why the fuck did it have to be her?
I almost said something about her being in the men’s room, but stopped myself because clearly she was helping ease Keegan’s grief.
I headed back out, my mind a swirl of conflicting thoughts and impressions as I struggled with what I just saw, the image of her nurturing Keegan through his pain superimposed with the image of the callous woman I so vividly remembered from my childhood, that shell of a person who never would have shown that sort of compassion for me in my moments of pain.
I tightened my fist and tensed my jaw as my frustration mounted.
I tried to reassure myself she was soothing Keegan in his time of need, and that was all that mattered, but it didn’t relieve me of my anger, which seemed to only escalate by the second.
I decided to grab myself another cup of coffee.
Everyone needed their space, and I needed a chance to fucking sort through my thoughts on everything that was happening.
Jace didn’t become any more talkative throughout the night, though Keegan and Nance had clearly calmed down. Beau, Ash, and Zed eventually all headed home, and Serena agreed to check on Mac while I kept watch with the Kruses, despite Jace assuring us that we could leave. None of us were willing to go, likely because we were all detecting the same concerning behavior he’d exhibited since the news about Crawford had broken.
Hours slipped by before I passed out in a chair beside Jace’s bed.
“Hey, man,” I heard, waking to Jace standing in the boot before me. “We’re breaking out of here.”
“Did the doctors say you could go?”
“Of course they said I could leave. I’m not actually going to ditch. Come on. I wanna get home.”
He was acting slightly more like himself than before, but I could still feel his tension and uneasiness. Nance and Keegan helped me get him to the car, and Keegan seemed far more relaxed and jokey than when he’d first seen the story break. I tailed Nance’s car to Jace’s place, and we got out and headed into his townhouse.
Keegan played with Mac some, to cheer himself up, I thought, before he and Nance headed out to swing by her place. She said she’d pick up some things for dinner, then return.
But quiet as Jace had continued to be, I couldn’t help but stay on edge.
He got up from the couch and headed to the kitchen.
“You need me to get you anything?” I asked, feeling hyperprotective. It was strange seeing him limping around in the boot, looking disoriented, not his usual easygoing self at all, and in the back of my mind, I kept thinking that this was all my goddamned fault.
If I hadn’t rushed to Fever Falls to persuade him to sign on to that endorsement deal for Hacksmore, he would never have accepted, and his family would have never been put on the spot like that.
“I’m fine. I’m just going to get some water. No emergency here.”
As he opened the cabinet, I pushed to my feet from the recliner and approached the kitchen island.
“If there’s anything you need me to do, though, I can…”
“You know, Dax, I don’t mean this in any sort of bad way, but I think I need to spend tonight on my own.”
“Oh…”
I couldn’t help but sound disappointed, and as he looked at me, I wondered…did he think this was all my fault too?
I reminded myself that it had to be a lot for him between the accident and the news report. He was overwhelmed, and he had every right to blame me.
An awkward silence stretched between us.
“Yeah. Gotcha. I—” A buzzing sound filled the air, interrupting me. I checked my phone. “You mind if I take this real quick? It’s Carter.”
“Sure, bud.”
Bud? He never fucking calls me bud.
Something was very wrong.
“Hey, man. What’s up?”
“You guys okay?” Carter asked.
“Yeah, we just got back from the hospital. We’re at Jace’s now.”
“Well, you might want to sit down.”
“For?”
“That WME guy I’ve been seeing—”
“Are you calling right now to brag about your sexual exploits, Carter? Because I can tell you I’m not in the mood.”
“No, I was calling to tell you that he said he heard that someone scored a pretty timely interview during this shit show.”
“Who?”
“Who do you think?”
There was no way. I’d just seen Serena consoling Keegan.
And yet…my heart sank because suddenly everything made that much more sense.
“ABC’s Melissa Fairfax ring any bells?” Carter asked.
I thought on the name for a moment. “Melissa Fairfax, formerly with Glitz & Glam…a.k.a. friend of Freyda Inc.”
“Bingo. Serena’s booked to interview with her this weekend.”
“Of course she fucking is,” I muttered.
How could I have been dumb enough to believe she’d shown real compassion for another human being? She was only getting close so she could run off and jump-start her own career.
Carter allowed me some time to sort through the news.
A lot of fucking processing going on that day.
“Thank you for letting me know.”
“I’m sorry, man. I know that’s not what you needed to hear right now.”
“No, it’s exactly what I needed to hear right now.”
It was almost sobering to have an explanation for what I’d seen earlier that day.
Jace’s glass overflowed with water from the faucet filter. He noticed as it ran over his hand, and he turned it off as I hung up.
I didn’t see a reason to leave him hanging. “Serena’s going to the press.”
“With what?”
“Telling them about how heartbroken the family is. Maybe act like she’s closer to all of it than she really is. I don’t know, put on a show, because that’s what she does. That’s who she fucking is.”
“I don’t think she’s that bad. She wouldn’t do that.”
“You don’t know her the way I do. The timing of all this. Her coming here, and then this is just too perfect. Maybe she couldn’t pass up the opportunity. Whatever the reason, she’s already scheduled an interview with a woman who used to work for the company who outed us, which is too convenient if you ask me. This is all my goddamned fault.”
“Your fault? Dax, you can’t control what Serena does.”
“Not just with this. With everything. This is what I was talking about. This is what this machine does. It doesn’t care about people or feelings. It just destroys things. And no matter how good you try to be, no matter how much you may try to use it to help others, it finds a way to tear you apart. I knew that when I asked you to do this.”
“And you told me that. I didn’t go into this blind.”
“I shouldn’t have ever come here.”
The way Jace was quiet after I said that left me wondering if he was thinking the same thing. I checked his expression, but it was impossible to figure out how he felt about anything that happened in the past twenty-four hours. I was frustrated as fuck because I was so used to being able to read him. He was an open book, and he’d slammed shut on me.
“Maybe you’re right.” Soft as he said the words, I could hear him choke on them, and the way his eyes teared up, I knew it was the truth.
He might as well have hauled off and punched me in the crotch because that’s how much it hurt. Overcome with emotion, and the pain of feeling Jace shove me away in an instant, was too much. I wanted to thrash about and destroy something, tear his living room apart, but I kept myself together.
“I’ve gotta…I’ve gotta go,” I spat out, spinning around.
I heard Mac whimper, and Jace called out my name.
“I’m going to fix this, Jace. I’ll fix it,” I said quickly as I headed out the door and to my car.
